No Strings

by J. C. Hayden

  “Anyway,” Talia said a little too loudly. “What are we doing about the V card?”

  ◆◆◆

  When I got to Brody’s apartment later that night, he kissed me when I walked in the door, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, thrilling in the feeling of his arms around me and pushing away all my worried thoughts from my conversation with Talia earlier in the day. It had only been maybe seven or eight hours since I left his place earlier that morning, but I already missed him so much. It was getting harder and harder to leave his place every morning, and it was starting to worry me. I shouldn’t want him this much, shouldn’t want to be around him all the time, shouldn’t miss him before I even left. But I did.

  We were still holding each other close, my body humming in response to his, when Brody whispered in my ear, “Don’t get too comfortable. I’m taking you out.”

  I pulled back to look at him with a huge smile. “You are?”

  He nodded and leaned in to kiss me quickly. “You’re so cute,” he said. “But yeah, we stay cooped up here too often, and I want to show off my hot date.”

  I felt an odd swoop in my stomach. “Okay, where are we going?” I asked excitedly.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  I huffed and pouted. “But what if I’m not dressed for it?”

  He pulled back slightly to look at me. I was wearing Talia’s yellow sundress, but since she was several inches shorter than me, it showed off a lot of leg. It was cute but sexy, and it made my skin glow and my hair look like fire. I wore a tan cardigan over it because it was still a bit chilly out and Talia forced me to wear her turquoise heels so I was only about an inch or two shorter than Brody.

  “You look amazing,” he said before leaning in to kiss me.

  We were both breathless by the time he pulled away, and finally he pulled all the way back. I missed his arms around me instantly.

  “We have to go before I just decide fuck the date and I throw you onto my bed.

  I tried to give him my sexiest look. “I’m fine with that.”

  He made a growling sound and shook his head. “Later.” His eyes lit up with sexual promise and I felt heat at my core. I was excited he was taking me out, but I was even more excited to get to the end of our date.

  A little bit later we were getting a little handsy in our Uber on our way toward the city. Our driver was gamely staring straight ahead at the traffic, and I was completely and utterly distracted by Brody’s mouth on my neck. He was scattering hot kisses up and down the length, while I had one hand clutched on his inner thigh and the other shoved into the wild strands of his light hair. He had a hand on my inner thigh in turn while the other was draped on the seat behind me.

  “God, I want you so much,” Brody growled in my ear before gently nipping at my lobe. I gasped softly and tried not to make too much noise so as not to draw our driver’s attention. “You drive me crazy.”

  “Brody,” I whispered. My heart was thumping in my chest. I tried to squeeze my thighs together, but his grip tightened to stop me from doing so. The warmth of his hand on the bare skin of my thigh, climbing higher and higher, was making me bite my lower lip so hard I was afraid I’d break the skin.

  No one had ever made me feel this way. No one had ever turned me on to the point that I couldn’t keep my hands off him during a short drive and to the point that I was desperate to have his hands on me at all time. Brody was the only one who had ever made me feel this sexy and alive. He was the only one who made my blood flow with need. And the longing and desire and lust that I heard in his voice when he whispered in my ear was mirrored back in every one of my movements as I tried to press myself closer to him.

  I angled my body more toward his and he drew back slightly so he could meet my eyes. We stared at each other for several long moments, and I could see my own lust reflected back at me. His hand tightened on my inner thigh again as he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

  “I want to take you out and give you an amazing night,” his whispered so only I could hear. His breath was hot on my ear and neck, making me shiver. “But I also want to drag you back to my apartment and fuck you until neither of us can walk.”

  Before Brody could say another word, I turned my face so my mouth could find his. I didn’t care about the driver in the front seat, or about the fact that I was kissing him with a promise that probably wouldn’t be fulfilled for hours. All I knew was that I needed his mouth on mine with a sudden desperation that scared me.

  After a moment, Brody opened his mouth against mine, and I gasped into the kiss when I felt his tongue brush mine. His hand on my thigh pulled me closer, and I turned a bit more so that I could wrap my arms around his neck and press our upper bodies flush together. He leaned into me, deepening the kiss, sliding his hand up further and further until I felt his thumb brush the edge of my panties. I jerked back quickly, and pushed him away, sliding to the other side of the car. I knew that if I kissed him for another second longer, I was probably going to do something risky, regretful, and possibly illegal in the back of this Uber.

  I was sitting opposite Brody, alternating between looking out the window, up at the driver, and over at Brody, whose eyes were pinned to me for the rest of the ride. He kept his distance, respecting my unspoken wish, but that didn’t stop his looks. And the looks were almost as scorching as the touch. My skin felt too hot, too tight, and I didn’t think this date would last longer than an hour before the desperate need to jump his bones overwhelmed me.

  Over an hour later, though, I was totally proven wrong.

  Once we got to our first destination, Brody was on his best behavior. There was a jazz concert on the Boston Common, so our driver dropped us at the Park Street MBTA station, and we walked into the park. As soon as we got onto the path, Brody reached over to grab my hand. My head flew to look at him, and he just gave me the sweetest, sexiest grin, and I tried to ignore the wild beat of my heart.

