The Remedy Files: Illusion

by Lauren Eckhardt

I delicately fall to my knees and lower my left ear to the ground. I try to slow my breathing in order to focus on more than my heart thumping loudly against my chest. The whistle still sounds like it’s far away. I might have a shot this time. It’s not moving as fast as it usually does.

  Standing back up, I prepare myself to run. I won’t weave through the forest this time; I’ll just run straight to the single picturesque tree, or better yet, to the ocean as I now know it exists. The water will save me. I will be able to swim to a new life.

  When I pick up my foot, it’s as though it weighs a hundred pounds. I let it fall heavily to the ground and I think for a moment that it’s going to send cracks splitting through the earth. I do the same thing with my other leg and after moving only one full step, exhaustion overwhelms me. My bones and muscles all feel as though they were put through a meat grinder, leaving an even consistency of mush instead of the strength my body is supposed to have. Everything in me is screaming to lie on the ground and admit defeat. I can’t run anymore.

  “Evangeline…” I hear calling from the distance. At first I think it’s my mind playing tricks on me. “Evangeline…” The voice calls again. Looking up, I see him: Gavin, standing at the edge of the forest, motioning me to come join him. He’s wearing the blue shirt I love so much and I can see his eyes shimmering even from this distance.

  Concentrating on his face, I put one foot in front of the other. I’m not moving fast, but I’m going. His smile gets bigger with each step I take and he is animatedly waving, his hands high in the air, as though he has something great to show me.

  I want to yell out to him to keep moving. I need to warn him that there’s something out to get me and it won’t let anything stand in its way. My attempts come out in muffled squeaks. My voice is gone. I can’t notify him. I will have to find a way to get to him no matter what it takes- before something else does.

  In a moment’s blink, Gavin somehow disappears. I’m almost to the edge and now he’s gone. I whip my head around, wondering if I went the wrong direction. But he’s nowhere to be seen. I push myself to the edge of the forest, leaning up against the last tree in efforts to catch my breath. The field’s vastness is welcoming me back as though it has arms stretched to both sides that want to take me in an embrace. I’ve been here many times before and it knows me well.

  Movement in the distance grabs my attention as I see Gavin appear once again except now in the middle of the field. He’s still motioning me to follow him, this time more urgently. I try again to call out to him but to no avail. No sound is coming out of my mouth. Begrudgingly, I trudge ahead once again; this time my eyes are only focused on my legs as I watch both of them struggle to take one excruciating step after another.

  The field and I have been one for so long that I have no need to look up to know where I’m at. Inside of me, an automatic trigger is set off to tell me I’m precisely at the point of the field Gavin was at when I saw him earlier. When I look up, even though it feels like months- no, years- have passed to move this far, I’m right on my location. But Gavin has once again disappeared.

  Instead, a new movement catches my attention. The man in the colossal tree has crawled down and is standing right in front of it, his bare feet leaning over the edge of the steep hill that leads up to the tree. The sun is glaring down on him, illuminating him in such a way that makes him look like a dazzling otherworldly being. He seems slightly taller than Gavin with broad shoulders yet a strong, lean body. His hair is cut much shorter to his head and his face looks as though it could have a slight shadow but not near the beard that Gavin has. I get the feeling that he’s kind and not a threat like I had previously assumed. But I still don’t know who he is and whether or not I can trust him. I can’t see his eyes to know for sure.

  “Evangeline…” In the distance at my right, Gavin emerges once again. He’s standing on a brand new path that I’ve never seen before. It’s a smooth brown road that stretches out behind him into a new forest of trees. Again, he’s motioning me, impatience crossing his face, not understanding why I can’t move any quicker to him.

  The rumbling that I’ve been trying hard to block out is now so loud and apparent that my body looks as though tremors have overtaken me. The only way I’m managing to remain standing is because my legs have become weights that keep me glued to the quaking ground.

