Tarah's Lessons

by Tracey V. Bateman

  Anthony’s lips twitched. “Thanks all the same, but I believe I already have the finest horse in the state. And I’m not about to part with her.”

  He smiled at Tarah, sending her heart into a flutter.

  “All right, Anthony, you keep whatever horse you want,” Louisa said, placing a slender hand upon his arm. She glanced around the table. “I’d much rather talk about the dance, anyway. Of course, your country dances are nothing like the balls I attended when we lived in Charleston, but these little diversions every now and then do tend to break up the dreariness of life out here.” She turned to Ella. “I’m sure Tarah doesn’t know what I mean, having lived here her whole life, but you certainly do, don’t you?”

  Ella sent her a kind smile. “We rarely attend fine balls, Louisa. I suppose we’re just country folk at heart. I am greatly looking forward to the dance. I only wish my Joe were here.”

  “Uncle Anthony will dance with you, Ma,” Josie piped in.

  “You can d–d–d–ance w–w–w–ith m–m–me, Ma,” Toby said, regarding his mother with wide, adoring eyes.

  Ella’s face softened considerably. “Thank you, darlings,” she said. “And just two days after the dance, we’ll all go home to your father.”

  Mrs. Greene cleared her throat and stood. “Well, then,” she said, her voice faltering slightly. “Who’s ready for dessert?”

  Tarah’s heart went out to Mrs. Greene, knowing how much she would miss her daughter and grandchildren when they returned to the East. “May I help you bring in the dessert, Mrs. Greene?”

  Louisa shot to her feet. “Of course, where are my manners? Do let me help you.”

  The older woman gave a smile to include them both. “You two girls sit here and enjoy the conversation. You’re guests, after all.”

  Louisa sat gracefully back into her chair.

  Tarah stood. “I insist,” she said, noting the mist forming in the older woman’s eyes.

  Once they reached the kitchen, Tarah lovingly reached out to comfort the older woman. “I know you’ll miss Ella and the children dreadfully, Mrs. Greene. I remember how it nearly broke my granny’s heart every day thinking of my aunt Olive not being nearby. Now that she’s been visiting Aunt Olive for a few months, she misses us dreadfully and can’t wait to return.”

  “I suppose when your children are grown, it’s too much to hope they’ll all stay close to home.” Mrs. Greene wiped her eyes with the edge of her apron and smiled at Tarah. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry until Ella and the children were gone. But I suppose when the tears need to come, they just do, and there’s nothing a body can do about it.”

  “No one expects you to be strong. And as happy as Ella is to be going home to her husband, I’m sure she’ll shed a few tears of her own when the time comes to leave her ma.”

  Reaching up, Mrs. Greene pressed a hand to Tarah’s cheek. “Such a good girl. Any mother would be proud to have you for a. . .daughter.”

  The kitchen door swung open, and Louisa burst in. “I thought I’d come and help, too.”

  “Thank you, Dear.” Mrs. Greene stepped back and moved to the counter.

  Once Mrs. Greene’s back was turned, Louisa threw Tarah a scathing look. Leaning in close, she whispered, “I know you’re trying to make me look foolish, but it’s not going to work. If all goes as planned, Anthony and I will have an announcement to make at the dance.”

  Before Tarah could respond, Louisa stepped forward. “Let me take that tray for you, Mrs. Greene.”

  “Thank you, Louisa. That’s very sweet.”

  Louisa beamed. “Oh, I just love doing domestic things. I rarely have the chance at home, what with having Rosa to take care of menial tasks. You know, Rosa has been with our family ever since I can remember. Of course, we pay her now since we lost the war, but she doesn’t try to throw that in our faces one bit.”

  Tarah released an exasperated sigh, then glanced quickly to see if the other two women had noticed. She found Mrs. Greene’s gaze studying Louisa, a worried frown etching her brow.

  “Well, now. Let’s not keep my family waiting on their dessert,” she said, opening the kitchen door ahead of Louisa. Tarah trailed behind, wondering again what in the world Anthony saw in Louisa Thomas.