  The concert was amazing, and I felt happy and relaxed as we walked through the city toward the North End. The temperature had dropped significantly, and even though I had on a cardigan, at one point I shivered, and Brody took off his own cardigan and draped it over my shoulders. My chest nearly exploded at the sweet gesture, and when he put his hand in mine again as we walked the mile or so to the North End I didn’t ignore the feelings it inspired this time. I embraced the flutter in my stomach and the quickening of my heart. I let the feelings of joy and contentment wash over me. That insistent thought that was always at the back of my mind—the thought that told me that none of this could possibly last—was pushed aside for the evening, and I just enjoyed this amazing night with Brody.

  We had dinner at one of my favorite Italian restaurants in the city and walked down the street eating gelato and telling stories and laughing with each other. Brody kissed a spot of gelato off the corner of my mouth that led to us making out like teenagers in a small park away from the eyes of the other people walking along the sidewalks. We sat on that bench talking until I lost track of time, and in the Uber back to his house, there was no lusty tension like on the drive down. I just cuddled up into his side as he wrapped his arm around me and we listened to the soft classical music the driver was playing.

  Back at his apartment, he held my hand as we walked into the building and didn’t let go until I was standing in his bedroom. He stripped all my clothes off slowly, without a word, and I did the same for him, his eyes locked intently on my face the entire time. We made love sweetly and passionately for what felt like forever and also no time at all. When we came together he whispered my name roughly in my ear, and my heart shattered into pieces.

  After, when he curled up behind me and pulled me close, his arm tightly around me, I tried not to think of my conversation with Talia. I tried not to think about all that I was reading into this relationship, into this incredible night together. I tried not to think how it would be over soon, how the end of the school year was quickly approaching and we would go our separate ways. But I th
ought about it anyway, and I prayed Brody was asleep when I let the tears come.

  Chapter ELEVEN

  It had been over a month now. One gloriously blurry month of almost nothing but Brody and his bed. And maybe some other various places around his apartment.

  Since our non-date date a week ago, I had hardly had time to stop and think, no time to stop and analyze, no time to stop and worry about what might happen in the weeks to come. There was no time to think about the fact that when I woke up in the morning next to Brody I would watch him sleep, smiling like a fool, or how I would catch myself stealing glances at him across the classroom of our English Lit class and how, much of the time, he was already looking at me.

  I had no time to think of all this because I was too busy with school work, spending time with Brody, and going to rehearsals for Carmen, my senior recital, and choir. I hardly had time to think, let alone sit calmly and consider the consequences of my actions. Because every day was the same. I would go to class, sometimes walking with Brody, sometimes not. I would finish my homework as quickly as I could, get in some rehearsal time, and then I would practically run to my apartment, drop off my stuff, and order an Uber to take me to Brody’s place. Most of the time when I got to his apartment, Brody would let the doorman, Jean-Claude, know, and I would ride up the elevator to where he had his door unlocked so I could come right in. When I would walk in, he was always there waiting, lounging casually on his couch or sitting at his kitchen island.

  It was the times when he was just sitting, reading or doodling—something that had him sitting concentrated, brow furrowed—that made my heart skip. Because then, in those brief moments before he looked up or before I went over to him, everything was normal. I could almost imagine that Brody was my boyfriend, that things were different, that maybe it was after college and we were living together, and I was coming home and he was there, in a place we shared.

  And those were also the things that I didn’t let myself think about. They were the things I didn’t give myself time to think about. If I did, I’d go mad. If I let myself hope, want, I wouldn’t be able to let whatever was happening between us continue.

  So it was best to just keep going on the way we’d been, to keep doing what I was currently doing, which at this particular moment was looking at Brody across the room during English Lit, my heart thumping in my chest at the way he was looking at me.

  I rubbed a hand across my neck and looked down at the book we were currently discussing in small groups. Callum, who was the T.A., and our instructor, Professor Rothstein, were moving from group to group to help facilitate discussion. Callum was currently sitting in a chair in my group, talking about a particular passage in Jane Eyre, the book we had just finished reading for class. He was gesturing passionately about something, and usually I loved watching him be so passionate about something he cared about so much. Right now, though, I was utterly distracted, staring absently at a spot on the ugly green carpet, clutching my copy of the book to my chest, shocked when I felt how hot my neck was.

  The room was loud with discussion since there were about eight groups discussing the book, and the low roar of conversation was allowing me to drift into my own thoughts. Everybody in my group was so focused on what Callum was saying, so that when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I was able to subtly slip it out and see my incoming text.

  I had to work hard to contain a gasp when I looked down at the message Brody sent me.

  B: I want you so bad. Need you after class.

  I glanced up and found Brody still looking at me from where he was in his own group, one eyebrow arched, and I could swear that I felt the heat in his gaze from all the way across the room. I bit my lip and looked down, glancing up at Callum to see if he was looking at me before I typed out a quick response.

  Have rehearsal. Meet at your place tonight?

  And as subtly as I could, I slipped my phone back into my pocket and went back to staring at my spot on the carpet, trying to contain a smile.

