Vampires Don't Cry: The Collection

by Ian Hall

  Like the helpless little girl I was supposed to be, I writhed uselessly and pled for my release, “Let me go! Let me go!”

  Francis lifted his face away from me, his dazzling eyes turned fierce. Gleaming down from that disgusting, slippery maw were a pair of thirsty fangs. He lunged for my throat.

  Close enough to a bite, in my book.

  I broke through his hold, rolling and pinning him under me in an exact duplication of how’d he done.

  “You skinny little piece of shit,” I hissed, my own fangs tingling to bite through his throat, “next time, pick on somebody your own size.” I gave a little giggle. “Oh, I forgot – there won’t be a next time.” With a feeling of disgust in his primitive, childish attempt at seduction, I sank my teeth deeply into his neck. With no thought of his pleasure, I ripped his shorts from under me and impaled myself on his reasonable erection.

  I sank my teeth into his neck, and sucked his life force with an urgency I hadn’t felt in ages.

  Despite my lack of emotion in the sexual part of the tryst, I didn’t last long. And when my own considerable wave crashed onto his rocky shore, I didn’t linger for his release.

  I’m not even sure Francis lived long enough to hear his head separate from his shoulders.

  Clinical Man, Just Clinical

  Mandy left with her mark, and I continued feasting on Maria. I mean, the mission was uppermost in my head, but I didn’t exactly mind the circumstances; I had to keep up my sham, after all. I gave it another ten minutes, then groggily leant up from our reclined position in the corner. “Where’s Emily?” I asked, but she turned my head easily back to hers.

  “She’s fine.” Maria breathed into my mouth, before replacing her delicious tongue. “Maybe we should go somewhere more private.”

  “Fine by me.”

  “Supper at my place?”

  “Sure.”

  Maria took me by the hand, walking by her three vampire friends. “Dick and I are going for a little bite. Well, I’ll rephrase that, I’m going for some time with Dick.” She grinned wildly at her own juvenile joke. “Give us a clear hour or so. This is going to be fun.”

  I looked back at the faces. All looked hungry, all looked as inexperienced as I’d ever seen, and it was obvious on their faces that they had been duped by Mandy and me.

  I drove, under Maria’s directions, and soon arrived at a solitary house. White stucco walls, red-tiled roof, big veranda. “Nice digs!” I said, running around the car to open Maria’s door.

  As she got out from the car, I knew that she tried to be sexy, guiding me by the hand up to the front door, batting her dark eyes at me, but suddenly it got all too stale, way too quick.

  “Hold on,” I said. “I left something in the car.”

  She leant against the open front door. “Don’t be long.” She lifted her T-shirt from the waist, just giving me a glimpse of her considerable chest.

  “I won’t.”

  I ran to the car, slipped a coagulant gun in my pocket, and returned to find the T-shirt on the living room floor.

  “In here, baby!” came the call from a dark stretch of hall. I walked to toward her voice and down to an open door. Red light spilled out from the doorway. On the bed, Maria had stripped down to her underwear, leaning back against huge pink pillows. “What do you think?”

  Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what to think. She’d been sexy, right up till the time when she actually tried to turn it all on, then it had kinda fizzled flat. Even in the red light, her skin looked grey.

  In the end, I did what any honest Helsing would have done. I walked up to the bed, smiled, and put a dart in her belly.

  “Close enough. Surely,” I said as she just lay there, looking a bit puzzled. She slowly bared her teeth, but she seemed bowled over by the strength of the coagulant.

  So I phoned Mandy. “You okay?”

  Innocuous question, I thought it best, just in case she hadn’t already ended the situation.

  “Fine. I’m done here.”

  Mandy gave me directions, and in fifteen minutes, she sat back in the front seat. Smiling, Mandy sniffed the air. “Is she in the trunk?”

  “Yeah, I tazered her before she even got close to my neck.”

  “You wimp.” She grinned, turning round in her seat. “What do we do with her?”

  “I dunno.”

