Crossroads

by Skyy

  Brandon found himself putting on a happy face again at the pharmacy desk. The pharmacist filled his prescription immediately just because of who he was. He signed autographs for the workers and took a picture with the staff. The last thing he wanted to do was smile, but he knew the public didn’t want to think of him having any issues of his own, and if it meant getting the prescription quicker, he was willing to do it.

  Lena watched as Brandon signed autographs for a group of young boys as he walked out of the store. She could see the pain in his eyes while he attempted to put on a happy face for the youth. She knew Brandon was a good man, and that he loved her. But she didn’t know if their love was strong enough to make it through all the things they had been through in such a short period of time.

  “Sorry it took so long, but the pharmacist filled it right away. And I got you some snacks and stuff.”

  Lena looked at her husband as he rambled on about the things he had gotten for her. She could tell he was trying hard to make her feel better. He was completely selfless, only concentrating on her. She knew he was being strong for her. She loved him for that.

  “Brandon, we need to talk.”

  Brandon’s face filled with fear. “I know.”

  “Brandon, I’m so sorry about everything.”

  Brandon held her hand. “Don’t. You don’t have to apologize. If I was being the man I should have been, you never would have gone.”

  “I wasn’t doing too good of a job either.”

  “You were amazing.”

  “No, we both screwed this up. I just want to find a way to correct things. Brandon, I know I love you, and because of that I think we need to separate for a while.”

  The words sliced through Brandon’s heart. He took a deep breath. “You are probably right.”

  “I don’t want a divorce. I just ... I just think that I’ve been my mother and father’s daughter. I’ve been your girlfriend and wife. I’ve never just been Lena.”

  Brandon’s lips quivered as his lips slanted upward. “I understand, Lena. Maybe a little time apart is what we need to bring us back together.”

  “Exactly. I can move back on campus.”

  “No, you keep the loft. I always wanted to purchase a real house anyway. I’ll look into that as soon as we get home.” Brandon kissed Lena on her forehead. “I love you and I only want to do whatever you want me to do.”

  “I love you too.”

  13

  Denise couldn’t get Lena off her mind. She sat out on the balcony of her hotel room. The amazing view of skyscrapers was breathtaking; she wished Lena was there to share it with her. Denise wanted to call her. She wanted to jump on a plane, grab Lena and hold on and never let go, but something was still holding her back.

  Denise couldn’t make sense of her feelings. She was about to embark on a new experience. The test shoot went well, and now her real photo shoot was coming up, yet nerves hadn’t set in. All she could think about was Lena.

  She longed for the simple days. The days before they shared their first kiss. Denise thought about all the things she would change. She would have never flirted with Lena. She would have fought back her feelings for Lena with all her might, never giving into temptation. Denise sighed. She didn’t know if that was the truth or not.

  Another part of her wanted to take everything back. She wanted to go back to the first day they met. She wanted to do it Cooley style, and sweep Lena off her feet. She wanted to go back to the night before Lena’s wedding. She wanted to really put it on her, sex her so well, she would have never gone through with the wedding in the first place.

  Denise thought about Lena’s situation. She lost her baby. Denise’s body filled with fear. What if she was the cause of the miscarriage? What if Lena was so upset over the way she treated her that she lost her baby? Denise’s body was filled with remorse. She wished she had another bottle of Blue Top to numb her feelings again.

  “Stop it, Neecie. You know better.” Denise jumped. Mema’s voice filled her head so vividly; it was like she was in the room.

  “Why aren’t you here? I need you and you are gone.” Denise cried out loud. She was alone in a big city. She had no one, no grandmother, no friends, no Lena. Denise felt empty. Void of all love she used to have. She had never longed for Memphis before in her life.

  “Stop it, Neecie. You’re stronger than that.” Mema’s voice echoed.

  Am I? Denise thought to herself. She had been strong her whole life, and now she was tired. She didn’t want to be strong anymore. She wanted to crawl up and be weak. Let someone else be the rock, for a change.

