by J. G. Sumner
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth and I fight the overwhelming urge to look over at Kate. If I do, my mind will immediately start undressing her and the last thing I need is to have a rock-hard erection in the car with her family. I would look like the biggest asshole ever. I’m just now starting to earn their respect again, I can’t blow it now.
We arrive at the house before the ambulance which gives us a few minutes to ensure everything is set up where we want, and to make sure we have everything needed for Charles’s care. Jasper texted to let me know the nurse arrived about a half an hour prior and Jasper has been busy giving her the lay of the land.
We enter the massive house that I’ve only been to once before when I was asking the Anderson’s permission to marry their daughter. I didn’t see the entire thing, only a couple of rooms downstairs. Kate tells me that there are six bedrooms, eight bathrooms, and multiple other rooms throughout the house that only a family with this type of stature can afford.
Jasper picked the study to have Charles spend his final days in. It’s a grand room with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, a rock fireplace, and the smell of bourbon and cigars. Apparently, this was Charles’s favorite room in the house, and the most appropriate room for the hospital bed with the bathroom being just across the hall.
“My name is Janice, and I’ll be taking care of Mr. Anderson for the next few hours.” The brunette extends a hand to shake Elizabeth’s who graciously takes it.
Janice walks by each of us learning our names before giving a rundown on what the plan is. “Mr. Anderson will have round-the-clock nurses to tend to any needs he may have. We’ll provide him with basic comforts such as pain medicine, warm blankets, assistance with voiding, and bathing. We can also provide some oxygen to help his breathing. However, typically we don’t offer services that will prolong or prevent his life such as antibiotics, or in his case chemotherapy. I want to make him as comfortable as possible in his final days so he may pass away peacefully.”
Elizabeth’s eyes become reddened and well up with tears, although none fall. They just remain there making her eyes sparkle and glisten like a Swarovski crystal. Kate’s eyes are so much like hers. “How much time can we spend with him?”
Janice approaches Elizabeth and places a gentle hand on her shoulder in a way only nurses and mothers are able to do. “As much as you would like. You can be here twenty-four hours a day if that’s what you want. My guess is he’ll be sleeping most of the time, but in my experience, the patient usually has periods of intermittent lucidness in which they have a few last words to say to family members. I strongly encourage you to take as much time as you need with him so that when he does pass, you’re at peace with it as much as possible.”
Elizabeth nods in confirmation just as the doorbells rings, notifying us of the arrival of the medics at the gates. Jasper steps forward and motions that he’ll take care of it. I know I’ve said it more than once, but I don’t know what I’d do without him. I probably would’ve drunk myself to death and be lying in a puddle of vomit on the bathroom floor of that dirty motel.
David approaches Elizabeth and places his arm around her. “How much time does he have? How long does this usually—take?” David’s voice cracks with the last word.
Janice purses her lips. Even though I’m sure she’s answered the same questions a hundred times, it couldn’t possibly be easy giving the bad news. “It’s different for everyone. Many times, it has to do with the individual’s desire to live. Once they’re okay with the fact they’re going to pass away, and all the unfinished business they have has been taken care of, things seem to progress a little faster. I understand you all weren’t aware your father had cancer until this morning, is that correct?”
David nods.
“My guess is he’s going to struggle with that a bit and need to spend some time with each of you, and at least say his goodbyes. This is a very fast-moving and aggressive cancer he has, so regardless of whether or not he’s ready, it’ll consume him and his days will be very numbered.”
Janice’s last sentence hits us all like a sledgehammer. Kate’s breathing hitches and her body is now shaking with each sob she tries to hold back. David is holding Elizabeth as they both cry. I can’t imagine Charles’s reasoning for hiding this from everyone, but I think this is a piss poor way for them to find out.
Jasper enters through the large oversized doorway with the stretcher and two medics in tow. Charles looks to be half the man he was only a couple of weeks ago when he was a drunken mess inside the delivery room. When Janice said this was a fast-moving cancer, she wasn’t kidding. Charles has literally been dying right before our eyes. I can’t believe no one noticed it before now. Perhaps they were just in denial or so focused on Kate they didn’t have time to worry about the man who always took care of everything. Now, I’ll be expected to take on the responsibility of caring for the family while David transitions into taking over the family business. Am I ready? I don’t know, but I sure as hell have to be. I already got one second chance, I’m sure there won’t be another if I blow it again.
The nurse and the medics transfer Charles to the bed that’s set up and ready to go. I hold Kate in my arms as she silently sobs. This woman has gone through hell in the past couple of weeks from almost losing both of her children to now finding out her father is going to die. I’m not sure if I’m a blessing or just another issue she’s having to deal with on top of everything else. I pray that she’ll allow me to be the rock she needs now, and the rest of our lives together. One thing I know for sure is that I’m not leaving this time. Jasper came and saved me in that motel room, and made me see what I couldn’t before when I was caught up in my own head. There are too many people who count on me. I recognize that now. Better late than never, I guess. Now, I have to be the one to save Kate and give her the happy ever after she deserves.
