“I don’t think she is fooling,” said Pete, looking worried. “Can’t you see? Her face is changing, and she’s starting to look exactly like Hamish.”
“You bet she is,” said a familiar voice. It was the real Hamish, peeping round the door of the Behaviour Changing Factory. “I got my friend Wilhelmina to make up that Sensible Mixture, specially so that one of you would drink it and turn into me! And there’s not much you can do about it. Those Love Potions wear off after just a few hours, but the Behaviour Mixtures last for ever.”
“We’ve got to find Mr Majeika,” said Thomas frantically. He started shouting. “Mr Majeika! Mr Majeika! Can you hear us?”
And to Thomas and Pete’s surprise, a very tiny voice answered, from what sounded like a long way away: “Yes, I can.”
5. Bottled Up
They went on calling his name, and Mr Majeika kept replying in a tiny voice, but Thomas and Pete couldn’t tell where it was coming from. “You’ll never find him,” sneered Hamish. “Silly old Mr Majeika, he’s hidden away where no one will discover him. Good riddance to him!”
“Yes, good riddance to stupid Mr Majeika,” said Jody, in a voice just like Hamish’s. “Who wants a silly old wizard to teach Class Three? Let’s have Wilhelmina Worlock!”
“I’m sure Wilhelmina is behind this,” said Thomas. “But Mr Majeika can’t be far. I can hear him so clearly.”
“Let’s try this cupboard,” said Pete. “I’ve got an idea his voice might be coming from there.”
He opened a cupboard near the door of the Behaviour Changing Factory. Inside there were several shelves, and on each of these was a row of small bottles.
“No, there’s no room for him in there,” said Thomas.
But Pete was peering closely at the bottles. “Come and look,” he called. “I can see tiny faces inside them.”
Thomas looked closely. “Gosh!” he said. “You’re right. Tiny, tiny faces, and they all look rather like wizards.”
“They are,” said Mr Majeika’s voice, which was very close to them now. “All of us are here, every single wizard who lives in Wizardford-upon-Sky. And if you look at the third bottle from the left on the second shelf from the top, you’ll see me.”
Sure enough, there was Mr Majeika, very tiny, and squashed into a bottle with a cork jammed tight into the top.
“Poor Mr Majeika,” said Thomas. “If we take the cork out, can you squeeze through the neck, and will you be able to get back to your own size again?”
“I’m afraid not,” said Mr Majeika. “A very powerful spell put me in here, and it’ll take a spell just as powerful to get me out again. I bet you can guess who did it.”
“Wilhelmina Worlock?” said Pete and Thomas together.
The tiny Mr Majeika nodded. “You’d better hear the whole story,” he said.
“Wait a minute,” said Pete. “What’s happened to Hamish?” They looked around, but Hamish had disappeared. Jody was wandering up and down outside the Behaviour Changing Factory, saying Hamish-like things in Hamish’s voice – “Zoom, zoom, I want a splat-gun that will splat everyone I see. And I hope boring old Mr Majeika stays in his bottle for ever.”
“Tell us what happened, Mr Majeika,” said Thomas.
“Well,” said Mr Majeika, “the trouble started with my Wizard’s Licence. Did you know that all wizards have to have licences to do magic? It’s like a driving licence, for driving a car. I still had mine, even though I wasn’t supposed to do magic down at St Barty’s, and I thought it would be years and years before it ran out. The date on it said: ‘This licence expires in the year 5000’.”
“That’s more than three thousand years from now,” said Pete.
“Exactly,” continued Mr Majeika. “So I couldn’t understand what was going on when, one evening, the Wizards’ Silly Crime Squad raided my bed-sitting room, where I was living, and asked me to show them my licence.”
“We heard all about the Silly Crime
Squad from your landlady, Mrs Carrot,” said Thomas.
“I think she was rather upset,” said Mr Majeika, “when all those ghosts and vampires and aliens tramped up her stairs to the top floor. But she wasn’t nearly as upset as me, when I gave them my Wizard’s Licence, and they pointed out that it had expired last month.”
“I thought you said it had three thousand years to run,” said Thomas.
“It did,” said Mr Majeika, “until someone altered it. The date had been changed.”
“I bet it was Hamish Bigmore,” said Pete. “Probably Wilhelmina Worlock put him up to it.”
“That’s what I guessed,” said Mr Majeika, “and that’s what I said to the Silly Crime Squad, but they wouldn’t
listen. They said they must take me back to Wizardford-upon-Sky for questioning.”
“So up you went on their magic carpet?” asked Thomas.
“Yes,” said Mr Majeika. “And when I got there, no one would believe that the date on the licence had been altered, so they said they wouldn’t give me a new licence until I had taken my Wizard’s Sorcery Exams all over again. They’re the tests you have to do before they will give you your licence, just like a driving test.”
“Did you mind having to do the exams again?” asked Pete.
“I certainly did,” said Mr Majeika. “You see, my magic had got very rusty during the time I’d been teaching at St Barty’s. I know you thought I did spells quite often, but most wizards are doing magic fulltime, hundreds and hundreds of spells a day, and I was just doing one every few weeks. So really I was forgetting most of what I knew.”