  Denise thought she heard a knock at her door. She looked inside at the large hotel door, but all she heard was silence. The knock came again, louder than before. Denise headed inside. She looked through the peep hole to see a red bush of curly hair.

  “I have been calling you like crazy, woman.” Mariah walked into the room without looking up from her BlackBerry. “Why aren’t you answering the phone?”

  “I guess it was on silent. I didn’t hear it.” Denise walked into the bathroom to check her face. The whites of her eyes were slightly pinkish. She dabbed cold water on her face and walked back into her room.

  Mariah had made herself comfortable, sitting at the desk in the corner.

  “I was trying to check on you. See if you are ready for tomorrow.”

  “I guess so.” Denise sat on the edge of her bed.

  Mariah’s skin looked extra white under the florescent lights in the room. She crossed her long legs. “Well, I just wanted to wish you luck. This could be big for you Denise. It could open a whole lot of doors.” Mariah noticed Denise’s gloomy expression. “What is wrong honey?”

  “Just a little homesick.” Denise forced a smile.

  “Well, that’s understandable.” Mariah stood up. “No, actually it’s not. Denise, you are in New York, about to shoot for a hot clothing line. How can you be homesick?”

  “I just miss a few people, that’s all. I’ll be OK.”

  “I hope you will. Because the last thing you want to do is mess this up. Opportunities like this don’t come around too often. Grab on and make the best of it.” Mariah’s lips curved upward, bringing a tight-lipped smile on her face.

  “Mariah, have you ever been in love?”

  Mariah paused. She sat back down in the chair. “Once, yes.”

  “Mind telling me what happened”

  Mariah’s face grew pale. “Well, I come from a very wealthy family where women are supposed to have children, join social groups and committees, not be aggressive sports agents.”

  “So he wanted you to be a housewife?”

  “He wanted me to fall in line with all the other people from our expensive boarding school. That just wasn’t me.”

  “Do you regret leaving him?”

  “Sometimes.” Mariah’s smile was gone. “But I needed to do what was best for Mariah, not what my family or he wanted.” Mariah stood up. She walked over and sat next to Denise. “Who is she?”

  “She is ... no one.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “No, but I will be soon.”

  “I understand.” Mariah turned her body toward Denise. She saw the pain in Denise’s eyes. “Denise, you have been so worried about others for so long that I think it’s time for you to do what is best for you right now. It’s your moment. Don’t let it pass by. Enjoy it. You deserve to.” Mariah stood back up.

  Denise nodded her head. she knew Mariah was right.

  “I hate to run, but I have a business dinner. Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  Denise walked Mariah to the door. She closed it, still thinking about WHAT Mariah said. Mariah had only said the same thing Carmen and Cooley had preached over and over. Maybe it was time for her to focus on herself.

  Denise slumped down on her bed. She looked out at the blue sky. She loved Lena, but she knew it was time to focus on Denise.

  “This time, De
nise, you will stick to the plan. No time for love until after I succeed in what I want. Whatever that might be.”

  Denise closed her eyes while her heart began to rebuild the wall Lena had broken. This time she welded it shut.

  14

  Lena slowly walked into her beautiful home. Brandon had instructed the staff on what they needed to do. Everything looked so normal, the mess she walked into earlier was gone. The maid had the house looking as perfect as it usually did. Things seemed back to normal, but Lena knew things would never be back to normal again.

  Lena walked past Brandon, the chef and the maid. They all watched her as she curled up with one of the plush pillows on the large leather sofa. The coldness of the leather cooled her down.

  Lena closed her eyes. She could hear the faint chatter of Brandon talking, but could no longer make out what he was saying. The maid, Melinda, covered her with a throw. Lena quickly drifted off into a deep sleep.

  Lena heard someone calling her name. She thought she was dreaming. The voice grew louder. She felt pressure on her leg. Lena opened her eyes. Brandon’s face came into focus. He was standing right in front of her.

  “What time is it?” She rubbed her eyes and began to sit up.

