I took ahold of her arms to prevent her from hitting me. “He was in accident, alright? He’s fine, but his Jeep is too fucked up to drive. He just called me from the hospital.”
She put her hands over her face. “Oh my god. Is he hurt?” She started to cry and empathy was all I could feel. I kept my hand on her arm as I spoke. “He hurt his leg or something. They’re getting it checked out. Mom is with him.”
“So he’s really not coming?” I think she needed to hear it one more time to be able to believe it. I couldn’t blame her. I too was living the same bad dream.
“I’m afraid not. He wouldn’t make it up the mountain if he tried. He said the weather isn’t going to let up until tomorrow afternoon. We’re stuck here.”
“Together. You and I are stuck here together?” I could sense annoyance in her voice. She wasn’t thrilled. “Great.”
I let my hand fall to my side. “We’ll be okay.”
“My boyfriend is in the hospital and I’m stuck here with the Devil himself. How is that okay?”
When she rushed back inside of the house I remained outside. I created this tension between us to make it easier, but all I felt was regret. All I wanted to do was worship the ground she walked on. She didn’t have a clue.
Chapter 5
Later on, when my stomach began rumbling, I opened a couple cans of soup and heated them up. Once they were piping hot, I took them into the living room and sat them down on the coffee table. Making my way up to the bedroom where she was staying was difficult. I wasn’t certain how I was going to turn off being an asshole without her questioning it.
I knocked twice. “Reese, I made you some soup.”
“I’m not hungry. Go away.”
“I’m going to keep knocking until you come out and eat. I promised Jax I’d take care of you.”
For a few moments it was very quiet. Then I heard the latch turning on the door. Reese cracked it open and stood on the opposite side looking up at me. “I’d rather you not pretend to like me. I’ll tell Jax you were kind if that’s what it takes to keep you away from me.”
She shut the door in my face, leaving me broken and frustrated.
Instead of eating my soup, I took both bowls and tossed them into the sink. She wasn’t going to come down and eat, and I’d lost my appetite.
To relieve stress, I bundled up and went outside to cut more firewood. The rule was that you replaced what you burned, and since we’d be using a lot I figured I’d get a start to rebuilding the stock. With a bottle of whiskey and an axe, I made my way over to a fallen tree. I sat down¸ appreciating the quiet. Nothing moved around me. There were no wandering animals, or chirps of birds. It was completely silent.
The warmth of the liquor forced me to keep drinking. I wasn’t doing it to get drunk. I was downing the hot whiskey in order to pass out, so I didn’t have to deal with a night of being alone with Reese.
Once I’d finished the whole bottle I began working on the log. I chopped at it a dozen times with no result. It was too frozen. Feeling like I was weak, I went inside for another drink. The only thing I could find was girly-drinks, and I wasn’t into all that. Since I knew where my uncle’s private stash was, I marched up the steps on a mission. She was going to be pissed, but I needed to get into her room.
I knocked. “Reese, let me in. I need something out of the closet.”
“Go away, asshole!”
“Please open the damn door. I don’t care if you’re in there with your vibrator. I’ll be in and out quick.”
“I heard that’s how you roll.” The door opened abruptly, while she smiled at her own comeback. “Your jokes are stupid and overplayed. Make it quick.”
I pushed the door all the way open, feeling intrigued by her witty reply. I couldn’t help but look at her with sentiment. She’d impressed me. The liquor cabinet was hidden in the closet, and apparently she hadn’t been nosey enough to look inside of it. I found the bourbon bottle unopened and formed a smile. This was going to do the trick. In no time at all I’d be spending time with the back of my lids. When I brought out only one glass she made a sound. “Seriously? You can’t share?”
I rolled my eyes and fetched her a glass, pouring some into each one. She raised hers toward me. “Here’s to not killing each other.”
“Sounds good to me.”
While I took my first swig I watched her staring back at me. For the first time I didn’t turn away. I just kept staring her down, waiting for her to look in another direction.
