by Layla James
“Do I have to?” I whisper.
“Yes, now get in there.”
I walk into the class and everyone stops talking. Jen thrusts her fist in the air and mouths victory. I roll my eyes. I walk to the podium and stop. “Okay, guys, I just wanted to tell everyone I was sorry for the disturbance.”
A few people snicker. “And that I will never hit someone in the head with a book again,” I say.
More laughter. “Okay, okay, class, that’s enough. You can have your seat, Katy.” Mr Fringe pushes me toward my seat. I get a few high fives and winks. When I sit down in my seat I glance to my left. The empty chair seems emptier than before.
Jen hasn’t stopped talking since we got out of Science. She has showed me her best fighting stance at least eight times, I push my food around on my plate and pretend to watch her. I hear the chair next to me scoot across the floor. I look to my left. Hayden glances down at me, smiling.
Good, God.
“I heard about you throwing that book,” Hayden says. “Justin better be glad that I wasn’t in there.”
What the hell. Jen opens her mouth and moves her index finger around her temple in a slow motion. “What are you doing?” I ask, sitting up straighter.
“Eating lunch, like we used to.” His eyes avert to Jen. “What’s up, Jen?”
She shrugs her shoulders and pretends to eat.
“Okay,” I say, “let me rephrase that, why are you sitting with me like we used to? Nothing has changed. We. Are. Not. Getting. Back. Together. Did you not get the hint in class today? You’ve messed up enough, I don’t want to be near you.”
Hayden closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It has changed. You’re single and I’m single. We still love each other. I don’t get you. You moped around after we broke up. I miss you and I know you miss me, too.”
“Speak for yourself, Hayden. I love someone else,” I blurt out. I don’t mean to say it. Because I’m not one hundred percent sure myself, but it slips out. Like vomit. I might as well have vomited on Hayden’s lunch.
“You don’t love him,” he says. “You don’t even know him.”
“You don’t know him either. But, I do know that I’m not a disposable rag that you can just toss out and come back to get. Get over yourself, Hayden. I don’t want to get back together with you now, nor ever.” When I glance up the few tables surrounding us are all staring at me, mouths opened wide, eyes bulging out of their skulls.
Hayden makes this weird sound in his throat and places his hand on mine. “You don’t mean that, you’re just upset because Liam broke up with you. You will get over it,” he says.
Is he delusional? “Hayden,” I say, “no, I won’t. I won’t get over this. Just take a hint and take a hike. I’m serious. I’ll go get the principal. I just want you to leave me alone.”
Hayden stands up, slamming his fist down on the table. I jump. Jeez. “This is your last chance to come with me. If you don’t now, I’m leaving for good.”
Where you gonna go? You have to finish the rest of the year. I smile to myself. “Okay, then, go. Shoo,” I say, waving him off.
I turn my back to him. Jen is smiling ear to ear. “Is he still standing behind me,” I lean over and whisper.
“Yes,” she says lightly. “He looks like a fire hydrant he is so red. It’s kind of funny,” she says.
I bite back a laugh. “Well, he’ll just have to get over it.”
Chapter Nine
“Sam is my favorite,” I say and grab a hand full of popcorn.
“How predictable,” Jen says.
“What, why? Finn or Puck would be predictable. Who do you like Jane and Henry?”
“Gasp, that’s racist,” she says, smiling. “Thank you very much I like Artie. Look at those big glasses…swoon.”
I roll my eyes. “I still like Sam.”
“Of course you do,” Jen says. “He only looks just like Liam in the face.”
“What no he…oh my gosh, he looks just like him.” I smile to myself. “I didn’t even realize it till now. The hair and eyes are completely different, but the lips, the face, its…”
“The same, duh,” Jen says, popping a cheery into her mouth. “Sometimes I don’t know where your head is, sweetheart.”
I know exactly where it is. Focused on Liam. I’ve texted him all day, and about twenty times since school let out. Nothing. I keep glancing at my phone. It’s Thursday and I know they’re having the banquet at his house tonight. I’m sure he is there getting ready without me.
