The fucked up part of it all was that I knew she’d still be in a semi-normal relationship with my brother had she not gotten involved with me. I was able to accept the blame, but couldn’t get over the hurt it brought.
If I hadn’t been so jealous, if I’d just given her a chance, if I never kissed her, if I hadn’t fallen for her, maybe we could have been friends. Anything would have been better than nothing at all.
During my walk back to my dorm room I was left with so many regrets, all of which I’d initiated. I had no one to blame for my miserable life, but myself. Reese was heartbroken, and I couldn’t imagine how long it would take her to be able to pass by me without feeling some kind of hate. The torture continued when I walked in and saw my brother taking down pictures of them.
“What are you doing back so soon?”
“Class was lame.”
“Did you see her there?”
“I didn’t notice. She doesn’t sit near me,” I lied.
“Maybe I should send her flowers.”
“Jax, just leave it alone. Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
“She was right.” He shook his head and smirked.
“About what?” I opened a soda and sat down beside him, looking down at a couple of the pictures he’d thrown in the wastebasket.
“She said we were too different. I think I was so blinded by how I felt that I’d never given it a thought. Hell, she wasn’t even my type. I couldn’t get her to dye her hair blonde if life depended on it. I should have seen that as a sign from the beginning. She’s more your type. Right now I kind of wish I was the one to hit her with that ball. Maybe you’d be sitting here acting like a pussy instead of me.” I knew he didn’t mean that how it came out. Jax was accepting what he couldn’t change. He was hurting, and saying whatever helped him feel better.
I put my arm around my brother. “You always have me, even if you do grow a vagina.”
“You’re so gay.” He pushed me off of him. “Seriously, dude. I’m starting to worry. Last night you kicked three chicks out of our room. What the fuck? I’m single. The least you could have done was kept them around for me to drown my sorrows in.”
How was I supposed to explain that they’d been scared off by my temper while I fought with Reese, and what kind of boyfriend thinks about banging someone else the moment he gets dumped? “I wasn’t in the mood. Amber’s meeting me at the game. I need to save my energy.”
“She better be hot, dude. If that bitch looks like a man, I’m pulling down her pants to check for a dick.”
I pulled out my phone and scrolled down to her picture message, then watched my brother’s jaw drop when he saw it. “No fucking way, you lucky son-of-a-bitch.”
“Don’t talk about mom that way. I might have to kick your ass for that.”
One playful punch turned into a thirty minute wrestling match on the floor. When it was all said and done we sat there in a pretzel formation, both refusing to give up. Jax farting did me in. I had to release my hold and concede.
Later that night I played on my phone, every once in a while typing up a message to Reese and then erasing it. She was right. We were better off walking away from each other. I think I hated the idea of knowing how much I loved her; and the possibility that she may still love me.
Chapter 27
Reese
Why I’d agreed to go to the championship game after everything the three of us had been through was beyond me. I couldn’t believe I was packing my bag and heading out.
I’d decided to drive alone, because let’s face it, I wasn’t about to ride for hours with their parents, who probably knew I’d broken up with Jax. Even though I wasn’t thrilled, it was important to me to be good to Jax. We weren’t good for each other, but one day I had to believe he’d find someone special and hang on to her.
The football team had already arrived at the location of the game. All I had to do was follow my GPS and carry my bag into Jax’s room. He had to do some shifting around, but managed to get his brother to room with someone else so I could have my own bed. Not that I’d asked him to, but I was relieved. The idea of sleeping next to Jax, while Jake was in the bed next to us was beyond disturbing.
Jax and I were making slow progress. Despite being upset, we’d had several normal conversations. Though I worried what his expectations would be while we roomed together, I knew he respected me enough to not push. We were making baby steps, which was necessary since I’d messed everything up royally by going so fast with Jake.
The thought of him never really left my mind. After I’d soaked my eyes overnight, the swelling had finally gone down. I wasn’t sleeping well, but managed to get a few hours in each night since the breakup.
Hours after I’d left the college I was arriving at the hotel to meet up with Jax. According to his last text message his entire family had already arrived and they were planning on eating dinner later on. I parked my car, but didn’t have to go looking far. He came out and pulled me into a huge hug. It felt nice to have his arms around me. I needed to feel appreciated, even if it was only for a few minutes.
Jax carried my bag to our room and sat it down on one of the beds.
“I’m just putting this out there that you’re welcome to sleep next to me. I won’t do anything inappropriate. It’s just…well this whole season I’ve woke up next to you before every game, and even though that other bed is technically next to me, it’s not the same.”
I sat down on the opposite bed across from him. He didn’t look terrible, but it was obvious that our breakup had taken a toll on him. “I’ll sleep next to you, Jax. You don’t have to beg me.”
I could tell he was relieved. He sighed heavily and looked at the clock. “Dinner isn’t for an hour. Since Jake’s with my cousin and that chick Amber, it’s just us here. Do you want to watch a movie?”
I shrugged. “I’ll probably fall asleep.”
