by Layla James
“How did it go?” Mom asks, taking off her dirty gloves, shoving them into the pocket of her shirt.
I shake my head. “It didn’t go very well,” I say. “He was happy to see them, but not me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve done all that I can think of. He just left me outside,” I whisper. “He didn’t forgive me.”
Mom wraps her arms around me, stroking my hair. “He will come around, sweetheart. He will realize how great you are, I promise.” She pulls me back and looks at me. “In the meantime, let’s go inside real quick. I have something to show you.”
I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. “Okay.”
I follow my mom into the house and stop short. My dad is standing in the doorway, his hand on the doorframe. He runs his hand through his hair and gives me a smile. I’m glad he has something to smile about. “What are you doing here?” I ask. Did I miss his vehicle in the driveway?
I’m contemplating my escape methods when Dad clears his throat. “I parked out back,” he says. “I knew you wouldn’t come home if you knew I was here. Like you wish you were anywhere else but here right now,” he says.
“You got that right,” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. I’d rather be sitting in a room with Liam and him ignoring me.
“Sweetie,” Dad says, stepping forward, “I know you’re mad at me and I can’t blame you. I messed up and I know it hurt you and your mom. The harm is done. But, this move is for the best. The best for your mom, you and me. You might not see it now, but it is. It’s a good thing.” His eye averts to my mom’s. “Well, your mother and I have been talking. She told me about Liam…”
I groan. “Thanks Mom, thanks a lot.”
Mom shrugs her shoulders. “I’m worried about you, baby.”
“There is nothing to worry about. We just aren’t together anymore? Neither are you two, should I worry about you?”
“No, we’re adults. You’re sulking around the house like a child. What you done for Liam was nice, baby. But, you’re upset. Your dad and I decided that you need to go spend a few days with your dad. We already talked to your teachers; this will be good for you. You would leave today and spend until Wednesday, then be back in school by Thursday,” Mom says, biting her lip. I notice she has been doing that lately when she is nervous.
“You can’t be serious. I’m not going anywhere with him,” I spit. “I can’t run away from my problems like Dad does.”
“Now, you wait one freaking second, Katy. I may have messed up but I am still an adult and your father and I always will be. You will treat me with respect.” He looks at Mom who gives him a little nod. “And this isn’t debatable. You’re coming to stay with me for a few days. It will help you get your mind off things. There are plenty of things to do in Florida. It’s gorgeous. There are malls and beaches.”
“I don’t want to go,” I say.
“Well, you’re going, babe,” Mom says, pointing to my suitcase leaned up against the hallway door. “Your bag is already packed.”
This is not happening. This has to be a terrible bad dream. I close my eyes and reopen them. Both of my parents are still staring at me. “I hope you’re happy, Dad.” I turn on my heel and march up to my room. I dig my cell out of my pocket but realize I have no one to call. My best friend thinks I’m a self-centered drama queen, my ‘pretend’ boyfriend, doesn’t want to see me, and even my ex-boyfriend that wants to get back to together is mad because I humiliated him.
I shove my phone back into my pocket and finally let the tears that have been fighting me all day, down my face. Maybe a weekend away from everyone will help? Maybe I’ll get back and everyone will talk to me again? Maybe some of them will realize they give a damn about me.
I sit on my bed until my dad knocks on the door. It’s loud and heavy. “Come in,” I whisper. I’m not even sure if my dad hears me.
He must, because he opens the door, peaking through the crack until I look up at him.
“You ready to go?” he asks. “Our plane leaves in an hour. We need to head out,” he says.
“Yeah, I guess,” I whisper. “If we have to.”
Dad smiles. “It’s not as bad as you think it’s going to be, I promise. Come on, let’s go.” I stand up and follow Dad downstairs. Mom is standing with my suitcase. She is smiling but I can tell it’s just for show. It looks like the smile she gives my grandma when she comes down to visit. The thought makes my stomach hurt. It won’t be the same. Will Grandpa and Grandma still come down for Christmas, even if Dad’s not here?
