The Right Time

by Lane Hayes

  Ten years later Jake was a man anyone would be proud to call a friend or brother. Fuck his judgmental, intolerant family for not standing by him. For not offering love and guidance when he needed them most. They didn’t deserve him. His strength of character and his beautiful soul were gifts I was glad he could share freely now. I hadn’t saved him, not really. But I’d been there when he needed a friend, and he’d always been there for me too. Jake was the perfect confidant.

  I chuckled at his furtive glances as he stepped onto the warm sand. “Who are you looking for?”

  “Police. No dogs allowed. You know the rules. Mack doesn’t need to get too close to shore now. If he can feel the sand, he’ll be happy.”

  I smiled at the sweet words, knowing Jake meant them only at face value. It was a beautiful quality to be content because of the simplest sensory experience.

  We found a spot on the sand and shielded Mack’s body from view of the boardwalk in case an overzealous officer was hell-bent on handing out tickets.

  “Did you really work late last night?” Jake asked with a wry grin.

  “Yeah.”

  “Say no more.” Jake shook his head ruefully as he pet Mack’s fur. “All work and no play. Not good for you, Nate.”

  “Hmph.”

  We were quiet for a long moment. Nearby conversations drifted in the air around us. Innocuous but not unpleasant.

  “I’m heading to the market after I drop Mack back home. We’re grilling tonight. Want to come over?”

  “Um.”

  “What? Hot date?” he snarked.

  Not responding quickly was answer enough. Jake took off his sunglasses and turned to face me. His dark blond hair fell into his eyes, but his gaze didn’t waver.

  “What? No. I’m going to a bar later but—”

  “With who?”

  “Alex.”

  “Alex? As in your next-door neighbor, Alex? Or did you meet a girl nam—”

  “My neighbor.”

  “Hmm. What bar?”

  “Geez! What is this, an inquisition? I don’t know the name. He just said to be ready at ten.”

  “At night?”

  “Yeah but—”

  “That is way past your bedtime!” I didn’t bother arguing. He was right. “And don’t try to play it cool like hangin’ out with Alex is so normal. Sure, he’s a good guy and a friend of ours. But you just met him! I know you. You’re holding something back.” He shrugged his shoulders offhandedly, but his gaze was pointed and shrewd.

  “It’s not a big deal, Jake.”

  “Exactly. It’s no big deal, so tell me.”

  I eyed him warily, knowing I was coming across as vague and secretive for no apparent reason.

  “I really don’t know where we’re going. I left it up to him.”

  “Hmm. Well, just so you know, the only bars Alex generally goes to are gay bars. I don’t think that’s an issue for you, but you should know he’s not into checking out chicks.”

  “I know he’s gay. He told me.”

  Again Jake stared at me curiously. “Really? He doesn’t usually talk about it.”

  I nodded like it was no big deal. A wave of unease settled over me. Why was I lying? I looked over at Jake’s handsome face with his brow wrinkled with confusion. He was like a little brother to me, but he wasn’t naïve or inexperienced. And he wasn’t judgmental. If I trusted him with my life, I could surely trust him with this.

  I took a deep breath and stared at the gentle waves in the distance. “He told me because I told him about me.”

  Silence. “What about you? You mean last sum—”

  “No, not that.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat as I fought not to let the warm blanket of heat I could feel travel up my neck overwhelm me. “I’m bi, Jake.”

  Mack sat up and laid his head on Jake’s knee. The old dog seemed to be staring at me with a soulful expression. Almost as though he were encouraging me to continue.

  “I was with someone, a guy, years ago. In college. And when things went south, as they tend to do with me, I swore I wouldn’t go there again. But lately I’ve been feeling lost.” I shrugged. “Last summer was awful. I fucked up an—”

  “You didn’t fuck anything up, Nate. Bad things happen sometimes. It wasn’t your fault. But what do you mean? Bi? Is this some kind of weird reaction to it, though?”

  “No. It’s the opposite. The truth is I’m attracted to men too. I’m tired of fighting it, burying it. It’s hard work, and frankly… it’s fucking exhausting.”

