Falling Hard: The Blackhawk Boys, Book 4

by Lexi Ryan

  “That should do just fine,” the preacher says, and everyone laughs. We turn to follow the preacher’s directions and walk down the aisle. Zachary slides his fingers through mine and squeezes. Once we hit the church vestibule, he doesn’t stop. He tilts his head toward the back hallway, pulls me down it and through the doors to the back of the church.

  The sun is blinding and the birds are singing. It’s a beautiful weekend for a wedding.

  “You don’t have to,” he says softly. He shakes his head. “I told you from the beginning that I didn’t want you doing this just for me.”

  “And I told you I wasn’t. I have my own reasons.”

  “But don’t you feel differently now? After Vegas?”

  “Nothing’s changed.”

  He pulls me against his chest and holds me there in a tight hug. “You might be able to lie to your mom, but I know you, baby girl. Everything changed for you last weekend.”

  My throat feels thick, and I swallow hard. “It was an illusion.” I pull away and lift my chin. “And, to be fair, a mistake.”

  Concern is all over his face, etched into the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and tugging at the edges of his usually easy smile. “I worry about you.”

  “I’m marrying the country’s most eligible bachelor. He’s handsome and kind. He makes me laugh and is going to let me spend my life fighting for causes that matter most to me. Never mind our plans to get lots of fat, happy babies. What’s there to worry about?”

  “What if all that isn’t enough?”

  I truly believed it was until I saw Keegan. I haven’t wanted more in a really long time. It’s like I’d forgotten my body could want to be touched, but Keegan woke part of me that’s been dormant for five years. The only problem is that I don’t want passion with just any man. I only want Keegan, and he believes the worst of me. I let him believe the worst, because I was too ashamed of my past to tell him the truth. “Zachary, the life we have planned is more than I’ve dared to hope for in years.”

  * * *

  Keegan

  I pull my SUV into a metered parking spot in downtown Savannah and grip the steering wheel as I try to figure out what exactly I’m doing here.

  A little before lunch, I dropped Olivia and Jazzy off at the airport and set off to drive myself home. They’ll fly home because Olivia can’t tolerate the long drive. I could have gotten myself a ticket too, but it saves me money to drive myself, and it’s just easier to not have to mess with a rental car once I get there.

  I hadn’t even made it out of Florida before I realized I’d detoured toward Savannah, and now I’m parked in front of the church where Emma is supposed to marry her senator tomorrow.

  It’s a hot and sunny day, and the picture-perfect blue sky seems to taunt me as I climb out of my car and follow the sidewalk to the church. There are a couple of security guards out front, and I flash my best I’m just a regular guy smile. “Am I late?”

  “Who are you, sir?”

  “Keegan Keller, a friend of the bride.” I pull out an envelope. “She asked me to bring this?”

  “Keegan Keller?” The other security guard nudges the first. “He’s that defensive end who plays for the Gators. Loved watching you take Brady down last season.”

  “Thanks. I enjoyed it too.”

  “The way you do that spin move and break away from everyone, you know who you remind me of?” He snaps his fingers and tilts his face toward the sky as if looking for the answer. He claps his hands and points at me. “Dwight Freeney, that’s his name. You move like him, man.”

  “That means a lot,” I say, trying to hold on to my patience. “He’s an inspiration of mine.”

  I hold my breath as the first man flips through pages on his clipboard. “Your name’s not on the list.”

  I make a show of pulling my phone from my pocket. “No problem, I’ll just give Emma a call and—”

  “That’s not necessary,” my fan says. “The Gators owner is a guest tomorrow night. Real good friend of the Dellacontes. I’m sure he wouldn’t want us turning away one of his rising stars. Go on in. We’ll get your name on the list for tomorrow.”

  Tomorrow. For her wedding. Fuck, that still burns. “Thanks. Sorry about the trouble.”

  “No trouble at all,” he says. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you, man.”

