by Casey Hays
“I guess this would be a good time for us to get to know each other,” he says. “I’m not much of a hunter. Now fish, I can handle.”
He laughs once, a bit nervously, picks up the knife, and begins whittling on his piece of wood again. I examine it. He’s removed all the bark, and one half is still straight and smooth. The other side—the side on which he’s working—is slowly emerging into a perfectly-shaped rose.
“That’s very good,” I say. He holds it out to me, and I take it for a closer look. “Very good!”
“Thanks.” He smiles, pleased. “It’s just a little hobby I picked up when I was a kid. I’m not super good at it, not like my grandpa was, but I enjoy it.”
“What’s a grandpa?” I ask, confused. He raises a dark brow at the question.
“Well, it’s your mom’s dad. Or your dad’s dad, depending.”
“Oh. I see.” I hand him the wood. “Well, I think this is brilliant. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
With a satisfied expression, he resumes working on the carving a few more minutes while I watch. He stops and looks up at me.
“I wanted to apologize for all that stuff I said yesterday—about the Pit, you know. I shouldn’t have done it. I mean, you were right. I don’t know you, and I had no right to say those things.”
He pauses, locking his eyes on me. They are sincere, and the warmth they exhibit floods me once again.
“Anyway, I really didn’t mean any of the things I said. Sometimes, I open my mouth without thinking first.”
I shake my head. “Let’s forget it happened.”
“I like that idea.”
He whittles some more.
“I did mean what I said about Ian, though.” His knife whisks against the wood, chipping away. “He’s crazy about you.”
I smile, eyes on the ground. “Perhaps.”
“No really, Kate. I tried to convince him it was a bad idea to come back for you. He wouldn’t hear it. I couldn’t have stopped him no matter what. And when I saw how determined he was, I suggested bringing Jesse and Max, in case things got heated. I know you weren’t too happy about seeing us. I guess I need to apologize for that, too.”
“He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about us,” I say quietly. “And he shouldn’t have come back. It’s very dangerous for all of you.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I’m taken aback by his question. “Ian must not have told you everything. The leader of my village is a brutal woman. She does not like being outsmarted. She was furious when Ian escaped, and I know that if she can ever get her hands on him again, she will not hesitate to kill him.”
“Well, she’ll have to catch him first. And believe me, it won’t be easy. Ian is fast.”
I smile at his confidence. “She caught him once before. I wouldn’t underestimate Mona. She’s clever.”
Justin stops whittling and lets his wrists hang limp over his knees.
“Ian’s told me about Mona, and honestly, I have no desire meet her.”
“That would be wise,” I answer.
He looks up at the sky where rainclouds gather in preparation for another storm. I study him. His hair is like the blackness of a raven, and his features are strong, but hold a sort of grace about them. I get the distinct feeling that he would do almost anything for someone in need, and I realize that my first impression of Justin was extremely misguided. He is not the insensitive, arrogant boy I thought he was.
“Are you going to come with us?” He rests his nearly-black eyes on me and doesn’t wait for my answer before he continues. “Ian said you’re supposed to be the next leader or something, but I’ve known him my whole life. He’s my best friend, and he’s the most stubborn guy I’ve ever met. I guarantee he won’t leave without you no matter what you say. That is, after all, why he came.”
I swallow and let his words sink in, and when I look at him, he knows my answer. He nods and looks away.
“I’ll do my best to get him to go, Kate, but I can’t promise you anything.” He works at his wood again. “Eventually, we’ll have to leave. We’ll have no choice if we want to survive, but I’m not sure Ian will come with us. I get the feeling he’ll die for you.”
I purse my lips and raise pleading eyes. “I would appreciate it if you could do what you can to convince him. I don’t want him to risk his life for me.”
Justin’s lip twitches upward slightly, his eyes lowered. The knife whips the wood.
“You must be pretty special.”
An uneasiness seeps through me.
“I’m not a bit special,” I say. “I’m stubborn, too, if you must know.”
“Well, that might cause trouble in your relationship.” He laughs softly. “All I know for sure is that Ian says you’re the reason he survived the Pit. After he made it home—and that was barely, by the way—he was miserable without you. But when he finally made up his mind to come back here, his attitude completely changed. More energized, you know? I would hate to see him disappointed again. It’s not pretty.”
I bite my lip. “I just—I can’t go.”
Justin nods. “This is your home. I understand; he won’t.”
I know this is true, and it sickens me.