  Jake didn’t say anything, but I felt the weight of his stare. “I know what that’s like. I remember. I didn’t know. You were married, and then Julie….”

  “Why would you? I didn’t fake my interest in women. Sex isn’t the problem. I was definitely attracted to Caroline when we were married. It was the emotional crap that sunk the ship. I’m tired of—”

  “What?” he prodded.

  “I’m tired of fighting against myself. I’m not ready to walk in a Pride parade for fuck’s sake. I just want to put one foot in front of the other, and see what happens.”

  “That’s good. So a gay bar with Alex. Do you have a crush on him?”

  “No,” I lied. “He’s just going as my wingman.” I ran my fingers through Mack’s fur to keep my hands busy. “You okay with this? With me?”

  “Nate, you’re my family. I’m always okay with you. And I’ll always support you. I don’t care if you’re with a man or a woman. I want you to be happy. I won’t judge where you find it.”

  I nodded, feeling overcome with emotion. “Thanks.”

  Jake shifted to a kneeling position and tugged at Mack’s leash. “And I’m fucking thrilled you’re thinking of getting out of the house on a Saturday night!”

  “Ha fucking ha.”

  He flicked my baseball cap with a grin I understood was his way of letting me know nothing had changed between us. “Is it okay to tell Bran? He’s on your side too. Walk while you talk. I see a lifeguard truck coming this way. I’m not paying a hundred bucks to sit with my old blind dog on the beach.”

  “Yeah. It’s fine to tell Bran, but I need to move at my own pace, you know?”

  “Right. Glacier speed. Luckily, I hang out with this guy too. I know all about slow.”

  I grinned as I waited patiently for him to coax Mack from his favorite place and let a wave of relief wash over me. Yes, I knew I could count on Jake, but it felt better than I’d anticipated to have said the words aloud. My expectations were fairly low. I felt like a toddler taking his first steps. I needed to make sure my legs were strong before I made any big moves. Maybe I would walk into that bar tonight and want to walk back out. Maybe nothing would happen even if I stayed. Who cared? What was certain was that nothing would ever happen if I didn’t try.

  Five

  I KNOCKED on Alex’s door at 10:00 p.m. as instructed. My hands were clammy, and though I’d prepped myself to think of tonight as a simple evening out with a friend, my body was buzzing, and my mind wasn’t buying the “we’re just buddies” routine. I was too damn attracted to him. When he opened his door and I got my first peek at his sexy ensemble, I could barely speak. Tight black leather pants and a formfitting black designer vest. His chest was bare, and I couldn’t help staring at his incredible abs. He was a sculptor’s dream. I gulped, forcing myself to look him in the eye and not let my gaze travel south. Damn, those pants were hot!

  “Buenas noches.” Alex crossed his arms and leaned against the doorjamb lazily as though he had no worries and all the time in the world. His smile was a warm greeting laced with potent sensuality.

  “Uh, hi. Is that what you’re wearing?”

  Alex tilted his head back and laughed merrily. I glanced down at my designer jeans and navy button-down shirt, wondering if I looked like a complete dork. When my hand flew to adjust my glasses I realized I was a hopeless nerd and certainly looked the part. This evening had disaster written all over it.

  “Should I c
hange?” The spark in his eyes told me he knew I liked it.

  “Yes. I mean no, but I… if you’re supposed to be my wingman, I think you should be wearing less.”

  “Less? Less clothes?” His smile curled higher at one side of his mouth, giving him a predatory look.

  “No! More. You should be wearing more clothes.”

  “You just said I should be wearing less—”

  “No, I—whatever. You look good. Very good. I was thinking a wingman wouldn’t dress quite… like that.”

  “You afraid I’ll lure all the pretty boys away and keep them for myself?”

  His tone was low and provocative. I knew if I didn’t put on a brave face I’d be in serious danger of lusting after him like a lovesick puppy all night. Yes, I obviously thought he was hotter than hell, but it was time to set aside my attraction and play the part of a confident bi man going out with a buddy to check out the bars on a Saturday night.

