When we got into town I started having this slight panic attack about the possibility that Teresa would think we should have a goodnight kiss or something when they dropped us at Jess’s house. She didn’t. She just said bye and that she’d call me tomorrow.
I was holding back my temper as best I could. It helped that I had several bags in my hands, so I couldn’t choke Jess. She had a new TV in her arms anyway, and I wouldn’t want to break it. But when the front door was closed, and Tony and his cousin Teresa were gone, I had to let Jess know my feelings about what she did.
“I can’t believe you did that!” I shouted at her.
“Did what?”
“You know what.”
“What’s going on here?” Peggy asked. “What did you do, Jessica?”
“I didn’t do anything!” She sounds offended. As if she had any right.
“You set me up!” I turned to Peggy. “This wasn’t a shopping trip, it was a blind date.”
“It wasn’t.”
“Jessica,” Peggy said in her ‘you better tell the truth’ voice.
“Hey, I didn’t ever set up a date, okay. I just put the two of them together and let nature take its course.”
“You set me up.” I complained again.
“Yeah, well, you weren’t complaining when you two were holding hands and smiling at each other.”
“I had no idea what was going on until we were almost back to town!”
“Maybe not consciously.”
“I... what, you think you can just turn me into a lesbian?”
“I’m not trying to turn you into anything, honey.” she said. She’s got that look, the one people get when they have to explain something very elementary to a child. “You’re the one that said you almost went out with a girl before. I figured since you don’t seem very interested in any of the boys around here right now, maybe you’d like her. She’s seriously a flaming lesbian, so it sort of works.”
“Jessica, you can’t do that to people.” Peggy told her. “You can’t just trick them like that.”
“Sor-ry.” she said. “I figured there was a good chance I was wrong, I had no idea they’d be so happy together. Seriously, Brynne, I’ve never seen you smiling and laughing so much.”
“I... well I thought we were just having fun.” I said.
“So just have fun with her. I’m not telling you that you have to do anything. If you only want to be friends with her, then just be friends with her. If you never want to see her again, don’t. I tried.”
“Yeah, well, she’s calling tomorrow to ask me to go do something.”
“So tell her to get lost if you want.” she said, shrugging.
“I... I mean...” What do I mean? “She’s too nice, I don’t want to upset her.”
“Uh-huh.” Jess said. That smug smile was back.
“What?”
“Brynne, honey,” Peggy said. She put her hand on my shoulder and gave a little bit of a smile. “Don’t be embarrassed if you are interested in this girl.”
“I never said... I didn’t say I was.”
“She’s a very cute girl. You could do a lot worse.”
“So now you’re on her side?” I asked, waving my hand in Jessica's direction.
“No, I’m on your side. I’m on the side of you doing what feels right for you. And if that’s going out with this girl, great. If it’s not, just be nice and let her down easy.”
“Yeah, ‘cause she’s totally into you.” Jess added.
“I’m going to bed.” I said.
I stomped up the stairs and threw the bags of clothes on the floor. I can’t believe she would do this to me. She’s my best friend, but I’m so pissed right now! I’m shaking. I’m so angry that I’m actually shaking.
I didn’t even change or wash before climbing into bed. I’ll probably have to do both after I calm down. I’m probably getting makeup all over the pillow.
“Jenna, why did she do this to me? I thought she was my best friend. I thought I could trust her.” Just not with one certain secret.
And now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to hurt Teresa. She’s a great girl, and I had so much fun with her. We have so many things in common. I thought we could be really good friends, but now I don’t know. Would she be okay with just being friends?
“Brynne.” Jess said. She rubbed my back. “Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Leave me alone.” Great, I’m crying again.
“I should have told you. I was just trying to help.”
“Help what?” I sat up. “Help me feel like an idiot?”
“What? No, I just know you feel left out and alone and you want someone who loves you.”
“And so you trick me?”
“I didn’t even think I was doing anything like that, okay? I just wanted to see if you’d be interested in her.”
“But you told her?”
“Yeah, she knew. She was sort of pushing for it.”
“Well that explains a lot about how she was acting today.”
“Will you please forgive me? I’ll call her and explain that you aren’t into girls, that you aren’t interested in her.”
“So you think it’s okay to just upset her? I mean I think she’d be upset.”
“I don’t know how to avoid that now.” she said.
Great. I don’t know how to avoid that, either. Thinking back on the day, it’s pretty obvious that she really likes me. That she’s really attracted to me. So how do I tell her to go away without hurting her?
“But I don’t want her upset. I like her, Jess. We had such a great time today, and she doesn’t deserve that.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I don’t know!” I stuck my hand up, kind of a ‘sorry, I’m trying to calm down’ gesture. “You just... I’m so confused now.” I really am.