“Actually, I’m relieved you don’t want to go,” he says, surprising me.
“You are?” My brows tip up with my question.
“Yeah. It’s just, well, I can’t explain it, but it’s better if you stay here where you know you’re safe, you know? Eden has its complications.”
I’m not at all sure what he means, but I nod anyway. I’m safe enough here, considering.
“I’m glad you came by, Kate.” Justin looks at me. “I can’t say I totally understand your village, or this whole Pit thing, but clearly, you are a decent person.”
“Thank you.” I smile. “I had my doubts about you as well.”
He creases his dark brows. “Right. Sometimes I say some pretty stupid things.” He hesitates for a minute. “Ian . . . well, he says you’re different from most of the women here.”
I shrug. “I’m not so different. I just have strong opinions that interfere with what’s expected of me.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “Ian also said that’s gotten you banged up pretty good a few times.”
Apparently Ian’s shared quite a bit about me with Justin.
“He’s not wrong about that,” I say quietly. “But I’m still here.”
Justin nods and edges the final angles of his carving. He holds out his hand, the wooden rose resting on his palm.
I take the offering from him and marvel at the delicate features. When I turn it over, I find a special touch. He’s carved mine and Ian’s names into the bottom, complete with a heart.
“Just so you know,” he says, reaching for another piece of wood to cut away the bark. “I approve of you. And if you do decide to come with us, we’ll figure things out. I think you would be good for him; I can already tell. Maybe you two were made to be together stubbornness and all.” He shrugs. “I guess time will tell.”
I don’t answer, and he never looks up, so I don’t feel obligated to say more. But my heart drips with unseen tears. Because I agree with everything he just said.
I clutch his rose to my aching chest.
>--->
Ian and the others don’t come back, and Justin tells me they might have gone over the mountains to look for better prey. He says they may not be back until after dark. He also says Ian has a bad habit of “disappearing” sometimes without telling anyone where he’s going or when he’s coming back, and if so, it may take even longer for his return.
He says this is how Ian was captured so easily by Mona. I try not to allow Justin’s words to affect me, but they do anyway.
I’m disappointed that I won’t see Ian today, but I admit I’ve enjoyed Justin’s company, and I’m glad for the chance to know him. I like him, and I’m relieved that he knows about my village and the Pit. It erases the former tension between us.
&
nbsp; When I’ve been gone long enough to raise suspicion over my whereabouts, I leave Justin on his log and make my way back to the Village. It’s close to dark, and the fire pits are all lit in various places. There are at least seven or eight hogans that share one fire pit. Diana sits in front of her hogan directly across the path from mine, Tabitha asleep on her crossed legs. She sips a bowl of stew, and I’m glad to see her eating something. I stop at the kettle and scoop stew into a bowl for myself before joining her.
Several other women slurp their own stew in front of their hogans. The more jovial villagers are in the dining hall—mostly hunters and the guard—where music plays loudly and laughter rumbles into the night. I’ve been in the dining hall myself very few times. But it jumps to life every evening and remains alive until the moon is high in the sky. Fermented juice will be served soon. It has never interested me.
“Duck stew tonight,” Diana says, raising her bowl.
I sniff at the contents of my own. It smells delicious, and I can see the chunks of dark meat floating in the thick liquid. I raise it to my lips and sip carefully.
“Where have you been all day?” Diana asks. The reflection of the fire flickers in her eyes.
Since Ian’s return, I have debated with myself about whether or not to tell Diana. But I made up my mind on the way here that she should know. It could be her last chance to leave if she still wants to, and it’s wrong not to reveal it. I keep my voice low as I answer her.
“Two days ago, Ian came back.”
She sucks in a breath, eyes wide, but the rest of her doesn’t react, and nobody watching has any idea what I’ve just said to her. Her eyes flick toward me, a glint of excitement written in them.
“Where is he?” she whispers.
“Camped in the woods. He has three friends with him. He came back for me, hoping I’d leave with him this time.”
“And?”
“My answer is still the same. I am not quite ready to desert the Village.”
She puzzles over this a moment. “Why is that, Kate? I just cannot imagine what would be keeping you here when you have him to take you away. You should go.”
“No,” I say. “As I’ve said before, I have my reasons.” I decide to level with her. “Part of me is afraid to leave. What is out there, really?”