  The man from the tree is now leaning down, reaching his hand to me. A part of me wants to run, jump up and take his hand, disappearing into the angelic tree that has captivated me from the moment I first saw it. The other part of me that I’ve known for so long wants to follow Gavin because it’s ingrained in who I am; the first and only actual choice I’ve ever made in my life.

  I can feel it. It’s getting closer. I don’t even bother turning around. Giving Gavin one last look, I know there’s no other option. There’s no more time to run. I stiffen in anticipation of the machine’s insurmountable weight to come crush me, making me a part of this ground that I’ve spent so much of my life running on.

  My hair wraps around my face as the strong movement of air encompasses me and the large steel machine rushes by, inches from grazing my skin. Suddenly everything turns so very dark. I see the faint outline of the machine in front of me. But the sound is not as loud. The whistling is sweet sounding, almost calming.

  “Evangeline….” Someone calls my name. “Evangeline…”

  I open my eyes to see a glossy vaulted ceiling fifteen feet above me. It’s familiar. The fog slowly clears from my head.

  “Evangeline…” The whistling is in my ear again. I sit up quickly, tangling myself in bed sheets as I push my body to the end of my bed.

  Jacqueline erupts into giggles on the floor. “I have never seen you sleep so hard before! You completely slept through the alarm!”

  It takes me a moment to fully let my mind adjust to the reality in front of me. To the right is my brown wooden dresser. Above it is my arched mirror with a crack in the lower corner from a brush that I threw a little too far, hitting the mirror instead of landing on the dresser. I never reported that to the cooperative and the room maids must have never said anything either as I was never punished and it was never replaced.

  I look down at the dark blue wool sheets that are wrapped around me. I am in my bed. There’s no Gavin, no man, no threat, no choice. Realizing I had been holding my breath, I exhale. That dream was completely different than all the others I’ve had. I wish I could tell Jacqueline about it.

  “Here, I’ve already picked out your outfit for you.” Jacqueline once again laughs as she throws a white polo and hunter green pants at me.

  Jacqueline always finds humor in our outfits. She once found a magazine stuffed in a tin during our Level 8 Annual Dig that showed people from The Before in outfits lined with jewels, sparkles, and vibrant colors. Ever since then, she likes to try to enhance our clothing with different items she finds in the market or around the Community.

  Jacqueline likes to pretend she is a famous designer and I am one of the celebrities that dons her creations. It is the only time Jacqueline has ever put her intelligence and logic aside to believe in any sort of Pretend game so I never mind playing along. We can only wear the outfits with her designs when we are in our rooms, though. Otherwise we could be punished for breaking Rule A201 which states that all clothing must be given by the Community; be the colors of white, hunter green, dark blue, and light blue; and cannot be altered, changed, or shared among members since the clothes are specifically made for each person each year.

  “You need to hurry up, though! We’re going to be late for breakfast!”

  I grab the clothes in a bundle, pull myself out of my tangled sheets, and stride to the bathroom that connects my room with Jacqueline’s. She immediately gets to work with making my bed for me.

  Once the door is closed, I lean my back up against it. I know we may be late, but I’m having trouble getting my body to move any faster. I shuffle to the sink, splash my face with water, and look in
the mirror. My hair is an awful, wild, tousled mess.

  Taking a deep breath, I grab the hairbrush from the drawer and pull my hair back into a sleek ponytail, wrapping a tan band around it to keep it in place. I put the hairbrush down and once again examine my features in the mirror. I can’t stop staring at my face. I look different. Then I spot it.

  My eyes are strange. Typically they are a dark hazel color, tipping on the border of brown. Today, they are lighter, the green poking through a bit more. Everyone in Impetus has darker eyes, mostly brown, some even black. I’ve always been on the edge of the norm as it is with the hazel color which is a rarity in Impetus. Every time I’ve been to see a nurse or the Doctor, I get the “tsk-tsk” when they’re examining my eyes.

