The Courage to Dream

by Margaret Daley

  “Just talk to her.” He stepped to the side to let her pass.

  When Rachel entered the sanctuary, she wasn’t sure what to expect. She halted inside the doorway and searched the back pews for her sister. At first she thought Amy had fled despite what Michael had said. Then Rachel found her sister in the corner, sitting on the floor, looking forlorn. The ache in Rachel’s heart expanded, constricting her breathing as she stared at Amy, lost and alone.

  Her sister glanced up and saw her. A mutinous expression immediately descended on her face. Amy might be ready finally to talk, but Rachel knew this wouldn’t be easy.

  She walked over to her sister and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her. “Are you all right?” She wanted to touch her, pull her into her arms and hug her. Her sister’s expression forbade her to do any of those things. The ache in Rachel’s chest sharpened.

  “No.” Tears shone in Amy’s eyes, and she immediately blinked them away as though she was determined not to show any emotion to Rachel.

  “What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Rachel forced her voice to remain calm while inside she was trembling so badly she had to clasp her hands together in her lap.

  Amy laughed, the sound a bit hysterical. “You’ve hurt me, sister. Everything I care about is here in Magnolia Blossom, and you want me to leave it behind just like that.” She snapped her fingers in front of Rachel’s face. “I can’t. And I don’t know how to change that.” Amy’s voice cracked on the final sentence.

  “I realize that Magnolia Blossom is important to you. I was wrong to try and force you to leave. I didn’t want to break up the family, and I can’t stay.”

  “Why not?”

  Amy’s chin tilted at that defiant angle that Rachel had come to expect. The need to be totally honest with Amy—with herself—engulfed Rachel. She scrubbed her hands down her face in weariness, the past twenty-four hours so emotionally draining that she had to labor to put two thoughts together. “I don’t know how to explain this to you. It’s a long story.” I don’t know if I can do this.

  “Maybe you should tell me. Everyone needs someone.” Concern erased Amy’s defiant expression.

  Rachel stared long and hard at her little sister and realized she needed to start taking emotional risks or there would be nothing left for her. She glanced at the altar and remembered she wasn’t alone. Michael was right; God was with her. She could do this. Peace descended.

  “Maybe you’re right.” Rachel sighed. “For sixteen years of my life when I lived with our parents, we moved once or twice a year. We never stayed long in any one place, so it was difficult establishing friendships and making any kind of commitment to anyone because I’m basically a shy person. Moving about was the pattern of life I got used to. With each new place I withdrew further into myself, scared to open up to others, to expose my feelings. Then I came to Magnolia Blossom and actually stayed here for two whole years.”

  “I wasn’t that young that I don’t remember some of the moving. I hated it.”

  “So did I at first, then I slowly learned to accept it as a way of life for myself. Moving around isn’t all bad. I’ve been doing it for almost my whole life.” Rachel couldn’t even remember how many countries she had visited in the course of her twenty-eight years.

  “But coming to Aunt Flora’s changed things?”

  “For a short time. I began to make friends. I fell in love with Michael. But I got scared of the feelings he created in me. I didn’t want to depend on anyone for my emotional well-being. To do that was to give him a great deal of power over me. I couldn’t do that a second time in my life.”

  “You’re referring to our parents?”

  A lump lodged in Rachel’s throat, and she nodded.

  “So you ran.”

  “Yes, but I ran toward a dream I’d had for years.” Rachel moistened her parched lips with the tip of her tongue, then swallowed several times to ease the tightness in her throat. “I’ve always wanted to be a chef and to have my own restaurant.”

  “You are a famous chef.”

  “I’m getting there. This deal in NewYork for my own restaurant was just another part of my dream coming true.”

  “Sometimes dreams we have when we are young aren’t right for us when we get older.”

  Rachel smiled, feeling every bit of her twenty-eight years. “When did you get to be so smart?”

  “Aunt Flora’s influence.”

  “Then our parents probably did the right thing leaving us with her.”

