Solitary Man

by Carly Phillips

Nikki stepped inside the front door and glanced around Kevin’s new house as if seeing it for the first time. And in a way she was. For the foreseeable future, this was her new home. Her stomach cramped and it had nothing to do with the baby. Directly in front of her was a large staircase leading to the second floor of his Victorian-style home.

  “Consider the upstairs off-limits,” Kevin said, coming up behind her.

  “Believe me, I wouldn’t dream of going near those steps,” she muttered.

  “Good. I just wanted to make sure we were in agreement” He stood so close his warm breath tickled her neck, sending a shot of awareness throughout her body.

  Whenever she was around Kevin, she burned. Nikki hoped he kept a fire extinguisher somewhere close because she had a hunch she was going to need it. She took a step forward but she still felt his solid presence behind her.

  “So where’s my room?” she asked lightly, trying to minimize her feelings about setting up house with Kevin.

  “Back here. Apparently this old place had a servants’ quarters off the kitchen. There’s a bedroom and full bath.”

  “Good. Good.” With his bedroom upstairs, she was half a house and a full flight of stairs away from temptation.

  He stepped around her, motioning for her to follow. With the soft denim molding to his thighs and the ripple of muscles beneath his old gray T-shirt Nikki would have followed him to the ends of the earth. And back.

  She swallowed a moan. Boy was she in trouble.

  He stopped in the family room, in front of what looked like a brand-new leather recliner. “I figured you wouldn’t want to be cooped up in a back room all day, so you can make yourself comfortable in here.”

  Sunlight streamed through oblong windows around the perimeter of the room, making for a welcoming place to be. A stack of women’s magazines sat on the table beside the chair, and a large-screen television was directly in front. “This is… this is perfect Kevin, thank you.”

  He shifted from foot to foot, obviously uncomfortable with her gratitude. “I stopped at the hospital gift shop,” he said, pointing to the neat pile of reading he’d left for her.

  “Thanks.” If this stiltedness continued, the stress would send her right back to the hospital.

  “I did a quick pack-and-run when I was in your apartment earlier. Janine said she’d come by this afternoon to visit and help you get your things put away. I didn’t think you’d want me to unpack for you.” His cheekbones were highlighted with color—embarrassment—making him appear endearing and… soft. A word and a look she’d never associated with Kevin before.

  But with this offer and unexpected move into his home, she was seeing a fresh side to Kevin Manning. She had a hunch they’d be seeing new and enlightening sides to each other, for as long as this arrangement continued.

  “I have to let my boss know I’m out of commission,” Nikki said, thinking of all the repercussions.

  “At the risk of starting an argument, I took a chance and called over there this morning. I spoke to Jack myself. I figured you’d want to give him as much notice as possible, all things considered.”

  Her gaze met his. No doubt he expected another argument. “That was thoughtful. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m going to make a few calls. The remote’s on the table.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “You should get off your feet.”

  She nodded and lowered herself into the comfortable chair. The leather squeaked as it molded to the contours of her body. She pushed herself back into a reclining position. Tension in her back and legs—tension she hadn’t even known she was carrying, eased immediately. She sighed aloud. “This is great”

  “And you know where the bathroom is.”

  “I’m not likely to forget” She laughed and he grinned in return. The unbearable tension between them had finally been broken. Nikki wondered how long the reprieve would last.

  SEVEN

  “I hate being waited on.” Nikki tilted her head back and watched as the woman Kevin had hired, Eleanor Reid, cleaned off the dinner table while she did nothing but sit.

  “I’m just doing my job,” Eleanor reminded her. A job she’d done well in the last week. Problem was, the job was all she did. There was no small talk or chit-chat.

  Nikki figured she could either lose her mind or try to draw the older woman out. “Yeah, but I grew up on a farm. Everyone pitched in. I mean even the cows gave milk.”

  It worked. The other woman cracked a smile on her professional face. Nikki waved a hand toward one of the chairs, motioning for her to sit.