  Doctor Bordine once called it an extreme concern; that it could mean I’m sick. A few years ago he did a crazy amount of tests on me ranging from drawing blood to having wires hooked up to my head to monitor my brain waves. He never shared the results with me but apparently everything came back fine because on the last day of the tests, he leaned over to the nurse and whispered loudly enough for me to hear, “She’s safe.”

  I wanted so badly to ask what I’m safe from or what my results showed, but of course that would be breaking the Curiosity Ban. Knowing that I am so close to my health file at work is a constant temptation to take a look. Doctor Bordine made it clear that he keeps the files of all the Clinic employees locked up in his office. We don’t have the same access to those as we do to the files of the other community members.

  The tests had really peaked Gavin’s interest. During the couple of weeks that they were running all of them, he had asked me to try to visit him at least two times a day if I could manage to sneak out that much. “I just want to stay updated on what’s going on.” He would tell me. “It doesn’t make a lot sense, that’s all.”

  When I told him that the Doctor had declared me as safe, he asked, “They’re not planning any more tests? They’re dropping it?”

  “Sure sounds like it.” I responded.

  Then Gavin hugged me. As soon as he did it, he stepped back quickly, mumbled, “Sorry,” and talked randomly about the log in front of us that he thought would make a really good table if he could get the tools to carve it. I did take notice that he didn’t make any eye contact with me for a while afterwards as though everything else other than me was suddenly more interesting.

  No one other than Jacqueline had ever hugged me before. I didn’t know what to think as I never expected Gavin to do something like that. I remember wanting it to happen again, though. I don’t know why exactly except it just seemed like it made sense- as though that hug was the most logical thing that could possibly ever happen, which in itself of course didn’t seem sane but it was the only coherent conclusion I could form.

  At the end of my visit with him that day, he finally looked me in the eyes again and said, “Please tell me if they bring up the tests or your eyes again.”

  “What did they mean by me being safe?”

  Gavin paused for a moment. “I guess they just mean you won’t be contagious to anyone else and that you’re fine for now.”

  “For now?”

  His eyes widened as though he didn’t expect me to catch those words. “I just mean in case something changes which I doubt would be the case.” Gavin wasn’t exactly convincing with his response.

  “But Gavin, you have blue eyes and you’re fine, right?”

  Gavin averted his eyes to the ground. “Just don’t ever say you know someone with blue eyes. You can’t let them know that.” Putting his hand on my arm and looking back up at me, he said, “Let me know if they do anything like that to you again, ok, Evie?”

  I nodded since I had to leave but wasn’t too sure what he meant. The tests should be a one-time thing. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if Gavin knows more than what he shares with me. I just try to believe that he would tell me anything I did really need to know- especially if it had to do with my life.

  CHAPTER 6

  “Evangeline, hurry!” Jacqueline’s loud knocks on the door force me out of my daze.

  I’ll have to remember to ask Gavin if he’s seen a difference with my eyes lately as well. If it becomes obvious to everyone, it could alert Doctor Bordine again.

  I quickly slip out of my night tee and shorts and put on the polo and pants that Jacqueline picked out. I open up the door to find a pair of black boots shoved in my face.

  Jacqueline is tapping her left foot as I grab the boots from her grip and clumsily try to slip them on my feet while walking to the hallway door.

  “About time!” Jacqueline yaps as she follows me out. She prefers to be early for mealtimes unlike me who waits until the absolute last minute.

  We take a sharp right out of my room, entering the hallway that carries us to the cafeteria. We fall in line with the hasty pace of other 14-17 Level classmates that must have been running slightly behind as well.

  Since today is the Annual Archaeological Dig for Level 17 students, we will be handed special breakfast sacks filled with bagels, cream cheese, bananas, turkey slices and a carton of milk. These are a few of the food items considered delicacies and the Annual Digs are the only times we are able to have them.

  “Good morning, Evangeline.” The monitor attendee states in a robotic tone as I swipe my wrist under the cafeteria scanner. She never looks up from her screen as she hands me a black paper sack filled with the breakfast goodies and two blue Remedy pills. I never learned her name, but in part that’s because in the three years that I have been in this building, she has never once made eye contact with me or tried to say more words than what’s required of her.

