With Every Heartbeat

by Linda Kage

  “Don’t you ever intimidate her like that again.” The serious tone of Quinn’s voice was almost as lethal as Noel’s, but instead of being afraid, I felt comforted. I knew with absolute certainty he would not let anyone hurt me.

  I shuddered with the overwhelming realization, and he must’ve felt it because he reached an arm out behind him and caught my hip as if trying to reassure me.

  “Man, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ten spun Noel to face him. I guess Quinn must’ve gotten a hold of him too. “How is killing douche-bag Belcher going to solve anything?”

  “Because it’d make me feel better,” Noel roared.

  “Yeah, and then it’d get you kicked off the team, and then out of school completely, where your woman will be exposed to the world, and then ruin the futures of your brothers and sister.”

  “Damn it.” Noel squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. Easing my grip on Quinn’s shirt, I watched Caroline’s brother lose his cool. “How can I just let that fucker get away with doing that to her?” When his voice cracked, I swallowed, feeling awful for him. His face twisted with despair right before he fisted his hands, roared out his frustrations and pounded his fist down onto the trunk of the nearest car.

  I jumped and Quinn tightened his hold on me, shifting until I was more securely behind him.

  “I want to kill him. I want to kill him so bad.”

  “I know. I know, buddy. And I’m sure you can. Someday. Just not today.”

  Noel clenched his teeth hard. “But I want to kill him today.”

  As Ten wrapped his arm around Noel’s shoulder and kept talking to him as he walked them away, Quinn eased his grip on me.

  “Are you okay?” He turned to catch my chin, and force me to look up at him.

  “I think so.” Staring into his bottomless blue eyes made me shudder from a different kind of fear, a fear that I’d never feel this way when I looked into anyone else’s eyes again.

  He nodded. “He wouldn’t have hurt you. Noel can bluster, and he can go off the deep end when he’s mad enough, but he’d never physically hurt a girl.”

  “Okay,” I said, but I still felt as rattled as a toy in a baby’s hand.

  “You’re shaking.” He began to rub his hands up and down my arms as if I was cold. It didn’t even occur to me to stop him.

  “Zoey!” I heard a shout. When Quinn and I looked over, we found Caroline racing our way. “There you are. I just got your text. What happened? Where’s Noel?”

  Quinn dropped his hands from my arms. “Ten took him away. I think he’s settled down for now. But who knows what he could do tomorrow or the next day, now that he has Belcher’s name.”

  “Well, who the hell told him?”

  I paled and opened my mouth, but I just couldn’t put Cora’s head on the chopping block. I was about to confess that I’d told Noel the name when Quinn murmured, “Cora. Cora told him.”

  He looked at me and I lifted my eyes to him. “I saw the text she sent you to meet her after class. And I forgot to tell her not to give Noel Belcher’s name.” He gripped the front of his hair and closed his eyes. “It’s my own fault. I should’ve said something to her to keep her quiet.”

  Caroline patted his arm. “It’s okay. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. As determined as he was, Noel was going to find out one way or another.”

  Shaking his head as if he didn’t want to be forgiven, he turned his attention to me. “Thank you. Thank you so much for calling, and for slowing him down. You just...you prevented a complete disaster.”

  “Oh, I didn’t—”

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed warmly. “Yeah. You did.” He glanced at Caroline. “I’m going to go make sure Ten’s keeping Noel calm.”

  “What?” Caroline shook her head in surprise. “I didn’t know Oren was capable of anything but pissing people off.”

  Another week passed. When Cora returned from her mystery weekend with Quinn, she gave me no details about it whatsoever, and he never mentioned it once in art class.

  The next Saturday, his football team played their first home game. I didn’t go; I went with Cora instead to her dialysis appointment.

  Meanwhile, Noel Gamble didn’t kill anyone, his girlfriend wasn’t exposed, and Quinn didn’t have a reason to touch me again, not the way he’d so protectively pulled me behind him in the parking lot when I’d had a showdown with Noel. He did show up on Wednesday evening to pick Cora up for a date, but I made sure I was safely stowed away in my bedroom until they were gone.