“Maybe you should just show up over there, Katy. What could it hurt?”
“Uh, he could slam the door in my face?” I say. “Get the townspeople to chase me with pitch forks.”
“You’re dramatic. He wouldn’t do any of those things.”
“He just won’t talk to me,” I whine. “I hate my life.”
“Will you shut up already?” Jen says.
“What?” I ask, sitting up.
“I’m sick of your whining. I know that your life hasn’t been fairy tale perfect lately, but Katy, it’s not that bad. At least you get to date. At least you get to go out with guys. I have to wait until after college to date. And if he isn’t Asian and acceptable my parents will disown me. Your parents are happy if you’re happy. You’re luckier than you think.” Jen stands up. “It makes me mad that you think everything is over. Get your ass up and do something about it. It’s that simple.” She grabs her bowl of cherries. “I’m out. I guess I will see you later.”
I watch Jen walk out of my room. My mouth is hung open. Did she really just say that? What the hell kind of friend is that?
“Ugh,” I groan, rolling over, looking at the screen. “Ah, Glee. What do I do?”
I don’t know how long I lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Katy, you awake,” Mom asks through the door.
“Unfortunately,” I mumble.
“Can I come in?”
I’d rather you not. “Sure, Mom.”
The door creaks open and I feel the bed move from Mom sitting down. “Sweetie, your dad and I are worried about you.”
I snort. “Yeah, he seems very worried,” I mumble.
“He is baby. What was all the commotion with Jen and you earlier? She left before Glee was over. I knew something was up then.”
I shrug and look up at my mom. She is staring down at me. “She told me she was sick of my whining that my life was too good to be complaining about. Then she kind of just walked out.”
“You ever think she is right?” Mom asks, brushing my hair back.
“I think I know she is. I’m just not okay enough to understand all of this. Dad is gone, Liam is gone, and the entire school is talking about me. I can’t imagine things getting any worse.”
Mom laughs.
“What’s so funny?”
“I was just the same way at your age…dramatic. Sweetie, I know your dad and I getting divorced is a lot for you, but it will be just fine. I know you don’t want to hear that right now but it will.” She stands up, and then kisses my forehead. “Just be glad you grew up and have both of your parents. I love you, baby.”
I know my mother is right. I know that she means well, but this is too much. I bite back my tears. I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired of being mad at my Dad. It hurts too much. I roll over and notice a picture of Mom, Dad and me on the wall at Niagara Falls. All of us together. Liam’s face flashes through my mind. He doesn’t have this. He doesn’t have a memory of a picture perfect family…his is broken like mine is now. The poor little guy waiting on his mother to come back, only for her to never come back again. I just wish he could find her. I push past the throbbing pain in my chest; this is how he has felt his entire life. Broken.
I sit up in the bed. I could try and track her down? I doubt I find anything, but I could try. I grab my laptop and pull up Google. “I can only try,” I whisper.
Two hours later I have a number. I’m not sure if it’s the right number. But after bei
ng hung up on fifty times, I pray this is right. I had to sneak my mom’s yearbook and look for any Mary Beth I could. There were three. One still lived here and the other passed away. So, it left me with Mary Beth Johns.
I dial the number. “Hello,” a boy says.
“Um, I was wondering if there was a Mary Beth there?”
Silence. “Who is this?” he asks.
“My name is Katy Taylor. I…I’m Liam Erickson’s…friend. Is she there?” I ask.
“Who did you say you were friends with?” the boy asks. I hear a few people talking in the background.
“Liam Erickson,” I whisper, my voice cracks. Saying his name again makes my stomach churn. Should I go behind his back? Should I even be doing this?
“Can you hold a moment, please?”
“Sure.” I haven’t noticed but I’m pacing the room, my nail in my mouth. There are a few whispers on the other end and a ruffling sound. My heart is beating loudly. I flop on my bed and nibble on the remainder of my cookie.
“Hello,” I hear.
I toss my cookie to the side and sit up. “Hi…um…is this Mary Beth?”