“Miss Worlock must have guessed that,” said Thomas. “It was all a trick to catch you out, was it?”
“I’m afraid it was,” said Mr Majeika. “At first, I was doing all right in the exams. I remembered how to fly, and how to make animals talk, and how to make the moon go backwards across the sky, and all sorts of things like that which are really hard. And then I got caught out by something very simple. The examiner – a tough old wizard called Mugwort – told me to turn myself into a frog. It’s a very simple spell, the one I used on Hamish Bigmore when I first came to St Barty’s, in fact. But that was the trouble. I remembered what I’d said to make Hamish change, not to make myself change. So maybe you can guess what happened.”
“You changed Wizard Mugwort into a frog?” said Pete, laughing.
“That’s right,” said Mr Majeika. “And I’m afraid Wizard Mugwort didn’t see the joke. At least, I don’t think he did, because I couldn’t manage to turn him back again, and all he could say was ‘Gribbet, gribbet!’ Look, there he is on the second shelf.”
Thomas and Pete looked along the shelf of bottles, until they found one in which a tiny green frog was staring out crossly at them. “But how did you and all the other wizards get made tiny and put into bottles?” asked Thomas.
“I’m coming to that,” said Mr Majeika. “Of course I failed the Sorcery Exams on account of making that mistake, and this meant that I had to be punished. It was an awfully long time since anyone else had failed, and the wizards had to look up the correct punishment in a book. They found that people who failed their exams had to be made tiny and put in a bottle for a thousand years.”
“A thousand years?” said Thomas. “What a cruel punishment.”
“I know,” said Mr Majeika, “though a thousand years isn’t as long for a wizard as it would be for you – we live to be about ten thousand. Anyway, they didn’t remember how to make people small, so small that they could be put into bottles. The only person who said she knew how to do it was –”
“Wilhelmina Worlock?” guessed Pete.
“That’s right,” said Mr Majeika. “And sure enough she did it, so that I found myself stuck in this bottle. And then – she
did it to all the other wizards! She’d realized that since only she knew how to do that spell, she had them in her power. So of course she didn’t hesitate to do it. It meant that she would be the only witch or wizard left full-sized in W
izardford-upon-Sky. She could have the whole place to herself!”
“That’s right, dearie,” said a familiar voice. Thomas and Pete turned round. Wilhelmina Worlock was standing in the doorway of the Behaviour Changing Factory, grinning all over her horrid face.
6. Wilhelmina Falls in Love
“You nasty little brats,” went on Miss Worlock to Thomas and Pete, “you’ve got in my way in the past, and stopped me triumphing over that weasly little rat, Majeika, but now nothing and no one can stop me! Tee hee!”
“I’m afraid she’s right,” said Mr Majeika’s tiny voice from his bottle. “I’ll simply have to stay here for ever and ever. Run away, both of you, or she’ll do something nasty to you too.”
“Yes, come on, Thomas,” said Pete, “let’s run.” He grabbed Thomas’s hand, and dragged him out of the Behaviour Changing Factory and back through the fence to where Mr Majeika’s bike was waiting.
“Goodbye and good riddance!” shouted Miss Worlock through the gate. “Don’t you ever set foot up here again, or you’ll be spending the rest of your lives in bottles, just like the fool Majeika and these stupid wizards.”
“We won’t,” called Pete, getting on to the bike.
“Hey,” said Thomas to Pete, “wait a minute. We can’t run off and leave Mr Majeika bottled up like that. And we can’t leave Jody wandering round here, thinking she’s Hamish Bigmore.”
“Of course we can’t,” whispered Pete.
“I’m only pretending that we’re going.”
He shouted out: “Goodbye!” Then he told Thomas to get on the crossbar of the bike.
“We’ll ride it round to the back of Wizardford,” he explained, whispering again, “because I’ve got a plan.”
When they reached the other side of the town, Pete and Thomas got off the bike, and Pete explained his plan. “But why should it be me who has to do all the nasty bits?” complained Thomas. “It ought to be you.”
“I thought of it,” said Pete firmly, “so I’ve got to manage it, to organize everything. I need you to do the other things.”
Thomas grumbled, but finally he agreed. “So, first we’ve got to go through this weird fence again, have we?” he asked.
“That’s it,” said Pete. “In you go.” And before Thomas had time to protest again, Pete had pushed him between the bars of the magic fence.
“My whole body is going squidgy again,” said Thomas.
“That’s the idea,” said Pete. “I’m going to change your shape, as if you were a clay model.” He began pinching and squeezing bits of Thomas’s face, altering the whole appearance of it, and also changing the length of his arms and legs, and the shape of his body.
“So what do I look like now?” asked Thomas, when Pete had finally let him come out of the fence again.
“Haven’t you guessed?” said Pete. “You look exactly like – Mr Majeika!” And so he did. Nobody from Class Three would have been able to tell that it wasn’t the real Mr Majeika. “Now,” went on Pete, “off to the Behaviour Changing Factory. Only we’ve got to be very careful, in case Wilhelmina Worlock is hanging around there still.”
