Fall From Grace

by Menon, David

  ‘But not even your head of household, Wilfred Jenkins, knew about the presence of Dieter Naumann,’ said Joe. ‘That kind of atmosphere must’ve led to a lot of game playing.’

  ‘He was here in secret!’ Eleanor raged, exasperated at all these ridiculous questions. ‘Nobody knew except for the government officials who he was negotiating with. My staff at the time knew someone was here but they didn’t know who or why. Then, when we weren’t able to make the agreement that Naumann came over for and he stayed, we were able to let go in the presence of the staff.’

  ‘Wilfred Jenkins said at his trial that there was a man he’d never seen before with you on the night his son died,’ said Joe. ‘That was Dieter Naumann, wasn’t it?’

  ‘I’ll tell you this once and I won’t tell you again,’ said Eleanor. ‘Wilfred Jenkins found his son and I together and it was his reaction and his anger that led to him killing his son. There was no-one else present. I don’t know what Wilfred Jenkins was talking about when he mentioned another man being there.’

  ‘But you’d finished with Peter Jenkins,’ said Joe. ‘So why did his father find you together?’

  ‘Dieter was busy negotiating and I was bored,’ said Eleanor simply. ‘I needed amusement and Peter was glad to provide it one last time.’

  She really is something else, thought Sara. She really couldn’t care less. And she didn’t believe her story. She was clever, Sara would give her that, but Sara also knew a liar when she saw one.

  ‘Let’s move on,’ said Sara. ‘After the war you continued your affair with Naumann?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Eleanor, her face breaking into a mischievous grin like a little girl. ‘We got together once a month without fail. We called it his afternoon surgery. If I hadn’t have been able to carry on seeing him I’d have probably ended my life.’

  ‘You adored him that much,’ said Sara.

  ‘I’d have done anything for him.’

  ‘Even lie for him?’

  Eleanor sucked in air through her teeth. ‘Yes, but I didn’t have to.’

  ‘Was Naumann the father of your daughter, Lady Eleanor?’

  Eleanor stiffened. ‘She was blond with blue eyes, the perfect Aryan child.’

  ‘But was Dieter Naumann her father?’

  ‘Yes he was,’ said Eleanor, ‘of course he was.’

  ‘Your daughter disappeared, didn’t she?’ said Sara. ‘October 19th, 1974. She was twenty-five years old’

  ‘I see you’ve done your research, Detective,’ said Eleanor. ‘What do you want to make that mean?’

  ‘She disappeared straight after you allege she killed Ronald?’

  ‘That is correct.’

  ‘Where do you think she went?’

  ‘Detective, if I knew that she wouldn’t have remained disappeared.’

  ‘Did you get on with your daughter?’

  ‘No,’ said Eleanor, ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘Why was that?’ asked Sara.

  ‘I never tried,’ said Eleanor, shrugging her shoulders as if she was stating the obvious. ‘That’s the truth.’

  ‘But she was your love child.’

  Eleanor laughed, ‘What a ridiculous cliché.’

  ‘But what about your husband Ronald? Did he get on with her?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Eleanor, ‘they were great friends.’

  ‘And yet you allege in your evidence given to our colleagues back in 1974 that she shot your husband because she was angry with him? What was she angry about?’

  ‘She grew up and fell in love with someone who was rather less than suitable. She and Ronald had always been close, a lot closer than my daughter and I had been, and I suppose she felt a greater sense of betrayal from him because he was more dead against her choice than I was.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because neither Ronald nor myself believed in marriage across the social classes,’ said Eleanor. ‘It’s unfair to place someone in a world they don’t understand.’

  ‘But your daughter disagreed with that?’

  ‘Oh vehemently,’ Eleanor declared. ‘My relationship with my daughter had been nothing until then but it was even less after that.’

  ‘And what happened to this… unsuitable boyfriend of your daughter’s?’

  Eleanor shrugged her shoulders, ‘I don’t know’ she claimed. ‘I never met him. I didn’t even know his name and I wasn’t in the least bit interested.’

  ‘Are you really expecting us to believe that, Lady Eleanor?’ said Sara.

  ‘Believe what you like,’ said Eleanor. ‘

  Sara thought this bitch was in a class of her own. She felt sorry for her daughter. She must’ve had a horrible time of it.

  ‘But what did her father have to say about it? I mean, Dieter Naumann?’

  ‘Well she was there when he came to visit me here at the Hall of course but he made no effort to get close to her. There was no point. He had his children with Joan and to protect his identity as Gerald Edwards he had to cultivate his relationships with them.’

  ‘Could you look at things any colder, Lady Eleanor?’

  ‘I deal with facts, Detective,’ said Eleanor. ‘I’ve no time for useless emotions and neither has Dieter.’

  ‘And I take it your daughter didn’t know that Dieter Naumann was her father?’

  ‘She knew nothing,’ said Eleanor.

  ‘There’s been no trace of her since that night in 1974 when you reported her missing.’

  ‘I know,’ said Eleanor.

