Fangs for Freaks

by Serena Robar

  “Well, this just blows,” I finally said after a moment of speculation. “Everyone hates me. I can’t even go incognito anywhere. It’s like I’m ‘Colby, Undead Lord of the Lepers.’ ” I punctuated my statement with air quotes. I mean really, air quotes? How lame was I?

  Thomas gently took my quoting fingers and clasped them in his. He looked me in the eyes and said softly, “I don’t think you’re a lord of the lepers at all.”

  I held his gaze shyly and whispered, “Really?”

  He nodded, slowly moving his lips toward mine. “Really.”

  Then he was kissing me and I couldn’t have cared less about Phillip, vampires or a colony of lepers. Thomas was kissing me. His mouth was sweet, strong and oh so yummy.

  After a moment, I became almost painfully aware that we were making out on a very soft bed where no one would interrupt us, and we had hours to kill. What more could a girl ask for? This was it. The moment. The time for Thomas and me to take it to the next level, and I was so more than ready. We’d been dating forever and he was finally going to make me his, in every sense of the word.

  Abruptly, Thomas ended our passionate kissing and stood up.

  Or he was going to make me very, very angry, in every sense of the word.

  “We should review our game plan,” he panted, reaching for his briefcase and maps he’d dumped on the floor earlier.

  I was in shock by his rude departure and sat there with my mouth hanging open while he rummaged through his notes.

  “What the hell was that all about?” I finally managed to utter.

  Thomas didn’t even look up at me when he replied, “Colby, we don’t have time for this.”

  I looked around the room and then down at my watch. I shook it at him in an exaggerated attempt to reinforce my next point. “We’ve got nothing but time until sundown, Thomas.”

  “This isn’t the time or place for …” Thomas tried to reason with me but I exploded.

  “This isn’t the time or place?! Are you crazy? We are in a no-tell motel, all alone with hours to kill in a room where the only furniture is a big bed—we don’t even have a television! Dude, the time and place is never going to get any better than this!”

  Okay, so I agree my voice went all screechy, to a level only dogs could hear, but I was upset. If girls could get blue balls, I think I had a raging case and I was sick of the whole hot/cold thing.

  “Colby, we haven’t been dating all that long …”

  “Eight months, Thomas!” I thought I heard a dog bark,

  “Eight long freakin’ months and you haven’t even tried for third base!”

  “Colby—”

  “Do you think I’m some sort of kid you have to protect from everything? Thomas, I’m not even a virgin. You don’t have to worry about the whole ‘first time’ thing. You can thank Aidan Reynolds for those thrilling two minutes in the backseat of his father’s Volvo. I’m a mature woman who wants to be intimate with her boyfriend.”

  “Mature woman?” Thomas struggled to keep his composure. “I should have known you were a mature woman with demands of getting past third base.”

  I sat back as though he’d slapped me. Ouch. Was that necessary? I may not be the most eloquent of debaters but that rebuttal seemed a bit low, and downright mean.

  Thomas raked his hand through his hair in frustration. “Look, Colby, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

  “Oh no.” I threw my hand up in a stop motion. “Don’t apologize. I get it. I’m some dumb kid who couldn’t possibly understand the consequences of my actions. Thank goodness someone of your advanced years is here to guide me or I might never know the thrill of being chaste and virtuous.”

  I grabbed my handbag and stormed to the door.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, clearly upset by the turn of events.

  “I am taking my immature self outside for a walk, in the sunshine. Care to join me?” My voice dripped sarcasm.

  He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes in response.

  “No, then? Very well.” I swept out of the room as regally as I could. I barely reached the front door before bursting into tears. I raced out of the gravel parking lot and headed in the general direction of the beach.

  My flip-flops were not the best choice for a long walk along the beach, so I took them off and made my way to the water. It was around six thirty in the morning and not a soul was on the beach.

