Paint It Yellow

by López, Andrés G.

  Gabriel took a filthy stack of bills out of the pocket of a woolen winter coat in his closet. He counted as part of his nightly ritual. “Two thousand two hundred and sixty-seven … plus … four fifty.”

  Fingering the dirty green bills made him feel good. Once finished, he undressed and threw on a pair of shorts. He peed, shaved and brushed his teeth. In bed, he tried to finish a chapter of The Bell Jar but gave up. He shut off the light, laid back with eyes open and stared into the darkness. The clock radio was still on and the jade-green dial hands glowed; it was eleven twenty and sleep would not come. Sal’s coffee had left him wired so he replayed the day’s events — his meetings with Mr. Jones, Sister Martin, Mr. Gibbs and Sal. Again, he drifted into the past — to the LIC practice, Sal’s recollection of the day, events hours before the eighth-grade dance — to the dance itself. Gabriel’s nostalgia was a gnawing pain that magnified his loneliness. He yearned for that innocent time like someone drowning, gasping for air, slipping deep into a whirlpool while reaching for light.

  It was then that his memories were unlocked by a song on the radio, by the mellow notes of “Wild Horses.” As Jagger’s raspy voice caressed its beautiful opening line details flooded Gabriel’s mind like torrential rain. Every precious sensation he’d experienced was there, safe and guarded — a special treasure opened on this occasion with music’s magical key.

  The dance had been scheduled to start at 7:30 p.m. on the last Friday of school before the Christmas break. Everyone anticipated a marvelous spectacle since the local rock band, Wicked Queen, would perform. Though Gabriel couldn’t get up the nerve to ask Mandy to go with him, he was determined to ask her to slow dance. Walking home from school that afternoon, he had felt especially happy and the cold air that chilled his lungs filled him with elation. Not even the overcast sky could diminish his joy.

  The church basement was the perfect location to hold a dance. It was spacious, dry and dark — an ideal place for a shy boy to ask a girl to dance for the first time. Directly beneath the altar, there was a huge stage, used on other occasions to perform school plays. This evening, it would support the Ampeg amplifiers powering the rock-and-roll sounds of Wicked Queen. Colored lights would provide atmosphere and there was ample space for dancing. Further back, lined garbage cans were full of ice and cold sodas, and tables and chairs were a safe haven for students to rest between dances and snack on chips and pretzels. Behind all this was a large unlit storage area that the nuns had declared off-limits. It was to this darkness that students intent on making out would secretly wander. Throughout the place, prodigious pillars, which buttressed the church above, stood guard and created a serene, mysterious atmosphere, perfect for romance.

  Gabriel walked down the stairs behind his buddy Joe “Gumba” Palatino, paid his dollar at the door and once inside, made his way to a table near the basement’s back, away from the bright stage lights. The two boys sat amid the glow of their table’s candle. Gabriel did not see Mandy. Several students gathered by the stage as members of Wicked Queen did sound checks and adjusted amplifier levels. Wicked Queen had quite a following. One of their songs, “Boogie the Night Away,” sounded like “Back in the U.S.S.R.,” but no one would dare say so.

  Gabriel had loved the Beatles ever since he’d heard the joyful lyrics of “Something” blasting from someone’s apartment on 33rd Street, back when he was in the fifth grade at PS 166. The music had stopped him and he hadn’t moved until it was over. That weekend he begged his mother to buy him the single; instead, she bought him his first Beatles album, Abbey Road.

  “You think they’ll play any Beatles?” Gabriel asked Joe.

  “Who knows? My brother said they play all Stones and CCR.”

  “Think they’ll play ‘Wild Horses’?”

  “Yeah,” Joe replied, as he dug his hand in the pretzel bowl, crunched on a few sticks and spoke with his mouth full. Joe swallowed and reached for the potato chips. “They’ll play it. You gonna ask Mandy to dance?”

  “Yeah,” Gabriel replied, looking toward the double doors. “Think she’s coming?”

  “Unless she’s sick.”

