Who I'm Becoming

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Who I'm Becoming Page 15

by S. Q. Williams


  Eliza’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? With all the tabloids that float around I’m surprised, yet really glad to hear that.”

  “Oh, please. I pay no attention to those things. Just a bunch of rumors and lies, but you are far more gorgeous than I had pictured in my mind—no offense. I just… I mean—”

  I stepped in. “I think what she’s trying to say is that your hot as fuck, Miss Eliza, and that you shouldn’t take offense to her insane comments. She’s not from around here if you haven’t realized already by the accent.”

  Eliza laughed, knuckling my cheek. “You are so rude.”

  “Oh, I’ve gotten used to it,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes playfully.

  “Yeah, I guess you have to when you’re dealing with a ruthless guy like him,” Eliza said. “Anyway, I’ve heard so much about you. Montana never stops talking about you, and neither can the boys. It’s like they’re all fascinated by you. It’s crazy, but somehow they have me just as fascinated. We have to get to know each other. It’s a must.”

  Lauren laughed along with Eliza. “Boys, huh?” Lauren teased, looking at me.

  I hugged Lauren around the shoulders. “She’s hot, right?” I asked Eliza. “Just like I said.”

  “Yes, Montana. She’s very beautiful,” Eliza said, correcting me. “Save the word ‘hot’ for the groupies, okay?” She pinched my cheek, her lips spreading to smile.

  Eliza turned and grabbed the aluminum pan on the counter while laughing. I smiled down at Lauren. “Not so bad, right?”

  “No. Not as bad as I thought,” she sighed. “But I’d really, really love a drink.”

  I nodded and went for the cooler in the corner. I pulled a Smirnoff out for her and a beer for myself. Instead of going to the game room to play beer pong, Lauren and I stuck around in the kitchen to help Eliza set things up. Kelsey entered moments later with a plastic red cup in hand.

  “I hate beer pong,” she said and then hiccupped. “I always lose!”

  I laughed as I leaned on the counter. Eliza narrowed her brows at Kelsey. “Kelsey, are you drunk already?”

  Kelsey’s eyes closed, and her shoulders lifted carelessly. “Hey… it’s Friday. We have the whole weekend off. Why not?”

  “See, she has the right mindset,” I said, then tapped the rim of my bottle against her cup.

  “That’s rightttttt!” she sang, bringing her cup in the air. “And I’m only a little tipsy. Not drunk yet.”

  “Roy is gonna kill you,” Eliza said, fighting a laugh.

  “Roy will be fine. Actually, he should be glad. Easy access for him later.” She nudged me, but I scrunched my nose at her.

  “Eww. I don’t wanna think about that shit before I eat,” I muttered. Lauren laughed as she diced some tomatoes.

  “So, isn’t someone else supposed to be showing up?” Kelsey asked then sipped her drink. “Jack or something…”

  Eliza immediately stopped breaking dry pasta to glare at Kelsey. “Kelsey!” she snapped.

  It didn’t take long for Kelsey to realize her mistake because, immediately, she cupped her mouth and hurried out of the kitchen. I frowned, watching as she zoomed through the doorway.

  “Wait… Jack?” I questioned, looking to Eliza. Eliza avoided my gaze, picking up a pot and placing it on the stove. “Jack? Is that what she said?”

  She glanced over her shoulder, and when she saw the serious look on my face, she sighed, turning slowly and twisting her fingers in front of her. She gave a brief glance at Lauren who stood over the pies with a can of whipped cream in hand, confused. “I think you should talk to Roy and Gage about this…” Eliza murmured.

  “No, just tell me why she said my father’s name? How would she even know it?”

  “Your dad is coming for the cookout, Montana.”

  I frowned and slammed my beer bottle down. “What the fuck? Like hell he is! He’s not setting foot in this house, and he damn sure won’t be getting anywhere near me.”

  I started to walk out of the kitchen, but Eliza rushed my way, catching my arm before I could get far. “Montana, think about this. It’s been ten years since you’ve seen your father. Ten years. Don’t you think he’s changed by now?”

  “No. People don’t fucking change, Eliza. No.” I shook my head. “Fuck that. If he’s coming, I’m leaving.”

