Basic Training of the Heart

by Jaycie Morrison

  “Why is that, Sergeant?” Bett asked, her tone innocent while her insides burned with unanticipated emotion.

  “Because I have other responsibilities and I would prefer not to be waiting around all afternoon. I am happy to help you with this appointment but I am not a chauffeur.”

  Rains sounded a little testy. Bett replied in kind. “Well, Sergeant, I guess you sometimes have to follow orders just like the rest of us.”

  Bett noted that Rains glanced at her curiously, but she made no reply.

  It was well after dinnertime when Bett came out of the building. The evening had cooled. Sergeant Rains had buttoned her jacket and was pacing along the sidewalk. Bett admitted to herself that she could have been through over an hour ago, and she almost felt sorry that she had deliberately kept Rains waiting for so long. But as she walked toward the Jeep, she saw a blanket, a thermos, and a paper sack in the back. It looked as if Rains had prepared for her date while Bett was inside.

  “Private Smythe, why are you so late?” Rains asked, her eyes angry.

  “There was a lot to see and I had a lot of questions,” Bett answered, trying to sound convincing. Rains sighed and looked up at the twilight sky. “Did I interfere with your evening plans, Sergeant?” Bett asked in her sweet tone.

  Rains looked back at her suspiciously. “Who said I had evening plans?”

  “Don’t you?” Bett indicated the blanket.

  Rains dug her hands into her pants pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet for a moment, glancing at Bett from time to time. She looked at the sky once more and seemed to make a decision. “Fine,” she said brusquely, and started the Jeep. They drove away from the base, Rains speeding a bit.

  “Where are we going?” Bett asked, getting a little worried. Surely Rains wasn’t going to drag her along on her date.

  “Since you weren’t able to keep to your schedule, Private, you’re going to have to keep to mine,” Rains replied as the city lights disappeared behind them. The air was cooling steadily and Bett shivered, crossing her arms over her chest. Turning off on a dirt road, the sergeant steered with one hand and reached into the back of the Jeep, grabbing the blanket and holding it out to Bett. She wrapped it around herself as they crested a little rise. Rains pulled off the road near some trees and turned off the motor. Silence and near-total darkness covered them quickly.

  “Where are we?” Bett asked nervously.

  “Just a place I know,” Rains answered, picking up the sack and the thermos before getting out and walking briskly toward the trees. She looked back at Bett. “Do you prefer to stay with the vehicle?”

  Bett got out and tried to follow Rains into the trees but lost sight of her almost immediately. “Sergeant Rains?”

  A disembodied voice replied. “Over here.”

  Bett had no idea where here was. She took a few more steps, but it was so dark that all she could see was the Jeep. She decided she’d rather remain where she was than risk breaking an ankle walking over unknown ground. Making her way slowly back, she was about to get back into the Jeep when a hand touched her shoulder. Bett gasped.

  “It’s only me, Private.” Rains’s voice was quiet, but Bett could detect a little derision. “There’s really no point in your being here if you’re going to miss the show. Come on.”

  Bett’s eyes had adjusted enough that she was able to see Rains’s hand stretch out in the darkness. She took it gratefully and let the sergeant guide her through the trees to a part of the rolling hill that overlooked the horizon.

  “Sit here.” Rains pointed at the edge of a clearing. Bett did. Rains sat surprisingly close, leaning her back against the tree nearest to Bett.

  The stillness suggested that there wasn’t another soul around. Bett breathed in the clear evening air, getting over her jitters. “What are we doing here?” she asked.

  “You’ll see.” Rains opened the thermos and poured, offering Bett the cup.

  Bett sipped warily. It was hot tea, her nonalcoholic drink of choice. She smiled at Rains gratefully. “I don’t suppose you brought dinner, too?”

  Rains took a single sandwich from the paper bag and pulled it in half, handing Bett the bigger part.

  “No, really, Sergeant, I was only joking.” Bett knew it was her fault that neither of them had eaten. But Rains gestured with the sandwich half again and Bett’s stomach convinced her to take it. Only one sandwich, she thought, feeling a little silly. She wasn’t meeting anyone. Was that also relief she felt?