  Gabriel glanced toward the doors again. Minutes later, Mandy entered accompanied by her girlfriends Tammy and Trisha. They moved toward the stage and watched band members make final equipment adjustments. Gabriel felt as though he’d touched a live wire. His eyes were riveted on Mandy who looked like a princess from a faraway place and time.

  To Gabriel, Mandy always seemed happy and her smile lit up her face. That night as she stood by the stage, the colored lights illumined her long brown hair and her green eyes shone. Unlike her friends, Mandy used little makeup and had a natural, healthy rosiness and unique charm. Though she was only five feet tall, countless hours of painstaking ballet lessons gave her an athletic, feminine form.

  Mandy moved away from the stage to check in her fluffy winter coat and boots and put on a pair of white Capezios over her dark-blue socks. She wore a white satin blouse and a light-blue dress dropping to just below her knees, embroidered with red roses near the waist. A thin gold chain and crucifix gleamed around her neck.

  Gabriel thought about how he’d ask her to dance. He did not want to come across too formal or have Mandy think he was overly confident she’d dance with him. Above all, he sought to show her how special she was to him. Yet it took him quite a while to get up his nerve. A whole set passed and he still hadn’t made his move. But as Wicked Queen began the second set with “Back in the U.S.S.R.,” Gabriel headed in Mandy’s direction. She had just emerged from the bathroom with Tammy and moved toward the dance floor to the song’s rhythm. Gabriel stepped out and held out his hand to her. “Can I join you in this dance, Mandy?”

  Without hesitating, Mandy took it. But noting that Tammy would be left alone, she asked if Gabriel could get Joe to dance with her. Gabriel raced back to the table and told Joe that Tammy needed his services and before Joe could decline, hauled him up, pulled him to the dance floor and flung him in front of Tammy, who was already in motion.

  As Gabriel swayed to the music and joined everyone in belting out the song’s chorus, Mandy moved closer. “Thanks. I didn’t want to leave her flat.”

  “No problem,” Gabriel replied. “Joey was dying to dance. See what a great time he’s having?”

  Gabriel and Mandy both looked over at Joe and Tammy. Joe, slightly off the beat, buckled his knees and glided down, then popped up like a cork off a champagne bottle. Tammy enjoyed Joe’s erratic herky-jerkiness. She had a smooth stride and kept the beat with her snapping fingers, tossing her long blonde hair behind her. Tammy’s smile and good looks had a hypnotizing effect on Joe who thanked his lucky stars with each passing second.

  It wasn’t long before Gabriel and Mandy were rocking. Wicked Queen followed their opening number with “Satisfaction,” which, like “Mississippi Queen” in the earlier set, summoned a huge crowd to the floor. Soon, Gabriel had little room to try his fancy moves in front of Mandy but he didn’t mind because with each influx of dancers pushing in to the music’s pulse, he got closer to her. The church basement heated up with their energy and the hot stage lights beating down on everyone. The band’s electrifying rendition of “Build Me Up Buttercup” brought the crowd to a pitch of frenzy. Even Joe, who had started out shyly, was now worked up like boiling water in a pot and he belted out the song’s lyrics with everyone else. For Gabriel, these words had special meaning and as he sang them, he looked with longing into Mandy’s eyes. With equal energy, Mandy sang and looked into Gabriel’s eyes. Together, their bodies and mouths almost touching, they sang the song’s chorus.

  As the song ended, Gabriel reached for Mandy’s hands again. Feeling her skin, he fell into a euphoric trance until Mandy snapped him back to the present.

  “We dancing to this one?” she yelled over the guitar’s strong choppy rhythm.

  “Yes!” And his body responded vibrantly to the beat of “Proud Mary.”

  “Told you they’d play CCR, didn’
t I?” Joey screamed out, competing with the music. He wanted Gabriel to concur, to make him look knowledgeable in front of Tammy.

  “You sure did. And you were right about another thing. This band’s something else.”

