What It Takes: A Kowalski Reunion Novel

by Shannon Stacey

  “I had mint chocolate chip ice cream before we went to bed.”

  “On top of the egg salad you begged me to make while you were watching television?” Rosie shook her head and Ben had to bite back a smile when she stood and picked up the small wastebasket under the bedside table.

  “Sit up here on the edge of the bed for me, Katie.” He helped her up, watching her face. She looked miserable and her level of discomfort rose, but he didn’t see signs of severe pain. After making sure Katie was able to sit, he nodded for Rosie to move a little closer. “So, to recap, you had pork chops and potatoes with ranch dressing, egg salad and ice cream?”

  Katie made a keening sound of distress and her mom was there, wastebasket at the ready. Ben supported her shoulders to make sure she didn’t fall, while she wrapped her arms around her stomach and threw up.

  Josh disappeared, and Ben wondered if he had a weak stomach, but he was back in less than a minute with a wet washcloth. Once Katie nodded, Rosie removed the basket while Ben helped her roll back onto her left side. Her husband wiped her face, smoothing away the clamminess and making her smile.

  “I hate throwing up.”

  “Everybody does, honey.” Josh kissed her forehead. “Do you feel better now?”

  “I think so. And the baby’s awake.”

  Ben watched as Katie ran her hand over her stomach. She looked relieved and exhausted, but her mouth curved into a smile as the baby kicked her hand.

  “I know your muscles will feel sore after that,” he said, “but do you have any pain?”

  “No. Everything feels more normal now. Well, pregnant-normal, anyway.” She sighed, already looking sleepy again. “But I’m never eating pork chops, mashed potatoes, ranch dressing, egg salad or ice cream again.”

  Ben chuckled. “Maybe not all in the same evening, anyway.”

  “I might have panicked,” Josh said. “She’s had heartburn, but nothing like this and when the antacids didn’t help, I thought it might be the baby.”

  “Always better to be safe than sorry.” Ben checked Katie’s vitals again. They were good, and she looked relaxed. “I think you’re going to feel better now, Katie, but I can give you a ride to the hospital so they can check you out more thoroughly if you want.”

  “I still feel a little bit queasy but other than that, I don’t feel like anything’s wrong. Are you going to be close by?”

  Ben glanced at Laney and she nodded. “Yes, I’ll be close by. If you or Josh have any concerns, I’ll come running.”

  “You could probably take the time to put pants on next time,” Rosie said. “I’m doing my damnedest not to look because you’re my daughter’s age, but the less worried I am for her, the harder it gets not to notice.”

  “Yeah, when you were running here in your underwear and bare feet to save my wife and child, it was awesome,” Josh said. “But now you can get out of my bedroom.”

  Laughing, Ben packed up his bag and gave Katie a last visual exam. Her smile was sleepy, but she looked content and he had no doubt she’d be asleep by the time he reached the back door. “Get some rest and I’ll see how you’re doing in the morning.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  Josh held out his hand, which Ben shook. “Thanks, man. I’d hug you, but you’re practically naked.”

  Bag in hand, Ben left the room with Laney. He put his hand on her back as they walked through the lodge and out the back door. “Thanks for getting my bag.”

  “I’m glad you were here tonight. That was scary.”

  “Do you mind if I stay the night, or would you be more comfortable if I grabbed one of the beds in the lodge?”

  She looked confused for a few seconds. “You were in my bed when Josh knocked, remember?”

  “Yeah, I definitely remember being in your bed, but we kind of nodded off together. That’s different than deliberately spending the night.”

  “Ben, I want you to stay.”

  Once they were back in her camper, he set his bag on her dinette table and tossed his pants on the bench seat, just in case. Responding to an emergency in his underwear was a first and he knew that once the fear from the night faded, it was going to be a long time before he heard the end of it.

  Once he was back in Laney’s bed, her back pressed to his chest, he pulled her hair back so he could kiss her neck. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

  “Mmm?”

  “Next Saturday we’re having a party for my parents, to celebrate their sixtieth birthdays and fortieth wedding anniversary.”

  “Really? You mean like a date you picked to celebrate all three?”

  “No, they have the same birthday. And they got married on that day. It’s kind of a milestone, so we’re having a party for them in the late afternoon and I’d like for you to go with me.”

  “That sounds fun, and I like your parents. I’ll have to make sure it’s okay with Rosie and Josh, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  Ben smiled and kissed her neck again before laying his head on the pillow. Having the woman he was falling in love with—even if she wasn’t ready for him to tell her that yet—at his side to celebrate his parents’ long, happy marriage would mean the world to him.

  * * *

  Laney had assumed when Ben said they were having a party for his parents, that they meant Ben and his brother, sister-in-law and nephews. She’d been wrong.

  It didn’t measure up to the Fourth of July barbecue at the lodge, but there were still a lot more people than she’d expected in the Rivers’ front yard. A couple of large canopies had been erected for shade, and it looked like a bring your own lawn chair memo had gone out with the invitations. Ben had neglected to mention that.

  “Laney!” May beckoned her over to where she was talking to a few other women.