  “Well, Francis was bones when I left him. I’m thinking maybe a year old, maybe more. She’ll probably be the same.”

  It wasn’t one of the hardest decisions I’d ever had to make. I mean, in the end, there was only one solution. We talked it through, but we both knew what had to be done.

  “You wanna drink first?” I asked, heading the car eastwards on the freeway.

  “Oh, no! With all that Helsing coagulant stuff inside? Yuk.”

  I drove out of town for an hour, took a side road, then literally just threw her in a ditch. Mandy did the head thing. Man, that separation sound. Incredible.

  In minutes we were back on the road.

  I drove for a while in silence.

  “Why do I feel so guilty?” I asked after a period of soul searching.

  “I’m not exactly a zombie here,” Mandy replied. “But I’m not really sure either.”

  “There was this book I read; ‘Douglas Adams; Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.’”

  “What about it?”

  “Well, it was kinda tongue in cheek, but it had a mention of Earth, and what the big Galactic Encyclopedia would say about us. ‘Mostly Harmless’, is what I remember.” I turned to Mandy as I drove. “On the surface, that’s what I think of Maria and her useless vampire friends; mostly harmless.” I felt tears drop down my cheeks. “But they’re not, Mandy. They kill people!”

  I braked slowly, taking the car off the road, onto the grassy, sandy turf, waylaid by a sudden surge of tears.

  “They kill people. Innocent people. They feed from us, and throw away the husks.” I looked at her concerned face, lit only by the dashboard lights.

  “We have to remember the mission, Lyman,” she said.

  “The mission’s over,” I said, the tears still coming.

  “The mission here has changed,” she said. “We’ve uncovered a small nest of vampires. Stupid, slow, Hollywood, call them what you will, but you said it; they still kill people.”

  I looked at her, but I felt my heart harden as I did so. I was swallowing my guilt, and putting it somewhere out of harm’s way. A quiet resolve took its place. “So what do you want to do?”

  “Oh, I think we should go back to Maria’s place and knock three more on the head. Mission closed; vampire cadre gone. No more innocent lives lost. You said it yourself, Lyman, they kill people. What do you think was going to be your fate tonight? Do you think Maria had long-term plans for you both?”

  I turned the car back onto the road and drove. As I took off, both our timers beeped, and we took out vampire-neutral meds. Good old Helsing Central, looking after us.

  Lights flooded the stucco house when we got there. After a quick run-around, Mandy announced three occupants, all in one bedroom, all tangled together.

  It took less than twenty seconds.

  I had never saw Lyman get that choked up about killing vampires before. I mean, hell – that’s kind of what Helsings do. Figuring he just felt all emo after the showdown in Arizona, and missing his GF, I set him up with a six pack of some imported beer. Since the only ID I had with me put me underage, I had to go about it the vampire way.

  So, I bum-rushed the liquor store, sweeping up the most expensive label I found, and zipping it out right under the cashier’s nose. Lyman being Lyman, once I got to the car, the first thing he did was mentally calculate the price, tax included, and sent me back in with exact change to leave on the counter. That boy was too honest for his own good; and one day it would catch up to him.

  We parked the car on the side of a long, scenic road that overlooked the ocean. Headlights off, radio on, we both soaked up every s
econd of downtime like a couple of weary sponges. I waited ‘til he was part-way through his third bottle before shaking him down for information.

  “What’s the deal?” I asked. “Why’d that get to you so bad?”

  He gave me a strange grin, somewhere between accusation and admiration. “I can’t believe it didn’t get to you. You’re one of…”

  “Don’t even fucking think of saying that I’m one of them,” I snarled. “Those vamps were a bunch of scuzz buckets, getting by on looks while sucking the life out of anyone who got close to them.”

  “Seemed to me you were having a pretty good time with those scuzz buckets tonight – especially Francis.”

  “Yeah, so sue me. It was fun just hanging out, joking around… y’know, being a kid for a while.”