  Thirteen

  In the light of the full moon, Anthony watched wistfully as Tarah headed off toward the St. John ranch with his brother Blane as her escort. He climbed into his saddle and smiled as best he could at Louisa, who sat astride her own mount. “All set?”

  Louisa eyed his horse dubiously and nodded, nudging her mount forward. “I know you were trying to be polite, Anthony. But I really think you could find a higher quality animal.”

  Irritation rose in Anthony. “I’m happy with this one, Louisa, but thank you for the offer.”

  “Oh, well, let’s not talk about that now, anyway,” she said brightly. “I’d much rather discuss the dance. I’ll be the envy of all the girls, walking in on the arm of the most handsome man in town.”

  Anthony felt the heat rush up his neck and burn his ears. He still wasn’t quite sure how Louisa had finagled the invitation from him, but he’d regretted it ever since. Still, she deserved to have a nice evening. And maybe—if God smiled upon him—he could snatch one dance with Tarah. Preferably a waltz.

  As if reading his thoughts, Louisa released a regretful sigh. “It really is a shame Tarah doesn’t have an escort. I suppose I could ask my brother, Caleb, to invite her. Although she isn’t really the elegant sort of young lady he normally courts. And there is also Tom.”

  “Tom?”

  “A friend of Cal’s. He accompanied my brother home from the university. He’s even considering setting up a law practice in Harper, what with all the new people settling in the area. Of course, I don’t see how he’ll make the sort of living he could make in a city, but that doesn’t seem to concern him a bit.” Louisa paused to take a breath, then continued on as though speaking to herself. “Yes, I believe I’ll suggest Tom invite Tarah to the dance. He’s rather handsome. I suppose Tarah will be quite taken with him. I’ll have to warn him not to give her any false hope. B–because, Anthony, there is nothing worse to a girl than receiving false hope from a man she fancies.”

  The way her voice faltered brought Anthony up short. He had supposed she had no idea how he felt. He’d taken great pains not to hurt her feelings over the past couple of months, but now he realized he had done her no favors by not being firm and refusing invitations. And furthermore, she was aware that he had been doing just that.

  Taking a deep breath, Anthony sent up a silent prayer. “Louisa. . .”

  The ring of false laughter filled the air as Louisa nudged her horse closer and reached out to place a hand on Anthony’s arm. “Father just said this morning that he would be asking your intentions soon if you don’t speak up. But I–I assured him you are too fine a man to trifle with a girl’s affections. Aren’t you, Anthony?”

  The cautious hesitancy in her voice fanned Anthony’s feelings of guilt, and he swallowed hard past the lump forming in his throat. Louisa might be flighty and annoying at times, but this new show of vulnerability sent a wave of compassion through Anthony. The time had come to stop the charade before she was hurt any more than she inevitably would be now.

  “Stop for a minute, Louisa,” he said, reining in his horse.

  She did as he asked, and in the brightly lit night, Anthony saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Her lips trembled as she stared back at him, a look of dread covering her delicate features. “Oh, Anthony,” she whispered. “Please don’t say it.”

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I never should have led you on the way I did when I’m in love with—”

  “Tarah,” she said bitterly.

  “Yes.”

  “Then why, Anthony?” she said, her voice thick with tears. “Why did you take me on picnics and ask me to the dance?”

  What could he say without humiliating her? He had never asked her to go one place
with him. He had even tried to refuse invitations from her, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I suppose I’ve been a cad, Louisa. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

  “I don’t know, Anthony,” she said stiffly, jerking her reins and nudging her horse forward once again. “After all, you did lead me on. You aren’t going to back out on escorting me to the dance, are you? Why, I’d be the laughingstock of the entire town.”

  Relieved that indignation had replaced the tears, Anthony smiled into the darkness and followed her. “I’m not backing out on the dance.”

  “That’s little comfort for the humiliation I’ll endure when the whole town finds out you preferred that mousy little country schoolmarm to me,” Louisa huffed. “But it’s better than the alternative.”

  The thought of his beautiful Tarah as a mousy little country schoolmarm brought a sudden smile to Anthony’s face. Spunky, tenderhearted, and generous were traits that came to mind. He prayed she would hold off on answering Mr. Halston until after the dance so he could speak his heart freely. If only she shared a portion of his feelings, there was hope.