She wasn’t. There was no sign of her at all. So Pete and Thomas-who-looked-like-Mr-Majeika hurried inside, and for the next few minutes, Pete kept trying different Behaviour Mixtures on Thomas, until at last he was behaving exactly like Mr Majeika.
“Now,” said Pete, “the final stage of the plan. And this is the trickiest.”
A few minutes later, Wilhelmina Worlock was strolling up and down in the moonshine at Wizardford, admiring her kingdom, because of course it was all hers now. Suddenly she heard Hamish Bigmore’s voice coming from the Love Potion Factory. “Miss Worlock! Miss Worlock! Come and look!”
As it was her Star Pupil calling, Wilhelmina followed the sound of the voice. But when she got into the Love Potion Factory, she discovered that it wasn’t Hamish who was calling. It was Jody.
“Well, well, dearie, you sound just like my Star Pupil these days,” she said to Jody. “And what are you doing here? You should be on your way back to stupid St Barty’s with your little friends.”
“I don’t want to go back to them,” said Jody. “They’re silly. I want to stay here, Miss Worlock, and be your servant. I like you so much that I’ve kept this sweet specially for you!”
Wilhelmina was delighted. It had been hundreds of years since anyone had said they liked her – anyone except Hamish
Bigmore, and he didn’t count. “Thank you, dearie,” said Wilhelmina, popping the sweet into her mouth. But it wasn’t a sweet; it was a lump of sugar.
Jody slipped out of the door. She could still make her voice sound like Hamish’s, but she had stopped behaving like him. Pete had brought some Behaviour Mixtures with him, and had managed to get her to drink the right ones to make her sensible again. Once that had been done, she was eager to help with Pete’s plan.
Wilhelmina looked around her suspiciously. “Where’s that silly little girl vanished to?” she muttered. “And I’m feeling most peculiar.”
“Well,” said Mr Majeika’s voice, “I’m sure I can make you feel better, Wilhelmina. Aren’t you glad to see me?” It wasn’t the real Mr Majeika; it was Thomas, looking and behaving exactly
like him, who had come through the door at the back of the Love Potion Factory.
Wilhelmina’s eyes lit up. “My love!” she cooed. “Why did I never notice how handsome you are! Come to my arms, you wonderful wizard.” Melisande’s Strongest had done its work again – Pete had poured it all over the sugar-lump.
“I will,” answered Thomas, “if you will do one little favour for me.”
“Anything in the universe, my heart’s desire,” spluttered the lovesick Wilhelmina. “Just tell me what, and I shall do it in an instant – and clasp you to my bosom.”
Thomas didn’t much like the idea of being clasped to Wilhelmina’s bosom. He said: “I want you to undo the spell that’s put all the wizards in those bottles. Make them all free again, especially Mr Majeika – er, I mean, the one who looks like me.”
“Of course, of course, my heaven-sent hero,” cooed Wilhelmina, running over to the Behaviour Factory, and taking off the spell at once. About two hundred wizards (one of whom was still in the shape of a frog) climbed out of their bottles and grew back to their normal size.
Of course, the moment they were free again, they grabbed Wilhelmina and took her to the Wizards’ Court, on a charge of High Treason, Kidnapping, Bottling People Up, and all sorts of other things. By this time, Pete had taken Thomas back to the magic fence, and had squidged him back to his normal appearance. Thomas also had a few spoonfuls of Behaviour Mixture, so that he was entirely returned to normal.
“I wonder what her punishment will be,” he said to Mr Majeika.
“They’re letting me decide,” said Mr Majeika, “as they’ve realized that she cheated me over the Wizard’s Licence. I’m trying to think of the most suitable punishment for her. Ah – I know.”
“What will you choose, Mr Majeika?” asked Jody, following him into the courtroom. “Banish her to outer darkness? Lock her up in the deepest dungeon in the world?”
“You’ll hear in a moment, Jody,” said Mr Majeika. “Now, Wilhelmina,” he said to Miss Worlock, who was being guarded by two very ferocious witches, “I have decided that your punishment will be to do a spell –”
“A spell? Oh, I’ll do any kind of spell you want,” said Miss Worlock hopefully.
“Let me finish,” said Mr Majeika
sternly. “Your punishment will be to do a ‘spell’ on Earth – that’s to say, a length of time – as a Supply Teacher. And without being able to do any magic!”
“A Supply Teacher?” spluttered Wilhelmina. “What’s that?”
“It’s someone who comes to take a class when the regular teacher is away,” said Thomas.
“Oh no!” gasped Wilhelmina. “Teaching lots of children I don’t know – that would be quite exhausting.”
“An
d no magic,” said Mr Majeika firmly. “Absolutely no magic.”
There was a roar of laughter from the back of the courtroom. Hamish Bigmore, far from caring that Miss Worlock was in trouble, thought that Mr Majeika’s punishment was very funny.
So next time your regular teacher is away, and someone strange comes to teach you, watch out! It could be Wilhelmina Worlock.
Mr Majeika Vanishes Page 3