  “Good morning, Jacqueline.” I hear the monitor say in the same monotone voice behind me. I pause and let Jacqueline catch up with me before we join the rest of our classmates.

  “Well, I hope that’s one job I do not get.” I say with a roll of my eyes. Jacqueline laughs, which echoes faintly in the large concaved cafeteria.

  “Are we going to have any trouble this morning, girls?” Ms. Kay suddenly appears, her high-pitched voice hard to ignore. She fills in for the Level teachers at every Archaeological Dig so she can take all the findings back to the Community Museum where she works. She is very strict and for some reason has displayed an obvious distaste for me over the years. Jacqueline has even commented before on how Ms. Kay seems to intentionally seek me out every time she’s around and then makes some threatening comment about my attitude or actions. It’s the most bizarre thing as I’m pretty certain I’ve never done anything to warrant that reaction.

  “No, Ms. Kay.” Jacqueline quickly responds the same time I sweetly say, “Good morning, Ms. Kay.”

  Ms. Kay’s eyes stay narrowed in on me. She is not pleased with my response. Instead of replying, she looks at Jacqueline, gives a single nod, and walks towards the wall of the cafeteria where the other Level 17 students had started to gather.

  Joline once told us that she overhead some teachers talking about how Ms. Kay lost her husband years ago. One of the teachers said it was a random accident that Impetus kept quiet. The other teacher said she heard it was at the same time the Lighthouse Legend occurred. Either way, the death of Ms. Kay’s husband was due to an unfortunate accident since he was still fairly young.

  The consequences then lead to her being forced out of the Paired living quarters and in with the Unpaired, making her change her name from Mrs. Henlinbeen to Ms. Kay to honor the consistency name rule (A233) within Impetus. “In the pairing of two community members, the Community Board will choose a new last name that will represent the two members as a family. They will then be called Mr. and Mrs. with their decided new last name to follow the salutation. Unpaired will be called Mr. or Ms. with their first name to follow the salutation. If a pairing is broken due to death or other unfortunate circumstances, the remaining pairing’s name will be changed to follow the rules of the Unpaired with a Mr. or Ms. and their first name following the salutation.”r />
  Within one week of the accident, Ms. Kay was removed from her role as the Cooperative Manager and reassigned as the Community Museum Director which she has done ever since I could remember. Some people have said they haven’t seen Ms. Kay smile since all of that occurred. Personally, I can’t imagine ever seeing her smile.

  I loop my arm with Jacqueline’s. “I suppose we have to be good today.” I wink at her as she stifles another laugh.

  We join our classmates in line and lean against the white concrete wall while munching away at the special breakfast. Comments are spoken between bites about how good some of the food tastes and how we wish we had them year round. We watch Ms. Kay walk around, hushing smaller groups as they chat and directing them to the line of other Level 17 students if they were supposed to be a part of our group. Once the twenty of us were rounded up, Ms. Kay claps loudly to get our attention and then leads us out the cafeteria side door. Immediately the noise difference from the buzzing of the cafeteria to the quiet stillness of Impetus is apparent in what sounds like a whoosh as we change environments.

  Once outside, we hike the incline that leads to the maintenance building on Road C. Jacqueline and I wave at Mr. Frank as he waters the plants that line the edges. His gray hair has thinned out a bit as well but despite it all, he still has a smile that lights up Impetus. Several times throughout the years he has caught Jacqueline and I “testing the waters” with the community rules. But he has always just chuckled and turned his back whereas other adults would have made sure we were caught.

  “Hi girls!” He smiles, waves, and turns back to water the plants while whistling a somewhat melancholy tune that sounded a bit familiar. I could have sworn I’ve heard Gavin hum a similar one before.

  Caroline turns around and scrunches her nose at us before flipping her long, red hair ponytail and turning back in line. She leans over to Adeline and whispers something in her ear which causes Adeline to look over her shoulder at us and quietly giggle.