“Yes, it is. You know my son? Liam,” she says. Her voice is smooth like honey. I smile into the phone. I wonder if Liam looks like her. I’ve never saw his Dad so I really wouldn’t know.
“Yes, I know him.” Very well. “Did you get the letter we sent?” I ask.
“Um, no honey I didn’t. What…where is he? Does he know you’re calling me? Is he there with you?”
“Um, no. He doesn’t exactly know I’m calling. I’m not even sure he would want me to. I just know that he found the letters. His step-mom was hiding them. We wrote you one back; he said he was going to send it. I figured it would be back to you by now.”
I hear a sob. “Is there any way you could get in touch with him for me?”
“I have his phone number; he isn’t talking to me right now. But, I’d be willing to give it to you. He wants to see you. He really does. Do you want to call him?”
She sniffles. “I think I have a better idea. Would you be willing to help me out?”
I nod then realize she can’t see me. “Of course I would,” I say. “Anything for Liam.”
Chapter Ten
My hands are shaking. I glance around the airport lounge. I don’t know who I’m looking for. Only that she is in her forties and she has a son. Liam won’t answer my phone calls or texts. I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to pull this off. Liam won’t agree to meet me anywhere. He doesn’t even answer me. So, here I am at the airport meeting his mother and younger brother. My leg is tapping nervously on the concrete floor. Their plane has landed. I jump up and stand on my tip-toes.
“Jeez, where are they?” I ask.
I step onto one the seats and look out over the crowd of people. I cup my palm over my eyebrows to block out the light. Maybe I should make a sign? No, how lame.
I sigh, bringing my hand down to check my phone. No new messages. That has been the only thing my phone can tell me for the past three weeks. It’s kind of depressing. I turn to my right and do a double take. A boy with dark black hair is looking around. I frown. Now I’m seeing Liam everywhere. His eye catches mine. They’re grey. I lift and eyebrow and he smiles.
Am I flirting with a stranger that looks like Liam…wait could that be his brother? I notice a small dark haired woman staring at me. I wave. I hope that’s them.
“Katy?” she mouths over the sea of people.
I nod. “That’s me,” I yell. I jump down off the chair and wade my way through the people. “Hi,” I say, when I get close enough they can hear me. “It’s so nice to meet you two.” I bite back a smile.
“You, too, sweetie.” His mom hugs me.
“I’m Brian,” the Liam look alike says.
“You look so much like Liam it’s scary. Except,” I look down at his nicely washed Nike shoes. “You’re much more preppy than he is.”
He waves me off and flashes a smile. “Mom made me wear this, this is so totally not what I would pick out to wear.”
I laugh.
“No, he would wear those grungy ugly boots.”
Boots. Something inside of me hurts.
“So, where is Liam?” she asks.
“Well, about that. He doesn’t know you’re here.”
“He still isn’t answering?” she asks. “What should we do then?”
I slap my sides. “Well, I know where he lives. That’s our best bet.”
His mom looks worried. “Well, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I mean Luke…will Luke, I mean his dad be there?”
I see the worried look in her eyes. They are grey. Liam must get his looks from his Mom. “He is never there. We should go,” I say.
Brian looks down at his mom. “Yeah, Mom, we didn’t travel all this way to not see him. We should totally go.” He waits on her answer. She nods. “Lead the way.”
We get into my Honda and I’m suddenly glad I vacuumed. “They still live on Houston street?” she whisper.
I nod. “Yeah, it’s still there. It’s improved. They built Liam a tennis court and swimming pool.”
“Wow, Mom, we should move back in,” Brian says from the back seat.
She shoots him a death glare. “I hope he is okay to see us. I hope he doesn’t get mad or anything like that.”
Me, too. I frown when we get to the driveway. Liam’s Jeep is in the driveway and my heart is hammering in my ears. I stop the car and Brian lets out a long whistle. “Really nice pad. They must be loaded.”
“Shut it, Brian.”