  I shake his hand and take a deep breath when they open the doors for me. When I step into the church, I’m nauseated. The chapel’s empty except for a few people running around with tape measures and clipboards. I saw on Olivia’s celebrity gossip show that this was where they were getting married, and I assumed they’d be doing their rehearsal here tonight. Have I missed her?

  “Keegan?”

  I spin around and find Emma’s mom staring at me with wide, surprised eyes.

  She remembers me. How shocking. Back when Em and I were together, Miranda didn’t make me feel like I was worth remembering. Since she wasn’t too far off base, I never held it against her.

  “What a surprise,” she says, then her face grows serious. “What brings you here?”

  “I needed to talk to Emma.” My voice cracks like I’m a little boy, and I feel so lost and unsure that I might as well be.

  She lifts her chin and studies me. Her blue eyes are the same color as her daughter’s but so different. Emma’s eyes are expressive and warm. They hold hope and wonder for the world around her. But Miranda Rothschild’s eyes are hard and cold. “She’s in the back with her fiancé,” she says, emphasizing the word in a way that makes me think she might give me a definition if I gave her the opportunity.

  “Thanks.” I draw in a deep breath as I head to the back of the church. I stop at the back doors and lift my hand to the window. Emma’s on the flagstone patio in the arms of Senator Zachary Dellaconte. He’s as tall as I am but lean like a distance runner and dressed in an expensive suit, even though it’s gotta be at least ninety degrees out there.

  Neither of them looks in my direction, and she’s curled into him with her cheek against his chest as he runs his fingers through her hair. When he steps back and cups her face, she looks up at him with something I could only describe as adoration.

  He leans down and presses his lips gently to her forehead. I want to hate him, but even from this distance I can see the tenderness in the way he touches her and sense the warmth in the way he looks into her eyes.

  What happened in Vegas was a mistake. I don’t know why her friend lied to me about whose bachelorette party it was or why Emma let the lie stand. But I do know that what happened in the elevator and in the hotel room wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t been drinking. If I hadn’t pushed her to cross the line she kept reminding me of, if I hadn’t encouraged her to be whomever she wanted to be for one night, maybe we wouldn’t have ended up where we did.

  I didn’t come here to ruin her wedding, but suddenly it’s clear that my appearance alone could do just that. And then what? Do I ruin her future because she had secrets when I had secrets ten times worse? I turn around, headed back to the front of the church and my car. I stop when I spot Emma’s mother in the church vestibule.

  “They were busy,” I say. “Do you happen to have a pen?”

  Frowning, she pulls a black ballpoint from her purse.

  I take Emma’s old note out of its envelope and scribble on it without letting myself think too much about what I’m doing. Then I tuck it back in the envelope and seal it before handing it to Miranda with her pen. “Could you see that she gets that?” I force a smile. “She wanted my notes on her vows. I promised I’d give her some feedback.”

  She draws in a relieved breath. “Oh, how kind. Thank you. Will you be at the ceremony tomorrow?”

  I swallow hard. “Unfortunately, I can’t make it. Tell the happy couple I said congratulations.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Keegan

  As much as I love my condo on the beach, I’m not sure there’s a single place in the world that can compete with the ro
lling green hills of Blackhawk Valley in the spring. The drive from my house into town past pastures and farmland makes some of the ache from last weekend ease from my chest.

  Jazzy babbles from the back seat, where she’s looking out the window and pointing at the horses. She’s happy to be back here too. When I pulled into town last night, Olivia and Jazzy were already settled in at Olivia’s mom’s, but I picked Jazzy up this morning to spend the day with her. Blackhawk Valley was the first place that ever felt like home to me. It’s the first place I ever lived for more than a year, and the people who became my friends during my four years in school are the closest I’ve ever had to real family.

