by Alexa Davis
Then there was this whole mess that I’d gotten myself into with Annie. I wanted to call her, I needed to hear her voice, but I couldn’t quite make myself do it. Every time I picked up my phone, I thought about my mom in the hospital, depressed and suicidal. I considered Dad cheating on her over and over again without a second thought. I’d gotten way past the stage where I didn’t want to believe that anymore, and now I’d simply accepted it as fact.
Finding the suicide note must have been the reason that Garrett went off the rails; it explained why he didn’t care about his life and why he was always such a dick to Dad.
I didn’t want to become that, but Garrett probably didn’t want to become like Mom, either.
“The Gains gene is a bad one.”
Urgh, but I still wanted to talk to Annie, even if I didn’t deserve her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I hated letting her go.
I adored her slightly wavy, light-brown hair, her warm, loving eyes, that bright smile that I couldn’t get enough of. I missed the feel of her in my arms, the way that she made me feel right, happy, complete. If only things were normal, if only I could just be with her, if only I hadn't come from such a shit-storm of a family.
I couldn’t call her now anyway. I’d left it far too long. If I returned her call now, I would have lots of explaining to do, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for that. I didn’t think that I’d be able to explain myself coherently enough to make her understand and forgive me.
No, I would have to let her go, instead.
I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet, having reached the mental end of my tether, and I poured myself a drink. An angry, black cloud had settled over me, and there was only one thing that could shake it.
As the warm liquid slid down my throat, I felt an instant sense of relief. This was what I’d been needing the entire time; resisting had been futile. Now that I’d taken that one step over the line, I didn’t think I’d stop until I could shut my thoughts off completely. I didn’t want to think anymore, about any of it, and this was the best way to achieve that.
It took less than a second for the first drink to go, after which I instantly poured another. My behavior was bad, this could only end terribly, but I no longer cared…
***
The music thumped loudly, vibrating through my whole body. This club wasn’t the sort of place I would normally frequent as the target audience was far too young for my liking – some of the people inside the place were just kids – but I wasn’t thinking straight. All I wanted to do was drink some more, so when the bar I vaguely remembered being in closed, I headed to the nearest place I could get my hands on some more booze.
“Fucking hell,” I called out angrily as I saw the line to the bar. “For fuck’s sake.”
“The lines in these places are always far too long, aren’t they?” a female voice called into my ear. “It always makes me wonder why they haven’t come up with a solution to that problem yet.”
I turned to face her, instantly pegging her as a chick out on the prowl. I could tell by the fact that she was alone, having probably ditched her group of friends the moment they got into the club, but also by her outfit.
Her dress was slightly too tight, showing off impressive cleavage, one I assumed was probably created by a doctor somewhere. Then there was her brassy-blonde hair, and her very heavy makeup, making it very difficult to tell her age. She was kind of hot, in a weird way, and maybe she would be good-looking under all of that façade, but I just wasn’t really interested. I’d met a natural beauty who had completely changed my perception on everything.
Still, there wasn’t any reason to be rude. “I know what you mean, it’s a fucking mess,” I growled back. “Pisses me off when I can’t just get into a place and get a drink.”
As the line moved slowly, we moaned about everything negative about clubs, and surprisingly, she actually had me laughing. Through my drunken state, she was actually good company, and I was glad to have her by my side. So when someone bumped into her accidently, spilling a drink down her dress, I felt my red hot, irrational temper boiling up.
“What the fuck, man!” I yelled as he did his best to apologize. “Why don’t you watch where you’re fucking going?”
“It’s okay,” she tried to tell me, but she was soaking now and I was furious. We hadn't been waiting in this shitty line for nearly an hour just for that to happen.
“No,” I grabbed the guy by the scruff of his neck. “You’re an asshole. You don’t ever tip drinks down people. I think you did it on purpose.” I was acting like a fucking idiot, but I could hardly see it through the fog of booze.
“I…I…I’m sorry…” he stammered, fear written all over his face. This guy was a kid compared to me, but that still didn’t stop me. I couldn’t fight the person I wanted to, so I would have to take it out on this dick.
But just as I pulled my fist back, ready to hit him square in the face, a couple of burly bouncers dragged me off of him and tossed me to one side. I tried to struggle against them, but they were too strong and I was too drunk, so in the end, I gave up and allowed them to throw me outside.
As my body hit the ground, I found myself at a new low. Wasted and lying in the gutter. I was almost tempted to stay there, until I head a familiar voice speaking to me.
“Come on,” the woman from the bar must have followed me outside. “Let’s get you home.”
“No, I’ll get a cab,” I shot back a little nastily. I just didn’t want any sympathy right now. “Don’t worry about it, you go back in there and enjoy yourself.”
“I’m soaking wet, fed up, and I haven’t even had a drink yet. Let me drive you home, just to say thank you. Your actions might have been questionable, but your intentions were honorable. Let me pay you back for that.”
I wasn’t totally sure that my intentions were honorable, but it was either leave with this woman or continue to lie in the gutter, and I really wanted to go home.