  Her drill instructor pulled an orange from her jacket pocket, wagging it in Bett’s direction. “Do you know how to peel one of these, Private Smythe?” she asked, one eyebrow cocked, her eyes light with amusement.

  Bett was delighted. For the sergeant to display a sense of humor was unusual; for her to tease so personally was special. “Um”—Bett feigned uncertainty, taking the fruit and examining it carefully—“I’m not sure.” She lifted her eyes, pretending to offer the orange back to Rains. “Perhaps you could show me?”

  “Sure, having me do all the work seems to solve everything, doesn’t it?” Rain replied easily and Bett laughed as she started peeling. When the fruit was divided, Rains topped off Bett’s cup and leaned back against the tree again, eating and drinking from the thermos with a contented expression on her face. After a few moments, she sat up straight and looked out at the horizon. “Watch there,” she pointed, and in a moment Bett saw a broad edge of light coming up.

  “What is that?” she whispered.

  “Haŋwí,” Rain answered softly.

  “What?”

  “The moon,” Rains said a little louder, as if she was repeating, but Bett knew it wasn’t the same word she had said before.

  As they watched, the light turned into a curve of whiteness. The moon seemed to be at least ten times its normal size, bigger and brighter than Bett had ever seen. She looked over at her sergeant, questions on her lips, but the expression on Rains’s face quieted her. Rains looked almost reverent, and Bett didn’t want to be an aggravation. As the spectacle of the rising moon continued, Bett unwrapped the blanket from around herself and moved close enough that she could put half of it around Rains. Then she leaned her head against Rains’s shoulder.

  “Stop that, Private,” Rains said, shocked at Smythe’s familiarity.

  “No,” Bett replied. Rains gathered herself to move away but Bett grabbed her arm under the blanket. “I promise I’m not going to do another thing but sit here with you like this, okay? Please, Rains. Don’t you need to feel something earthly when you’re watching this kind of beauty? I’m afraid I might float away if I’m not grounded.”

  Ignoring the more informal use of her name, Rains turned her eyes away from Bett. She didn’t want to admit that she sat with her back against a tree for that exact reason. She didn’t move or speak, trying to ease the tension in her body. Bett stayed very still, and after a bit, the sergeant returned her attention to the moon. It was an incredible sight, awing them both into stillness. Before too long, Rains became accustomed to the weight of Bett’s head against her; it was a nice counter to the tree at her back. When Bett sighed and stretched her arm across Rains’s waist, it felt secure, like a wrap holding her to the earth. A few minutes later, Rains began rocking ever so slightly, her chest vibrating as she hummed softly. When the big moon had gotten all the way up and was continuing its ascent into the sky, Rains turned her head to look at Smythe’s face, so close to her own. Bett’s eyes were closed, her breathing deep and steady.

  Rains was moving Smythe’s arm away from her when Bett mumbled, “No, I want to stay with you.” Rains wasn’t ready to leave but she was worried that the private would strain her neck sleeping at that angle. After a moment of consideration, Rains slowly lowered her until Bett’s head was on her lap, her face up, making sure the blanket still covered her legs.

  “Mm.” Bett relaxed again as Rains brushed her hair back in a gesture that felt completely natural. In the quiet moonlight, Rains studied Bet
t’s face with a leisure that she never had before. A person of such contradictions, she thought. Smart but silly; determined but lazy; capable but casual; beautiful…Well, there was no contradiction to that. There wasn’t a male officer on the base who hadn’t noticed Elizabeth Smythe, and many of the women knew who she was as well. It might have been the classic features of her face that drew casual attention, but Rains saw much more in her than that. Bett carried herself with a kind of stately grace, appearing almost untouchable, but when she engaged with someone, her wide range of emotions were very close to the surface—quite the opposite of how Rains conducted herself. The tone of Smythe’s voice, her gestures, and the expression in her eyes could take any conversation from comedic to tragic, from biting to gentle, from noncommittal to intensely engaged and back again in seconds. Rains had experienced some of these personally, and what puzzled her the most was when Bett touched her or looked at her so searchingly or spoke to her with such warmth. Surely she doesn’t have a heart for another woman, so what is this emotion between us? Rains asked herself. She still thought of it as flirting, but often Smythe brought a level of closeness to their time together that seemed like something more than silly girl play. Rains knew that the appeal had nothing to do with her command rank. It wasn’t hero worship as sometimes happened with her recruits. She couldn’t think of another private who was as argumentative or as likely to try to disregard an order.