  He looked out the window for a moment, and took a big swig. “You know what, Mandy – me, too.”

  I let Lyman have his sit-and-stew time. Looked like he needed it. At least he finished off the entire six pack without any help from me.

  Personally, I thought the whole thing was good sport. It felt cool playing the part of defenseless prey, turning predator right before my would-be killer struck. I mean – stealth freaking vampires? How cool were we now? I figured once the drama king settled down, he’d begin to see it more my way.

  Turned out I was right. I don’t know if Lyman’s self-reflecting did the trick, or if the alcohol had done it, but about a half hour after the last beer, he snapped out of his funk and popped open his cell.

  “Who you calling?” I asked.

  “Howard Weeks,” he winked at me, I had my Lyman back. “Get him updated on our findings… and get our new marching orders. Time we put our new bodies into a mission.”

  So off we set to our new school; new IDs, new names, a fresh adventure with a serious twist.

  Red Roses High School, built in 2012, is one of the newest buildings I’d ever been in. The term ‘high-tech’ simply didn’t do it justice; it literally oozed state-of-the-art everything.

  Two high schools catchments had been amalgamated into one, and Red Roses was the product. It looked like a university campus; lots of grass and trees, spaces between departments, a huge library, and sports facilities like I’d never seen. Compared to Gregor Academy, Red Roses felt simply space-age.

  “Have you considered your college options, George?” the question went unanswered until Mandy elbowed me in the ribs. George? Crap!

  “Eh, science, probably, sir.” I’d been so much on the lookout for vampire traces, I’d temporarily gotten off-track.

  “Any particular field?” Mister Henderson prodded.

  “Oh, not really.”

  “George specialized in molecular biochemistry,” Mandy said, that undefinable grin appearing on her lips. “Didn’t you?”

  “Oh, it was hardly a specialization, more of a hobby,” I said, trying to suppress my own smile.

  “Well, either way, we have the very best departments here in Red Roses,” Henderson said. Compared to my six-two, he looked a short man, maybe just an inch taller than Mandy. He looked like he needed new glasses, because he seemed to squint through his small lenses rather than look through them. But I smiled; as assistant headmaster, we had to get on his good side.

  “I’m sure we’ll be happy here, sir,” I said, beaming down on him across his crowded desk. “My sister and I will have a couple of months to settle in before summer kicks in.”

  “And if you’re having problems, we run a full summer school.” He stood and opened the door back into the administrative department. “And how about you, Tracy? You’re an English major; any interest in dramatics? We have a full program.”

  “I’m more of a bookworm,” Mandy replied. “And your library is superb.”

  “Why, thank you,” he glowed. “Missus Naterbury will get you registered, and get you assigned a schedule.”

  He left us with the corpulent Missus Naterbury, and disappeared.

  There were forms to fill in, subjects to choose, ID cards printed, it was all a bit of a pain, but we were finished by lunchtime, and we trotted off to our usual vampire haunt: the cafeteria.

  True to the rest of the school, it was spotless. The kids were well-behaved, slightly on the quiet side, and the food choices were definitely upper-class, non-ghetto.

  I grabbed my obligatory meatloaf, and we set off, threading through the tables, supposedly looking for two empty seats, but really vampire sniffing.

  Nothing.

  “Okay, so that came up empty.”

  Mandy nodded, looking around. “If they’re here, they’re Wraiths.”

  The name had begun to stick, and neither of us had the determination to offer an alternative.

  I ate my meatloaf and sat back. “There’s no welcoming committee either, that’s a little bit odd. Usually someone hits on you by now.”

  “I’m not exactly trying right now, dear brother,” Mandy said. “When I do switch on, you watch them take notice.”

  And I knew she was right. Mandy looked amazing, and I lived with her 24-7. Most of the time she proved difficult for me to ignore, never mind some other nerdy sex-starved teenager. “What you got first thing after the break?”

  Mandy looked at her laminated schedule. “Art, then English.”