  At least Ben’s mother was a nice lady, she thought as she made her way to her. Laney had made the mistake of answering the phone fifteen minutes before she had to leave her camper, when her own mother called.

  It hadn’t been a good conversation. One of her dad’s agents had quit abruptly and wasn’t that the perfect opportunity for Laney to give up on her silly little camping thing and join her father in business?

  When that hadn’t worked, her mom had changed her tactic from a very strong suggestion to some blatant emotional manipulation. Her dad hadn’t been feeling well, according to her mother, and he needed to have a stress test.

  Layne had finally told her she was losing cell service, which her mom believed because in her mind, her daughter was living in the wilderness. She’d promised to call her dad when she got a chance, though she had no intention of going to work for him. Then she’d cranked the stereo in her Camaro and done her best to shake off her mood on the drive over.

  “I’m so glad you came,” May said, giving her a warm hug. “These are my good friends, Denise and Michelle. Ladies, this is Ben’s girlfriend, Laney.”

  Laney felt her face freeze and hoped it had frozen in a reasonably friendly expression. Ben’s girlfriend. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  They’d heard of her, of course. Everybody in Whitford knew she was working at the Northern Star, even if they hadn’t actually met her yet. She made small talk for a few minutes, until Alan interrupted to say hello. He hugged her, too, and then so did Chelsea. Jimmy kissed her cheek, and then told her Ben was in the house, finishing up a few things in the kitchen.

  “I’ll go find him and see if he needs any help, then.”

  It seemed as if it took her forever to get to the house, since she knew just enough people so she had to stop and chat a few times. But finally, she went in the side door and found him in the kitchen, dumping bags of cut vegetables onto a disposable platter.

  “Hey, there you are,” he said, his face lighting up when he saw her. She remembered wondering w
hat would happen if he looked at her like that on the day they met, but she couldn’t put her finger on when it had started happening—when Ben looked at her as though her walking into the room was the best thing to happen to him all day.

  “Need some help?” She walked around the island to stand next to him. “Are you doing this all yourself?”

  “Oh, Jimmy and I are smarter than that. The magic words are bring your favorite potluck dish. In a town like this, trying to outdo each other is practically a sport. You must not have seen the tables lined up along the garage wall, in the shade.”

  “No, I didn’t. Do you have dip?”

  “In the fridge, if you don’t mind grabbing them. I got two and we might as put them both out.”

  She found the jars of ranch dip and popped the lids. He rummaged in a cupboard and found two plastic spoons.

  “Thanks. That’s it, I guess.”

  “Before we go outside,” she began, and she could tell by the way he moved closer that he thought she was going to kiss him. “Your mom’s introducing me to people as your girlfriend.”

  “Okay.” He leaned his hip against the island and took her hand in his. “I haven’t used the word myself, but we’ve been dating all summer, Laney. It hasn’t been a secret.”

  “I know.” And she did. “I’m not mad or anything. It was just a bit of a shock. It makes everything seem...defined. It’s a word that comes with expectations, you know?”

  He gave her one of those smiles that didn’t reach his eyes. “You and I are the only ones who know what we’re doing, and even that’s a little fuzzy at times. To everybody else, it looks like you’re my girlfriend.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I feel like you’re my girlfriend, Laney. You must know that.”

  “I know. I just feel...” She felt off-balance because her mother had called so close to May introducing her as his girlfriend, and she couldn’t help but feel like people were trying to put her in a box again.

  “Hey.” He tipped her chin up. “Don’t let it bother you. It’s a party and there’s a bunch of people here. Things will be said, but just smile and know that you and I are okay. And there’s cake.”

  She smiled, but she knew they weren’t okay. She knew he wanted a family of his own—that he wanted marriage and babies and a big backyard—and he had to be losing patience with her inability to commit to him. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself in a forever relationship and asking him to keep waiting wasn’t fair. But she couldn’t bring herself to walk away, either. “I like cake.”

  “I know you do.” He kissed her, then. Quick and light, but it was enough for now. “Somebody’s coming or I’d do better.”

  She was laughing when Tori walked in, carrying her baby. Chessie was a cute little blonde, about seven months old. She was named after some railroad thing, since Max was a huge rail fan, and her smile was one of the cutest things Laney had ever seen. “Is there a place I can change this little stinker? And I mean that literally, so maybe not on any surface that requires professional cleaning.”

  “I’ll grab you a towel and you can change her in the guest bedroom,” Ben said.

  Laney picked up the veggie platter. “I’ll take this outside, and see you out there.”

  He smiled at her before disappearing down the hallway, but it was nothing like the smile he’d given her when she first walked into the room.

  * * *

  Ben watched family and friends milling around the yard, enjoying good food and good company. The entire time, he was aware of Laney. Sometimes she was at his side, but others she roamed through the crowd, talking to friends she’d made in Whitford.

  And the entire time, he could only think about the fact the woman he was pretty sure he was in love with hadn’t liked being called his girlfriend. And this was happening at a celebration of forty years of his parents being in love with each other. It felt wrong.