  Cautiously, I dipped a toe into the surf and shivered. It wasn’t freezing, but nor was it a pleasant lukewarm. I kicked the sand and walked aimlessly, occasionally picking up shells or tossing seaweed out of my way.

  I had a lot of pent-up frustration to work out of my system. Maybe Thomas and I were just not compatible? I dug in my purse for my cell phone. I needed to talk to someone. I punched in Piper’s speed dial number, ignoring how early it was in the morning. Piper would understand, I assured myself. After the first ring I felt a prickle of guilt. I got her voice mail and hung up, instead of leaving a message. She was not going to answer this early.

  I plopped myself down on the sand, pulled my knees up and hugged myself. I was all alone. No Piper, no Thomas. No one but me. And frankly, I didn’t consider myself the best of company lately. How was I going to lead Psi Phi House and keep them safe if I couldn’t even manage my own life?

  After a good two hours of self-doubt and pity, I decided it was time to take some action. I wasn’t one to feel sorry for myself and I felt best when I was formulating a plan. I had drive and tenacity. So much so I started a half-blood revolution when I could have staked myself and called it a day.

  Well, I wasn’t a quitter and there was no way I was going to let two half-bloods stay in bonded servitude if I could help it. Thomas might not want me but that didn’t make me any less of a Protector. They were my only concern right now. I would figure out Thomas after I completed my mission.

  I made my way back to the safe house, surprised I managed to walk as far as I did. When I finally reached the house, I snuck into our room, hoping he would be asleep. The covers on the bed were a mess, as though he’d spent most of his time tossing and turning. I smiled at the thought.

  Checking the time, I decided a nap sounded like a good idea. I could still get up way before Thomas and sneak out. I tiptoed over to his side of the bed and grabbed the keys to the car and his map of the beach house and put them in my purse. Then I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the bed, as far away from Thomas as I could without falling off. I closed my eyes and sleep took me fairly quickly.

  It was around 6 P.M. when I awoke. I glanced at Thomas, who was still asleep. With any luck, I could have the girls freed and on the first flight back to Seattle before any vampire, or Thomas, had a clue. I scribbled a short note explaining my task and informing Thomas that I would meet him back home.

  Once outside our room, I hurried to the car, afraid I would be spotted by some vacationing Undead. Not that they knew who I was or even cared why I was there, as I doubted the Tribunal sent out an APB to every vampire in California, but still, my half-blood status was enough to raise the hackles of most vampires. No need to go flaunting myself in their favorite vacation destination.

  Once I was safe outside the house I relaxed. I knew Cookie’s place was less than a mile away and I had Thomas’s map. It took no more than five minutes to arrive, despite taking a wrong turn. Twice. Hey, I never claimed to be a navigation expert, did I?

  I double-checked the address, uncertain if the innocuous-looking home before me really housed vampires and half-blood slaves. It looked like any other beach house with its inviting wraparound porch that allowed for direct beach access. The house’s whitewashed wood and its faded blue shutters had a welcoming quality that seemed downright homey.

  Cautiously I approached the house from the beach access. I was surprised to see numerous college coeds sporting the latest beachwear. They were laughing and barbecuing. Something was not right here. I debated leaving and waiting for Thomas, but quickly shrugged off tha
t idea. Surely I could handle this.

  “Hi,” one of the masses said to me.

  “Come on up and join the party,” another added.

  Wow, an invitation to snoop around. What more could I ask for?

  “Hi,” I answered, “My name’s, uh …” Do I give my real name or do I give a fake name? Seconds ticked by and I finally blurted out, “Brittany.” Okay fine, so I panicked and they were playing “Toxic” on the radio. Sue me.

  “Want a burger, Brittany?” a rather hunky blond in cargo shorts inquired.

  “Thanks, but I’m good. Do you live here?” I asked him.

  “Nah, this is Cookie’s place. But everyone hangs out here. See those chicks over there?” I looked in the direction he pointed.

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s Tina and the dark-haired girl is Sage. They live here too.”