“Okay.” She climbed up the ladder and sat next to me. “Confused about what?” She put her arm around my shoulders. “Confused because you might actually like her?” I nodded and looked away from her. “It’s okay if you do. Really.”
“But... I’m not sure, okay. I’ve never had that kind of fun with anyone. We just clicked. And... it didn’t really feel like just friends kind of clicking, ya know?” Which I hadn’t realized until I thought about it for a few minutes. I glanced up and she was smiling. “And stop being so happy about this!”
“Sorry.”
“I’m not saying I’m interested in her. I just... I don’t know what I feel, okay?”
“So you’re more than a century old, and you’re just now getting around to questioning your sexual orientation?”
“I’m not saying... I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“And you’ve never even thought of other girls? Never been attracted to any?”
“I... I don’t know.”
Of course I have. Okay, Brynne, time to stop lying to yourself and everyone else. You've known this for over a century now, isn't it time to trust someone with this secret? And if not Jess, who?
“I guess I have.” I admitted.
“You never told me.” she said, after a moment.
“Sorry.” I whispered.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“Should I go away?” I asked, another sob rising up. “I better leave.”
“Don't be ridiculous. Nothing has changed.”
“You're not... like, it doesn't bother you that I... I mean I'm... I'm... gay?”
“It doesn't matter to me, Brynne. You are my best friend, and if you're happy then I'm happy. You like her, don't you?” she said.
“I don't know yet. Maybe.” I admitted.
“Well sleep on it. And when she calls tomorrow, go hang out with her. If you’re not interested, tell her that. If you are, tell her so. And if you’re not sure, just tell her.”
“I...” I took a deep breath. “I just don't know if I like her yet. At least not like that.”
“It will all be okay a
s long as you're honest with her and tell her...”
“I...” I nodded.
“You okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Good.” She hugged me. “I love you, Brynne. You know that, right?”
“I love you too. And I'm sorry I lied.”
“About what?”
“I said before that I wasn't gay. I just...”
“No reason to apologize, honey.”
“I just hadn't ever... like, admitted it before. I mean when I was growing up it just... it wasn't acceptable at all.”
“It's okay now. I just want the best for you, and I don't care if you're gay or straight, as long as you're happy.”
After showering and changing I laid in bed, thinking about Teresa. She is really, really cute. Especially the way her hair curls up around her face. She’s so bubbly and so much fun. I feel different when I’m around her. But I barely know her. I don't know what to think right now.
Saturday, May 28
Teresa called just after breakfast. I was still chewing on the last piece of bacon, actually.
Ted brought the phone to me and I took it and finished chewing.
“Hello.” I said.
“How are you this wonderful morning?” she asked, her cheeriness this early making my head hurt.
“Pretty good.” I said. “And you?”
“I am fabulous. So you wanna do something today?”
“I hadn’t thought much...”
“Well I’ll come over in a few minutes and we can figure it out then.”
“Um, hang on.”
I held the phone down and covered it with my hand. Everyone is looking at me. Barney is just plain staring, Jess is kind of watching in a curious, but not nosy way, and Ted and Peggy are sneaking peaks out of the side of their eyes.
“Is it, um, okay if Teresa comes over?”
“Brynne, it’s okay for you to have a friend or two over during the day, you don’t need to ask.” Ted said.
“There won’t be any arguments, will there?” Peggy asked.
She looked over at Jess, like maybe she was waiting for Jessica to apologize for what happened last night, or maybe say she didn’t think she did anything wrong. And I guess it wasn’t, really. She was trying to help.
“Teresa? Hey, yeah, come on over.”
“I’ll be there in a few.” she said.
“Okay. See you then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye. Hey, um, we need to talk when you get here.” Now everyone really is looking at me.
“About what?”
“You’ll see.”
“Yeah,” she giggled. “I probably know already.”
“I think you do.”
“Will I be disappointed?” she asked, sounding very serious now.
“I don’t know, will you be?”
“I’m always disappointed when I don’t get my way.” she said. “Am I getting my way?”
“That depends on what your way is.” I can feel that I’m blushing. And all their eyes are on me.
“We’ll talk when I get there.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
I got up and took the phone around the corner, into the hall where its base is. I put it back on the base, then I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Well, okay, replaying that whole conversation in my head, I guess I probably sounded pretty interested in her. My voice was doing that thing where it goes up a little, like what happens when someone is talking to someone they’re attracted to.
“You okay?” Jess asked. She leaned against the wall next to me.
“I was just thinking how it always goes bad when I stay in one place for very long. It always gets complicated.”
“Don’t go.” she said.