  Sergeant Rains rarely looked in mirrors other than to check the look of her uniform because she knew what she would see. Her face had filled out some since that terrible Nebraska winter but her cheekbones were still prominent, her forehead broad under her bangs, her nose straight, like her father’s, and her eyes and mouth wide, more like her mother. Beautiful was not a word that would apply to her; her face was too angular for that. But there had been those who apparently found her attractive, whether for her face or her body Rains didn’t know. And it didn’t matter, because she had never let their attraction to her become mutual. She would admit that sometimes it felt flattering when someone’s eyes lingered on her, but more often it was just a nuisance. A recruit would have to be ignored or redirected, another officer she would avoid or harden herself to. And even though a face or a figure might occasionally make her look twice, it was just easier to look the other way, to remain unavailable, to let opportunities for such connections fade. Several years ago she had been told by her healer to keep her heart ready and not give up, but Rains had found enough comfort in the routine and discipline of Army life, enough satisfaction in doing her job well and with pride. Until now. There was something about Elizabeth Smythe that made her bend the rules—not only the Army’s, but her own.

  Rains looked at the moon again. It was almost back to normal size as it made its way up into the heavens. She realized that she was still stroking Bett’s hair. It felt full and soft in her fingers. Involuntarily, she thought of the other times they had touched: that first unguarded moment of electricity as Bett had brushed her arm when she offered to take the baseball bats, Bett’s hand on her arm, her face close, when she was leaving KP, slipping the ring onto her finger, and the time after the squad leader meeting when she had taken Bett’s hands. Each occurrence was uncomfortably vivid in her mind.

  At least she was away from the base now, but to revisit those moments with Bett lying asleep on her lap was more than foolish. It was dangerous. Dangerous because she couldn’t seem to break the connection that continued to develop between them. Dangerous because she wouldn’t delude herself by pretending that she didn’t find her time with Bett very…agreeable. Not Bett, Rains reminded herself sternly, trying to adjust her thinking. Private Smythe. Rains took her hand away from Smythe’s hair. As if she was missing the touch, Bett sighed and turned, so she was facing into Rains’s body. Rains fixed her eyes on the moon again. Gradually, she began to feel Bett’s breath warming her pants. Rains closed her eyes until the warmth became a wanting between her legs.

  “Private.” She shook Smythe gently, though her voice was rough. “We must get back to the base. It’s getting late.”

  A little groan of protest. Rains was going to shake her again, but then Bett’s eyes opened. She sat up and faced Rains, smiling lazily. Rains felt an unexpected tug in her heart, which quickly turned to unease. Smythe’s voice was soft with sleep. “I’m sorry, Sergeant. I haven’t been sleeping very well in the barracks. I guess I’m still adapting to having so many roommates. Did I miss the rest of the show?”

  “Yes. And you must wake up now. We need to go.” Rains was trying to sound strict but wasn’t sure she didn’t just sound nervous.

  Much to her relief, Bett yawned and rubbed her eyes. But then she leaned back against Rains’s shoulder, her face close again. Rains felt her heart began to beat faster, but she carefully kept her breathing normal.

  “You make a very nice pillow. Thank you for keeping me warm.”

  “That was the blanket, not me,” Rains said, trying to get her feet under her so she could move away.

  “Oh no,” Bett insisted, yawning again and rubbing her head against Rains like a cat as she stretched her neck. “Perhaps you don’t realize how much heat your body puts out. You’re very radiant, like an oven.”