  He surprised me the next morning when I left my bedroom to freshen up in the bathroom at the same time he was leaving Cora’s room to head home. We both drew up short and stared at each other, until he said, “Morning,” in a nervous, breathless kind of voice.

  “Good morning.” Ducking my face, I crossed my arms over my chest because I wasn’t wearing a bra under my nightshirt.

  “I, uh...” He closed his mouth and motioned with his finger for me to go first.

  With a nod of thanks, I rushed into the bathroom and then pressed my back to the wall after I closed the door. I clenched my eyes shut until I’d heard him pass and leave the apartment.

  I also started my testing for the kidney transplant that week. I had to skip at least one class every day, but my main purpose here wasn’t to attend college; it was to save my friend’s life. I could make classes up another semester if I had to.

  The checkup with the gynecologist was the most embarrassing by far. I’d never had one of those exams before, and no one had even been where that doctor went before, so it was quite a mortifying experience. After the Pap smear was over, she prescribed me birth control, letting me know I could absolutely not be pregnant to take part in the kidney transplant. Blushing madly, I tried to tell her she didn’t have to worry about that...ever. But she assured me the pills would at least work to regulate my periods.

  Since I wasn’t the argumentative type, I filled the prescription.

  By Friday, I was ready to be done with doctors and tests forever, but I kept telling myself Cora had to go through a hundred times this torture. It’d only be for a few more months, and then everything would be okay.

  Just a few more months.

  I was still dragging as I entered art class. The doctor who’d given me a physical exam the day before had made me run for twenty minutes straight on a treadmill, testing my heart rate before and after.

  Not used to running...or any kind of exercise, really, my sore legs screamed at me with every step I took up to my seat.

  “I got another one,” Caroline cheered, waving a piece of paper. When she finally stopped moving it enough to let me see the drawing, I smiled. It was basically the same picture as the first one, but a cute fuzzy kitten was now playing with Caroline’s bare toes and her eyes were opened as if she’d just awakened.

  “Isn’t it amazing?”

  I nodded. “The details are astounding.”

  Caroline touched the pencil strokes. “And now I want a kitten.”

  I laughed just as Reese bounced into the room, full of smiles. “Are you guys going to the club next Friday? Asher’s playing his first gig then.”

  “Asher?” Caroline asked slowly, burrowing her eyebrows. “What’re you talking about? Who’s Asher?”

  “Oh my God. Does your brother tell you nothing about his work? Asher...Asher Hart. He’s the newest bartender at Forbidden, and Pick’s let him set up this entire sound system at the bar so his band can sing there. And their first performance is next Friday. I’m so excited. I’ve heard them practice and, oh...my...God. Asher’s voice...it’ll melt your panties right off, ladies. I kid you not.”

  Ten snorted, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. “Whatever. He’s not that good.”

  “Oh...Yes. He is,” Reese argued. “I have to molest Mason senseless every time I hear him sing. Seriously.” She glanced between Caroline and me. “He has the best voice. Oh my God, did you get another drawing?” She snagged it out of Caroline’
s hand to inspect it. “Aww. I love the kitten. Now I want a kitten.”

  “Wait. What is that?” When Ten tried to peer around Reese’s shoulder to see it, Reese slapped it to her chest so he couldn’t.

  “None of your business.”

  “I’ll just make it my business then.” He snagged it away from her, making her gasp in outrage.

  “Hey,” Caroline snapped as he stared at the drawing. “Stop manhandling my picture. You’ll rip it.” Scowling at him, she tore it from his hand about as roughly as he’d taken it from Reese.

  “What the fuck is that?” he demanded. “Who’s drawing your picture?”

  She turned her back to him and busied herself by carefully tucking it into her book bag. “I don’t know,” she finally said.

  “Caroline’s got a secret admirer,” Reese announced in a sing-songy voice. “Isn’t that sweet?”

  “Or creepy,” Ten said, studying Caroline’s face before he added, “The fucker got your chin all wrong.”