“I’m Helen, by the way,” she told me as she led me to her car. “I just realized that we never exchanged names.”
“Justin,” I replied, before sleepily relaying my address, too. Then I slumped into the passenger’s seat of her car and allowed my eyes to slip shut. I needed to sleep now, to forget, and that was exactly what I intended to do…
***
“Justin? Justin?” I woke up to the sound of a stranger’s voice waking me up. I stirred and forced my blurry eyes open to find myself looking at a face I vaguely recognized. I knew where she was from, I was aware that I’d met her at the club before I made a total ass out of myself, but she looked different somehow.
“Oh, thank you…” Nope, I couldn’t remember her name; there was no point in even trying. “I appreciate it.”
I staggered out of the car, proving that I was still a mess, which caused her to tuck herself under my arm to lead me inside. I had the sense that she was coming in for a reason, and that could have been because of my money, but I was too drunk to refuse her.
“Now, do you want water or anything?” she asked kindly. I nodded, too worn out to tell her that all I wanted was to be alone. “Can I get anything else for you? Do you need food?”
“No, thank you,” I finally managed to rasp out. “I’m okay now.”
Oh God, did I really just almost have a fight in the club? I hadn't ever had a physical fight in my life, except for with Garrett when we were kids, so I probably would have ended up with my ass kicked, anyway. What a fucking idiot.
“Well, thank you again for saving me,” she smiled, sitting far too close to me. She was making herself comfortable and at home, which meant she didn’t intend to go anywhere any time soon. “That was really kind of you.”
Lust floated behind her eyes, she wanted to screw me, and in all honesty, I was just about drunk enough to let it happen. If I was like my father, then maybe it was time to start acting like it. Maybe I should be more like Garrett, bringing home different girls every ni
ght. Maybe it would be hollow, but it’d be satisfying, too.
“You’re welcome,” I replied, forcing a smile on my face. I allowed my hand to move forward to touch her thigh, but the second my skin connected with hers, I remembered the last time I was in bed with someone – when there were feelings involved and it really mattered. I jumped backwards, as if I’d been electrocuted.
“Are you okay?” bar lady asked through gritted teeth. It was clear that she felt annoyed that I wasn’t all over her, but I couldn’t fake it. I wasn’t a magician. “What’s the problem?”
I couldn’t go through with this now, not if the first over-clothes touch reminded me of Annie. Now that I’d met her, there wasn’t a chance that I could ever act like my father or brother, not if I couldn’t get her off my mind.
“I’m sorry, I think you might have to go,” I told her honestly, standing up to highlight my point. “Thank you for the ride home, but I think it’s time to leave.”
“Do you have a girlfriend, or are you married or something?” As anger twisted up in her expression, any beauty she’d once had totally vanished. She didn’t want me, not really; it was obvious that she’d been after something from me, and now she was mad that it wasn’t going to happen.
“Or something,” I confirmed. “Now, please leave.”
I half expected her to put up a fight, but she didn’t. She simply grabbed her car keys and flounced out, slamming the door shut loudly behind her. The sound made me flinch, but it filled me with relief, too. She was gone and I was alone: just what I’d wanted all along.
I moved slowly over to the bookshelf, as if under a trance, and I grabbed the first book that I was drawn to, reading the first line over and over again.
My name is Mary Ann, and I’m wanted for murder.
Annie was smart and sexy, a combination I needed in my life, and nothing else would do. I just had no idea what to do about that dilemma.
Chapter Thirty
Annie – Monday, One Week Later
“What’s that?” I asked Rae over the breakfast table, noticing her totally engrossed in something.
“My present from Justin,” she smiled, holding it up to show me. “It’s lots of fun.”
Those words sent daggers into my heart. I remembered the moment he gave me that for Rae, how optimistic I’d found that moment. I’d thought that he wasn’t just accepting me into his life, but my daughter, too, and that felt really positive for the future. If I’d known how things were going to turn out, then I wouldn’t have allowed myself to get so suckered in.
I was trying to do what Nancy advised and give him some space, but it had been over a week now and it was clear that he wouldn’t be getting back in touch with me anytime soon. I needed to just accept that it was over.
“Oh, that’s nice,” I tried to sound breezy as I replied, but I wasn’t sure that came across. “It looks good.”
“When is Justin coming again? I want to show him what I’ve done.”
Oh God, she is so innocent, so trusting, how the hell am I going to break her heart? I was starting to wish that I’d never set eyes on Justin Gains. The aftereffects of having him in my life really weren’t worth it.
“I don’t know; now why don’t you get your breakfast eaten? Nancy will be here soon.” Changing the subject was the only option that I had left. “You want her to know how well-behaved you’ve been, don’t you?”
“Yeah, okay.”
As she ate quietly, I sat beside her and sipped my coffee. I wasn’t in the mood for food myself, which was pretty typical of me whenever I was facing heartbreak. When everything happened with Rae’s dad, I didn’t eat for about two weeks. I only started again because I didn’t want to end up sick and in hospital, leaving my baby girl, too.