  “All right, Private, but I need to stand up now.” Rains’s agitation was growing. There had been entirely too much physical contact between them this night. She turned away quickly, stood, and stretched. Clearing her throat, she picked up the thermos and wrapped the orange peels in the sandwich paper before looking back at Bett.

  Bett held out her hand and Rains helped her up. The bright moonlight made it easier to see, but Bett was still quite tentative as they started back toward the Jeep. Intending to hurry her along, Rain offered her hand again. Bett took it and guided it around her back, setting Rains’s hand on her waist. She walked with her body close to Rains, a feeling that had already become much too pleasant.

  “I want you to know that I’m aware of your efforts this past week, Private,” Rains said, trying to sound more like a drill instructor and less like someone thinking about the curve of Bett’s body. “You have been much less confrontational and very attentive in all your sessions.”

  “So was this my reward?” Smythe asked. Rains could hear the smile in her voice.

  “No, no. This was just…coincidence. It just so happened that I already had the Jeep as you know, and I wanted to see this moon, and then when you were so late, I knew I couldn’t get you back to the base and make it out here in time so I just…brought you.” Rains was conscious that she was practically chattering and stopped as soon as they reached the Jeep.

  Rains disengaged herself but Smythe made no move to get in. Instead she turned so they were facing each other. With the moonlight on her face, Rains thought she looked even more beautiful than usual. Rains realized she must have let something of her thoughts show, because Bett smiled knowingly and took Rains’s left hand in her right, gently caressing the sergeant’s bare fingers.

  “I notice you’re not wearing a ring, Sergeant. Is this an anti-jewelry principle on your part or are you truly not spoken for?”

  Rains’s hand gave a little jerk to escape, but Bett tightened her grip slightly and stepped closer, looking intently into Rains’s eyes. There was no more resistance. She watched as Rains’s lips parted slightly, and then her fingers began to respond, her thumb stroking Bett’s palm. Bett saw Rains’s eyes grow slightly unfocused and thought, She’s actually letting herself feel something, probably for the first time in a long time.

  Bett wondered if her stern sergeant would consider letting the beautiful moon set the scene for an erotic episode where she would guide Bett’s hand down to cup her sex while she fondled Bett’s breast that she’d surely noticed straining so nicely against her uniform every day at exercise. Wouldn’t she bring her mouth to Bett’s and taste with her tongue as their bodies crushed together…?

  The bright moonlight dimmed suddenly and they both looked up. A cloud was passing over. Rain
s freed her hand, stepped around Bett quickly, and opened the door of the Jeep. She cleared her throat again. “Please get in the vehicle, Private.” Her voice was deeper than Bett had ever heard it.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want me to do, Sergeant?” Bett tried, thinking that it had also been quite a while since she had felt something that pleasurable. Maybe things could get even more enjoyable, she thought, remembering Rains’s deeply muscled arms. Oh yes, she acknowledged to herself without much surprise as she ran her gaze quickly down Rains’s body, thinking of her heat and her gentle touch. She was definitely interested.

  Rains gave one quick, definite nod and stepped back. Too bad. Smythe sighed as she got in and closed the door. For a moment Rains didn’t appear on the other side. Bett looked around but couldn’t see her anywhere, but she thought she heard pacing footsteps behind the Jeep.

  Finally the door opened and Sergeant Rains got in. For a moment she just sat. Then she cleared her throat once more. “Again I have done you a disservice, Private Smythe. I was wrong to bring you on a nonmilitary outing. I should have taken us both back to the base when you finished at the cryptography building. I have acted most unprofessionally and I think I may have given you a wrong impression of myself.”

  “Please don’t apologize, Sergeant Rains,” Bett said smoothly. “I’m sure I haven’t had a nicer time in recent memory. The moon was spectacular and you were wonderful company as always.” She could hear that Rains’s voice conveyed some anxiety, but she couldn’t help giggling. “And don’t worry. I’ll still respect you in the morning.” Rains started the engine and began driving without comment. Bett waited until they were back on the main highway before she said, “But you never answered my question, Sergeant.” Rains didn’t respond. “About the ring,” Bett prompted. But the sergeant drove without speaking until they were parked by the barracks.