  He could tell himself he understood her reservation. She’d felt diminished by her first marriage—almost erased somehow—and she hadn’t felt strong enough to let another man in. But the pull had been too strong between them and now he was stuck half in and half out of her life.

  All summer, he’d told himself to be patient. If he gave her the space she needed to feel like herself again, she’d realize they had a really good thing together. It hadn’t been easy, but she was worth it.

  But even now, she was thrown by being called his girlfriend. And it hurt. He hadn’t been prepared for the emotions that had swept through him in the kitchen. Disbelief. Anger. But most of all, more hurt than he was sure he could handle.

  “They’re getting ready to bring the cakes out.”

  Ben turned to Jimmy, surprised to see him there. He’d been watching Laney talking to Matt and Hailey, idly scratching behind their black Lab’s ears. “Is it time already?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Sure. It’s just been a long day.”

  “Bullshit. Are you and Laney having problems?”

  Ben wasn’t sure there really was a him and Laney, but he didn’t want to get into it standing in the middle of his parents’ yard with a bunch of people around them. “We’re just kind of...casually dating or whatever. It’s not a big deal.”

  “To which I say bullshit again, but I can see you don’t want to talk about it right now. I guess the next best thing is cake.”

  “I want a corner piece since I’m going to have to listen to you sing.”

  They were laughing when Chelsea and Denise carried the cakes out. One was a traditional three-layer cake with birthday wishes across the top. The other was a large sheet cake wishing them a happy anniversary and covered with a photo from their wedding day. As they all gathered around to sing, Ben wasn’t surprised to see tears in his mom’s eyes. And when his dad put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and kissed her cheek, Ben thought he might get a little choked up himself.

  They’d argued, of course. They’d lived out both sides of their wedding vows. The sickness and the health. The better and the worse. But there had never been a day in Ben’s life he doubted his parents loved each other.

  That’s what he wanted.

  When Laney appeared at his side, he managed a smile, but he didn’t reach for her hand as he usually would. She knew, he thought. He could tell by the way she looked at him, with questions and uncertainty in her eyes, that she knew their relationship had shifted today.

  He was looking at the amount of food left on the folding tables next to the garage, debating on bringing the cold items inside, when she appeared beside him and put her hand on his arm. There didn’t appear to be anybody within earshot, since most of the remaining guests were under the canopies.

  “I think I’m going to go,” she said quietly. “I don’t think there’s anything I can say to fix whatever’s happening right now.”

  “There is, but you won’t trust yourself to say it. Or maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t really there because I want to so badly. I don’t know.”

  Her lips pressed together, and he hoped like hell she wasn’t going to cry, because he wouldn’t be able to stand that. “You once told me you’d give me whatever I wanted, but only what I wanted.”

  “I did. And I meant it at the time. But I can’t keep doing this, Laney. I can’t pretend I’m okay with you keeping me at arm’s distance and the fact you’re still determined to go back to Rhode Island when the season’s over. I’m more than a rebound guy. I’m more than a summer fling. But you can’t accept that and I’m not going to stand here and pretend I’m okay with it on a day dedicated to the love and commitment my parents have shared with each other for forty years.”

  “I’m scared, Ben.”

  “I know, but I don’t know what else I can do. If you’re not willing to stay here and take the chance, there’s nothing else I
can say.”

  “I don’t want to stay for you. I need to want to stay for me.”

  “And I don’t want you to stay for me, either. I want you to stay for us.”

  “My mother called today. It wasn’t a good conversation and she just assumed I’d go back to Rhode Island. And then your mom assumed I wanted to be introduced as your girlfriend and it all just threw me off. I won’t let anybody make decisions for me, and I won’t let anybody push me into making decisions.”

  “I haven’t pushed you. I’ve waited. I’ve hoped.” He took a deep breath. “Every day I fall more in love with you. Every day it gets harder to imagine my life without you.”

  She looked as gutted as he felt, but she didn’t say anything. And in that moment of silence, his cell phone rang. He wanted to ignore it—just this once—but he couldn’t. And when he glanced over and saw Matt unclipping his cell phone from its holster, Ben knew it would be bad.

  One glance at the screen confirmed it. “Dammit. I have to go.”

  “Ben, you can’t leave like this. We need to talk—”

  “No, I need to go do my job because somebody’s life might depend on it. You should go home when you’re ready. Don’t wait for me.”

  He turned without giving her a chance to say more—or giving himself time to look into her eyes and see if the emotion in her voice was reflected there. After waving a goodbye to his parents as he jogged across the street to his SUV—which was parked, like Matt’s truck, in such a way it couldn’t be blocked in—he tried to put Laney out of his mind. He needed to focus.

  But as he hit the lights and sirens and pulled away from the curb, he caught a glimpse of Laney, still standing where he’d left her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two weeks. Ben parked his SUV in front of the lodge’s parking area and killed the engine. It had been two weeks since he’d been to the Northern Star. Two weeks since he’d seen Laney.

  He’d called her that night, not trusting himself to swing by the campground and talk to her in person. She’d told him she needed time to think—to process what had happened—and he’d been honest with her. He couldn’t wait anymore.