  I started to turn, but Eliza spoke up, and what she said caught me by complete surprise. “Well, apparently your mom thinks he’s changed because she’s coming with him.”

  I turned slowly, my eyes hard as I looked her over. “My mom… why?”

  “She thought it’d be best. This whole cookout was their idea. We told them we’d get things prepared and to show up after you’d arrived.” She walked towards me, and as she neared me, Lauren stepped into the living room, concern drowning her features. “Just… give it a chance. If it doesn’t work out or if things get too intense then we won’t hold you back. We’ll let you leave. The boys just thought it would be a good idea. You can ask them yourself. I think it’s a good idea as well. Trust me, I know how it feels to be neglected, but at least your parents are willing to try and make things right again.” She forced a smile. I couldn’t stand the sight of it. She was trying to calm me down with pity on her behalf. Yeah, Eliza had it rough before, but my situation was completely different.

  I shook my head. “You guys can’t surprise me with shit like this. My dad is a completely different thing. I don’t fucking like him. He’s a dick.”

  “I understand,” she whispered, but she didn’t say anything more. She was letting it sink it—letting the gears in my head turn.

  I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I can’t believe this shit.”

  “Montana?” Lauren called. I looked up as she stepped closer. “Give it a chance, babe.”

  Fuck no! I didn’t want to give it a chance. I wasn’t stubborn about a lot of things, but this was something I had a right to be selfish and obstinate about. He didn’t deserve to talk to me after the way things went down ten years ago. He didn’t even deserve to see me. He was a dick, and I knew him. He had plenty of chances to change—to come back—but he never did.

  As I looked into Lauren’s eyes, and then into Eliza’s, I realized I had to be the bigger person here. I had to man up. I had to face the two people that’d hurt me and let me down completely—my parents… shit.

  “Fine,” I muttered. “But the boys are about to get a piece of my mind. They know how I am about shit like this.”

  Eliza nodded then turned and wrapped her arm around Lauren’s shoulder. Lauren hesitated to turn but did so once she realized I was calm enough to be left alone. They entered the kitchen again, and I sighed. There was no use running to the boys and blaming them for this—for my problems.

  Mom was a part of this plan, and she planned it for a reason. I hadn’t seen her in seven months. Seven months was a long time, but there was a reason behind it, and the reason wasn’t my fault. It was hers. My mother was never really a “mom” to me. She was just a woman that kept a roof over my head and left pizza coupons and cash for me to order a pizza every night while she worked the morning, afternoon, and evenings away. She was never home, but whenever she was, our relationship was so shitty I would have rather been home alone than around her. It was more and more uncomfortable the older I got. She didn’t know how to be a mom, and when Dad left, well, let’s just say she really became a ghost to me. I never knew how to handle her.

  I sat down on the couch and leaned back, running my hands over my face. A few seconds later, the doorbell rang.

  My heart thundered, causing my eardrums to pound.

  Fuck.

  They were here.

  MONTANA

  Eighteen

  The boys rushed into the living room as I sprang to my feet, staring down the long, dimly lit hallway. They were only a few feet away, and it freaked me the hell out.

  Roy met up to me, capping my shoulder. Once he realized how paralyzed I’d become, he sighed and
asked, “You know, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I fucking know,” I hissed. “Why the hell would you try and surprise me with some shit like this?”

  “We thought it was best. Your mom called us a few months ago sobbing and shit. She said ever since she retired she’d been thinking about her life and how she lost out on the most important thing… which was raising you. We felt bad, so we told her to plan something for you.”

  “I mean don’t you think it’s too late for that shit? It took her all the way up to her retirement for her to realize she fucked up with me?” I shook my head. “No. I just saw her a few months ago, and she was the same—all empty and hollow and shit. I don’t wanna see her, and I damn sure don’t wanna see him.”

  “That was almost seven months ago, Montana. She called us two months ago.”

  I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. If they come in here, I’m leaving, and that’s that.”

  Gage and Deed came closer, shaking their heads. “Come on, man. Give them a chance. They’re your blood,” Gage said.