I fight back the tears, they’re threatening to fall. Mom reaches out for me, kisses my check and hugs me. “I love ya, baby girl. I’ll see you Wednesday, okay? You need a few days off. Go have fun on the beach.”
I nod even though it’s way too chilly to be on the beach. I can go to the beach here. Why is it they’re making it out to be so much better in Florida? I fight the urge to stomp my foot. I don’t want to go. I want to stay and wallow in my self pity in my own room. “Okay, Momma.”
She gives me another kiss, walking Dad and I out the door. I walk slowly, waiting for something to happen. For Mom to change her mind, for Jen to run down the road, for Hayden to beat on my window, kiss me and keep me in his arms forever. Nothing happens. Dad packs my suitcase into the back, and then shuts the truck. I watch my dad give my mom a hug. I doubt he means it, but the gesture is nice.
Dad opens his door and digs his keys out of his pocket. “This is going to be fun, Katy. Just wait.”
I’m waiting…
We load the plane. I don’t give Dad a chance to talk. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I plug my earphones in my ears and close my eyes. Hopefully when I open my eyes again this will all have been a terrible nightmare.
I wake up with Dad shaking my shoulders. “Katy, get up, we’re in Florida. Get up, babe,” he says, low in my ear.
I peak one eye open and see Dad leaning down in my face, his scruffy beard mostly all I can see. “Okay, I’m up, Dad. Jeez,” I say, rubbing my head. It seems like it was hit with a three ton hammer.
Dad rolls his eyes and stands up to get our carry-ons. He stands up and tugs at his white t-shirt. I shift my leg that’s tucked under me and stand up. My eye catches a woman in the aisle behind Dad, staring at him. Blankly staring at him, not trying to hide it or anything. She has long legs, auburn hair and white teeth. Not to mention a ginormous rack. She looks vaguely familiar.
“Danny?” she asks. It takes me a second to realize she is talking to my dad. His name is Danny.
He turns and gets this whitish ghost look on his face. “Beth?”
Beth? Beth the sectary at dad’s office, the one Mom caught him with. Heat spreads up my neck when I look at her.
“How are you?” she whispers, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Fine, I’m fine. I’ve moved here.”
“To Florida? Moved? For good? I knew that’s what they were saying around the office, but I wasn’t sure.” Her blue eyes flicker to mine.
I give her the best I’m a badass look I can conjure up.
“Oh, how rude. This is my daughter, Katy. Katy this is Beth.” Dad gestures toward her. I see the please don’t embarrass me look in her eyes. Too bad, Dad. You made your bed.
Beth stretches her hand out toward me. I look down at her hand and push my way through Dad and her. “I hope you’re happy, Beth. My dad and mom are no longer together because you couldn’t keep your legs close. Good for you,” I say, turn on my heel and walk off the airplane.
I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, but man do I feel a hell of a lot better. I keep walking even though I hear my dad calling my name. The airport is cramped and I shove people to get through to the doors. By the time I get to the double doors, my Dad has caught up with me, his hand wrapping around my elbow.
“Katy,” he says, snatching me toward him. I turn to look at him, his eyes are watering. He doesn’t say anything else. He pulls me behind him. He leads us back toward the conveyer belt, where he gets
out baggage. I don’t say or do anything. The tears in his eyes were enough to silence me for a decade. He doesn’t make sure I’m following him when he starts toward the doorway, but I do.
He throws his hand out for a Taxi. We wait in silence until a Taxi pulls up to the sidewalk. I get in silently, watching my dad load our baggage. “7 Street Beach Front, number 11,” Dad says. He leans back and closes his eyes.
I see a tear fall down his disgruntled face. I turn the other way; I can’t make myself look at him. I’ve only seen my dad cry once. It was when my mom and I had a car crash on the way to school one morning. He came running toward our vehicle that was lying upside down. He was hysterical then, pain covered his face. Here he is sad. He is sad that our lives have come to this. I am, too.
