by Al K. Line
"It's not usual, something to do with physics I think," he mumbled.
"Yeah, physics, I'm sure that plays an important role in shifting from a human into an animal."
"Dude, no need for the sarcasm."
"Sorry, bit stressed."
"That's okay, I understand."
Man, Steve really was a muppet at times.
I drove as fast as I could, then tried the old brake hard maneuver again, but nothing went shooting off. The roof banged harder, another dent, but what could I do? I kept driving and I kept swerving, speeding, slowing, braking, trying to dislodge Kim as she no doubt morphed from this to that to keep her grip while slowly destroying my car.
Sunshine stirred, began to moan, and I knew we had to do something. Last thing we needed was her awake and freaking out, getting scared. She might act rashly, try to help, change into something and get taken or even killed.
"Now," I warned, "this isn't so much a plan as a last resort. When I stop the car, what we're going to do is run away very fast and hope we don't all die. Everyone ready?"
"What? No, absolutely not," said a panicked Vicky.
"Sunshine's still asleep," said Steve.
"Then wake her up now because this is happening. We're close to the house, we just have to get in and... Er, no, wait, I have another idea. Scrap that."
I grinned as I took a left turn and roared through the darkening streets on my way to somewhere wizards were always welcome, everyone else not so much.
Breaking the Rules
"Hey, Turk," I said breezily as we marched through the foyer of Satan's Breath, the sweat already forming.
"Hey, Arthur. Whoa! What you doing? You can't all be in here. Are they women? Is that a shifter? Out, all of you. This is wizards only." The Turk's thick waxed mustache wriggled about like an eel that had been jammed through a pencil sharpener and his stained white vest rode up to reveal a fat, hairy belly as he waved his arms about and did gravity-defying things with his eyebrows. His double chin made his stubble ripple and I swear I saw fluff fall from his belly button.
"Sorry, I know it's against the rules, but this is an emergency. Oh, there's a powerful shifter outside, please don't let her in. Cerberus are on the warpath, have decided to take over Ivan's business, or try, so be warned."
I nodded to the others and before the Turk could do anything to stop us, we darted through the archway then into the locker room.
"If you see an old man with a hair dryer, avert your gaze," I warned. But it was already too late.
There in front of us, leg up on the sink, staring at himself in a full-length mirror, was the same perverted old wizard as always, doing despicable things to his wrinkly bits with what sounded and looked like an industrial level hairdryer.
"I got an upgrade," he said with glee as we hurried past and I put my hands over Sunshine's eyes.
"Was he...?" asked Vicky, faltering.
"Yeah, he was," I grunted.
"Why?"
"I honestly don't know. He says it dries them."
"So do towels."
"I know. Try telling him that. Come on, no time."
We made it to my locker and I opened it up after checking the wards hadn't been tampered with. Everything was as it should have been, the collection of artifacts, cash, clothes and more were all there and behaving, for now. Several artifacts grumbled about being left alone for so long but I ignored them and made sure not to touch them as some had a nasty habit of biting.
I grabbed the infinite bag and with a deep breath said something I thought I'd never say.
"Get in."
"What?" asked a confused Steve.
I opened the bag wider, what appeared to be an old-fashioned, distressed leather doctor's bag, and repeated, "Get in. Hurry, it's the only way."
"It's a bag," said Steve.
"It's my infinite bag," I said.
"What's inside it?" asked Sunshine, peering into the darkness.
"A bit of everything. Try not to touch stuff, some of it's rather volatile. Um, although there should be plenty of space."
"Arthur, is this safe?" asked Vicky. "I thought you said people should never go inside, that it was too dangerous? How will they get out? How will they fit in?"
"It is dangerous, and I don't know the answer to the last but one question yet, but they'll fit, trust me. It's the only way to hide them. So, like I said, get in." I nodded to Steve and a very worried looking Sunshine.
Steve grinned then grabbed Sunshine's hand and before he could change his mind I upturned the bag and popped it over their heads. It swallowed them up like an illegal vacuum cleaner and I turned it back the right way.
"You too," I told Vicky.
"If you think I'm getting into—"
I quickly opened it and slammed it over her head. She disappeared. I righted the bag, shouted, "I'm sorry," into the infinite space inside, then snapped it shut, closed my locker, checked the wards, then ran back out the way I'd come.
"You're seriously deranged, you know that?" I said to the hairy ball-blaster.
"I know," he said with a cackle before returning to his business.
How Much!?
If my math was good, and I knew it was, then I'd timed this just about perfectly. In the archway before the foyer, I opened the bag cautiously and said a silent prayer before I reached in and grabbed something bony and furry that squeaked. I smiled as I pulled out a squirming Vicky by her red jumper then dropped her down and closed the bag.
"Did you say your goodbyes?" I asked.