Her glass lowered from her lips. “If I come downstairs do you promise to be nice?”
I downed the whole glass of alcohol. “Yeah, sure.”
Reese followed me downstairs. After seeing that her soup had been dumped out, she insisted on making us both two more bowls.
“You don’t have to make me any.”
“Jake, I’m really trying here. I know you don’t want to be stuck in this cabin with me. You could at least pretend that I don’t disgust you.”
I started to reply, but was met with her body, smacking into mine, while a wailing scream came out of her mouth. I didn’t know how to react, or what had spooked her enough to come to me for support. Running across the counter was a mouse, probably coming in from the cold to get warm. Reese clung to me, screaming and looking behind her as if it was ten foot tall with fangs. “It’s okay. It’s just a mouse.”
I held both of her arms and observed the mouse run back into a hole. “See. It’s gone.”
“I hate those things.” Suddenly realizing she was in my arms, she backed up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to -.”
I put my hand up. “It’s fine. It’s quite funny actually. I had no idea you were afraid of little mice.”
She refused to go near the counter, instead pointing in the direction of her soup bowl. “Can you just shut up and hand me that bowl?”
We sat side by side sipping on the food as it continued to cool. Once Reese was finished she played with her phone, even though I knew she didn’t have service inside. “He’s probably home by now. You should go outside and call him. He’ll want to know we haven’t killed each other.”
Reese walked onto the porch without a coat on. I tried to ignore it, figuring she’d come in when she got too cold, but as the minutes passed I started to worry more. She was too upset to think rationally, so I took my larger coat outside and wrapped it around her back. She turned and stopped talking to Jax, mid-sentence. Reese didn’t thank me, or say anything at all. I suppose she was in shock from me doing something decent. At any rate, I walked back into the house, in order to give her privacy. A few minutes later she came inside and hung up my coat. I could tell she was undecided about coming back over and sitting next to me. “Jax says he’ll be better before the game next weekend.”
“That’s good to hear. It would kill him if he couldn’t play.”
“Thanks for the coat. It’s getting bitter out there.”
I was already pouring my third glass of the new bottle of bourbon. “Well, we’ll be fine tonight. You might have to sleep with the door open, but this woodstove will keep this place toasty.”
Reese filled her glass and swished it around before taking a sip. “I guess this wasn’t what you had in mind when you wanted to come here. Sorry you got stuck with me.”
I could feel the alcohol relaxing me. The more calm Reese acted, the harder it was to not be the same. “It’s fine. I think I’ll survive.”
“You never told me why you stopped talking to me.” She’d asked in the truck, but I hadn’t provided a good enough excuse, and she knew it.
“I have my reasons.”
“I deserve to know.”
“There are some things that are best left unsaid. I’m an asshole. That should be good enough for you.”
“I’ve seen the real you, Jake. Maybe you’ve forgotten that, but I haven’t. This new you is just a façade. I don’t know what changed you, but it can’t be permanent.”
I looked away, unable to face the
truth. “You’re wrong.”
“No, I don’t think I am.” She downed her drink and sat it in front of her, expecting me to refill it. “I think something happened to you that you can’t share with anyone. You’re hiding something from everyone, aren’t you?”
Reese was majoring in psychology. I’d always been proud of her until this moment. “Don’t you dare try to psychoanalyze me.”
“I’m right, aren’t I? Your bitterness has nothing to do with me.”
“Why are you pushing my buttons? I’m not going to condone this activity. You’re being ridiculous. Just listen to yourself. I’m not broken, or disturbed. I’m just not a nice person.”
“You may have yourself fooled, but you’re not the guy you’re pretending to be. Even your brother says it. He says between the two of you, that you have the biggest heart. I’ve seen it before. Just tell me. There’s no one here, and I promise I won’t tell anyone. What happened? Did someone break your heart, Jake?”