  “It’s seven in the morning. You slept the whole night.” Brandon put his hand on her shoulder. “No, you don’t have to sit up. I just—”

  Lena noticed a large duffle bag on his arm. “You’re leaving?”

  Brandon lowered his head. “I have some promotional engagements and a charity basketball game in Cali this weekend.” Brandon sat on the edge of the coffee table. “And I talked to Torrence; she’s working on the house hunt now. Hopefully by the time I get back I’ll have us a new house that I can stay in while we do ... you know ...”

  Lena sat up on the couch. Something in her wanted to tell him to say, but a bigger part of her wanted him to walk out the door, at least for a little while. “OK.” She gazed at Brandon.

  “The maid and chef are on call. They will be here whenever you need them. Call me if you need me, OK?” Brandon planted a sweet kiss on Lena’s lips. “Are you sure you want me to go?”

  “Brandon, I’m OK. Just go do your job.”

  Brandon forced a small smile. He walked to the front door.

  Lena watched as her husband walked out the door. “Brandon!”

  Brandon turned around, and their eyes fixated on each other.

  “We will be OK in the end.”

  Brandon smiled. “I know.” He walked out, closing the large iron door behind him.

  The loft never seemed so empty.

  Lena stood up. The cold hardwood floor sent chills through her body. She walked over to her state-of-the-art stereo system. She placed her red classic iPod on the docking system and pressed play. Jazmine Sullivan’s hit “Lions, Tigers and Bears” instantly began to echo through the speakers through the house.

  Lena sighed, the lyrics to the song resonating in her soul. She knew the reason that she lost Denise was because of fear. She feared loving a woman. She feared giving up everything she had grown accustomed to.

  Lena walked into her kitchen. She opened the French doors on the large expensive refrigerator. The cold air added to her cold feet. She reached for the milk and paused. Lena shook her head; she didn’t have to watch what she drank anymore. She pulled out her chilled bottle of Ciroc and the Tropicana orange juice. Lena mixed a quick cocktail. She let the elixir trickle down her throat. She could feel it hit her empty stomach.

  Her fingertips glided across the smooth wall as she sauntered down the hallway toward her room. Everything was in the right place, everything just as she left it, but nothing seemed to be right. The tracks changed on her iPod, and Stevie Wonder began to belt out “I’d Never Dreamed You Leave in Summer.” The words spoke to Lena. Everything she knew had disappeared within the course of a week. It was only her.

  Reality hit and Lena couldn’t move. Her hand trembled, and the cocktail fell, breaking the glass and spilling all over her polished floors.

  But Lena didn’t feel anything. She stared into the pitch-black abyss of the nursery.

  She crept into the room and turned on the night light. The glow of the small light illuminated the beautiful Tiffany blue walls with white trim, two cribs: one for Brandon Jr. and one for the baby that would never get a chance to sleep in it.

  Lena sat in the rocking chair she had purchased to nurse her baby. She slowly rocked back and forth as Stevie sang and played the piano. The numbness was coming back, starting at her toes, tingling up her body until making it to her eye ducts.

  Lena couldn’t take it anymore. She ran out of the room. She ignored the liquid and small pieces of glass entering her feet as she ran through the hallway. She ran into her room and shut the door.

  Lena fell to the cold hardwood floor as she cried a river of tears. She put her hands on the floor. Lena curled her body into a tight ball. She rocked herself back and forth as she screamed; she wailed as Stevie wailed. The question entered her mind as he asked it. Why didn’t Denise stay? Why didn’t her unborn baby stay? Why did Brandon leave her in this state?

  Lena cried until her eyes couldn’t produce enough tears to flow. She cried as her tears dried up and her eye lids grew heavy. She slowly closed her eyes, falling into a deep slumber, knowing she would probably be crying in her dreams.

  15

  Denise pulled up in front of a big warehouse. She looked at the address to make sure it was right. She was relieved when she noticed a small Marco Jerroud Designs nameplate on the door. Denise stepped out of the car and paid the cab driver. She put her messenger bag over her shoulder and headed into the building.