"I guess. Why did you do that? Why did you put me in there?"
"Because I couldn't face a long farewell and we were, still are, out of time. You got it though? You understood?"
"Yes, this is the end, isn't it?"
"Sure is. For you and Steve, anyway."
A tear fell from Vicky's sad eyes but she knew it had to be this way.
"Come on, there's no time."
We stepped into the foyer and stood the other side of the counter. The Turk was licking envelopes and stamps and placing the mail in a pile next to a worryingly wriggling towel that he slammed a meaty fist down onto. It mewled then was still.
"Got a box?" I asked.
"Got a box? You ask me if I have a box when I have Hounds outside my door and women inside a wizard-only establishment?" The Turk scowled at me then continued to slide out a fat tongue and slurp at the mail. So gross.
"But they won't come in, will they?"
"They wouldn't dare! It would be all-out war. The Turk knows people, knows things, and will have their hides if they dare bother him."
"Then The Hat thanks the Turk and once again asks for a box."
The Turk reached under the counter and grabbed a box. I dropped the bag inside, taped it up, wrote an address on the top, and spun it around to face him.
"Add it to the pile," I said.
"Stamps?" he asked. "You want some?"
"Please."
He placed the box on a scale then gave me a number.
"Bloody daylight robbery," I moaned, but nonetheless said, "Add it to my subscription renewal. Don't have cash on me."
"Fine. So you remember it's time to renew? These lot," he nodded at the envelopes, "need to have it in writing or they'll never pay. Happens every year."
"I know, and it's time for the postman, right?"
"Sure is."
I heard the faint tinkle of bells as the air turned cold. A moment later a fat man with a white beard and an oversized postman's uniform with white trim at cuff and ankle appeared from the back with a large sack over his shoulder.
"Turk," he said.
"Postie," said the Turk with a nod.
"Arthur," said the postman.
"Postie," I replied.
"Are you being a good boy?" he asked.
"You know it," I said with a grin.
The postman loaded the mail into his sack then read the address on the box. He raised a white eyebrow as he looked at me. "You sure?" he asked.<
br />
"I'm sure."
He nodded, then dropped the box inside. With a smile, he left. Bells rang out for a moment, almost overwhelming me with the memories they made surface, then the temperature returned to humid, verging on scalding.
"Was that...? That wasn't...?" spluttered Vicky, eyes wide, staring after the vanishing postman.
"What do you think he does the rest of the year?" I asked with a grin.
"No way, you're messing with me, right?"
"Come on, time to go," I said, taking Vicky's hand and heading straight for the front door. At the entrance, I turned. "Turk?"
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Thanks, I owe you one."
"All part of the service," he said, then began folding towels, sometimes thumping them if they misbehaved.
We stepped out into an uncertain future.
Home for Dinner
"And they just let you leave?" asked Penelope as she placed leftover shepherd's pie from our dinner earlier in front of me. Being a wizard is hungry work.
"Thanks. Yeah, it was just me and Vicky, so they either killed us outside or let us go."
"What about Kim?" asked George.
"She wasn't happy, ranted and raved, promised she would find Sunshine, swore she would go in and get them. But by that time there were several hundred wizards outside too. Guess the Turk had made a few calls, so she was pretty much screwed. I gotta say, I was nervous."
"Me too," said Vicky, looking exhausted but jubilant, sad, but relieved too.
"They could have taken you, made you tell where they were," said Penelope, putting a hand to my knee with concern.
"They could have tried, but Kim knows same as everyone else that wizards don't tell. She knew she'd never get it out of me. Nobody ever will. And I mean nobody." I looked at Vicky as I spoke.
"I know, and I don't want you to tell me. Just tell me that they're safe, that they'll be okay, and that's good enough."
"They are right now on their way somewhere far, far away where nobody will ever find them. They will have the chance of a future, will never be found as long as they keep a low profile, and if they play their cards right they'll never have to worry about money again. There's a ton of interesting things in that bag, and I'm sure they can find a way to use them to make a nice life for themselves."
"Good, that's good. Steve was a great guy and I'll miss him," said Vicky. "The girls will too. I'll tell them in the morning. Thanks for letting us stay over tonight."
"Our pleasure," said Penelope.
I understood the pain Vicky was in, but we both knew it was for the best. That they would never have peace if they remained on the radar of Cerberus and the shifters.
"And we made it home for dinner," I said with pride. "Right on time."
"But you never called, you didn't even text," said Penelope, her smile telling me all was fine really.
"Sorry, I'll try better next time. Promise."
"Wait, one more thing," said Vicky. "That wasn't really you know who, was it?"
I ran my fingers across my lips like a zip.
Wizards never tell. They have honor, and they do right by their friends.
The End
Book 11 in the series (and it's the penultimate one!) is Sand Storm.
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