  “The hell if he did,” Caroline muttered, crossing her arms over her chest and staring straight ahead. “It’s absolutely perfect.”

  Smiling to myself as I listened to them squabble, I opened my biology book.

  “Your first test in biology is today, right?” Quinn asked, almost in my ear.

  I snapped upright, not realizing he’d made it to class yet. His dark hair was windblown, and his voice a little breathless as if he’d had to rush to get here. My skin buzzed with awareness as he slid into his chair, and his scent wafted past me.

  “Uh...yeah,” I said, watching him situate himself. “I guess there are some lab experiment questions, so it’s this afternoon instead of next hour when I actually have class. I don’t know if the few extra hours to wait are going to give me more time to study or more time to freak out.”

  Worry filled his gaze as he paused from getting prepared for class to look at me. “I have a free period at eleven if you need a last-minute cram session.”

  Oh, dear God. I didn’t have a class then, either. But even as my brain told me to say I did, my mouth blurted, “I have a free period then too.”

  He straightened as if surprised by that, but then he smiled. “Cool. You want to meet up at the library or some place? I could quiz you.”

  No. No, I didn’t want to meet at the library, because actually, secretly, I really did want to meet up—anywhere—with him. But I knew I shouldn’t.

  My mouth worked faster than my brain, though. “Okay,” I said. “That would be great.”

  I have no idea why I asked Zoey to meet me in the library. Alone. I was an idiot, that’s probably why. I was tempted to text Cora and see if she wanted to meet us there too, cut down on the alone-factor, but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t do that either. Or maybe I did know why.

  Cora was not a library type of girl, and if I asked her to join us, and she said no—which she would—then I’d have to explain why I really needed her there, and then she’d know my hormones were unfaithful little turds who’d been responding to another woman aside from her.

  I should’ve just not asked Zoey at all, but I had really liked helping her study the other week. It had been easy and relaxing and...I really liked her. It made me wonder if we could be friends after all. I knew a lot of girls who were pretty and I was never worried about my attraction to them. So why had I been so leery about my fascination with her? I could totally do this.

  Yeah, I was that sure of myself...until I walked into the library and saw her sitting at a table with an opened textbook in front of her. A wall full of windows was letting the sun in, and the way the light hit her almost made her glow. As if sensing my presence, she looked up, and yeah, I knew exactly why I shouldn’t be her friend.

  This was no mere attraction. What I suffered from was total, debilitating awareness. Every freaking inch of me tuned in to her. Her green eyes had my stomach churning. Her smile made my mouth go dry. The way her perfect fingers lifted to push a long piece of hair out of her face had my jeans suddenly tighter.

  Up until four months ago, I’d never even seen a woman naked. But now I had. I’d touched and licked and experienced things that blew my mind. My body couldn’t stop itself from wanting to touch and lick and experience those things again...with Zoey.

  My step faltered. I shouldn’t do this. I so should not spend any more time with her. But her smile wavered, and I saw the hint of hurt pierce her eyes. No way could I let her down.

  Besides, no matter how forceful a couple of my urges were, I would never ever betray Cora.

  I could handle this.

  “Hey,” I said, setting my book bag on the table next to hers. “How much time do we have?”

  And great, my mind went straight to the gutter with that question. How much time could I strip her bare and thrust into her—

  But Zoey didn’t seem affected, thank goodness. She checked her wrist. “Forty minutes.”

  I nodded and sat across the table from her, tense but also a little charmed that she actually wore a watch. I don’t think I knew any girl anymore who wore one. My grandmother had always worn a thin silver watch. I still had the sentimental piece of jewelry stored in a little box in my closet.

  Zoey pulled some papers from her bag and started explaining what she needed to know. Her test was over cell biology, so I glanced over the study guide she’d scribbled on and started to quietly quiz her about proteins and ribosomes and amino acids. She did great for the most part but a couple acronyms like RNA, RER, and ER tripped her up, so we went over those again.