  ‘So where do you think she went?’

  ‘I have absolutely no idea,’ said Eleanor.

  ‘Was Dieter Naumann here that night?’ asked Sara.

  Eleanor looked up at the Heavens. ‘Yes.’

  ‘So he was here on both nights that murder was committed at this Hall.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Did you lie to protect Dieter, Lady Eleanor?’ said Joe.

  ‘Protect him? From what?’

  ‘From being accused of the murder of your husband?’

  ‘How dare you?!’

  ‘You’ve got to admit, it all fits,’ said Joe. ‘He was your lover and the only other witness, your daughter, conveniently disappeared and therefore has never been given the opportunity to defend herself.’

  ‘You are going completely down the wrong road here, Detective.’

  ‘Are we? Dieter Naumann was the mystery man that Wilfred Jenkins spoke about at his trial and he was here the night your husband was killed. You’re protecting him with lies, Lady Eleanor, you know it and so do we. And we’re going to prove it.’

  ‘Really?’ Eleanor sneered. ‘Then I wish you the very best of luck.’

  *

  Paul got up and showered, trying to wash away the hangover that Kelly and Lydia had inflicted on him after the evening he’d spent with them. He wasn’t going to think about much until he’d managed to get a couple of Nurofen and a slice of toast down him. That’s after the smell of coffee had stopped making him feel sick. He’d kill those two lesbian bitches for pouring all that wine down his throat and all that scotch afterwards. They’d pay for it. They were probably still snugly tucked up in bed like two bloody fish fingers in a box.

  He was going to spend the whole day with his Dad and he hoped that if he drove with the window open he might be able to feel halfway decent by the time he got there. He was sitting at the kitchen table massaging his temples with his fingers and he cursed when his doorbell rang. He went to answer it and was shocked to see Jake standing there.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  ‘Tiffany is working so I thought I’d drive over on the off chance,’ said Jake. ‘I need to talk to you, Paul.’

  Jake was the last person Paul wanted to see. None of his ruggedness or stocky build would work on Paul now. Why couldn’t he have just phoned? This wasn’t fair. Jake was standing there looking all vulnerable and unsure of himself but still every inch the man Paul had fallen in love with.

  ‘You’d bett
er come in,’ said Paul who led Jake through to the kitchen.

  ‘How’s your Dad doing?’ Jake asked.

  ‘Not good,’ said Paul. ‘I’m going over there today.’

  ‘Give him my best,’ said Jake ‘I often think about him.’

  ‘Jake, he’s a dying man and for all these weeks you’ve let him think you were in mortal danger. I don’t think I can forgive you for that.’

  ‘I’m sorry. What more can I say? I like your Dad, I always have.’

  ‘Oh, well that makes it all alright then.’

  ‘Paul, don’t be like that. I’ve missed you.’

  ‘Don’t say that, Jake.’

  ‘Why not? It’s true.’

  ‘For God’s sake! I have been going out of my mind with worry about you. I even got down on my knees and prayed for you some nights. Every time Afghanistan came on the news my heart was in my mouth in case your name was read out as the latest dead soldier. You stuck me in a dark hole for weeks on end and yet all the time you were cutting wedding cake and building your love nest with Tiffany. That was cruel, Jake. That was so bloody cruel and you have no idea what it did to me. You didn’t even pay me the respect of telling me it was all over. How do you think that made me feel?’

  Jake buried his head in his hands and began to weep. Paul immediately wrapped his arms round him and held him tight. He had no other option. He couldn’t watch him wallowing in that state.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ said Jake, his face buried in Paul’s neck which was now wet with Jake’s tears. He gripped the sleeve of Paul’s shirt as if he’d fall down into the centre of the earth if he let go. ‘You don’t know what it was like out there.’

  ‘What happened out there, Jake?’

  ‘Something was happening all the time,’ said Jake who was thinking about his mates who were blown up by the Taliban right in front of him. He was lucky to escape with his own life and it had affected him in a way that he still couldn’t put into words even for Paul. ‘It was bad, man. You don’t know how bad it was. Every time we went out on patrol… we didn’t know if somebody was going to be there waiting to execute us for their cause. Hold me, Paul. I know I shouldn’t ask but please just hold me.’

  Paul tightened his grip around his former lover. ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened, Jake? ‘

  ‘I can’t,’ Jake wailed, ‘I want to tell you but I just can’t.’

  ‘Did you talk to anybody about whatever it was?’ Paul went on.

  ‘I didn’t want to talk to anybody.’

  ‘You can’t bottle it up, Jake,’ said Paul. ‘It won’t do you any good.’

  ‘I only wanted to talk to you and I couldn’t even do that,’ said Jake. He’d lost it back in Afghanistan. He’d lost it when his mates had been killed. It had driven him down a path that he would never have chosen before and there was no way he could tell Paul about that.

  ‘So what can you talk to me about, Jake?’

  ‘I came here to tell you about Tiffany.’

  ‘How long have you been married to her?’ Paul asked.

  ‘Three months.’