  “Fuck that. If it was just her, I wouldn’t mind, but she came with my dick of a dad! I can’t stand him.”

  “You can’t stand him, but you don’t hate him. I know some part of you wants to talk to him, even if it means cursing him out and letting off some steam,” Roy said, raising a confident eyebrow.

  “Look, I’m going to open the door,” Deed said. “There are a ton of cars out there. We can’t keep them waiting, and it’s too late to pretend no one’s here.”

  “God damnit,” I muttered, running my fingers through my hair.

  “Just… chill out,” Roy said, looking me in the eye. “Play shit by ear. This is good for you. Remember, some of us wish we could be with our parents right now. Don’t take it for granted, man.”

  He was right, but I refused to accept his words of wisdom. In that moment, I was bubbling with anger, and seeing them was only going to cause the pot to spill over. Roy backed away, and as he did I could hear the footsteps getting closer. My heart pounded hard and heavy, my throat dry and thick.

  Everyone stood in the living room, motionless and on edge as they looked from me to the hallway. And then, they appeared.

  Mom sported her usual casual outfit. A light pink blouse with khakis and some designer sandals. Her grey-streaked blonde hair was pinned up tight, and her lips were coated with the cranberry lipstick she wore religiously. A pan was in her hand, and she held onto the edges tightly, her knuckles pale. She was nervous about this. Good. She needed to be uncomfortable. As she met my eyes, she smiled. Her smile was soft, and a tiny part of me wanted to smile back, but once the familiar, tall stature met up to her side, I bit back on it, grimacing at Mr. Jack Delray, my worthless, piece of shit father.

  It’d been ten years, and he looked completely different. His hair was grey along the edges, the rest a smooth ash-brown. His eyes seemed depressed yet somewhat content, as if he’d gone through all the wrong things in his life and they were finally starting to get a little better. He wore a button-down pink shirt with khaki’s that matched Mom’s, and at the sight of it, I frowned because they were already doing their old habits. Dressing alike, pretending everything was okay. This shit wasn’t okay. It was far from okay.

  The room was silent as I stared at him with my fists clenched, but once I realized how thick the tension was, I jerked my gaze away, staring down at the floor.

  “Here,” Gage said, meeting up to Mom. “Let me take that in the kitchen for you.” He took the pan out of her hands, and she thanked him softly. Gage turned back around, his eyes expanding at me.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Roy said, breaking the ice even more.

  “Thank you for allowing us to gather here,” Mom said.

  “Yeah. We really appreciate it. You really didn’t have to,” Jack said.

  I scoffed.

  “Yeah, we did,” Roy said as he gave me a hard look. “It’s needed. Matter of fact, how about we go help Eliza and Lauren out in the kitchen.” He looked at Kelsey who’d already jump started her way to the kitchen. Deed didn’t even hesitate to follow after her. “We’ll let you guys catch up,” Roy said, turning and following them out of the room.

  I watched them disappear, childishly hating their guts for setting this shit up. I was fine before. Why ruin that by bringing them here? I was so riled up that I didn’t even realize Mom had entered the living room and placed a hand on my arm. “Montana,” she murmured.

  I blinked down at her, studying her petite frame. She looked thinner. I remembered her saying she was going on a strict workout once she retired. She looked good, I gave her that. “Mom,” I sighed. “If you wanted to talk to me, you could’ve just called. We could’ve set something up one-on-one. You didn’t have to involve my band.”

  “Yes,” she said, looking me hard in the eyes, “…I did. I knew if I would’ve asked you to come to me you would’ve stalled or you wouldn’t have come at all. I know my child—”

  I laughed in her face, cutting her off. “Mom, don’t pretend you know me.”

  She swallowed hard. “I do know you, Montana. You’re my son.” Her eyes had saddened. I couldn’t look at her that way. I was hurting her. She’d been hurt enough before by men. I was her son, and as much as I had against her, I had to take it easy. She was still my mom, and deep down, I still cared. Mom glanced over her shoulder and looked back at Jack who’d slowly inched his way into the living room.

  I looked up, my body tensing as he stepped closer. “Hey, son,” he murmured.