If she only knew. “Maybe.” I sat back, feeling good enough to be able to feed her something to keep the time going.
“Do I know who it is?” Her curiosity was trouble.
“I’m not giving names, Reese.”
She giggled. “Of course you aren’t.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“No, I get it. The less I know the better, right? Jax feels the same way. In the past I’ve always been able to count on you for the truth though. It’s what I always appreciated about our relationship.”
She’d remember that detail about our friendship. It filled me with warmth. “I’m surprised you picked up on that.”
Reese smiled and sipped on her drink. “I miss hanging out with you. It’s not the same anymore. I mean, I know we’ve been on winter break, but when we used to study together I felt like we were the best of friends. That’s why I can’t understand why you pushed me away.”
I should have told Reese it had nothing to do with her, but I couldn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Is that you talking, or the bourbon?”
“Both I suppose.”
“I want us to be friends again, Jake. Jax wants that too. We could be family one day.”
That’s all I needed to hear to be forced out of my seat. “Don’t go there, Reese.”
In my defense I was beginning to feel numb in certain places. A few more drinks and I’d be able to pass out for the night. I just had to get through the next half hour.
“What’s wrong? Why can’t I talk about being your sister? What the hell aren’t you telling me? Is Jax cheating on me? Does he have a girlfriend on the side? Is that why we’re here? Was this all his plan to get me away?”
I began to laugh. If only it were that easy to make her hate my brother. “No! Of course not.”
She spun me around, forcing me to look at her. Our eyes met and I was captivated, just like the first time I’d seen her. “Tell me then. Why can’t you talk about it? What gives, Jake?”
“You can’t handle the truth, so I’m not getting into it with you, or anyone else for that matter.”
Reese picked up her glass and pointed it toward me. “I’ll get you to talk. Watch this.”
She started walking outside, with no shoes and no coat. “Where are you going now?”
“I’m staying outside until you spill. It’s your choice. You can let me freeze to death and explain it to Jax, or you can confide in me, because you know I wouldn’t tell anyone. The choice is yours.”
I let her go outside, figuring she’d start freezing and come in, but she didn’t. The clock on the wall ticked, minutes passed, but Reese didn’t walk through the door. I made my way to the window, looking out to spot her leaning on the railing. She was covering her body, shivering. I knocked on the window and pointed toward the door, only to see her shake her head refusing. She was going to catch pneumonia if I didn’t get her inside.
I ambled over to the door, swinging it open to see her standing there. “Get in here.”
“No. You can’t make me. I’m not coming in until you spill. Enough is enough. We’ve got to get past this. Just tell me what it is. Maybe I can help.”
I laughed out loud. “Trust me, you’re the last person on the planet that can help me.”
She shoved me with all her might. “Screw you, Jake. I’m not coming in, no matter how mean you are.”
I stepped forward, breaking the distance between us. “You’re going to kill yourself out here just to get me to communicate? That’s ridiculous.”
“I’m not going inside until you agree to tell me.”
“Reese, please. You’re being silly.” The liquor was causing my words to slur, and I regretted not eating more throughout the day.
“Talk to me, Jake. Give it to me straight.”
I heaved toward her, throwing her body over my shoulders before she could protest. In no time I had us both indoors. Her body was like touching ice, and I knew she needed to warm up before she made herself sick. When I sat her down on the couch I covered her up, rubbing the outside of the fabric to create more friction. Once again our eyes met. I watched her lips parting, and fought the urge to kiss her. This was my brother’s girlfriend. I couldn’t be in this situation.
While I attempted to stand and get away, she clung to my arm, pulling me back down. “Please talk to me, Jake. Why can’t you talk about us being family? I deserve to know why you hate being around me.”
Her hand moved slowly, finally letting go of my arm, but the damage was already done. Her touch had awakened something inside of me. Perhaps if I hadn’t drank so much in such little time I would have been able to refrain. I knew the risk I was taking as my mouth opened and words started coming out, but I said them anyway. “I can’t be like this with you. We can’t be close anymore.” The back of my hand stroked the side of her face, and for a second I swore she closed her eyes and accepted my touch. “I’m keeping my distance to protect you.”