  Denise was amazed at the interior of the building. She couldn’t believe it was the same place that looked like an abandoned warehouse from the outside. At 6:45 in the morning the office was buzzing. Men and women hurried around with stacks of drawings, racks of clothes and more.

  “Can I help you?” the receptionist sitting at the small desk in the front asked.

  Denise walked up to the glass desk. The receptionist looked like she belonged on a magazine cover and not sitting behind a desk answering phones. Her thin body made Denise look fat. Her blond hair was pulled up in an up-do.

  “Yes, my name is Denise—”

  “Chambers. They are expecting you.” She pressed buttons on the phone. “Denise Chambers is here.”

  Denise looked around at the various high-fashion photos on the walls. Everyone wore the clothes. She couldn’t believe she had the opportunity to do what Beyonce, Brittany Spears, Tyson Beckford and so many before her had done.

  “Denise!” Mariah said as she came from the back. Her pantsuit screamed expensive to Denise. Mariah wore it well. Her black shoes added height to her curvy frame. She was thin, but not model-thin like the woman behind the desk. “Come on, they are ready for you.”

  “I’m nervous as hell, Mariah,” Denise said as they walked swiftly.

  “Don’t be, you will be fine.”

  They walked into a bright white room. The natural light from the windows illuminated the room, making it seem lighter than normal. There were three makeup stations set up on one side, two models sitting down while teams of people primped them.

  Denise noticed the photography area. It was a simple white area surrounded with lighting umbrellas. Mariah motioned for Denise to take a seat in the empty makeup chair.

  As soon as she sat down a tall, skinny black man wearing white skinny jeans and a white button-down shirt with the middle button buttoned only walked up. He pulled her ponytail holder off and started rustling his hands through her hair without saying anything to her.

  Denise looked at Mariah with a horrified expression. Mariah smiled and shook her head.

  An hour later the chair turned around. Denise gasped; she didn’t recognize herself. Her hair was in a million wild curls. Dark eyeliner covered her smoky eyes.

  Mariah walked up to her. “Well, damn.” Mariah giggled.

&nbs
p; “I don’t know if I am mortified or intrigued,” Denise said, staring at her glam look. She picked her phone up and snapped a picture. She sent it to Carmen and Cooley.

  “Come on, time for wardrobe.”

  Cooley sat at the end of a long rectangle table. The team assigned to Sahara’s image went over tons and tons of pictures with Cooley. Cooley heard her phone go off. She picked it up while taking a swig from her water bottle. Denise’s new image appeared. Cooley spewed her water all over the table. “Damn, I’m sorry. Umm ...”

  Before she could finish, Tee was cleaning up her mess. She nodded her head. She loved the assistant. “Excuse me for a moment.” Cooley hurried out of the office. She pressed send on her phone.

  “Yeah,” Denise said as two women put various clothing items up to her body.

  “What the fuck! Don’t do that shit to me no more. I was in a meeting and almost choked to death. What the hell are you up to?”

  “I really don’t know yet. I’ll have to tell you later. I gotta go. About to put some boots on.”

  “What!” Cooley yelled.

  Denise hung up and laughed. She knew her friend was a second away from a heart attack. Her phone instantly began to ring. It was Carmen. She sent it to voice mail and opted to send her a text message.

  Can’t talk. Modeling. Call you later.

  “OK, OK, let’s do this!” Marco said as he walked into the room with his team behind him.

  The wardrobe women helped Denise into a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a fitted shirt that had the look of a basketball jersey. She struggled to walk in the tall shoes they handed her.

  Mariah noticed her and ran over to hold her hand.

  Denise stood in front of the white wall.

  A scruffy-looking man walked up. He snapped his finger, and an assistant handed him a camera. “And let’s go!”

  Denise was confused. She stood there as the photographer snapped picture after picture. “What am I supposed to be doing?”

  “Model!” the photographer said.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Denise questioned, completely out of her element.