The Draig's Wife

by Lisa Dawn Wadler

  Daring his grasp on her, Declan lifted a hand from her back to hold her face. “If that was all I wanted, it would have been a lass from the village, one who would have been pacified by silks and jewels. I made no secret that I wanted only you.” Once again, there was only hurt on her face. “I wanted you by my side and in my bed.” Just as I feared, she will never forgive me.

  His hands were knocked away as the first tear fell from her eyes. Emma pushed off his lap and stormed over to the window. Even facing the darkened night, he could tell she wiped away tears that fell without end.

  Wasting no time, Declan was at her back. Dread trickled down his spine when she shook off his hands when he touched her shoulders. Her body wanted nothing to do with his.

  Declan offered softly, “I can nay change who I was. You deserved to hear the truth, so I gave it.” How do I make you understand?

  Emma turned to face him with a face streaked with tears. “I don’t understand how it meant nothing. How could you be with them and tell me it meant nothing?”

  While her eyes held pain, her tears slowed. Reaching out to wipe the last one to fall, he said, “Wife, ‘tis nay the same . . .”

  “Bullshit,” Emma snarled, pushing him away from her. “I can’t do this. I can’t be married to you. I thought I could, that it would be enough, and that for Mary’s sake . . . I was wrong. I’ll pretend until your uncle leaves, but no more than that.”

  As he had walked to his chamber, Declan had prepared himself for anger, for tears, even to have objects hurled at him, but not her walking away from him. Not quite sure what had happened to change the moment so quickly, he said, “I am sorry for what happened earlier. If there had been any other way for our marriage to be viewed as binding, I would have done it. Forgive me.”

  Emma’s hands waved to dismiss him. “What are you talking about? I already told you I understood why that had to happen. I hate it, but I get it.” She glared at him. “I refuse to spend my life with someone who thinks that type of intimacy means nothing.” Her hands pulled her robe tighter around her body. “You never once asked why I was still a virgin at twenty-one. Didn’t you think it was odd that there was even a chance I would be?”

  Still reeling from the pronouncement Emma no longer wished to be his wife, Declan answered, “I had nay thought on it. Here it happens—lasses are kept safe by their fathers.”

  “We both know Cortland is the closest thing I ever had to a father. While I had my grandfather, it was just different. The age difference changes things.”

  It became apparent to Declan there was something Emma needed to share. Mayhap if I find the root of her concern, I can banish it. “Why did you come to our marriage bed untouched?” He made certain to remind Emma a marriage had been made.

  She stepped past him to stand before the freshly made bed. “It was supposed to mean something. That was all I ever wanted. I watched my mother move from man to man, each one worse than the last. She taught me that having a man in your bed was more important than even your child. My grandmother worked extremely hard to teach me something different and better.”

  Emma glanced back quickly at Declan. “I’m not some foolish child. I know that people have sex for only pleasure. I never understood that, but I do now.”

  “I am pleased you found pleasure with me, wife.” Declan risked the moment and wrapped his arms around Emma as she faced the bed. He was able to breathe again when she stayed in his hold.

  Her finger ran over his hand before she pushed out of his arms. “Actually, I think I found pleasure twice,” she admitted with a shy laugh. Too quickly for his taste, her voice lost its humor. “I will never be one of those people who has sex for only fun. I need more. This much I know about myself, and I don’t expect you to understand.”

  Emma turned to face him. “You are so handsome.” Her hand lifted to hold his jaw. “Your features are simply perfect.” Her hand lowered to cover his heart. “I know you well enough to know that in here lives a good man, one that I want to spend time with and know better. I even admire the laird and his ability to put his clan first.” Her gaze drifted back to the bed. “But I can’t do it. I refuse to be with someone who sees that type of intimacy as something that doesn’t matter.”

  “Do you truly believe what we shared in our bed had no meaning to me? That it was only a means to an end?” Even he heard the anger in his reply.

  Emma stated bluntly, “Yes. Do you think I have no idea about your past? I know far more than I would ever want. I just, I thought that, that those women meant something to you on some level.”

  Declan took the hand from his chest and gripped it in his. “Cortland was correct. You deserve better than me for a husband.” He sighed at the admission. “Give me a chance to explain the difference. You are correct in some way. I have bedded women for a quick pleasure, to avoid an unwanted marriage, or as a form of payment for the information brought to me. There is no pride in saying such to you. As soon as the act was over, there were no second thoughts.”

  Emma pulled her hand away. “This is what I can’t live with.”

  “Hear me out. You need to ken no other has shared my bed, the place where the simple man sleeps at day’s end. Even my first wife was never here. I went to her chamber and nay for pleasure, only out of duty to conceive an heir.” Even recalling those cold, empty nights left a chill running down his spine.

  “That drunken night was the first time a woman shared my place. With no other have I sat talking for the simple enjoyment of her company. Never has the simple man ever become lost in passion. While it may be hard to understand, the laird bedded all with the rest of me hidden away. For the verra first time in my life, a bedding mattered. For the first time, I shared all of me.”