Once Charles is settled, Janice encourages us to spend some time with him. Kate and I approach Charles’s side, and she gasps at the sight of her lifeless father. I squeeze her shoulders and then scan the room in search of a chair for Kate to sit in. I find a couple and bring them to the bedside while Jasper goes in search for more. I stand behind Kate rubbing her shoulders while tears slip down her face and onto her father’s hand she’s holding onto for dear life. I can only imagine Kate’s hoping if she doesn’t let go, then he won’t either. I wish for her sake, life worked that way. Instead, it’s a twisted roller coaster of good and bad times, highs and lows, happiness and disappointment. How we get to the end of the ride is based on our strength and support system surrounding us.
It’s a very strange feeling to all be sitting around Charles while everyone silently cries. This family is stoic and doesn’t show their emotions openly. I envy their solidarity, but my heart hurts at the same time. This isn’t what Charles would’ve wanted. This is why he didn’t tell his family he was dying.
“I’ve only known Charles for a couple of years. I remember the first day I met him. I set up an appointment at the office so I could discuss Kate’s safety before we reconnected on the Empire State Building.
“I didn’t know what to expect. Based on what I read in the newspapers and saw on television, he was a ruthless businessman who was obsessively protective of his family. Needless to say, I was on pins and needles walking into that office and was afraid he would blame me for Kate’s kidnapping in Italy.
“As soon as I walked through the door, he greeted me with a warm handshake and offered me a seat. Within minutes, I felt as if I had known him forever. We had devised a plan to keep Kate out of harm’s way and forged a bond based on our desire to keep her safe. It didn’t take long before I started thinking of him as a dad and he began referring to me as his son.
“There were times we would meet for lunch to get to know one another. I think he did this knowing wholeheartedly that Kate and I would eventually be married. He wanted me to know that I was now a part of his family because of the way Kate and I felt about each other. He taught
me many things, but perhaps the most important is family is everything and you do whatever is necessary to protect it.”
I scan all the faces staring back at me; some in shock about what I shared, and others wondering why I decided to discuss these things. “Charles didn’t tell you about his cancer because he wanted to protect you from the pain and agony of watching him die. He didn’t want you to go through any more hurt, and he wouldn’t want you crying over him but instead sharing the fond memories you have. I for one would love to know more about him and can’t wait for you to share your memories.”
I sit back in my chair waiting for someone else to take their turn. Silence fills the room as though we were already in a funeral home observing the corpse in the casket. Death is looming and despite my efforts, the Anderson family isn’t ready to move past the grief to remember the amazing man Charles was. I guess it’s too soon.
“The boy is right.” The weak voice captures all of our attention, and sends shock waves through my body. Never in a million years did I expect Charles to hear what I was saying, let alone respond.
“No crying over me. I’m not worth your time and energy. Just be happy I’m not the pain in your ass anymore. If I see one more tear or hear another sob, I’m not going to be able to rest where I’m going, and I’ve worked too damned hard this life to finally get some peace and quiet.”
Kate lets out a soft laugh combined with tears. “Daddy, how long have you known?”
Charles sighs and garners strength before continuing. “I’ve known for a few months. They told me at that time my cancer was incurable.” He coughs a few times before speaking again. “There was so much going on at the time, I didn’t want to add anything else. What would be the point? Instead I’ve been working on getting my affairs in order.” Charles closes his eyes, his breathing slows down, and he appears to be falling asleep.
Kate sniffles as tears stream down her face. She redirects her attention from Charles to me. I smile warmly and place my hand on her shoulder to provide some sort of comfort in this awful situation.
Kate jerks her hand away from me. “This is your fault. If you never would’ve left like the coward you were, Daddy wouldn’t have to be fighting this alone. He may have actually sought out treatment and then I wouldn’t be watching him die. Now my kids will never get to know their amazing grandfather.” Her sobs fill the room and all eyes are now on me.
I can’t help but agree I had some roll to play in this. Obviously, I didn’t cause the cancer, but if I would’ve just stuck around, who knows how things would’ve turned out. Kate and I would probably already be married. Maybe Charles would’ve had chemo and radiation, although what little conversations we’ve had about it, he was adamant that’s not how he wanted to spend his last few months.
“It’s not his fault.” Again, all eyes go back to the dying man in the bed. “You know me, I wouldn’t have told you anyway. The last thing a man wants is to have his family treating him like an invalid. No, he’s not to blame.” Charles goes silent again and everyone looks around the room at each other like they’re not sure how to respond to this.
If it would make everyone feel better, I’d gladly accept responsibility for this. I understand the need for a scapegoat in this situation. After my family was scorched in a fiery inferno, I wanted to blame everything and everyone. Unfortunately, there was only one person responsible and he should’ve been the one trying to protect his family.
“I was a selfish coward. There’s no excuse for my behavior. I ran out of fear. Part of me thought that I have only brought pain into Kate’s and this family’s life. I didn’t want to subject you to anymore of that. Then, there was the fact that Kate was pregnant…I acted like a child. I should’ve manned up and helped Kate through this no matter who the father was. I was in love with her. I still am, and that’s no way to treat the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. For that, I’ll be forever sorry.” I turn and face Kate. “I’m so sorry. I can’t say it enough. I was a horrible person for what I did to you and I can understand if you never forgive me. Since I’ve been back, the consequences of my actions have never been clearer, and the path of destruction I left behind is unfathomable. But I’m here now to clean up the pieces, and I swear on my life, that I’ll be by your side from this day forward.”