  Maybe that’s why I’m reluctant to give up the bar. Even if Bailey doesn’t want to buy it, I can certainly sell it to someone else. But I have ties here that’ll remain even when all my friends have moved on to homes across the country. I think I’ll have a fondness for this place forever, and luckily for me, I’ll always have an excuse to come back. This is where Jazzy’s grandmother lives, after all. This was my life after falling in love with Emma. This was the gift she gave me by believing in me. I know I never would have had the courage to take the opportunity and make something of it if it hadn’t been for her. As much as I want to be angry with her for how things ended five years ago, and as much as my chest burns every time I think about her marrying someone else this weekend, I know I owe her everything. I am who I am because she believed in me. If it hadn’t been for Emma, I’d be running around with my dad and hopping town to town, never settling down, never trusting anyone, always looking for easy cash and the thrill of the con.

  I park my SUV in the back lot of The End Zone and get Jazzy from the car seat to carry her inside. We walk through the back storage area and the kitchen and into the bar, where Bailey is pulling down chairs to get ready to open.

  “Hey, bossman,” she says. “How was the drive up yesterday?”

  “It was good.” I put Jazzy down, and she toddles over to the basket of toys I keep tucked in the corner. “I’m glad to be back.”

  “How long will you be here this time?”

  “Until after Arrow and Mia’s wedding, then I have to go.”

  “Did Mason say when he was coming?”

  I arch a brow and give her a hard look. “Why don’t you ask him, Bail? I’m sure he’d be happy to tell you. Hell, if you wanted him to come early so you could spend some time together, he’d probably be happy to do that too.”

  She looks away from me and pulls down a few more chairs. “Don’t go poking at me just because you’re in a shitty mood. I know this is a crappy weekend for you, but consider it a life lesson and move on.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” I’ve been brooding since Vegas and even more since I drove away from Emma and Savannah last night. I know it. Bailey knows it. Anyone who knows anything about me can tell I’m off.

  “You don’t want to talk about anything?”

  “Nothing to talk about.”

  “You don’t need to get what happened with Emily off your chest?”

  I frown at the way she said Emily, as if she knows it’s a bullshit name. Mason warned me that he thought Bailey already knew who Emma was. “Not a thing.”

  She grumbles something under her breath. “You know, friends tell each other things.”

  “What do you want from me, Bailey? I saw an old friend in Vegas, we spent some time together, and now I’m home. I’ve got Olivia’s drama to deal with. I don’t need any other drama to pile on.”

  She reaches under the bar and pulls out a magazine that she plops on the counter in front of me. “Not even America’s sweetheart drama?”

  When I look down, my gut tightens and my breath catches in my throat. On the cover of the magazine, Emma and her fiancé mock me. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and she’s looking up into his eyes as he gazes down into hers. They are so perfect they might as well be one of those happy couples in wedding advertisements.

  I wonder if he knows she slept with me in Vegas. I wonder if he even cares.

  I look up at Bailey. “What does this have to do with anything?”

  “Come on,” she says. Reaching across the bar, she flips the magazine open to an article about the happy couple. I scan the pages before I can stop myself, seeing bold headings introducing sections about how they met, their plans for the future, and their wedding.

  “I recognized her,” Bailey says, and I realize I’m still studying the article. “God, those cheekbones? That face? Those eyes? That wig wasn’t fooling anyone.” She shakes her head. “I cannot believe no one else saw it.” She points to the glossy pages in front of me as she unlocks the front door and flips on the Open sign. “That’s who you were with last weekend, and I don’t know what happened when we weren’t around, but I saw the way you looked at her, and it was really fucking clear what you wanted to happen.”

  “You can’t tell anyone,” I tell her softly. Because even now, all these years later, despite all the secrets between us and mistakes made on both sides, Emma’s future is more important to me than petty shit like my feelings.

  “What happened between you two in Vegas?” Bailey asks. “Hell, what happened between you before Vegas? How long have you known her?”

  “I’m not talking about this, Bailey.”