“I didn’t... I wasn’t saying that. Just that life is getting complicated.”
“But it wouldn’t be interesting if it wasn’t.”
“The last time I stayed this long it got bad. I lived in Miami,”
“In all that sun!”
“Yeah. And I graduated high school, and then I stuck around for a while. I moved across to the other side of the city, and I figured I wouldn’t bump into anyone, or if I did they wouldn’t even recognize me after just a few months, because I never got close to anyone. And then like six years later, When I should have been twenty four if I really was eighteen when I graduated, I bumped into one of my teachers from when I was in ninth grade.”
“And she recognized you?”
“Yeah. I tried to go away without talking to her, but she saw me and started talking. And at first she was talking about how great I looked, how I hadn’t changed a bit. But then I saw how that was sinking in. How she was thinking ‘wow, how is it she hasn’t changed one little bit in nine years’. That had nowhere good to go, so I took off.”
“You just left in the middle of a conversation?”
“Yeah. I ran away. And I didn’t stop until I was in Cleveland.”
“Wow. When you run you really run, don’t ya?” she said, laughing.
“Yeah, usually.”
“Brynne, please don’t do that this time.”
“Look, I don’t... plan on it, okay.” I said. “But if I ever have to leave, I swear to you that I will stay in touch. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Seriously, Jess, you mean more to me than my parents and little brother did. Which is sort of screwed up, but it’s true. That’s why I told you everything.”
“I love you, little squirt.” she said. She hugged me.
“Teresa is here.” I said. I could hear her on the front porch. That was quick.
Jess answered the door. I went upstairs. It sounds so cliche, but I had to go make sure my hair was straight and my clothes weren’t wrinkled. So I care if people think I look a mess or not, so what? It’s not like I’m worried she won’t like me or something. I mean... I don’t know what I mean.
“You look nice today.” Teresa said immediately.
“Thanks. You look really nice too.”
“So-o.” she said. She smiled and shifted from on foot to the other, then back. “I was thinking we should go to the river and swim. Tony said there’s this sweet spot not too far from here, we could walk.”
“Oh. Um,” It’s sunny out. “We could do something else.”
“Come on.” she said. She has that look on her face. The ‘I’m going to get my way’ look. “If you don’t want to swim, we could just walk along the river. Have that talk you wanted to have.”
“I can’t.” I hate being like this.
“Look, Teresa, she has a skin condition, okay.” Jess said. “She burns really easily.”
“How easily?”
“I was out in the sun for like an hour once.” I said. “I think another few minutes and I may have died.”
“Oh you poor baby!” She lunged at me and hugged me. “We’ll do something inside.”
“I can go outside, I just can’t go in the direct sunlight for very long.”
“Why don’t you two go out back.” Jess suggested. “I’ll bring some chips and cans of pop in a few.”
It was awkward going out back, we had to walk through the kitchen to get there, and everyone was still in there. They didn’t say anything, but I know they have questions, or comments, or something. I’m sure Barney wants to say something awful to embarrass me. He’s still really fixated on me, and I don’t think he likes the idea of me having a friend to spend time with if that friend may take me away from here for any extended period of time.
We went across the yard to sit under the big shade tree. She blocked the sun with her hands and her body as much as possible as we walked through the sunny part. It was kind of sweet.
“So,” she said. She sat on the ground, next to me, and stared at my face. Where did the sort of shy, nervous girl that showed up here yesterday go? I guess she was over that before we got to the mall, really.
“So.”
“You said we need to talk.”
“Yeah.”
&n
bsp; “So were you actually thinking of something specific that we should talk about, or were you just dying to talk to me?” she asked, smiling.
“Um,”
So hey, I think you’re great and all, but I’ve never been in a relationship, and I barely know you. Not to mention the fact that just being near you makes me nervous. And oh yeah, my mouth won’t work right now to say any of this.
“Want me to start?” she asked. I nodded. “At some point last night you either figured out or Jessica told you that I asked her to introduce us. I saw your picture in Tony’s yearbook, and Jessica always has amazing things to say about you, so I asked her to set it up.”
“Yeah.” I wish my hands would stop shaking.
“So now that you’ve figured this out and you know I like you and would love to keep seeing you, what are your thoughts?”
“I... um...”
“I’m a big girl, Brynne. I can take it, whatever it is.”
Jess brought out the chips and pop. She was looking at me like she was evaluating whether I wanted to be left alone with Teresa or not. After a minute, she left us alone. We ate a few chips and drank our pop.
“So if you aren’t into me like that, we can just be friends, maybe?” Teresa finally said.
“Uh-huh.” I said. She looked a little disappointed. “I mean... I mean we can just be friends for now and see.”
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series Book 1) Page 11