The taxi driver pulls over to the side of the road and parks. I glance up and see a small beach front house. It’s wooden, porch swing, sand everywhere. The view is a lot like Aaron’s Michelle’s house was like. I step out and look around. There are a row of houses down the street, volley ball nets, basketball goals, the normal family homes. I look at Dad’s house. A family won’t live here. At least not for a while.
“This way,” Dad says, walking past me toward the house. I take step behind him, my feet weighing down in the sand. Dad drops our suitcases and unlocks the door. It’s an open floor plan, lots of space. The floors are wooden, there are sliding glass doors that lead straight to the beach.
Dad disappears into a hallway to the right. I follow behind him, taking in the house as I go. “This will be your room when you ever come down,” Dad says, dropping my suitcase. I feel like he knows I don’t want to come down. In fact, I’m sure he knows that.
“It’s nice,” I say. It’s a nice queen bed, a TV, dresser and bathroom attached. But, it’s not comfy. It’s foreign.
He nods. “I’m going to get a shower, you can go check out the beach if you want to.” He doesn’t wait for me to say anything, he just leaves.
My phone buzzes and I dig it out of my pocket. My heart is racing, I half way expect to see Jen or Liam’s name on the screen, when Mom’s name pops up it disappoints me. “Hey, Mom,” I say, clearing my throat.
“You make it okay?” she asks.
“Yes, we did.”
“What’s wrong?”
I almost tell her. But I figure she has hurt enough. “Just tired. I’m going to take a nap, I think.”
“Okay, baby, just call me if you need…anything.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, babe.” I hang up the phone and shove it in my jeans pocket. I hear Dad’s shower running, so I walk out the sliding doors to the back porch. There are a few people walking down the beach, some holding hands others running. Sighing, I walk down, slipping out of my shoes. I wade through the cool sand and flop down on my back in a random spot. My body is gritty from the sand and my hair is tangled against it. I don’t care.
I close my eyes and picture my life before. My perfect life. My life where someone loved me, where everyone in my life loved me. It made so much more sense. It helped me through each day. Now, everything is gone to hell in a hand basket.
I grip the sand between my fingers. Liam’s face, pouring sand on my hair runs through my mind. He was so easy to give up on me, to not forgive me. It burns so much. How can he hate me so much? I apologized…my mind slowed down. I apologized just like my dad did to me and my mom. My mom seems to have forgiven my dad, easily, they separated but they’re nice to one another. Jen’s face when she told me I was self-centered and ungrateful was so...honest. Jen has always been honest with me.
Who am I to judge Liam for not forgiving me when I won’t forgive my dad? My stomach starts to hurt and I sit up. I look toward my dad’s beach house. My dad still loves me; I’ve known he still does. He still loves my mom, but he messed up. He fell out of love with her like Hayden did me. They will both move on with their lives. They will both find new people. They will both continue to love me like they always have.
I stand up in the sand and wipe my jeans off. I look back at the beach so peaceful. No wonder Liam spends all his time here relaxing and thinking. The beach brings out the good thoughts in everyone it seems like.
Dad is still in the shower when I get back to the house. I figure he is wallowing in his self pity, like me. That is probably where I got it from. I walk to the kitchen and start pulling out food. I can make dinner. I think.
When Dad walks out, I have the hamburger meat frying. “What are you doing, Katy?” he asks, drying off his wet hair.
“Making dinner,” I say matter of fact. “Are you not hungry?”
He blinks twice. “Um, yeah, but…never mind,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m not complaining about someone cooking.”
He comes around and sits at the bar, staring at me. I know he wants to ask something but doesn’t know how to ask it.
“Look Dad,” I turn toward him, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get so out of hand. I just…this sucks ya know? I’m used to coming home and seeing my dad every day. I’m used to having the normal parents, the normal family. The family that isn’t divorced. Now, I’m…Katy that has no boyfriend. Katy that doesn’t have any friends…Katy that doesn’t have two parents. It seems nothing is right anymore. Nothing makes any sense. It sucks. It sucks big time. I shouldn’t have said what I did to Beth. But, it felt so good, that I didn’t care. I’m sorry for that.” I bite my lip and look my dad in the eye. He is staring seriously at me.