  ❧

  Dear Mr. Halston,

  I am pleased to inform you of my recent decision to accept the teaching position you have so graciously offered to me. I will make arrangements to travel to Starling shortly after the New Year. Further correspondence will follow to inform you of the specific date of my arrival.

  Sincerely,

  Miss Tarah St. John

  Tears blurred the words on the page as Tarah attempted to reread the letter. Once this was posted, there would be no turning back. She hadn’t informed the family of her decision because she had just decided this very night to accept the teaching position. Louisa’s presence at Anthony’s house had proven she was holding on to a foolish dream.

  Her heartbreak knew no bounds, but she couldn’t be angry with Anthony. She loved him too much, and his happiness meant the world to her. But neither could she stay and watch as he became another woman’s husband.

  A soft rap sounded on her door. “Come in,” Tarah said, tears thick in her voice. She tried to compose herself as Cassidy stepped into the room.

  “I wanted to say good night.”

  Tarah nodded, afraid to trust her voice.

  “Tarah?” Cassidy stepped closer. Cupping Tarah’s chin, she inched her head up until they met eye to eye. “What’s wrong?”

  Hot tears sprang to Tarah’s eyes, and she handed Cassidy her letter to Mr. Halston.

  A troubled frown creased Cassidy’s brow as she read. Gathering a deep breath, she gave the letter back to Tarah and sank down on the bed next to her. “I see you’ve made your decision.”

  “Yes.”

  “You’ll need to tell your pa soon.”

  “I will.” Tarah sniffed and brushed away a trail of tears with her fingertips.

  “You don’t seem very happy with your decision,” Cassidy said, her eyes searching Tarah’s face. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  A shrug lifted Tarah’s shoulders. “I don’t have a choice. Anthony is going to marry Louisa.” With that she threw herself into Cassidy’s arms and sobbed.

  “Oh, Tarah, I’m so sorry. When did they make their announcement?”

  “Huh?” Tarah pulled back and stared at her stepmother.

  “Their betrothal announcement. When did they make it? I hadn’t heard.”

  “Oh,” Tarah said, waving in dismissal. “They haven’t yet. But it’s only a matter of time.”

  “I see.”

  But Tarah could tell from the confusion on Cassidy’s face that she didn’t see at all. “I just can’t stay here and watch Anthony marry her!”

  “Are you sure this is what God wants you to do, Tarah?”

  “I–I don’t guess I’ve really prayed about it, Ma. I’ve been waiting to see. . .”

  Cassidy drew an exasperated breath and planted her hands firmly on her hips. “Do you mean to tell me you are running off twenty miles from home just because the man you love doesn’t love you in return?”

  When she put it that way. . .

  Still, Tarah felt her defenses rise. Her life had been perfectly wretched the last few months. Between Luke and Jo making trouble in class, Anthony’s love for Louisa, and Louisa always rubbing her nose in it, she needed to make a fresh start to regain her shattered dignity. And Starling was as good a place as any to do it.

  Cassidy stood. “Honey, there’s not a lot I can say. You have to make this decision for yourself, but running away is never the answer. If Anthony isn’t the man God has for you, then He’s preparing someone else. One decision has nothing to do with the other.”

  She strode toward the door, then hesitated. “Just make sure it’s His will before you run off half-cocked because of your wounded pride. I’d hate to see you do something you’ll regret later on.”

  Tarah said nothing as Cassidy slipped from the room, leaving her to wrestle with her words. Wounded pride, was it? She jerked her chin, then her shoulders slumped as truth rushed in like a raging tide. Was it wounded pride? She groaned aloud. Of course that’s what it was. She loved Anthony, but he loved Louisa, a woman who clearly didn’t understand or deserve him. Yet she, Tarah St. John, would have been the perfect wife for a man in his position. Thinking back, she remembered how her determination to love Johnny Cooper had almost killed her, Cassidy, and the twins.

  Oh, God, I thought I had learned my lesson back then. Will I ever learn to trust Your will even when the answer is no?

  Stretching out fully on her bed, she rolled to her stomach and allowed the tears to flow unchecked as she let go of Anthony, the most precious dream she had ever held in her heart.