  ‘And how long had you been seeing her?’

  ‘About a year,’ said Jake as he gently pulled away from Paul’s embrace. ‘I thought I could keep you both happy but it was destroying me and I couldn’t go on much longer without making a choice.’

  Paul swallowed hard. To know that Jake had betrayed him for all that time was hard to take. He must’ve gone straight from his bed to hers sometimes and vice versa.

  ‘Does she know about me now, Jake?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well what did you tell her about me when she told you I’d called?’

  ‘I said that you were an old army buddy from way back and that we’d lost touch.’

  ‘I see,’ said Paul who didn’t know what else to say to that.

  Jake sat up and wiped his face clean with his hands. ‘I never tried to hide the fact from you that I’m bisexual, Paul.’

  ‘I know, but I could understand if we’d just had a one-night stand or a brief fling but we had something going for four years, Jake.’

  ‘Paul, I’m not completely straight but I’m not gay either. You knew my eye used to wander sometimes if a pretty girl came in the room.’

  ‘I tried not to notice.’

  ‘But you knew it happened. You knew I hadn’t given up on girls.’

  ‘Yes, but I thought you were happy with me.’

  ‘I was but I can’t lead a fully gay life, Paul. It’s just not who I am. I couldn’t set up home with you and for the two of us to live together as a couple. I knew that’s what you wanted but I just couldn’t give it to you. I couldn’t cross that line.’

  ‘But you still needed me when the going was tough.’

  ‘Because you know me better than anybody.’

  ‘That’s right, Jake. I know you better than your wife does.’

  Jake stood up and walked over to the window. He placed his hands round the back of his head and pulled his elbows forward. He had wanted to get over to see Paul for weeks but hadn’t been able to find the courage. If he could just try and make him understand that hurting him was the last thing in the world he’d ever have wanted to do. But he wasn’t being entirely truthful with himself or Paul. He did love him. He loved him very much. It just wasn’t as easy as that for him. Gay equality was a good thing. The rest of society not batting an eyelid anymore was a good thing. But it didn’t make any difference to men like Jake who still could never have faced their family with it. They were working class and proud and that meant men got married to women and never laughed at the likes of Julian Clary.

  ‘I don’t regret one minute of the time we spent together, Paul, not one minute. I just couldn’t see a future for me with you. I’d have ended up hurting you sooner or later. Please try and understand that.’

  ‘I can understand that you can fuck me but you can’t introduce me to your friends, Jake. That’s what I understand.’

  ‘Paul, I love you, I always will,’ said Jake. ‘I just can’t be with you in the way you need me to.’

  ‘Well that’ll be a great comfort to me tonight when I’m alone in bed and you’re with Tiffany.’

  ‘I don’t know what else to say.’

  ‘Say you love me.’

  ‘I do love you.’

  ‘But not enough,’ said Paul. ‘You don’t love me enough to even try sharing your life with me.’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it like that.’

  ‘I would.’

  ‘It’s not as simple as that.’

  ‘Look Jake, what I can’t understand is why you let me worry all this time? Why couldn’t you have just come and told me it was all over?’

  ‘Because I was scared of facing you with it,’ Jake admitted. ‘I knew you’d have been able to tempt me into changing my mind’

  ‘I’d never have done that, Jake. I have some pride and self-respect. I’d never have tried to make you stay if you didn’t want to.’

  ‘But you’re so much stronger than me, Paul. I’m happy with Tiffany and I’m looking forward to us being a family but…’

  ‘…You mean she’s pregnant?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Jake, ‘yes, she’s pregnant.’

  Paul paused. It was the ultimate slap in the face. A man could wash another man’s clothes, cook his meals, make sure he was well looked after in the bedroom. But he couldn’t have babies for him. In the battle for a man’s love, that’s where women play their ace card.

  ‘That picture of you in your desert kit you sent me? It’s in a silver frame by my bed. I used to kiss that photo every night. Some nights I even went to sleep clutching it.’

  ‘Oh Paul, Jesus, I’m sorry.’

  Paul couldn’t take much more of this. ‘What’s happening to your regiment?’

  ‘Oh, I’ve left the army now,’ said Jake.

  ‘What? You loved being in the army, Jake. It was your life.’

  ‘I know but I thought it wo
uld be better for Tiffany and the baby, you know.’

  ‘So what are you doing now?’

  ‘I’m in security,’ Jake told him which was the truth but not the whole truth. ‘It pays better and we need the money. We’ve bought a little house on the edge of Burnley, a modern type place, you know, three bedrooms, a garden. We didn’t have much money left over after we’d paid for the wedding. Tiffany’s family don’t have any money and you know mine don’t so we had to sort it ourselves.’

  ‘What kind of security? I mean, tell me about it. Is it a big firm, small firm, group 4? What?’

  ‘There’s not much to say about it,’ Jake lied. ‘It’s just a security job.’

  ‘What are you hiding from me, Jake?’ asked Paul.

  ‘Nothing, man, nothing,’ Jake lied again.

  ‘Really nothing at all.’