He laid down on the bed, grabbed the remote and tapped the space beside him. “I’ll set my alarm so we don’t miss dinner. It’s only across the street so we don’t need time for travel.”
I crawled on the bed next to him and found comfort in his arms. He wasn’t being sexual in any way. I think he just wanted the company.
While Jax searched for what to watch, I nestled my body closer to him. I hadn’t felt this kind of security since breaking up with him. When I started to fall asleep I looked up to see if he was too. That’s when our eyes met. It was a mistake from the moment it started, but I was lonely and he was desperate. It was one kiss, but enough to give him false hope. We both pulled away. He smiled and I tried to think of a reason why we shouldn’t continue. “Sorry. It’s habit,” he said.
“It’s okay.” I let my head fall back down and appreciated that he didn’t push me for more.
I woke up to the sound of his alarm. Jax was also sleeping and raised his head when the music continued to play. He yawned and looked over at me. “I could sleep all night.”
“We can come right back after dinner. I’m game for a long night of rest. It’s been a hard week.”
“You can say that again.” I started to get up but Jax took my hand and pulled me back toward him. “I’m really glad you’re here, Reese. This means a lot to me.”
I placed my hand up and rubbed it over the stubble growing on his face. “You will always be important to me, Jax. No matter where life takes us. I promise.”
He leaned forward and rubbed our noses together, in true Jax form. “I’m not going to lie, this hurts. I know why you did it. I might even agree with your reason, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m just glad you didn’t leave me for someone else. That would suck fat donkey balls.”
I didn’t reply, because I knew it would just be another lie. Instead I stood up and stretched. “Are you ready to head out?”
“Are you ready to be around my whole family?”
I shrugged. “Do they know we broke up?”
Jax shook his head. “No. Not unless Jake told them. I hav
en’t said shit to anybody about it.”
I reached my hand out to him. “Don’t tell them anything until we get home. There’s no sense having to explain.”
“Agreed.” He laced his hand with mine. “Are you ready to meet Jake’s newest conquest?” Jax asked when we got into the hallway.
I didn’t even want to see Jake, because I knew it was going to hurt. The idea of him bringing that girl, even after I’d broken up with Jax made me angry. In the back of my mind I hoped she was ugly.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when we came around the corner in that hotel. Jake was dressed nice. He’d gotten a haircut, and with her arm tangled into his was a girl that had to be a professional model.
Her long blonde hair had large waves all through it. Her heels were at least six inches, and the dress she had on left little to the imagination. It wasn’t slutty, but very formfitting. They were standing with his cousin Christian and her boyfriend Ethan, all four laughing at something one of them said. As we got closer everyone noticed us coming, except Jake, who refused to look in our direction.
Christian came right over and hugged me. “Oh my goodness. It’s so good to see you,” she said as she hugged me, and then Jax. “This is my friend Amber. Amber, this is Reese, Jax’s girlfriend.”
The blonde held her manicured hand out and waved, while she clung to the side of Jake. “Nice to meet you.”
I turned my attention to Jax, and held his hand as tight as possible. “You too.”
All I could do was stand there and picture all of the things she was going to do to Jake later on. I wasn’t prepared for this. He’d said they didn’t know each other, yet she was clearly interested in him. Had I made all of this happen? Had I inadvertently caused Jake to meet someone new?
My curiosity got worse at dinner. We ended up having to sit across from them. To make matters worse, Amber was wonderful. She was smart, and one of her parents was a doctor that specialized in something I’d always been fascinated with. The more I got to know her the more it felt like a sharp blade was inching it’s way into my gut. The huge family kept the table talk interesting, so it was easy to blend in. What I found quite difficult was having to constantly look up in Jake’s direction. It took a while for our eyes to meet, but I couldn’t begin to deny the feeling I got when it happened. We both looked away quickly, but that moment was there. I’d felt it, and I knew he did too.
With empty dessert plates covering the table, everyone began to get up and exit the restaurant. It was about twenty of the twin’s family members in attendance, and most of them had plans to do other things together afterwards. Jax and Jake had to sleep in order to be rested for their game in the morning, so we ended up heading back to the hotel together, so they could call it a night. While I walked next to Amber, I heard Jake telling his brother how he wasn’t tired at all. Jax said something about Amber, but he spoke in almost a whisper so we couldn’t hear.
I felt so hurt. Jax didn’t know he was hurting me. He couldn’t know the pull I had when it came to his brother, or the fact that seeing him with someone else left me feeling devastated.
We came to their room first. The brothers shook hands while Amber and I just said goodnight. For a second I saw Jake looking at me. His grimace was conflicted, and I didn’t understand why. He was heading to bed with a beautiful woman. Jax was practically drooling over her, even with me standing next to him. Why would his demeanor still have such an effect on me?
Back in our room, Jax got in the shower. He invited me, but I’d declined and laughed it off, hoping he was only kidding. After checking for a mini-refrigerator I realized that there was none. Jax never went to bed without a bottle of water, and I was pretty thirsty from all the salt from dinner. I pulled a few dollars out of my purse and sauntered out into the hallway to find a vending machine.