  I shrugged and stuffed my hands in my back pocket. “No, I’m sure you’ll send a couple cast-offs my way.”

  This time his laugh was light. He pushed away from the doorframe and inclined his head. “You don’t need my help, Professor. I think you’ll do just fine. Let me grab my wallet. Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” I quipped, noting how the leather hugged his ass to perfection. I adjusted my dick in my suddenly snug jeans and sent up a quick prayer my acting skills weren’t too rusty. It was going to be very difficult to keep my eyes off Alex tonight.

  NAVIGATING SUNSET Boulevard on a Saturday night was sheer madness. Between the perpetual ongoing construction and locals trying to make their way across town, the famous LA artery was always congested. Alex hired a driver to take us from Santa Monica to West Hollywood. The measly twenty-minute ride was torturous. His leather-clad knee brushed against mine as he leaned forward to give directions, and he never budged. He seemed to make a point to have some body part in contact with mine for the entire drive. I was practically sweating by the time we pulled in front of Lux, a bar slash club smack in the middle of WeHo.

  The line outside was insane. If I hadn’t been with Alex, I would have thrown in the towel. At thirty-six I was pretty sure I was too old to stand in any line that didn’t lead directly to a caffeine infusion. I set my hand on Alex’s arm intending to protest, but when he turned around and gave me a challenging stare, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.

  “This way,” he instructed with a sly grin.

  We bypassed the line and walked straight through the door, stopping for a moment so Alex could greet the bouncer with a fist bump and a bro hug. There was no opportunity to question the preferential treatment when we stepped inside the darkened interior, and a wall of sound swallowed us whole.

  Techno dance music vibrated through my body. The obscene volume was a shock to my system. I wasn’t ready for it, and I didn’t like it. At all. Everything in me went rigid with distaste. I didn’t care for loud music, and I really hated overly produced dance crap with a heavy down beat. I knew that, so why was I here? I thought we were going to a bar.

  Alex grabbed hold of my hand and yanked me toward a partially hidden corridor. As we made our way through a maze of dark painted walls lined with colored fluorescent tube lighting along the flooring, the noise level lessened considerably. My shoulders came down a notch as I took in the brightly lit glass and concrete bar at the far end of a smallish space. Music was playing in the background but at a much more tolerable level. And though there were quite a few people, it wasn’t overly crowded.

  “What do you want?” Alex asked, releasing my hand.

  “A vodka martini, up with an olive.”

  Alex chuckled at my immediate reply and flashed me a quick grin before striding toward the bar. I tore my gaze from his ass and looked around the modern space. Fluorescent tubes crisscrossed over the main bar, but the rest of the area was lit sparingly with the same colored lighting along the concrete floors as in the passageway. The barstools were sleek contemporary white leather while the high tables were topped with an opaque glass and a single votive. I walked the length of the area before pacing back, searching for an empty table. There weren’t many to begin with, and they were all taken. I stepped closer to the bar, halting when someone put a hand on my elbow.

  “Hey. You’re welcome to join me here. It’s hard to find a place to rest your glass here on a Saturday night.”

  I smiled, intending to politely turn down the offer when Alex approached with our drinks. I took mine and fumbled with the napkin as I mumbled my thanks. When I glanced up, I got my first good look of the man who insisted I share his table. He was gorgeous. There really was no other word. He was tall and handsome with short dark hair and sharp, even features. He was obviously very fit too. His snug white T-shirt emphasized his highly defined musculature. I took a sip of my cocktail hoping to hide the fact that I was shamelessly gawking.

  “Marco.” Alex smacked the man’s shoulder and gave me a meaningful grin I had no hope of translating without words.

  “Alex. How are you?” Marco set his right hand on Alex’s arm and squeezed it affectionately, the way you would an old friend.

  “Good.” He stepped closer to me so his shoulder brushed against mine. “Marco, I want you to meet my friend Nate. He’s new in LA, so I’m showing him a few of my favorite hot spots.”