  “Catrina, what did you think about Jane’s speech to Mr. Rochester?”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin when Callum spoke, looking up at me, cheeks slightly flushed from this excitement at the subject material.

  “Oh. Um.”

  I had actually read Jane Eyre several times. I’d read it in my high school A.P. English class, and I’d fallen in love with it and read it several times since. It was one of my favorite books, and if Callum was referencing the passage I thought he was talking about, it was one of my favorite parts of the book. But I was still so distracted that I could hardly form a sentence.

  Callum was looking at me expectantly since he knew how I felt about this book and this passage in particular, and I cleared my throat.

  “Well, it’s… um… powerful…” I managed to get out.

  Callum nodded in encouragement, and I could feel the eyes of the entire group on me.

  “Well, you know, it sort of reminds you of the speech she gives to her aunt when she’s finally able to leave her childhood home,” I said, finally able to gather my thoughts. “Jane is so often underestimated. She’s small and shy and plain. She rarely speaks out of turn, but that’s why when she finally does, it makes such an impact.”

  Callum smiled. “Absolutely. Small but mighty, right?”

  I gave him a half smile and nodded before one of my classmates chimed in, and Callum focused his attention on her.

  A moment later I felt my phone vibrate again.

  B: Can’t wait until tonight. I can barely hold back from fucking you in the middle of this classroom.

  This time I couldn’t contain my gasp, nor the tingling between my legs, as much as I tried to will it away. Luckily, everyone was too engrossed by the discussion to notice the sound that had come out of my mouth. They were talking about Jane’s speech to her aunt now as I looked up and met Brody’s eyes. I could see every bit of heated promise written across his features, and briefly, I bit the bottom corner of my lip, trying to keep everything contained inside. Then, Brody’s tongue darted out briefly, moistening his upper lip, reminding me of the way his tongue had flicked at a sensitive part of me last night when I was in his bed, writhing underneath him, and how the subsequent suction of his mouth in the same area had had me nearly coming off the bed, crying out so loudly that my voice was hoarse—

  “Catrina?”

  I jumped yet again at the sound of Callum’s voice.

  “W-what?” I said in a shaky voice, tearing my eyes away from Brody.

  “I asked if you can think of another way that her speech to her aunt and her speech to Mr. Rochester are similar?” Callum said, frowning slightly at me.

  “Well,” I said, shifting in my chair. “Jane’s freedom and independence are really important to her,” I managed. “So… so much of her destiny was determined by the cruelty of her aunt that it’s, you know, important for her to maintain freedom of choice, even with someone she cares for.”

  Callum gave me a small, slightly confused smile, no doubt noticing how distracted I appeared to be while discussing a book he knew I loved before he turned again to the rest of the group.

  Shit, I thought as I looked down away from my friend. I needed to get away from this class for a few minutes and get myself together.

  I excused myself from the group, and started heading toward the back of the room so I could step out and go to the bathroom and get a drink of water. I kept my eyes trained straight ahead as I walked in that direction, knowing that I would have to walk by Brody’s group on my way out of the room. I needed to keep my eyes off him for the rest of the class. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Brody and I had probably already taken it too far in the last couple minutes, but for some reason on today of all days, I couldn’t seem to control myself around him. If I didn’t get out of the room as soon as possible, I probably wouldn’t be able to last the rest of class without combusting into a gigantic ball of lust before the period was over.

  I couldn’t believe tha
t this was my life right now—that just a few weeks ago I’d been a virgin, wondering obsessively about what sex would be like, and now I was getting sexy texts from my… whatever he was… about him needing to… fuck me right now. It was bizarre to say the least.

  I made it out of the room without incident, managing by sheer willpower alone not to look at Brody as I walked past his group.

  I got into the bathroom, did my business, and splashed some water on my face.

  “Get it together, Murphy,” I muttered to myself in the mirror.

  I could handle this. Jesus Christ, I could sit in a fucking room with Brody Galen and not want to jump him. I’d done it for years. Hell, I’d done it for the few weeks that we’d been sleeping together. I could do it now. I had to.

  I took a deep breath and was about to push open the door to the bathroom when it swung open and I jumped.

  “Oh, sorr—”

  “Whoa.”

  I jerked back and gasped when I saw gray eyes boring into me, much too close for how badly those eyes affected me, much too close considering we were alone, in the women’s restroom, and I had come here trying to get away from him so I could concentrate on class until I could be with him later.

  “Brody,” I hissed, eyes widening. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “So my text,” he said casually, picking an invisible piece of lint off of my sweater and stepping further into the bathroom so the door swung shut behind him. I stared up into his gorgeous face, trying not to let his proximity affect me. Trying to breathe despite the butterflies he always caused now coupled with the nerves that someone might walk into the bathroom any moment and catch us alone in here together.

  “Do we have to talk about this now?” I said quietly. “We need to get back to class—”

  He cut me off when he took a step closer and bent his head toward me. When I bit my lip he glanced down at my mouth before his eyes flickered back up to mine. My hands started to tremble.