  Eleanor hesitated, then sat down beside Nikki at the table. “How are you feeling?” she asked finally.

  After three days a week of Mrs. Reid puttering around her but never invading her personal space, Nikki was grateful she’d penetrated her shell. Nikki was lonely.

  Funny, but even in college, she’d been independent. She had many friends, and a roommate, but she’d been on her own more often than not. And after Tony died, she and Janine had lived opposite schedules, which left Nikki alone during the day. She hadn’t been lonely then.

  But she was now. Because for the first time she knew what it was like to live with someone—and be totally, utterly alone. Oh, Kevin was around, her constant companion when not at work, making sure she felt okay, didn’t get out of bed too often and wanted for nothing. But he was as distant as he could be with the constant awareness sizzling between them.

  Perhaps because of her strong feelings for him, Nikki felt the emptiness that much more. Which made her determined not to take this confinement lying down. She had to approach the future as if it didn’t involve Kevin, and prepare both herself and her baby for that eventuality.

  But she smiled at her companion. “I’m feeling okay.”

  “Good, because some women would be climbing the walls after a week of bed rest.”

  Nikki dropped her head to her hands, which lay on the table. “I lied. I’m not okay. I’m bored out of my mind,” she wailed. She lifted her head and grinned. “Thank you. I feel much better now.”

  “When are you due?”

  Her hand went to her stomach, as it automatically did each time she thought of the baby. “Early November.”

  “A Scorpio. Determined little buggers with long memories. Protective of those they care about.”

  “Sounds a lot like his father,” Nikki murmured. She’d begun thinking of the baby in terms of he, probably because she envisioned a tough little guy like Kevin.

  “Mmm. Baby’s lucky to have such a caring man as a parent. Not all kids get that lucky.”

  She wondered if Kevin thought of his son—or daughter—as lucky to have him for a father. Though she hadn’t planned this pregnancy, she knew she thought her baby was fortunate to have him around. But he’d been on a downward spiral of guilt since Tony died. If nothing else, maybe this baby would give him a positive focus.

  “You’re perceptive, Mrs…. Can I call you Eleanor? I mean if we’re going to be cooped up together, the formality seems kind of silly, doesn’t it?”

  “Eleanor it is.” She smiled in return. “You seem perceptive yourself, for one so young.”

  Nikki shrugged. “Let’s say I’ve lived a lot in a short time.”

  “Well, you and Mr. Manning seem like a nice young couple.”

  They were nice, and young… but a couple? Nikki shook her head, knowing if Kevin had his way, they would never be an us.

  Did he realize what the future could hold? What kind of family life the three of them could have, if he opened his heart? Shivering at the direction of her thoughts, she sought for a way to change the subject.

  Eleanor did it for her. She cleared her throat. “I really should clean this mess up though, before Mr. Manning gets home.”

  Nikki nodded. But she dreaded the thought of another long evening. “If you finish early… would you be interested in a game of cards?” Nikki asked. Kevin had left her a deck earlier. For Solitaire. She g
rimaced.

  “I’m not much of a card player, but I did see a Scrabble board on the top shelf of the closet when I was cleaning.”

  Nikki’s brain kicked into gear for the first time in four months. Waitressing was good for her checkbook, but the mental stimulation had been minimal. Unless she counted the numerous ways of ducking a come-on, she thought wryly. “That sounds great”

  “Why don’t you rest for awhile and I’ll come get you when I’m finished in here.”

  Nikki nodded. She yawned, amazed she could be tired when all she did was lounge around. With Kevin due home soon, and with him the return of tension, she might as well gather her strength while she could.

  Once in her room, she lay down on the gingham checked comforter and stretched until she found a comfortable position. Her gaze fell to a small bouquet of freshly cut flowers in a vase on the dresser. A gift from Janine, they reminded her of many things. Especially the life growing inside her and the dream that she’d one day have the family she’d always wanted. She couldn’t base her future on hope.