Her eyes were once again focused on mine. “From what?”
I swallowed a hard lump and continued staring into her eyes. “From me.”
Reese froze, finally letting my words sink in. She shook her head, as if she were in denial, all while I remained calm and collected. Even though I was pretty buzzed I could still feel a sense of relief. It was short-lived when she pushed for more.
“I don’t understand. Why would you be a threat?” Then it clicked. Finally. She knew it for sure. Reese was fully aware of why I’d pushed her away. “No. It’s not possible. You can’t. Jake, tell me this is a joke.”
I couldn’t respond. She saw it in my eyes that I wasn’t screwing around. I took a deep breath, knowing what had to be done. “Go upstairs and get under the covers. I’m going to drink until I pass out, and hopefully forget all about this conversation. I’m doing my best to keep my distance from you, Reese. I told you that you didn’t want to know. I told you it was to protect you. I won’t hurt my brother.”
“I never asked you to hurt Jax, but don’t you think we should talk about this? I mean, you can’t…Jake, you can’t have feelings for me.”
“Yeah, I’ve told myself the same thing since the first day you walked into my life, yet there they are. No matter how hard I try they won’t go away. Now I’m fucking stuck with you, because at some point we’re going to be family, right? You’ll marry Jax and we’ll all live happily fucking ever after. It’s fucktastic!”
Reese shielded her face, probably because she couldn’t stand talking about it anymore. I watched her get up and climb the stairs, never looking back at me. The cat was out of the bag. Soon my brother would know the truth. All I could hope was that he’d appreciate why I’d kept my distance. It was for the best. At least one of us could be happy, even if it wasn’t me.
Chapter 6
I could hear her crying, yet couldn’t bring myself to climb the stairs to see if she was okay. I knew Reese enough to know she was trying her hardest to figure out a solution to my problems without hurting me anymore. Obviously it w
asn’t going to happen. There was no resolve, other than getting as far away from them as possible. In a few short months I’d fallen hopelessly in love with someone for the very first time in my life. The downfall was that she was in love with my brother. I’d never be the person she thought about when she was alone. I wouldn’t be the guy she turned to when she needed someone to hold her. I wouldn’t be the man she would walk down the aisle to marry. I’d be the one on the sideline, watching what I’d never have.
When I couldn’t relax, I got out a deck of cards and began to play solitaire. I needed something to keep my mind occupied enough to not think about the huge mistake I’d made.
I knew she was coming down the stairs. Even as she tiptoed the steps creaked. I didn’t turn in her direction, in fear of looking into her eyes and only seeing pain. When the cushion on the couch moved I knew she was close. I kept my focus on the cards, determined to ignore her at all costs.
“Jake, we need to talk. It’s too early to go to sleep. Please will you look at me for a second?” I felt her touch my shoulder. A touch like that from her was dangerous. It filled me with emotion, then left me wanting more.
“I don’t know what else to say. I thought I explained it all.”
I shoved the cards in a pile, but refused to turn like she’d asked.
“I’m glad you told me. It makes sense now.”
I sighed. “Yup, now I get to watch you ruin my life.”
“Why would I do that?” She asked. It was enough to get me to face her. She crossed her arms, and I couldn’t help notice she was in a tight t-shirt with a pair of pajama pants on. “Do you really think I’d betray your trust?”
“Not ordinarily, but this has as much to do with Jax as it does me.”
“I disagree. How you feel about me is irrelevant, as long as we can work through it together. Yes, I’m with your brother, but I’m also your friend. Even when you tried so hard to push me away, I still had hope that the real you was somewhere in there.” She tapped on my chest. It was enough to affect me. I had to close my eyes and look away.
Jake Mitchell Page 5