I laugh. He is only thinking the same thing I thought. “Well, I guess we should get out,” I say, slowly. “It’s probably best you both come with me. He is less likely to slam the door in my face this way.”
“He is that made at you?” Brian asks. “What did you do? Kill his puppy?”
“That’s none of your business, Brian. Leave the girl alone.” Mary Beth taps her fingers along her purse. She is more nervous than I am. She should be. My and Liam’s problem shouldn’t have a place in this. I open the door, and pop the seat so Brian can get out.
“Let’s go,” I say, motioning for them to follow me.
We all three walk up to the doorsteps. I feel like the Beast is going to come out from behind the closed doors and shun me. I knock gently, and step to the side. I don’t want him to look through the peep hole and see me. He might not answer.
After a few minutes, I hear the shuffling of feet along the hardwood floor. My heart thumps. Please don’t shut the door in my face. Please.
The door creaks open and Liam is standing on the other side. His eyes go straight to me. They stay there for a few long unspoken seconds. I feel everyone staring at me. I can’t stand it. “Um, hey, Liam,” I whisper.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, his eyes flickering to the two beside me. “And what’s going on, who are these people?” He crossed his arms across his chest. I notice how good his long sleeves shirt fits his arms. I want to wrap my arms around his waist, hold him and kiss him. I want him to talk to me. I want him to love me, like I love him.
“This is Mary Beth Johns and Brian Johns,” I mumble.
His face is pale. I know he knows who they are but he asks anyway. “Who are they, Katy?” My name sounds foreign on his tongue. I wish he would call me little bear, even though I hate it.
“This is your mother and your brother, Liam,” I blurt out.
Liam’s eyes dart toward his mothers. “Mom?” he asks, low.
“Yes,” she blurts out. She is sobbing when she pulls him into a hug. I feel awkward standing here watching them but I can’t help it. Liam is…smiling. Hugely, I might add. Brian takes a step toward them, wrapping them both in a hug.
“I have a younger brother? How old are you?” he asks.
“Fourteen.”
“You look like me,” Liam says. “We all look alike.”
His mom sobs harder. “I’m so sorry…so so sorry. Ka
ty explained what happened. Why you didn’t write back. She told me everything. She found me. I thought you didn’t want to speak to me. I couldn’t blame you. It was everything for me to stay away from you.”
She hugs him again but he is staring at me over her shoulder. “Maybe we should go inside,” he says, laughing.
“Yes, that would be lovely,” she says, wrapping her cardigan around her slender waist. “That would be great.”
He gestures for Brian and Mary Beth to go inside. He stands at the doorway for en entirely long minute. “Thank you, Katy,” he says, his voice cracking.
God, I want to touch him. To touch the scruff growing along his jaw. To kiss his lips. But I don’t. Because he doesn’t make a move toward me at all. He stands still, hands in his pockets.
“You’re welcome. It was the least I could do,” I say.
He nods. “Well, I better get inside.” His eyes catch mine. I nod.
“Of course. Go mingle, get to know your family.”
He nods. “Yeah…guess I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” I say, as he shuts the door. I stare at the wooden door for five minutes. My heart is screaming for me to beat on it. To bang until he opens, to throw my arms around him and never let go. But, I don’t. My brain tells me to give up. That he doesn’t want to make it work. He is through with me.
So I turn around and leave, desperately waiting to hear the door open and him run out into my arms. It doesn’t. The only sound is the cars passing by and my heavy breathing.
I start my engine and reverse down the road. As much as it pains me, I know I done the right thing. Whether Liam ever talks to me again or not. I know that he got to meet his mom and brother. I know that that is something no one else has ever given him. The one thing he wanted so badly. I gave him what he deserves.
Chapter Eleven
It’s not that I thought Liam would suddenly forgive me and forget about Hayden. But I had hoped. My mom is out in the garden when I get home. She is in her blue jeans shirt, bandana and water proof boots. I smile. Our Saturday tradition. Pulling weeds and watering the garden. I haven’t helped her lately. I’ve been too worried about Liam and our ‘pretend’ relationship.