  The tears returned to sparkle in Amy’s eyes. “But I’m the reason they left us with Aunt Flora. I’m the reason they abandoned us.”

  Rachel reached out and touched her sister’s arm. Finally, and for the first time since she had come home, she felt there really was hope for her and Amy. “How can you say that?”

  “Remember that day I wandered from camp and almost died? It wasn’t a week later that our mother brought us to Aunt Flora.”

  Rachel drew Amy into her arms and stroked her hair, the ache within easing. For all these years her sister had carried that burden inside of her. “It wasn’t you that was to blame. It was me.”

  Amy pulled back, tears streaking down her cheeks. “No, Rachel, you’re wrong.”

  “I was supposed to be watching you. I should have done a better job of it. You could have drowned in the ocean if our father hadn’t seen you.”

  “I sneaked off because I wanted to explore on my own. You aren’t to blame.”

  Rachel brushed Amy’s tears away with the pad of her thumb. “Let’s make a deal. Let’s decide that neither one of us was to blame. It was an accident. Accidents happen.”

  “Then you don’t blame me for what happened?”

  “Heavens, no. I never did. I love you. That won’t ever change. We are a family. We’ll stick together no matter what.”

  Her sister smiled, the moisture in her eyes making them glisten. “Yeah, we are a family, aren’t we?”

  “You bet.” Rachel took her sister’s hand. “Now, can you tell me what happened after you left last night?”

  Amy took a long breath. “Okay. After I left the house, I walked to Kevin’s. We came here to be alone and pray. He was the one who talked me out of running away.”

  Rachel squeezed her sister’s hand. “I did a lot of thinking last night, and I think you should stay here in Magnolia Blossom. I know now that I can’t take you away from your friends the last year you’re in high school. You and I are a lot alike, but we are different, too. I couldn’t see what I was doing to you because I have no reference to those kind of feelings. I kept telling myself I wanted the family to stick together above anything else, that you and Shaun would adjust because I always had.”

  “Who would I stay with?”

  “Michael offered, and I’m sure Helen would. Of course, you might have a friend you could stay with.”

  Amy grinned. “You mean it?”

  “Yes. I hope, though, you’ll come visit Shaun and me in New York during school vacations.”

  “I’ve always wanted to go to a Broadway show.”

  “Then that’s what we’ll do.” Rachel stood and offered her hand to her sister. “I’ll be busy with the restaurant, but for you I’ll make the time.” Rachel put her arm around Amy as they headed for the door.

  Before leaving, Rachel turned and stared at the altar. Light from the ceiling shone on the cross. Michael’s words whispered through her mind. Let God be there for you.

  Could she open her heart totally and let God inside? She realized that until she did she would have a hard time allowing anyone else in. Tears glistened in her eyes. Heavenly Father, I have avoided making any kind of commitment. I have run from people all my life. Help me to open myself to Your love. Help me to love.

  “If your dream is to have your own restaurant, Rachel, why don’t you open one here or in Natchez? You’re willing to settle down in New York, why not Magnolia Blossom?” Amy asked as she pushed the door open.

  “In
New York I can get lost in a crowd. In Magnolia Blossom everyone knows when I sneeze,” Rachel quipped, stating her usual argument against staying.

  “Is that the only reason?”

  Pausing on the steps, Rachel regarded Amy. She searched the area for Michael, but he was gone, driven away by her. She remembered his wariness about trusting her again. “The bottom line is that I couldn’t stay here and be around Michael and not be a part of his life. I don’t know if I can be what he wants or give him the family he deserves, but it would kill me to see him with another woman.”

  “Why does it have to be another woman?”

  She didn’t answer her sister’s last question, but Rachel couldn’t get it out of her mind on the drive to the house. In her profession she had taken one risk after another, but in her personal life she hadn’t even taken one chance. Speaking to Amy honestly had been a small first step.

  Shaun flew out the screen door and down the stairs when they pulled into the driveway. He threw his arms around Amy’s waist. “You’re okay.”

  “Of course, shrimp. What did you think?”

  “That you ran away. That I’d never see you again.”