  In a flash, Cassidy’s words from weeks before came back: “Often the way we react to pressure shows us more about our own hearts than if things always worked out smoothly for us.” Her mind replayed every encounter she’d had with Louisa Thomas over the past few months since Anthony’s arrival in Harper, and she saw how bitter and jealous she had become, growing more so with each meeting.

  God, she prayed, I was so sure You’d sent Anthony back here for me. But all the time he was only a test to see how I would react to his taking up with Louisa again. And she had failed the test miserably. Her resentment toward Louisa had only hardened her heart. Sobs of repentance shook her body. Mold me, like a potter molds clay, Lord. And please teach me to accept Your will for my life instead of always trying to manipulate my own course.

  Suddenly, Tarah thought of the letter on her night table, and she sat up. All the weeks of indecision seemed to fade away, and she realized Cassidy was right. Her decision to leave was based on a desire to run away.

  Even if she went to Starling, she would have to face Anthony and Louisa when she returned. And the thought of uprooting Laney and Ben didn’t sit too well with her. They loved the family life she had always taken for granted. The more she thought about it, the more Tarah recognized that she wasn’t ready to make such a drastic move, either. Even if the town council approved the building of the teacherage, she would have months to prepare to set up housekeeping on her own. If she tried to do that now, she would be completely unprepared.

  She stared at the letter for a moment longer, then knew what she had to do. She snatched it up and ripped it into pieces, feeling the pressure loosen in her chest with each tear.

  Drawing a long, cleansing breath, Tarah stretched back out on her bed. She would stay in Harper and learn to get along with Louisa. Even now her bitterness toward the woman was abating, and she knew God would somehow take care of the rest. Her strong love for Anthony concerned her, but she felt confident God would take care of that as well. And if God willed her to fall in love again, He would send her a man who would return her love. But until then, she would keep her hands off God’s business and trust Him to know what was best for her.

  Fourteen

  Tarah hesitated at the double-doored entrance to the crowded livery stable, which had been transformed for the dance
.

  “Coming, Tarah?” Pa asked, holding out his arm. Cassidy looked radiant at his other side, dressed in a slightly snug gown of cream-colored satin.

  “How could I resist being escorted by the most handsome man at the dance?” Tarah said, slipping her gloved hand inside the crook of his arm.

  “Then let’s make our grand entrance.” Pa grinned to include Laney and Emily, who each held onto one of the twins. “I’m the luckiest man at the dance with all these beautiful women in my company.”

  Tarah had to admit they were a handsome group. Even Laney had acquiesced to wearing a dress, but she had made it clearly understood this was not to be an everyday occurrence.

  Tarah grinned. Wearing a gown of blue velvet fashioned from material Cassidy had insisted was made just for Tarah, she felt confident in her appearance. But only for a moment. As she stepped inside, she spotted Louisa whirling past in Anthony’s arms. Her gown of emerald-colored silk clung to her body and perfectly offset her green eyes, pale skin, and strawberry blond hair. Tarah had to admit, Louisa was breathtakingly beautiful, and suddenly she felt dowdy by comparison.

  Anthony looked handsome in his Sunday suit and his tie, crooked as ever. Tarah couldn’t keep an indulgent smile from curving her lips, though her heart ached at the sight of him dancing with Louisa.

  She had barely removed her wraps when she was asked to dance. The evening whirled by with partner after partner vying for her attention until her self-confidence returned and she felt like the belle of the ball. She would have been on a cloud if only Anthony had once asked her to dance. But she knew it was just as well.

  Standing next to the refreshment table, Tarah graciously refused a would-be dance partner and sipped a glass of lemonade, wishing she had brought a fan to cool herself off.

  “Good evening, Tarah. Lovely dance, isn’t it?” Louisa’s singsong voice tore Tarah’s attention away from watching Anthony waltzing with pretty Camilla Simpson.

  In no mood for a confrontation, Tarah eyed Louisa cautiously, her stomach tense, awaiting the insults. But for once, the young woman smiled pleasantly. “I’ve made a decision, Tarah,” she said, graciously accepting a glass of lemonade.