  She pulled open her dresser drawer and withdrew her college transcripts and deferral letter. Though she’d always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, she’d wanted to make the choice, not be forced into it out of necessity. The only way she’d have all her options open to her was if she finished her last semester of student teaching and graduated college.

  With or without Kevin—whether he liked it or not—she had to get her degree and reestablish her independence. Or she’d lose herself and all the progress she’d made.

  * * *

  Kevin checked the locks on the warehouse door and headed back inside. The security cameras he’d installed would monitor comings and goings in detail, and so would the guard stationed at the desk. As a result, not only were his hands free, but so was his mind. Free to focus on Nikki and what he’d come to think of as the invasion of his home.

  Having always lived alone, he’d grown used to complete silence. Not that he’d liked it, but it was all he’d known. And it was preferable to the sound of a drunk knocking into furniture or the constant fighting he’d grown up with.

  When he’d moved into the old house, he hadn’t bothered with any kind of decorating beyond what his aunt had done—though with a baby on the way, he’d have to give some sort of thought to change. But for now he had his hands full with his female… What did he call her?

  Houseguest was too generic a term for the soft female lounging in oversized tops and looking far too warm and welcoming for his peace of mind. He’d managed to keep his distance so far, but it hadn’t been easy. It took every ounce of discipline he’d learned on the force not to gather her into his arms and keep her there.

  A dangerous notion. He’d be a fool if he didn’t see the matching longing in her violet eyes, or acknowledge the emotional connection between them. But to act on either would be to put his needs first, not Nikki’s. He’d done that once before, with disastrous results.

  Not disastrous for him, since the thought of her pregnant with his child was a blessing. One he didn’t deserve. And one that had uprooted her entire life. Again. With his track record of letting her down, he didn’t intend to take any chances. So he intended to keep his distance and put her first for once. And maybe then he could look himself in the mirror without wanting to hit the reflection staring back at him.

  By the time he walked back into the house, Mrs. Reid had finished cleaning up, had set his wrapped dinner on the counter and was ready to leave for the night. He glanced over the other woman’s shoulder, expecting to see Nikki settled in the recliner watching television, but the room was sparkling clean—and empty.

  “Where’s Nikki?” he asked.

  “In bed. Asleep.”

  “Is she feeling okay?” Their trip to the clinic earlier in the week had been uneventful and the recommendation of the doctor there not much different than that of the emergency room attendant in the hospital.

  Kevin wanted to broach the subject of leaving the clinic but he didn’t think Nikki was up to the argument. And he was certain she’d fight him. On this as well as other things. Kevin knew he had to build the foundation for approaching the subject of marriage in a way that would leave Nikki with no doubt it was the right solution. He just hadn’t yet figured out how to make his case.

  Mrs. Reid grabbed for her light jacket and swung it over her shoulders. “She’s fine. I don’t even think it’s real exhaustion. She’s bored if you ask me. Had it with being cooped up.”

  He exhaled. “Can’t say I blame her, but it shouldn’t be too much longer.” Another week and she’d return to the doctor, and if things stayed the same, she’d be allowed out of bed as long as she didn’t do anything strenuous.

  “Boredom often comes from loneliness,” Mrs. Reid said with a pointed stare. “Can I speak my mind?”

  Kevin nodded. Some insight into Nikki wouldn’t only help her, but it might make this new living arrangement more bearable. “Go on.”

  “I didn’t realize until tonight that she wanted me to do more than clean around her and serve her meals. She wants company. Someone to talk to and some plain human interaction. We all need it.”

  “Are you asking my permission to spend time with her? Even though you’re only here part-time, I hired you to be with her for whatever she needs. Not just to cook and clean.”

  She shook her head. He thought she muttered, “Men,” under her breath. “Of course I’ll keep that girl company. I like her spirit. But I’m not the only one she needs something from.” She fished for her keys in her black leather purse. “Good night, Mr. Manning.”