  “And leave you? No way. My main goal in life is to make yours miserable.”

  “Yeah, well, I want that CD you borrowed back.”

  Rachel followed the pair into the house, listening to them bicker. This was what family was all about. She didn’t realize how much she needed this until she’d almost lost it. Could she take another risk on Michael?

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “Okay. Who sprayed me?” Whirling, Amy put her hands on her hips and looked for the culprit.

  No one said a word.

  With water dripping off her, Amy sighed, swiping her wet hair out of her eyes. “Kevin Robert Sinclair, I can tell it was you.”

  Kevin lifted his shoulders. “How?”

  “You’re still holding the hose.”

  The eight other teenagers laughed.

  “She caught you red-handed, Kev,” one of the boys said.

  Kevin arranged his features into an innocent expression. “I thought you might be getting hot, so I was cooling you off. That’s what friends do for each other.”

  Amy grinned. “Gee, thanks. Let me return the favor.”

  Rachel stepped over to Michael and whispered, “You better do something fast or they’ll never get these cars finished. Six people are waiting. Thank goodness they’re patient. Of course, they’re parents, so they have to be.”

  Michael surveyed the cars lined up in the church parking lot. “Who said parents are necessarily patient?”

  “Isn’t that written down somewhere?”

  “In your dreams.”

  Amy marched over to Kevin and held out her hand for the hose. The boy reluctantly passed it to her, but his hands remained around it. A tug-of-war began, with water spewing everywhere.

  “You’re her sister. Do something.” Michael moved away from the group to keep from getting wet.

  Rachel headed for the teens by the black sedan. Over her shoulder she said, “Chicken. I agreed to help because you said this would be a piece of cake.”

  “You agreed to help because I promised you ice cream afterward.”

  Michael watched Rachel step into the melee and wrestle the hose from Kevin and Amy. Thoroughly wet, Rachel proceeded to spray both of them.

  “I’ll control the water from now on, children. Chuck, put that other hose up. If any of you get out of line, you get sprayed. Let’s get back to work before these good people make us pay them for the privilege of washing their cars. Remember, this is a fund-raiser for your mission trip. If no cars are washed, no money is made.”

  There were a few good-natured grumblings as the teens went back to work.

  “I’m impressed, Rachel,” Michael said with a chuckle. “You could be a drill sergeant with the best of them.”

  “My training is finally coming in handy. You ought to see me manage a kitchen full of temperamental chefs. There were times I wished I had a hose to cool them off.”

  “You and Amy certainly seem to be getting along.”

  A grin lifted the corners of her mouth. “Yeah. Since she ran away and we had that talk, things are so much better. Thanks for all your help. I’m not sure we would be where we are without it.”

  “Sure you would. Has she decided who she’s going to stay with this next year?”

  “Not yet. She’s having a tough time deciding between you and Helen,” Rachel said, a wistful tone in her voice. She still wished Amy would come with Shaun and her to New York in the fall, but she wouldn’t say anything else to her sister. Amy knew how Rachel felt without her adding pressure.

  “But you wish she was moving to New York?”

  “You bet. I’ll miss her. So will Shaun. I know she’s gonna come visit during her school vacations, but it won’t be the same.”

  “That was a tough decision for you to make.”

  “Yes.” Rachel moved to the next car and rinsed it off so the teenagers could soap it down. “I’m still hoping I can convince her to come live with Shaun and me after high school. But it will be her decision.”

  “It wasn’t that long ago you felt differently. I’m glad you changed your mind.”

  Rachel shot him a frown. “People can change, Michael.” She sprayed another car, then stepped back to let the youths do their job.

  “Maybe.”

  “You don’t think people change?”

  “Of course, they can change—if they want to badly enough. But that’s the key. Do they really want to? Or are they fooling themselves and others into thinking they do, then revert back to their old ways the first time things get rough?”

  “Chuck, will you take over with the hose?” Rachel asked, handing it to the nearest teenager.

  “Yes.”