  “I don’t like this. I don’t like her. You deserve better than some bitch who’s going to use you for a weekend of fun before she marries some pretty-boy politician. Don’t get me wrong—if I thought she was just a screw to you, I wouldn’t say a word, but the way you looked at her broke my heart, Keegan. At least do yourself a favor and let it out for a minute. Call her on being a cheating bitch. Then I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

  “Are you sure this is really about me? Are you sure you aren’t just projecting because of what happened between you and Mason in Vegas?”

  She goes pale. “He told you?”

  I frown. “No details, just that you two got drunk and made some bad decisions.”

  “You can say that again,” she mutters.

  I give Bailey a hard look. “I’ve made a lot of those myself. Especially when it comes to Emma.”

  She flips her long hair over her shoulder, folds her arms, and stares at me. “Name one.”

  I fell in love with her. I fold my arms to match her stance. “I’ll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours.”

  The humor drains for her face and she looks away. “Pass.”

  * * *

  Keegan

  Five Years Ago…

  “When are you gonna close this deal?”

  I jump at the sound of my father’s voice then instinctively turn to make sure the door to Emma’s condo is closed behind me. I straighten and set my jaw as I turn my attention to him. “How’d you get in here?”

  The corner of his mouth twitches up into a mischievous grin. “Made a copy of your key. Let myself in the front.”

  Jesus. I hold out a hand. “Hand it over.”

  He pouts and plops a key into my hand. “Fine. But you ruin all my fun.”

  I tuck the key into my pocket and head for the stairs. Someone in the elevator might see me with him and ask Emma about it. I can’t risk that.

  “When are you closing the deal?” he asks again when we’re in the stairwell.

  I heard him the first time. “I’m not,” I say. “There’s no deal to close. I don’t want any money from her.”

  “Jesus,” he says. “I thought I taught you better than to fall in love with a mark.”

  Stopping, I grip the handrail and try to calm my temper. “Don’t call her that.”

  He shakes his head. “She’s got you fooled. You think she’s so great and so into you.”

  I release the handrail and continue down the stairs. “I’m not talking to you about this.”

  “Do you really believe a man like you can have a girl like that? You think you don’t need to finish the job because what you two have is better. She’s gonna let you live the hi
gh life with her, am I right? And fuck your old man. You don’t need him anyway. That little cunt gave up the pussy and now she has you by the balls.”

  Spinning, I slam him against the wall and press my forearm against his neck.

  His eyes go wide but then he smiles. “See what I mean?”

  “Leave her alone. Take your pick of anyone else in this goddamn town, but leave Emma alone or I will make you fucking sorry you didn’t.” I force myself to step back, and I’m shaking, as if the anger and resentment I’ve felt toward him for the past ten years has coalesced into one violent ball of energy that’s ready to tear out of me.

  He chuckles softly. “You’ve got another think coming, son. Just wait until she’s done playing around then you’ll see I was right all along.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Emma

  I’m getting married in two hours.

  Becky zips up my dress and my mom gasps. “You look so beautiful, sweetheart.”

  Married. In. Two. Hours.

  All day long, I’ve held it together. I made it through breakfast with my mom. When she had me walk through the ballroom to make sure everything was as it should be, I nodded and kept my smile in place even though I wasn’t registering anything around me.

  It wasn’t until we started getting dressed that panic clawed at my chest.

  I turn to the mirror and study myself in the strapless lace dress. My hair is pinned on top of my head in fat curls, and my makeup is flawless. But my eyes don’t look like the exhilarated blue eyes of an excited bride. They look empty.

  “It’s missing something, isn’t it?” Mom says. She moves to stand beside me, and I meet her eyes in the mirror.

  “What?”

  She hands me a jewelry box I didn’t realize she was holding.

  “What’s this?” I open it, and for a moment, I think she’s found my grandmother’s sapphire necklace. It went missing five years ago, and I never found it. When I look closer, I realize it’s a replacement. It’s still beautiful, but the stone’s setting and the white-gold filigree on either side are completely different than my beloved, lost heirloom. “Thank you, Mom. It’s beautiful.”