  “Night,” he muttered, knowing she was right. And not knowing what the hell to do about it.

  He let Mrs. Reid out. Following instinct, he made his way toward Nikki’s room. She’d left the hall light burning but her room was dark. Kevin walked down the brightly lit hall toward the door, open just a crack. With any other woman, he’d consider it an invitation. But Nikki had never resorted to playing games.

  Even the night she’d shown up on his doorstep, she hadn’t been shy about what she wanted. He stepped into the room, his gaze drawn to the figure in the bed. He walked closer. Her even breathing told him she was asleep.

  He ought to turn and go. He’d done his duty. He’d checked and she was fine. He could leave her in peace. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk out. Instead he sat beside her on the double bed, careful not to move the mattress and wake her up. As if of its own volition, his hand moved, and he smoothed the dark hair off her forehead.

  She stirred, rolling toward him. So much for good intentions, he thought.

  “Kevin?” she murmured, her voice groggy with sleep.

  “Right here.”

  Her eyes opened slowly, and her gaze met his. Surprise warred with pleasure. Pleasure she quickly stifled and he felt its loss. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It was too late to remove his hand, nor did he want to. He’d spent too much time keeping them apart but wanting more. He fingered the silken strands between his fingers.

  He’d believed the only way their new living arrangement could work was if he kept his distance. He still believed that, but knew it was the selfish man’s way out. “So are you okay?” he asked.

  Nikki bit down on her lower lip. She held onto Kevin’s gaze and decided, if she had any hope of happiness, that she had to be honest. “I’m fine,” she told him. “Better now that you’re here.”

  His sharp inhale told her she’d hit a nerve. Well, good. It’s about time someone didn’t let Kevin off easily. All this tiptoeing around each other wasn’t good for her and wasn’t good for the baby. If she wasn’t careful she’d end up in a self-induced depression and there was no way she’d let these circumstances get her down. It meant pulling Kevin into the feeling world, kicking and screaming, but she didn’t care.

  If she was going to live in his house and be around him constantly, then he was going to ha
ve to acknowledge that he wasn’t alone. That she was here, and she affected him as much as he affected her. Not that she expected anything more to come of it, she assured herself.

  Perhaps this nap gave her more strength and perspective than she’d realized. Or maybe it was breaking through Mrs. Reid’s reserve, but something had changed. She was pregnant, she was happy about it, and she wasn’t going to let confinement get to her. She was going to live, and drag Kevin along with her.

  “I can’t stay.”

  She pushed herself higher against the pillows. “Why? Do you have important reruns to watch on television? Push-ups to do that can’t wait?”

  A grin edged the sides of his mouth. “You aren’t going to make this easy on me, are you?”

  “Why should I? I’m living in your house and having your baby. What about this is easy for me?”

  “You’re too smart for your own good, Nicole.”

  She laughed. “No, just too stubborn for yours. Stay with me,” she said, knowing she’d be catching him off guard. “Please.” She added the latter for good measure.

  He leaned forward and studied her with his intense, dark-eyed gaze. She caught a whiff of his masculine scent and her insides curled with a rush of pleasure. By asking him to stay, she realized she was torturing herself with what she couldn’t have, and yet she wanted nothing more than to wake up with Kevin beside her.

  “Mrs. Reid says you’re lonely.”

  “It’s a combination of things. Boredom is one of them, but she’s right. I’m lonely. In here.” She tapped on her chest right above her heart. “It’s hard to explain. Maybe some of it’s hormonal, what with the baby and all—but…”

  He narrowed his eyes as she spoke, absorbing every word. “Go on.”

  “We created this life together. But when I found out I was pregnant I didn’t want to burden you. I planned on doing this on my own, but you pushed and pushed until you became a part of things. And now… here I am. But we’re further apart than ever.”

  He let out a groan. “You know what I am, what I’m capable of. Isn’t it better if we just…”