  “Okay, meet you at English then.” I stood up and wandered away. I wanted to roam, and soon found myself outside, strolling around the campus. I watched for groups and cliques, but there weren’t any to speak of, just couples, and not much more. Cheerleaders were a good place to start, and sure enough, they were out practicing some complex pom-pom dance thing. Red Roses colors were, of course red, but they had a black and white checkered piping on their sides. It looked good, and so did the cheerleaders.

  My Biology class held no particular surprises, and when I met with Mandy at English, she shook her head at my obvious question. “Nothing at all.”

  “Strange.”

  “Damn right.”

  “What about the after-school stuff?” I asked. The thought of staying behind felt as boring as class had been, but we were here on a mission, and there seemed no point in doing it half-hearted.

  “Cheerleading would be my obvious choice, I mean, I was pretty good back at Everton. Made the team and all that stuff.”

  I checked out the track, then the library, while Mandy went to the cheerleading. We met up again at six o’clock, but it seemed our time had been wasted. No vampires, no hint, nada.

  “Coffee shops?” I asked.

  “It’s maybe all we’ve got left. I mean, Weeks didn’t give us any details to go on. Just ‘vampire activity suspected’.”

  “If we don’t turn up anything soon, we may need to get more details.”

  Again, our new rental car had been booked by Howard; a small blue compact car; more in keeping with our situation than a large SUV. But we knew it to be a downgrade, smaller everything. No room in the trunk at all.

  In the second coffee shop, Mandy literally got a sniff. “I got something.” She stopped and turned to an empty table. “Not long gone. It’s not strong, but it’s vampire.”

  I pushed to the front of the line. “Excuse me.”

  The barista looked up.

  “The people at that table, they just left. Who were they?”

  He shook his head. “Sorry, never noticed.”

  “Connie Alvares.” An older guy at the front of the line looked round. “Works next door at the medical place.”

  “Wow, thanks,” I stumbled, and we both left.

  The adjacent building turned out to be a Med-Assist, pay as you go place.

  “A vampire who works for a living?” Mandy’s eyebrows raised high on her forehead.

  “Maybe she’s in charge of blood?”

  We stood outside for a moment.

  “So who’s ill?” I asked.

  “You are,” she replied rapidly. “You’ve hurt your neck, can hardly turn.”

  We both laughed.

  Our destination rea
lly lived up to its name. The arched sign that announced entry into its limits was some enormous trellis with climbing green ivy up the sides and “Rozas Rojas” spelled out in the flora of its namesake. The main thoroughfare led to a busy intersection controlled by one of those annoying roundabout things; middle of the little island was perfectly manicured and housed an array of sculpted rose bushes that spelled “Welcome.” Seriously – anywhere you could stick a rose… there was a rose. The town was one giant parade float.

  The Rozas Rojas citizens were a direct reflection of the town’s highbrow appeal, every bit as neat, clean, and cheery. Lyman and I stopped in for a frozen yogurt on our way to the condo Weeks set us up in and you’ve never seen people so giddy about schlepping desserts. The girl at the counter sounded pleasant and talkative in a way that immediately brought Chris to mind.

  The high school proved more of the same as you entered the grounds: roses and more roses in configuration of the school mascot, a cardinal of all things. I guess it was all they could come up with where the red would work.

  And the building itself put Everton High to freaking shame. So did the kids. Seven-hundred-something students and you could practically hear a pin drop in the cafeteria during lunch. The classrooms were likewise; highly professional teachers and well-behaved, almost mechanical students. Man, I itched to root a vampire out of its pristine walls.

  Nothing.

  Finally, just when I’d almost given up, we got a hit and it led us to this fast-food-type med center. The way they churned people in and out, I was shocked they didn’t have a drive-up window for blood work.

  Lyman played his part well, rubbing at his neck and moaning about the pain like a serious pussy. Fifteen minutes into his act, a woman in red scrubs called at him from the door.

  “George Walters?”

  Dum Dum didn’t budge.

  “Georgey,” I nudged him, “You’re up.”