  I looked away. Fuck, I couldn’t deal with him. Hell no. The closer he got, the more I remembered how much I couldn’t stand him. In my time of need, he wasn’t there. When I needed guidance, he wasn’t fucking there. “Jack,” I grumbled.

  He laughed. “Jack? Is that what it’s come to now?”

  “It’s been that way for years. Don’t pretend it’s anything new,” I grumbled. I looked them both over, studying their attire again. “Dressing alike? I’m assuming you two are back together again?”

  “Oh, Montana, don’t be that way,” Mom begged. “Please.”

  “Why the hell not?” I barked. “You want me to pretend this shit is okay?”

  Her eyes expanded. I was shouting. I was angry, but I didn’t give a shit. I yanked my arms out of her hands and stormed through the living room. I stalked down the hallway and swung the front door open. As it slammed behind me, I clenched my fists, pacing back and forth in the driveway.

  It didn’t take very long for the door to creak open behind me. I scowled over my shoulder and spotted Lauren and Eliza stepping out, they’re eyes drowned with concern. “Montana,” Lauren said. “That was extremely rude of you!”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “How the hell was that rude of me? I’ll tell you what really would’ve been rude—me punching that motherfucker right in the jaw!”

  She blinked rapidly, her eyebrows stitched. “Why can’t you just hear him out? Be the bigger person for once in your bloody life?”

  I frowned at her. I don’t know why the hell she was getting upset with me. She was supposed to be on my side. She was supposed to be comforting me, not making me feel like a bag of cow shit. “Lauren, just go back in the house. Please,” I said as calmly as possible.

  “No, I won’t.” She shook her head. “They’re your parents, Montana, and whether you like it or not, you have to respect them.”

  I snatched my gaze away from hers. I heard Eliza whisper something to Lauren and when I looked back, Lauren had taken a step back, but her eyes were still glued to mine. “Montana,” she whispered. “I know I wasn’t around before and that I don’t know much, but please hear them out.” She walked towards me, cupping my face and lifting my head. “There’s no need to let this keep holding you down when you can get rid of it tonight.” She was looking me deep in the eyes. Mine were glistening; I could feel them getting warm and tight, but I held back my tears, swallowing thickly. Without realizing it, I’d sullenly nodded, and a smi
le graced her lips as she kissed me on the cheek. “Come on. Let’s go back inside,” she whispered.

  I blinked the glossiness from my eyes as we started towards the door. Eliza headed in before us, but before I reached the end of the hallway, she stopped me and lifted her chin. “Do it for yourself, Montana. They love you. You matter to them. And I’m sure, in some way, they matter to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so angry. He never left your heart, and you know just as well as I do that it’s impossible for you to completely hate someone.”

  She was right, but I kept my lips sealed. Eliza walked past me, forcing a smile at my parents before entering the kitchen again. The boys were standing in the living room, most likely trying to keep my parents in a light mood.

  When I stepped into the living room and cleared my throat, Mom forced a smile at me and then walked in my direction, grabbing my hand and leading me to the sofa. The boys, especially Roy, gave me a hard look before turning and heading for the kitchen again.

  When they disappeared, the living room was silent. I knew I needed to speak first. I was still angry, and they needed to know that. “So why exactly did you set this up?” I asked.

  Mom looked from me to Jack, and then at me again. “Montana, I know it may not make much sense, but things have changed. I know you may not like the idea of us being… together,” she glanced up at Jack again “…but this is what we want. We wanted to let you know in person. You deserved to know.”

  I laughed dryly, sitting back against the sofa as Jack took a seat in the accent chair across from us. “So we’re just supposed to be one big happy family now?” My eyes bounced from her to him. “Sorry to tell you, but it doesn’t work that way. I mean, Mom, how do you even know he’s changed? He fucked you over so many times. He slept around with your assistant. How the hell can you forgive that? I’m sure you think about that shit every time you look at him. You said it to me—that you think about my father and what he did to you every time you look at me.”

  “I didn’t mean that,” she whispered as tears built up in the rims of her eyes. “You were too young. I never should’ve said that to you. I was just angry and terrified of being alone. I wanted to blame everyone else but myself. I was selfish.”

 

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