A swirl of emotions occupies Kate’s face. Her glistening, swollen, and reddened eyes stare back at me searching for answers, as she tries to figure out the right thing to say. Her furrowed brow suggests confusion and turmoil. Somewhere in that broken soul, this woman still loves me. Amongst everything else, it’s written across her entire face.
I take Kate’s hand in mine. This time she keeps it here. “I promised your father that I would marry you like I should’ve months ago.” I drop to one knee and pull out the ring Jasper slid in my pocket when we arrived at the estate. “Kate, when I asked you to marry me, in Times Square, I had no idea our future would come down this path. What I was sure of is that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with you. I had a few months without you and it was pure hell. Even with all the struggles we’ve gone through, they have still been the best days of my life because you were there with me. Our time apart made me realize that even the worst day with you, is better than my best day alone. Please, Kate, will you marry me?”
Tears stream down her face, but she never breaks the eye contact. I hold my breath waiting for her to say yes or for the other shoe to drop. I never thought what I would do if she said no. There’s no plan B, only this—only the two of us in this moment that seems like an eternity, but is really only seconds. Her answer will change my life forever no matter which one she gives. I silently plead for a yes as her lips part. “I…”
“Katherine, this man loves you. He’s not without fault, but I haven’t seen such a fool in love since I met your mother. No one will disagree that he has made some very stupid decisions, but his love for you has never wavered and that’s something hard to find. You marry this man, and know that if he screws up again, I’ll hunt him down from my grave.”
The room grows quiet and without looking, I know all eyes are trained on me and Kate. I’m growing desperate and ready to plead my case as Kate speaks. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for leaving me in the hospital that day. I needed you. I tried to protect you from Matteo and all you could do was leave at the first sign something wasn’t going your way. Who does that? You should’ve been there. I deserve better than that. How am I supposed to trust you won’t ever walk out on me again?”
This is the first time Kate has ever really spoken about that day to me. She’s been skirting around it since I’ve come back. I’m happy to finally get it out in the open, but I fear her answer is going to be no.
I swallow in an attempt to think of something else to plead my case. I glance down at my hands and notice they’re shaking. How long has that been going on? It’s obvious my body knows what a pivotal moment this is in my life. Either I have the entire package with the wife, kids, and the happy-ever-after or I’m the single dad who struggles to spend as much time with my babies as their mom will allow. I don’t want that for any of us.
“Kate, I…” I survey the room staring in the eyes of each person looking right back at me, waiting for some poignant response to redeem myself. It’s almost as if I’m on trial. “I look around this room and can’t help but be overcome by the love and support everyone in here gives each other. Whether or not I realized it before, this is my new family. Every single one of you have had a huge impact in our lives. You’ve been there for Kate when I couldn’t be and I thank you for that. I never would’ve imagined the devastation that I could cause by leaving. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for you. If I was gone, nothing else bad could happen. I know now that was wrong. What I didn’t realize up until this point is how many other people I hurt. Everyone in here trusted me to love and protect you, and to be here when you need me. I let us all down. I’ll make a promise, not to just you, Kate, but to every
one here that from this day forward, I’ll be the man you expect and need me to be. I’ll be your loyal, devoted husband, doting father, loving son, the brother you never had, and the best friend you deserve.” I glance at each person I’m referring to. The only person I question if I’ve reached is David, who is now scowling at me.
I turn my attention to the most important person in this room. Kate has tears flowing down her cheeks and she is shaking. I take her into my arms and kiss the top of her head as I inhale the unmistakable floral scent that lingers despite the fact she hasn’t showered in over twenty-four hours. “I’ll love you until the day I die,” I whisper.
“Katherine, it’s not every guy who would come to the father and apologize after what he’s done to you. He’s taken his punishment like a man and I believe Tony is true to his word.” Charles chokes on a fluid-filled cough. His time is limited. “I told him I wanted to see you two get married before I die. I can’t walk you down the aisle anymore, but I’d sure like to be part of the wedding.”
Kate pulls back and stares into my eyes searching for answers.
“When I came back, I went to apologize to your father. I owed him at least that, especially after I had vowed to protect you and I failed miserably at it. Anyway, your father told me about the cancer and asked that I marry you before his time was up. I had no idea it would be so soon.”
“That makes two of us.” Charles tries to laugh, but it’s replaced by another cough.
“You knew my dad was dying and you didn’t tell me?”
Aw fuck. I’m caught in yet another sticky situation in which I let Kate down. How on Earth am I going to explain this one?
“It’s not his fault. I put the fear of death in Tony to not tell anyone. I wanted to tell people on my own terms.” Charles’s voice grows weaker by the minute.
“What a great way of telling people, Daddy! You wait until you’re almost dead and the doctor has to tell us. This was a horrible way to find out. What about Mom? You’ve been promising her that the two of you would travel all these years. Now what is she supposed to do?”