  Gabriel was ready to ask Mandy if she needed a break to get a drink when the soft strum of an acoustic guitar propelled her into his arms. This was the moment he’d waited for all night. Mandy reached up and put her slender arms around Gabriel’s neck and rested her head on his chest as the singer caressed the opening lines of “Wild Horses.” Gabriel felt the warmth of Mandy’s body while he wrapped his long arms around her; with his palms pressed gently on her back, he could feel the air enter and leave her lungs in a steady, enchanting rhythm. He rested his right cheek on her soft hair. He’d never held a girl this close before. They both closed their eyes and drifted into childhood’s magical world. To Gabriel, that song seemed unending and the rapturous feelings that coursed his blood while Mandy held him would last a lifetime.

  When the song ended, Gabriel thanked Mandy and she stood back a little, still holding his hands and saw what was writ in his soul — that she was special to him. Her cheeks bloomed into a smile. “I like you a lot, Gabriel,” she said. “You’re a true gentleman.”

  Then she closed her eyes and leaned forward, searching for his lips. Gabriel received hers, wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer. In that instant, he saw himself married to Mandy, having kids with her, doing everything to bring her joy. They kissed for about half a minute, long enough for spectators to notice. Both were far away but they sensed surrounding eyes upon them and ended the kiss. Gabriel held Mandy’s sweaty palm and they walked back to their table.

  Wicked Queen began their final set with “Light My Fire” and Gabriel thought of how it would feel to hold Mandy in his arms again. His wish soon came true. After “Can’t Buy Me Love” and “Jailhouse Rock,” the band slowed things up for the remainder of the evening. Gabriel took Mandy into his arms with the opening notes of “Yesterday,” and when “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” played, she began to run her fingers through Gabriel’s thick black hair and to plant playful kisses near his left ear. Gabriel felt his body tingle and, in his excitement, ran his hands up and down Mandy’s back, feeling her with the tips of his fingers. Just as he was about to drop his hands below the line of decency, he caught himself. He didn’t want to betray her trust, and he didn’t want her just for this one night but forever. He must exercise self-control, wait for that bliss to come in its own time. Still, he yearned to kiss her lips again.

  His opportunity came as one of his favorite oldies, “In the Still of the Night,” played. Mandy closed her eyes first and sought Gabriel’s lips as soon as the song had begun. Her tongue entered Gabriel’s mouth and left an indelible mark on his soul. Gabriel knew then that Mandy must feel for him what he felt for her. The song continued for what seemed an eternity — the sweat, the sweet smell of perfume, the hot lights shining on them, the excitement pulsating within their bodies — would crystallize this timeless moment. When the song ended, Gabriel backed away from Mandy but still held her hands.

  The lights came up and within minutes there was a flurry of activity in the church basement. The band’s crew shut off amplifiers, packed guitars and microphones and rolled up extension cords. Monitors were busy picking up soda cans and other garbage, folding chairs and tables and putting them toward the back. Students got their coats and prepared to go home. Joe and Gabriel dumped leftover ice in the sink and toilet in the boys’ room, stacked unused soda cans neatly in an inconspicuous corner and swept the dance floor with big, bulky brooms.

  After getting her coat and boots, Mandy approached Gabriel. “I really had a nice time,” she said. “I never knew you could dance so well.” She hesitated and then added, “Maybe we could meet during break?”

  Gabriel nodded.

  “Gabe,” Joe said from behind him, “Sister wants us to sweep near the bathrooms. You coming?”

  “Yeah,” Gabriel replied. “Be right there.”

  He turned back toward Mandy. “I gotta go help out.”

  “Have fun sweeping.” She smiled at him, then looked towards her friends who were chatting about the night’s events.

  “I will; don’t you worry about me.”

  He waved goodbye, but she’d turned and was already heading up the stairs to the snowy street.

  CHAPTER 7

  The alarm clock rang at four forty-five. Gabriel shot up in bed and shut it off, anticipating another long day behind the wheel, then realized it was his day off. He wasn’t expected anywhere; he could do whatever he wished. He lay back in bed, arranged his fluffy pillow, pulled up the covers and waited for grogginess to carry him back to sleep. But his body was so synchronized with the routine of waking early that within minutes he flung off the covers and rushed to pee.