  Half an hour later, I lowered the study guide and raised my eyebrows. “I think you have this.”

  “Really?” A hopeful grin lit up her face. I loved putting it there.

  With a nod, I said. “You’ll get an A, no problem.”

  “Gosh, I hope so.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before slipping her study sheet into her biology book. “I know how much you like it, but biology is one class I do not want to have to retake.”

  I smiled, not offended. As she pulled her bag closer to cram the book inside, I noticed an opened three-ring binder sitting on the table that had been hiding under her biology book. “Oh. Here. Don’t forget this.” I reached out and snagged it for her only to notice her handwriting taking up every line. A couple words caught my attention.

  A thin ray of light slashed across her arm as if scolding her for disobeying her father and stepping outside—

  “Sorry,” Zoey rushed out, breathlessly, snatching the pages from my hand before I could read any more.

  She blushed and ducked her head as she shoved the book out of sight inside her bag.

  I knew she didn’t want me to say anything, but my curiosity got the best of me. “What was that?”

  “Nothing,” she started. But when she glanced at me, something in my face must’ve changed her mind, because her shoulders slumped. “It’s stupid,” she added, looking exposed and alone. “Just...I’m taking a creative writing class.”

  “Really?” When she hurried to her feet to leave, I stood up as well. “I didn’t know you were a writer.”

  “Oh, I’m not.” She looked at me quickly, and then just as quickly looked away. “I mean...I just dabble here and there. It’s silly, really.”

  As she started for the exit, I fell into step beside her. “How is that silly? I think it’s amazing. I have no creativity whatsoever when it comes to storytelling. So I’m in awe of your ability.”

  “But I’m not...and you...you’re...”

  I couldn’t help it. I smiled. Usually, I was the one fumbling for words. “I’m a biology nerd?” I guessed as I opened the door for her to precede me outside.

  She snorted, but quickly covered her mouth and blushed over her response. After delicately clearing her throat, she lowered her hand. “Uh, no. Nerd is the last word I’d use to describe you.”

  I had been a nerd in high school, though, so it was nice to learn my image was somewhat improving. “The jock thi
ng kind of screwed it up, huh?”

  With a laugh, she kept pace with me across the campus. “Maybe that’s it. You’re a unique hybrid mix.”

  Hybrid. Hybrid was so much better than freak. I liked the word hybrid. Almost as much as I liked her laugh.

  “Is biology your major?” She moved closer to me to allow a bigger group to pass by, and her scent wafted up to my nostrils. My body instantly tensed. I’d managed not to get close enough to smell her throughout our entire study session, and now...now I just wanted to bury my face in the crook of her neck and inhale as deeply as my lungs would let me.

  I shook my head and let out a breath when the group passed because she moved back out of my space.

  “Uh...” Crap, what had we been talking about? She looked up at me, her green eyes so big and innocent and questioning.

  Major! Somehow, my brain ignited the memory.

  “Pre-med,” I blurted, then rolled my shoulders to relax myself. “I’m a pre-med major.”

  “No way. Really?” She seemed pleasantly surprised. “You’re going to be a doctor?”

  I nodded. “I’d like to be a heart surgeon.”

  Her eyebrows crinkled. “Okay, that sounds really specific. What made you go with heart surgeon?”

  “My grandma.” It was those eyes, I swear. So curious, and interested, and green. I started spilling everything. “She, uh, she d-died when I was nineteen. Car accident.”

  Zoey’s lips parted and her face filled with sympathy. She wasn’t even aware how much my grandmother had meant to me, but she knew... somehow sensed how hard I’d taken her death.

  “I’m so sorry.” She sat her hand on my arm before letting it fall away. I instantly missed it the moment her touch was gone, wanting her fingers to return, to comfort me some more. “You don’t usually see... I mean, grandparents are supposed to go from natural causes, not—”

  “I know,” I said, shaking my head. “Gran was so full of life too. She had plenty of years left in her. A strong heart. Yeah... That’s why they took it. She was an organ donor, and they used her heart to put into someone else who needed it.”