  “Pleased to meet you.” Marco swiveled on his barstool to give me his full attention before standing.

  “You too.” I shook his hand, noting he was easily my height.

  We chuckled when the handshake went on a little longer than normal as we checked each other out. I reached for my martini and took a healthy sip. This was odd. I was doing exactly what I told Alex I wanted to do. I wanted to get outside of my zone and meet guys. Here we were a few days later, and the first man I met was stunning. Not like Alex, but if I couldn’t have him maybe….

  “Thanks for sharing your table. It’s crazy in here.”

  “No problem. It’s a ghost town compared to how it will be in a couple hours. I’ve been here three times, and it gets harder to find a place to stand on a Saturday night,” Marco groused with a wry grin.

  “It’s my first time. Here, I mean.” I was floating in that strange space between awkward and a growing sense of confidence.

  “This is one of the few places I generally like the dance music they play. Have you been to the club next door or were you building your defenses first?” he joked, pointing to my already half-drunk cocktail.

  “Definitely working on the defenses. I can’t remember the last time I went dancing.” I hadn’t meant to share the last part. It probably made me sound tragically uncool. Whatever. I wasn’t cool. I knew better than to pretend.

  “You’re in good company with Alex, then. He’s a master.”

  Alex smiled and raised his glass in a mock toast. He wasn’t his usual talkative self. His gaze was fixed beyond my shoulder as though he were more interested in the action behind me. The bar was filled with good-looking guys in their twenties and thirties. Plenty of eye candy to keep the average gay man entertained over a drink or two. When a cute blond twink standing at a nearby table waved and called his name, Alex turned back to me, absently patting my arms as he pulled away.

  “Be right back. Don’t get into any trouble, Nate. Ciao, Marco.”

  I watched him weave through the patrons, stopping to say hello to a couple of people along the way, until he reached the young cutie, who promptly leapt into his arms. Alex returned the hug and pulled back slightly, laughing at the exuberant greeting. But when the twink yanked at his wavy hair and guided him down to kiss his mouth, Alex didn’t put up a fight. He sealed his mouth over the young man’s in a long and passionate kiss. I looked away as a swift wave of jealousy hit, flooding my veins with heat. I could feel the warmth spread over my face and was thankful for the bar’s dim lighting to hide my certain flushed cheeks.

  Fuck, I was a fool. I knew the score. I was the one who kept repeating it in my head
. The truth was harder to escape than I realized. I wanted Alex. Badly.

  I picked up my martini and took a long drink, hoping it would dull this feeling. Whatever it was. Embarrassment, disappointment. I didn’t know how to quantify it because it had simply been too long since I’d been in this position. I hated it. I set the glass down harder than necessary, suddenly aware of Marco’s shrewd gaze.

  “Want another?”

  “No. Actually, yes, but I can get it.”

  “Let me. I know the bartender. This will take a sec. Martini?”

  “Yeah. Thank you.”

  “You got it.” Marco winked, running cool fingers along my forearm on his way to the bar.

  I watched him for a moment before turning back to torture myself by checking out what Alex and his blond buddy were doing. Talking. Not kissing. Just chatting amicably. Maybe I misread the kiss. The guy seemed a little young but…. Nope. The twink wound his arm around Alex again and stuck his tongue in his mouth.

  I took a deep breath and pulled out my cell. It was time to go home. Time to quit lying to myself. I hated bars and clubs. I hated noise. Enough of this shit.

  “Here you go.” Marco placed the chilled martini at my elbow.

  “Oh. That was fast,” I noted awkwardly. Fuck, I wanted out.

  Marco smiled brightly and clinked his glass against mine. “It’s always a good idea to make friends with the bartender. Bottoms up!”

  I glanced at my phone and the glass then back again. It would be rude not to drink it. A half second later I sat up a little taller sputtering and wiping at the tears in my eyes.

  “Whoa. That’s strong!”

  Marco chuckled merrily and handed me a cocktail napkin. “Yeah, Ramon tends to be heavy-handed, but that’s ’cause he knows how I like it.”