  He stretched, yawned, peeked outside at the morning darkness and then hopped back in bed. If sleep wouldn’t come, he could still lay there and rest his body, which because of his grueling driving schedule, ached all over. Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone for a jog with Sal or tossed a ball with anyone. He’d abandoned playing sports and doing any type of exercise. His life had become a daily drudgery of driving — battling traffic, traffic signs, pedestrians, other cabbies — and of course, sleeping.

  Gabriel almost wished he could go to work. He wasn’t looking forward to sitting around the apartment, reading, or catching a mid-afternoon flick on the northern side of Springfield Boulevard. But he knew he’d better relax; otherwise, the rest of the week would be hell on his body. As he waited for daylight, he pondered how he’d gotten where he was now — without direction or desire to steer into a new path, living alone in an apartment that often felt like a prison. Gabriel stared blankly at the white ceiling. He tried to stop thinking about Mandy but couldn’t. Where was she? Could he find her? He knew then that if he stayed in the apartment he’d go nuts. He had to get out, to do something different — anything to distract from thoughts of her.

  Maybe he’d pick his brother up after school and let him drive his friends home in the Dodge. Paul loved that car and since he now had his license, he needed every available chance to practice driving.

  By six twenty, Gabriel was dressed and running toward the corner of Springfield Boulevard and the Long Island Expressway. He rushed into the corner deli, ordered a coffee and bagel and grabbed the pay phone’s receiver. He waited anxiously for Paul to pick up but instead his father answered.

  “¿Quién habla?”

  His father had learned only a few English words and phrases over his fifteen-year period working as a dishwasher at the Hilton Hotel in Manhattan.

  “Es Gabriel. ¿Cómo estás, Papi?”

  “Bien, hijo. ¿Y tú?”

  “Bien, Papi. Todo bien.” — Though everything was not fine. Gabriel was lonelier than ever. And he knew that even if his father was miserable, Daniel wouldn’t bother anyone with his troubles; he never had, not even when he’d had to leave his mother and sisters back in Cuba to come to America or when his wife of fifteen years had asked him for a divorce. To Gabriel, his father had always seemed stoic, but deep inside, he knew Daniel was a passionate man who had probably cried himself to sleep on many nights. But he respected his children and never felt it necessary to bother them with his own distress.

  And he knew that Daniel wanted to hear that things were fine for Gabriel, even if they weren’t, so Gabriel kept his pain hidden and asked for his brother, instead.

  Paul picked up the phone. “Hey, clammer. You coming over later?”

  “Sure. Does the old man miss me?”

  “You kidding? You know he wants you to move back in. Only so you could save some money, of course.”

  “Of course,” Gabriel responded and laughed. “But doesn’t he know what a pain in the ass I am to live with?”

  “You’re damned right. But the truth is we both miss you. Be great to have you here with us, even
if we’d be tight.”

  “Listen, can I pick you up from school? We can drive some of your friends and then go have a gyro at that Greek joint on Broadway.”

  “Can I drive the Dodge?”

  “Show off all you want in front of your friends.”

  “And you can keep some of the girls company in the back seat.”

  “Yeah, right. I’ll be watching you drive.”

  “If you say so. But one of them has a crush on you — that handsome guy in the blue hot rod. She may just distract you a tiny bit.”

  “We’ll see about that,” Gabriel replied. “Anyway, how ‘bout if I come around at two fifteen? I’ll wait in front of Mater Christi. Think I’ll tune-up the Dodge today.”

  “Sounds great. I got to go hop the RR or I’ll be late for homeroom. See ya later.”

  Gabriel hung up the phone, devoured his bagel and coffee and asked his waitress for a second cup. He thanked her and as usual, left a huge tip, almost the same amount as his breakfast had cost. Leaving large tips had become an obsession with Gabriel since he’d begun driving a cab. For the first time in his life he felt as if he understood what providing service for others meant. But he wouldn’t admit that what he craved most was for these waitresses to notice him and be happy to see him next time. He wanted them to think he was different — someone special.

  The waitress thought Gabriel was charming, but it didn’t seem that he’d ever ask her out so she accepted his tips and enjoyed his playfulness. She knew his game. And she always smiled when he winked at her on his way out the door.