My heart dropped when I turned the corner and saw him standing there, in front of the ice machine, in only a pair of shorts. It was difficult to hold the change in my hands, because I was already shaking profusely. “Jake,” I whispered.
“Are you here with him, or for him?”
His question caught me off guard. “Huh?”
“You heard me.”
“Why does it even matter?” I started feeding the machine my money.
“Just answer.” When I didn’t, he asked again. “Please.”
I turned and tried my hardest not to notice the two lines of scratches that had somewhat faded on his chest. They weren’t from Amber, or some other chick he’d taken to his room. They were from the last time we’d been together.
He looked down and noticed what I was staring at. A smile crossed his face. “Battle scars.”
“Yeah, right.” The bottle dropped from the dispenser but I couldn’t turn around to fetch it.
He’d already closed in the space between us. “Are you here with my brother, or for him?”
I licked my lips and tried to keep my eyes open, they felt so heavy being this close to him, feeling his breath on my face. “None of your business,” I said confidently.
Jake drug his lips over mine. “It’s still there you know.”
He backed away and picked up his bucket of ice.
“What is?” I asked as he began to walk away.
“I think you already know.”
I followed him down the hallway, running after him like a lovesick teen. “Jake, stop! Don’t go in there with her.”
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. His smile was obvious. “Why not? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t go inside my own room and be with that beautiful woman.” While I thought of what I should say he started coming at me, keeping his gaze fixed on mine. “Tell me, Reese. Say it.”
“I’m jealous.”
Jake threw up his hands. “Of what?”
“Of her. She’s everything I’m not.”
After he formed a half-smile, he leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Then why would I want to be with her? Think about it. Let it stew in that brilliant mind of yours.”
I watched him go back into his room, while I stood there wondering what he meant. I saw her going in his room. I knew she was in there. He was barely dressed.
I ambled toward his door and raised my fist to knock. Before my hand could make contact it opened back up. He’s caught me coming after him, and I had no idea what to expect.
All I knew was that I loved him. That had to count for something.
Chapter 28
Jake
She wasn’t here with Jax as his girlfriend. He’d told me before she arrived, and asked me to not tell our parents. I never expected to see her again tonight, but I wasn’t about to let our accidental encounter go to waste.
I pulled the elastic of Reese’s pants until she was inside of my room. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to ignore you tonight at dinner?”
I could tell she didn’t know what to say. Her eyes were searching behind me, and I knew what she expected to see. I kept pulling her further in the room, until we stood in front of the double beds.
“She’s not you, Reese.”
She turned her attention back to me. She was in denial. “I saw her come in here.”
“You saw what I wanted Jax to see. Amber has her own room next door. Watch this.” I walked over to the door that joined my room with another. It locked on both sides, so we had to wait for her to open it. Amber opened the door wearing pair of sweats and an old baggy t-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she had a toothbrush stuck inside of her mouth.
“Hey guys. I was just washing up.”
Reese lifted her hand, but couldn’t say anything. “I was just proving a point. Carry on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh hey, is there a soda machine on this floor?”
“Yeah, it’s down the hall and to the left.” I watched as she shut the door and then locked my side. “Cat got your tongue?”
“Jake, I-.”
I put my finger over her lips and drug it down, takin
g in the smooth skin that I’d remembered kissing. “I just wanted you to know the truth. We tend to have a communication problem.”
While she stood there, I sat down on my bed and flipped on the television with the remote. I pretended that I wasn’t paying attention to her, when actually I had no clue what was actually on the screen. “You can’t do that. You can’t act all cocky because you pulled one over on me.”
“I can do whatever I want,” I replied.
“I have to get back to Jax.” She headed for the door. I don’t know what made me do it. I suppose I couldn’t help myself, or maybe I just couldn’t bear the idea of her walking away from me again.
“Don’t go, Reese.” I stood behind her, prepared to beg. “Please don’t open that door.”
With her hand still on the knob, she asked a question without turning around. “Why not?”
“Because you love me.”
She still wouldn’t turn to face me. “That’s not enough. We both know that.”
The knob began to turn. I had one chance to keep her. I had to act fast. “Because when you close your eyes I’m all you can think about. Because deep down you know we can’t fight this forever. Because I was the right choice all along.”
I was pulling reasons out of my ass hoping they weren’t making me look like a self-centered fool.
Reese let go of the door and turned around slowly. “You’re right.”
“About which one?”
“All of them,” she said softly.
I reached for her hand first and lifted it to my lips. “I love you so much. That’s not going to change. I’m so sorry for everything. I hate that I hurt you.”
I rubbed her hand over my mouth and closed my eyes.
Then she said it directly to me. It wasn’t included with something else, or used to prove a point. “I love you too, Jake. More than I ever thought possible. I love you so much that I ache at the thought of never being close to you again.”
Jake Mitchell Page 19