I just couldn’t understand it. Things seemed to be going so well between me and Justin, how could it have gone from that to absolutely nothing? It just didn’t feel right. If he wasn’t interested anymore, if he had too much going on in his life, why couldn’t he just tell me to put me out of my misery? I would do that for him, just out of respect. What we’d had meant a lot to me, but all of this proved that it didn’t to him. It couldn’t have.
One text, one phone call for five minutes – I didn’t feel like I was being unreasonable expecting that. It didn’t feel like too much to ask. I hated to feel like I’d been used, that I hadn't meant anything. It made me feel sad and useless.
Knock, knock…
“Oh that must be Nancy,” I told Rae quickly. “I’ll go and let her in.”
I wasn’t looking forward to a long day of putting on my fake face again, but it beat sitting around at home trying to work out where I went wrong. At least at Boffees there was always something to do, something to keep me distracted. When there weren’t customers to serve, there was always cleaning and organizing…something to throw myself into.
It was just a shame that my business reminded me of him, too. I could barely move through the store without spotting something that was him – the counter where he first approached me, the seat where he sat reading my book and drinking his coffee, the place where he spent some time with Rae. There was no escape. Physically, he might have been in Portland, but he hadn't left Florence either, not really.
“Hey, Nancy, how are you?” I was happy to see my friend glowing with happiness, but it was yet another reminder that my own love story hadn't turned out as I’d expected. “Rae is in the kitchen eating.” Usually, I hung around to chat for a bit, but today I just wanted to get going. “I better get going. I have a lot to do.”
We said a quick goodbye and I shouted farewell to Rae before I headed out to the one place I really needed to act happy. I was just hoping that I could fake it until I made it. I knew that I could feel okay again after all that I’d survived in the past, it just felt like it was taking me a very long time to get there.
I managed to hold it together for the first hour as I served a lot of my regulars, fending off any questions about what was happening with the business. It seemed that people were more aware of my expansion plans that I was aware of, which was nice in a way, but sad because of how things had turned out.
Then Roy walked in, and I felt myself crumble.
He was the man who had introduced me to Justin – there was no escaping my emotions when he was involved. “Hi,” he said kindly, clearly seeing the mess he’d turned me into. “A latte please, and a chat if you have time.”
I nodded quickly before turning my back to him while I attempted to pull myself together. I couldn’t cry, not in front of all the people in the café. I’d never hear the end of it. I sucked in a few deep breaths of air, reminding myself that I was in public, then as I finally felt ready, I took Roy over his drink.
“So, how are things with you?” I asked, hoping to ease myself into the conversation gently, but he had no intention of letting me get away with it so easily. He gave me a look, one that told me that he could see the inner turmoil I was experiencing.
“Okay,” I conceded. “You don’t want to talk about you; you want to hear about me, instead.”
“I do,” he nodded, confirming everything. “You look sad, and I want to know why.”
I let out a sigh before launching into the whole messy tale. “Well, investment-wise, things didn’t work out,” I told him in a straightforward tone of voice, but he instantly jumped on that, thinking I was sad because of my business.
“Oh, I am sorry. I thought he would be the right person for you.”
“It’s okay. I think that he really did want to help, but his advisor basically made him cut me a deal that benefitted him, obviously, but it didn’t work for me. I wasn’t willing to give up that much of my company. I didn’t want to lose so much control.”
“Oh right, I see,” he replied a little shocked. “Well it sounds like you made a smart decision. I hope Justin told you that. I hope that he didn’t lead you on. That makes me look terrible.”
“Oh, he did, that isn’t really the problem,
” I reassured him. “The issue lies with the fact that we slept together…”
“I knew you two had chemistry – I could just sense it!” he grinned happily, until it hit him that this tale clearly didn’t have a happy ending. That must was written right across my face. “Oh, sorry.”
“It’s okay, it was going well. Things were a little strange between us because of the investment, but as soon as I decided not to go through with it, it felt much better.”
“So, what went wrong?” he asked cautiously.
“Well, his brother got caught drunk driving, and I think there was an accident. I think it was really bad and that there were other people involved.” I didn’t want to tell him the full details; it didn’t really feel like my place to do so, so I hoped that would be enough. “I left Portland, and Justin hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“Garrett has always been a problem,” Roy confirmed, shaking his head sadly. “I don’t know how Justin copes with him. If things are that bad, then he’s probably really sucked into it all. Maybe he doesn’t even realize that he hasn’t contacted you. I wouldn’t worry too much. I know what he’s like and it seems like you’ve had a real impact on him. I’ve never heard him tell me that he likes someone before.”
“Wait, he told you that?” I gasped, sounding like an excited teenager. “That has to be good, right?”
But then I remembered that it had been over a week, and all the happiness simply zapped from my system.
“I would just give him time,” he continued, frustratingly. “Garrett has always been hard work for him, he’s always been a problem, but this sounds like the worst thing he’s ever done. Justin is probably getting it from every angle and doesn’t know where to turn. The lawyers, the police, the media. He’s probably right in the middle of a horrible shit-storm. I know it’s hard, but you might just have to be patient.”