  “Wow, seems like quite a party house,” I answered absently, staring at the two teens in question. These were my half-bloods and they were far from chained in a cellar. They were laughing and enjoying the summer rays, with no vampires in sight to keep them in line. What was really going on here?

  “I think I’ll go say hi,” I said and wandered off in their direction. I was offered beer in a Solo cup on my way across the porch and pretended to take a sip. Ugh, not very cold, but I wasn’t much of a beer fan anyway.

  I reached the dark-haired gal named Sage first.

  “Hi, Sage,” I started the conversation as though we already knew each other. I was betting on the fact that she met so many people she wouldn’t remember if she knew me or not.

  “Oh hi,” she said brightly, confirming my suspicion that she was going to pretend she knew me because I said her name.

  “I see Tina. Is Cookie around?” If I was going to pretend I knew her, I might as well go whole hog and pretend to know the entire household.

  “Oh, you know Cookie? She’s such a night owl.” Sage laughed, tossing her hair back over her shoulder.

  I took a gamble and said, “Yeah, vampires are like that.”

  She stepped backward and glanced around her nervously. “That’s funny. Night person, vampire. Ha ha.”

  “Yeah, I’m a laugh riot.” I stared at her a moment before continuing. “Listen, Sage, I’m here to rescue you.”

  She looked confused. “Rescue me? What do you mean?”

  I sighed deeply and explained, “I’m here to take you and Tina back to Psi Phi House. I’m the Protector.”

  If anything, she looked more confused than ever.

  “I don’t know anything about a Psi Phi House or any Protector. Besides, why would I want to do that? This is my home.”

  “But you’re a prisoner here,” I argued. She obviously didn’t know anything about me or the changes in the law. Were they drugging these girls?

  “Hardly.” She snorted. “Cookie takes care of us. I get to party all the time and hang out with friends. If that’s a prison, lock me up and throw away the key.” She giggled a bit at her own joke.

  I counted to ten in my head to keep from throttling her. She should be weeping with relief and thanking me profusely for taking her away from vampire suppression. Instead she was whining about how much fun she would be leaving behind.

  “Do you get to come and go as you please?” I asked.

  “Well, no. Cookie wants to make sure we’re safe so she has someone escort us around town. You know how vampires feel about half-bloods.” She leaned forward and whispered the last sentence in a confidential tone.

  Boy, did I ever.

  “So, you get to party all the time and hang with friends. Sounds like a pretty good deal. She lets you do that out of the goodness of her own heart or do you have some sort of arrangement going? Like you two do all the housework in exchange for living here?”

  She visibly relaxed once I stopped hounding her to leave and wanted to know how she hooked up with such a sweet deal. Don’t get me wrong, they were still coming with me, but I needed to know the scoop before I could get them to see things my way.

  “Well, I guess the arrangement is more like we’re hostesses. We keep the party going until late in the evening, when Cookie has her, uh, guests over.” She looked a tad uncomfortable at this revelation.

  “Oh, I get it. You party up the tourists until they pass out all over the house. Then Cookie’s vampire posse comes over and gets to pick and choose over a smorgasbord of coeds, sort of buffet-style.”

  Sage brightened immediately. “Yes, that’s it exactly. It’s a win-win situation.”

  Unless you’re the buffet.

  “So what happens if something gets out of control? Like someone drinks too much … vamp or partygoer? Has that happened before?”

  Sage looked away a moment before answering. “Sure, it’s happened, but for the most part things are cool.”

  I nodded in understanding. Of course it’s happened. And judging by the way Sage was acting, all guilt-ridden, I had the feeling it happened a little more often than she was letting on.

  “What are you again?” she wondered aloud.

  “I’m the Protector. I’m a half-blood too.”

  She shook her head as though in denial. “No, you can’t be.”

  “Well, I’m certainly not a vampire.” I smiled at her while indicating the sun. “And you’re welcome to take my pulse if you want to check and see if I’m alive.” I offered her my pale extremity for examination.