“You’re not the only one that done something because it felt good, Katy. That’s why we’re in this mess right now. Because I done something that felt right at the time. It was wrong and I regret it. But, your mom and I wouldn’t have worked anyway. We haven’t been in love for a long time now. I hate that we put you through this. I hate that you’ve suffered this way…but I can tell you right now that everything is really going to be okay. No matter how bad life gets either one of us down. It’s going to be okay.”
Dad leans on his hands and stares at me, while I pour the Hamburger Helper mix into the pan. It’s the only thing I know how to cook well. For the first time in a while, I smile at my dad and mean it. Because, this time. I know everything really is going to be okay.
Chapter Twelve
The week went better than planned. I spent most of my time on the beach, lying on the sand watching the waves and relaxing. It was calming. Dad took me out to different places to eat; we went to Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum, and shopping.
He bought me a few things. I think it’s just because of the situation; he isn’t normally that big of a shopper. Or a money spender for that matter.
“You ready?” Dad asks, standing in my doorway. I zip up my suitcase and nod.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I laugh. “I didn’t think I would be saying this, but I’m kind of bummed that I’m not staying. It was fun, I can’t wait to come back.”
Dad smiles. “You only have a few months to graduation, you could think about coming to college down here? Visiting during the holidays. Take another break after graduation and spend the summer here.”
That sounds great, actually. “Yeah, I’ll definitely have to look into doing that.”
Dad walks toward me, and then wraps me in a hug. It feels like it used to, before the separation. It is the same. “You just needed a break. You feel better, right?”
I nod into his shoulder, smelling his Ralph Lauren cologne. “I do.” A little. “I feel better, Dad.”
“That a girl.” He pulls back. “Let’s get going, we don’t want to miss your flight.” He grabs my suitcase and I follow him to his SUV. We ride listening to music and signing on the way to the airport. Dad has the windows rolled down and is tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. I will miss this. I’ll miss my dad. He looks over at me, smiling. He is a great Dad. He just made a mistake.
I blush remembering what I said to Beth. “Will you tell Beth I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He smiles. “I really d
on’t talk to her. I won’t see her anymore, but if I do I’ll let her know for you.”
“She is the one that you…um, ya know with, right?”
“Yes,” Dad says.
“And you don’t talk to her?” I ask.
“No. Your mom walked in during the only time I’ve ever kissed another woman. But, it’s the fact that I let myself do it”
I bite my lip and twirl my fingers around a piece of string on my jeans. “I know you’re sorry and I forgive you,” I say. “Is that okay to say? I know you didn’t cheat on me but…
“I did. I did cheat on you, you’re my daughter and I cheated on my family. It’s a terrible thing I done and I’m glad you have forgiven me.”
“Mom has, too,” I say.
“I know. I’ll always appreciate her forgiveness, because I didn’t deserve it.”
“Everyone makes mistakes,” I say. I just wish Liam would forgive mine. He forgave his mom for leaving him. Why not me?
Dad pulls up to the airport and helps me get my baggage through the system. I stand by the door and look up at my dad. He smiles down at me, running his finger through my hair. “I’ll miss you, Katy bug.”
I hold back a sob. “I’ll miss you, too, Daddy.” I squeeze him into a hug and stand there holding my dad like I’m five years old until they call over the intercom that our plan is going to leave soon.
“Better get going, I’ll see you soon. Call me when you land, okay? I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper. I grab my carryon and walk into the terminal.
I fall asleep on the plane. I can never stay awake on those things. It’s terrible. When I wake up a little kid is staring at me. “That girl is drooling, Momma.”
“Shhh,” her mother says, pushing him along and giving me an I’m sorry look. I groan and wipe the drool off my mouth.