  Emma gazed at him with such a lost confusion in her eyes that he floundered for a way to make her understand. Mayhap she would be wise to leave me. I stole away from her what should have been a beginning to a marriage with promise and passion. Never had I dared to dream of such, of a woman who could be my other half, the better part of me. How do I make such sins abate? How do I make her naïve heart hear me?

  Declan let his wandering thoughts lead him to his path, only certain that she had to understand how much she had touched his shuttered heart. “You are far too innocent, wife. That you gave yourself to me had such meaning it overwhelms me. That you are upset with me for nay caring about another astounds me. That you think our bedding empty of meaning angers me.” Taking her face in his hands, he enunciated every word. “It. Had. Meaning. Even for the laird who values little, it had meaning. Dinna let what he has done impact what could be between us.”

  “I don’t know what to think,” Emma said softly. Her admission tore at his soul. I have done this, led her to question her choice to marry me. I should have spent my days stealing her heart rather than manipulating her decisions.

  Declan pulled her into his arms. “‘Tis because you are so innocent. ‘Tis no flaw, but a compliment.” Resting his cheek on the top of her head, he said, “You confuse me as well. What we shared in our bed was more than I can comprehend. You touched a part of me I dinna ken lived in my heart. You are my wife. Naught will ever change that.” He waited and counted four of her shaky breaths. “Stay with me.” Please.

  Emma leaned into him. “We both know and apparently everyone who entered the chamber earlier knows I’m not the type of woman you want.”

  Could it truly be so simple? Emma seemed to understand the need for the bedding to be disturbed. He could find no falsehood in her. She was willing to walk away when she thought she was merely a body to satiate his needs. But her last statement had been filled with such self-doubt. How can she doubt my desire? It had taken every ounce of his control not to throw her on the bed the second her robe hit the floor. Even now his blood stirred at the vision of her bare for his eyes. This could be the problem with marr
ying an honest woman—she hears only truth from all. Such doubts I will banish.

  Declan spoke softly. “Dinna doubt my desire for you.” His hands wrapped into her hair. “My prior words have led you to mistrust me. They were initially spoken to keep you away from me and then because I was a jealous fool. But there is some truth to what you say.” Feeling her stiffen in his arms, he continued, “I have stayed away from any lass who could ask for a claim to me. Another woman has never touched my heart. You are nay some lass to use for gain or quick pleasure. You are my wife to cherish. You are mine, and I am yours.”

  “Is it that simple?” Emma asked against his chest.

  “There is naught simple between us.” His arms left her back, and he stepped away from her to place a hand on her flat stomach. “I offered you a child and will continue to do so. ‘Tis something no other living woman has received from me. A child binds us for life. There is no going back for either of us. You are my wife.”

  He didn’t miss her eyes widening at the notion of a child. “When marrying the right woman, the Draig Laird marries for life.” He stepped forward and placed a kiss to her lips. “However, if you wish for Cortland to take you away, a marriage can always be ended, though it has never been done on these lands”—Why did I tell her that?—“I would have you with me all the days of my life. Stay with me and be my wife. Nay because you may already carry my child, but because of what we could be together. I only want you.”

  Wrapping his arms around her, he waited for her reply as she rested against his chest, and he counted every breath she took. “I’m so confused.”

  “I should apologize for nay making certain you understood all that you are to me. You are my wife because I only wanted you. Had we been gifted with a traditional bedding, after the loving we could have talked. For such a loss, I will always grieve.” He paused to chuckle at what he had said. “At least I think that was what was supposed to happen. ‘Tis all verra new to me.”

  “What happens now?” Emma asked, gazing up at him.

  Smiling down at her, he said, “I dinna ken. Never before have I sought a woman’s forgiveness. I was prepared to beg and grovel long into the night. That you stand within my arms speaking to me is such a gift. Say that you will stay as my wife. Nay for Mary’s sake, but because of what we could be, what we already are together.”

  Emma hesitated before she gave him a small nod. Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she suddenly grinned up at him. “On the bright side, what happened here today should give the old women at the well something new to talk about.”

  While she jested, he groaned. “Forgive me.” He tilted his head to kiss her cheek and prodded her gently with his nose to meet him. Awe filled him at the dramatic change in her and how easily they talked through an unforgiveable evening. That she stayed for his sake amazed him and filled places in his heart long dormant.

  As she had on their drunken evening, she allowed his nudging and met his lips. Never had he been so grateful to have a kiss returned with such innocent passion. One taste of her lips, and he knew how to erase her doubts, at least the ones concerning his taste in women.

  “You promised the laird to let the man love you. I have no memory of touching a woman for the sake of only desire for her.” He added with a wink, “Unless we count our drunken encounter.”

  Emma frowned up at him. “I think you tricked me into that promise.”

  “I did,” Declan freely admitted. “You always keep your promises, even in the heat of the moment I kenned that. You bed the laird out of duty, and he is deeply shamed by all that transpired. Bed me because you wish to be with me as I wish to be with you.” Never had he asked that of a woman.