  She shook her head, apparently deciding I was telling the truth. “What does a Protector do?”

  “I guess you could say that it’s my job to make sure you get to live as you want to. Psi Phi House is a place half-bloods go to learn about the vampire world and get acclimated to their role as a free Undead. I protect all half-bloods from harm. So what happens tomorrow, Sage?” I asked her.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, is it a party every day or do you get to do anything to shake up the monotony? The beach life is great and all but don’t you get a little bored after a while?”

  “Well, sure. When the beach scene slows down, then we hit the town and see if we can drum up some action to bring back to the house.”

  “Sounds like a lot of work for a place to stay,” I commented while looking around the porch. Still pretty light on the partygoers.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  Aha, I had her interested now. Step into my parlor said the spider to the fly.

  “I’m just saying you work pretty hard for Cookie and all you’re getting is a roof over your head and meals, so to speak. Tomorrow brings the same old thing. Don’t you want more out of life?”

  She stared at me for a moment before saying, very softly, “I’m dead.”

  “Ah, now there’s where you are wrong, Sage. You’re Undead. And with the recent law changes at the Tribunal, half-bloods have the same rights as vampires. Meaning you can live out your Undead existence in peace, not hiding from the Investigators or doing the bidding of another vampire, no matter how nice,” I interjected quickly when she started to object. “You could have a second chance.

  “I bet Cookie is a great gal, but you didn’t ask to be turned, did you? Of course not. Don’t you want to go to college? Get a job doing something that interests you and challenges your mind? I’m all for a good party once in a while but really, aren’t you getting a little bored?”

  She looked down at her pink toenails and nodded.

  I was on a roll. With any luck, I would have the girls packed and ready to grab the first flight back to Seattle before sunset. Take that, Thomas, I thought smugly.

  “Why don’t you call Tina over here and we can talk a little about Psi Phi House and the new laws. Just so you have a clear understanding of all your options.” She agreed and waved Tina over.

  Honestly, at this point I was feeling a bit like an evangelist. I answered their questions and explained the new laws, in layman’s terms. Both girls were absolutely stunning but not the sharpest pencils in the box. They were more concerne
d with how many parties the sorority would have and the male to female ratio of the college than about assimilation into Vampire society.

  Despite her nefarious reasons, in a way, I was grateful Cookie had taken them under her wing. They could have come to a much less appealing existence if the wrong type of vampire found them.

  All in all it took less than an hour to convince Tina and Sage to pack up and leave with me on the next flight. I left the Tribunal’s paperwork on the refrigerator so Cookie would eventually find it but it wouldn’t be the first thing she saw. No use tempting fate and risking a confrontation.

  Tina was easier to convince with Sage already on board with the idea. She mentioned it would be a good time since she just broke up with her boyfriend and he wasn’t taking it very well. I was a humanitarian on all levels and couldn’t wait to get back to Seattle. Sure, Thomas would be a bit pissed that I’d completed the mission without him—and with such stellar success—but he’d get over it.

  I helped load up the car with their luggage. I suggested leaving behind the unnecessary stuff. After all, the beach house was still their home, technically. No reason to get them completely freaked out by saying they could never come back again.

  By the time we reached the airport, I had a tiny pinprick of pain throbbing behind my left eye. A sure sign a migraine was coming on. You’d think being Undead would spare me from such things, but two hours in a car with Sage and Tina apparently superseded the dead/Undead boundaries of a common headache.

  Tina lamented her failed relationship with Lance contemplated reestablishing her previous vegan lifestyle.

  “Don’t you think that may be a bit difficult?” I questioned.

  “You’re the one who told me I could live my existence the way I wanted to. That I didn’t have to do what other vampires told me,” she argued.

  “But Tina, if you don’t drink blood, you’ll die. That’s kind of the requisite of being a vampire, half-blood or not.”

  “But I don’t want to live off of animal by-products,” she wailed to no one in particular. “It’s against everything I believe in.”