  When a gleam of mischief entered the tall boy’s eyes, Rachel added, “And only spray the cars?”

  The gleam vanished. “Yes, ma’am.”

  After Chuck took the hose and headed toward the next car in line, Rachel faced Michael, her back to the crowd in the parking lot. “Okay. What’s going on, Michael? What are you afraid of?”

  “What makes you think I’m afraid of anything?”

  “Oh, maybe the fact you’re not looking at me.”

  He directed his gaze to her. “I thought at least one of us should keep an eye on the kids. I can’t believe you gave Chuck the hose.”

  “And I can’t believe you’re changing the subject on me. Besides, I’m all wet, so what’s the worst he could do to me? Now you, on the other hand—”

  “Why do you think I’m watching the young man? I would like to remain dry.”

  “Okay. Enough chitchat. What’s going on, Michael?”

  “Mary Lou has contacted a lawyer concerning custody and visitation rights. She wants equal say in raising Garrett. I don’t think I’ll be able to avoid a fight.”

  “And what do you want?”

  He stabbed her with an intense look. “Frankly, I want Mary Lou out of Garrett’s life.”

  Shocked, Rachel gasped. “You usually don’t judge people so harshly.”

  “I don’t trust her. It wasn’t that long ago that she was drunk a good part of the day and could care less that Garrett was in the next room crying for her. That’s not something I’ll forget.”

  “Or forgive?”

  “Yes.” Michael clamped his jaws together, flexing his hands then curling them into a tight ball at his side.

  “Is she drinking now?”

  “No—or so she claims. She belongs to AA. She says all the right things, but I don’t trust her.”

  Pain and anger laced his words. Rachel’s throat constricted. “You suggested I should turn to the Lord for guidance concerning Amy. Maybe you should turn to the Lord about Mary Lou. If she has truly changed, don’t you think she deserves a second chance? Don’t you think Garrett deserves a mother? How does Garrett feel about all this?”

  “He d
oesn’t know what’s happening between Mary Lou and me. I haven’t told him. I don’t know how.” Michael raked his hand through his hair, staring over Rachel’s shoulder, a scowl knitting his brow.

  She could tell he wasn’t really looking at anything but was lost in his own thoughts. He was hurting, and she wished she could do something to help him. “Remember your advice to me? That I should tell Shaun and Amy about my decision as soon as possible? Well, I wouldn’t keep this from Garrett for too long. He should hear it from you, not someone else. You know how small towns are. He’ll hear it from someone.”

  Michael closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Yes, I know. He’s been bugging me about spending the weekend with Mary Lou. They have a boat, and he wants to go skiing.”

  “And you don’t want him to be alone with Mary Lou?”

  “Yeah. I trust people totally until they give me a reason not to, then I find it hard to give my trust again.”

  The tightness in her throat expanded. She swallowed several times. They could be speaking about their relationship. Ten years ago he’d felt she had betrayed his love.

  A shriek erupted behind Rachel. She jumped and nearly bumped into Michael.

  He steadied her, then headed for the youths. “Now you’ll see why Chuck was the last person to give the hose to.”

  There was one car left in the parking lot. The tall boy wet it down, then turned the water on the girl next to him. She took the bucket of soapy water she held and dumped it over Chuck, who proceeded to chase her with the hose. Thankfully, the last car was cleaned before a full water war erupted in the parking lot. Rachel backed away and watched, still troubled by her conversation with Michael.

  He came to stand beside her. “I guess this is one way to beat the summer heat.”

  “Does this happen often?” Rachel asked while Amy produced the hose Chuck had put away earlier.

  “Let’s just say these guys know how to enjoy themselves.”

  “How many car washes have you had?”

  “Oh, five or six in the past few years.”

  Suddenly Rachel noticed the quiet. She looked toward the teens, all drenched from head to toe, all staring at her and Michael with silly grins on their faces. She didn’t trust her sister’s impish expression, nor the fact that Amy whispered something to Kevin who in turn whispered something to the petite young woman next to him. Quickly, whatever Amy had come up with spread to the whole group.