  Emma studied him with mirth in her eyes, but her voice was soft and serious when she spoke. “I don’t want the laird to touch me again. I hated the cold, distant look in your eyes.”

  “I was too much the coward to face you,” Declan confessed. The image of horror in her previously passion-filled eyes filled his mind, and he silently vowed to never cause her such pain ever again. “I swear to you, the laird is nay in the chamber, only me.”

  When she smiled, he scooped her up in his arms and placed her gently on the bed, with her head resting on a pillow. Lying at her side, he touched only the side of her face. “I swear to you, between us there will always be great meaning.”

  “I thought we were still working through everything,” Emma said as she nestled into the pillow. “Don’t you think we should finish the conversation?”

  Declan ran his fingers over the smooth skin of her cheek. “We have talked a great deal. After I have loved you, we will talk more if you wish.”

  Emma sighed into the soft kiss he placed on her lips, and he let it build with the promise of desire. He savored her soft sighs and the way her body gradually warmed to lean into his. No rushing, no timetable to meet, only two lovers lost in their haven.

  His mouth left hers to taste the skin of her jaw and explore her neck. Her fingers toyed with the strings of his shirt while he tasted every inch of her throat. Emma’s soft moan echoed through his limbs.

  She asked, her voice a timid whisper, “Are you sure this is what you want? If you don’t, please tell me. I’ll pretend for as long as your uncle is here. But, don’t lie to me.”

  Of course my Emma would need more than a few moments of reassurance. He still counted his blessings that she lay at his side and would do everything in his power to restore her faith in him. He placed a soft kiss to her neck. “Tell me what you doubt. My desire or my wanting you by my side.”

  Emma sighed when his lips continued their slow assault on her neck, her desire for him clearly not the issue. “Yes?”

  “As for being my wife, I am the most fortunate of men. Each and every day I will tell you how much it means to me to have you. As for my desire for you, I would spend the night showing you. My words may nay be enough.” He chuckled against her neck and took one of her hands to place it on his hard member that hated the slow persuasion.

  She gasped but kept her hand in place. Her tenuous touch, even through the thick weave of his plaid, was enough to drive him mad. “Can you feel my want for you?”

  Her hand traced the length of him, and he groaned with her innocent exploration. “I want to believe you.” Emma’s voice a whisper that echoed her need for truth.

  Declan grinned against her neck. “As I want for you to be certain of my intent, wife. Earlier we were rushed. Now we have the whole of the night.” Lifting his head to look deep into her eyes, he placed no barrier between them and allowed her to see the hunger glowing in his eyes. “All will happen slowly. I will spend the night apologizing for the afternoon.”

  He placed a soft kiss to her grinning mouth. “So you are prepared for what is to come, no more secrets between us, it will be a verra long night. I plan to apologize verra thoroughly and with exceptionally great meaning.”

  His wife laughed and teased him. “So, your plan is to distract me.”

  “Nay, wife. My plan is to love you until all you see and feel is how fine we are together.” Her eyes widened, and Declan knew he had chosen the correct words. He instantly decided that he would give her everything he had to give, body, heart, and soul.

  Chapter 15

  Emma nestled in the pillow that wouldn’t shift against her head. Her arm snaked out to grasp the end, and her body nestled against the shape. The surprising warmth had her sighing and not wanting to realize the bright morning light flooded the room. She never slept past dawn. It took several moments for her to notice the pillow didn’t budge and that it rose and fell with steady breaths.

  “Good morrow, wife.” She tensed when she heard Declan’s voice husky and thick with sleep.

  This isn’t a pillow. Reality flooded in with the stealth of a sledgehammer. She currently snuggled into Declan, and if she wasn’t mistake
n, the delightful sensation greeting her flesh was his skin. Before she could push away, his arm tightened over her back, holding her against him. So much for that being a really warm blanket.

  The previous day flooded her mind with the impossibly quick marriage, the bedding complete with the choreographed nightmare of an interruption, the uncertainty she had felt afterward, and finally her impulsive decision to remain more than the figure of a wife, but one in all ways.

  Her eyes blinked open to behold the sight of rock hard pecs and the arm holding her in place. Emma aired her only concrete thought. “I missed my training with Cortland.” Every morning they met at dawn. She dreaded facing him with the reason she had overslept. Declan had kept his word and had spent the night apologizing with sweet words designed to flatter and kill her inhibitions. His body had given hers lessons in carnal delights that she never could have imagined.

  In the bright light of morning, she wondered how much of what he had said the night before would remain real. She had no idea how much of the quiet conversations were meant to reassure her of how much he wanted her in his life or if they were merely designed to keep her willing in his bed.

  Declan answered her training comment. “He would nay have sought you this morn. None would dare to disturb a newly married couple on their first morn together.” Soft laughter rumbled against her ear, and her head bounced on his chest.

  Emma placed a hand on his chest and pushed away from the heat of his skin that made her too easily recall every delight shared until dawn had started to break. Before she could gain any separation, Declan shifted, and she once again found herself on her back with him covering her, not that the position had been the only one from the night before, but with his weight and strength covering her, it had been one she had immensely enjoyed.