Her eyes trouble over a moment; I take her hand. She’s had these same reservations. We are encased in a world of the Council’s making where we only know what we see before us in the form of daily village life, duties, chores. The big world outside of this is a fearsome thing. A few months ago, when I believed we were the only survivors of the Fall, even then the outside was intimidating. A vast, blank terrain, wiped clean of every living thing, the remnants of war everywhere, and nobody daring to travel far enough to see them. So years ago, the women gathered together here to start anew; to instill the true vision of life as the stars directed. This is what our history lessons teach. What good comes of wandering too far from the Village and its safety?
There are other people; at least four which I’ve seen with my own eyes, so I can’t deny that there could be more—thousands as Ian proposes. And yet, the discovery that a whole world of people lives just beyond our sheltered existence is staggering, and it makes me hesitate.
Despite this, I know Ian won’t let anything happen to Diana if she decides to take the risk. I know him. I squeeze her hand.
“You should go, Diana. Take Tabitha, and find your life.”
She raises her brows, and the sparkle ignites in her eyes again.
“Do you think he’d take me with him?” she whispers.
“I’m sure he will if I ask him. And if he won’t, maybe I can convince one of his friends to instead. I spent most of today with Justin. He seems good. I think he’s safe enough.”
“Justin,” she repeats.
Tabitha whimpers, and she sets her bowl aside to comfort the baby.
“Let me think on it.” She rests Tabitha against her shoulder and pats her back until she begins to doze again. “I want to—more than you know—but now that it’s an actual possibility, it frightens me.”
“I don’t know how long they will stay,” I tell her.
Diana stares into the fire. “I’ll make my mind up soon.”
Our eyes connect one last time before she stands and carries Tabitha off to bed.
I finish my stew with a heavy heart.
Chapter 27
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.” Philippians 2:3
I clean the supper dishes with the help of several other women before slipping into my hogan for the night. I don’t light a candle. Instead, I undress in the dark, pull a plain, thin shift over my head, and slip under the blankets on my mat. I’m not terribly tired, but this is my routine: darkness falls; I go to bed; in the middle of the night, I’m outside staring at the stars. It’s been so for months.
I wonder, as I lie here failing to fall asleep, where Ian is now. Has he made his way back over the mountain? Back to his camp? Will he be disappointed that he missed me?
I begin to drift with these thoughts on my mind, eyes half shut, when a flickering light appears at the window, and my lids flutter open. I stare wide-eyed into the darkness until I see it again. A quick flash of light that bursts and goes out. I know what it is immediately.
My heart beats double-time. I slip from the mat and go to the window. Ian clicks off the light as soon as he sees me.
“Hi,” he whispers. “Come out with me.”
I’m exhilarated at the sight of him—although terrified that he’s been so risky as to come this close—and it makes me daring. I drape a shawl across my shoulders and step into the night air. Ian waits for me near the edge of the woods. He takes my hand and pulls me along with him under the cover of the trees.
When we are a safe distance in, he stops, whirls around, and kisses me hungrily. I melt into him as I always do, pressed close to his strong, tall body. His kisses have become something I long for, and when he pulls away from me, I sigh with a bit of disappointment.
Ian finds a large, sturdy tree, drops his pack, and spreads a blanket across the ground. He leans his bow against the trunk and slides the quiver full of arrows from his shoulder. I stare at the long angle of the bow and, for the first time, I see Ian the huntsman.
“There,” he finally says, standing. “It’s not the most comfortable place to hang out, but it’s all I’ve got.”
I laugh and sink onto the blanket. He sits beside me, taking my hand.
“Comforts are nothing I’m accustomed to,” I say. “I think it’s perfect.”
“True,” he laughs. His eyes become serious. “I’m sorry I missed you earlier. Justin said you were at the campsite. The minute I got back, I came straight here.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did.”
I smile. “Did you catch anything on your hunting trip?”
“Sure did. A deer.”
I stare at him in shock. “We don’t have deer.”
“No, not around here, but if you go far enough north, you’ll find quite a few.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “How far could you have gone?”
“Far, Kate.”
Confusion flashes over me. He smiles and rubs his thumb across the top of my hand.
“I’m not telling you anything more unless you agree to come with me. Like I said before, that’s my offer.”
I smile. “And I’ve already told you a hundred times by now, I can’t go.”
“I know, but your reasons? They aren’t convincing enough.”
I look away, so he reaches out and takes my chin, turning me back toward him.
“Kate, please tell me why you don’t want to leave here. The real reason this time.”
His fingers are warm against my skin, and I concentrate on only this for a few brief seconds while I try to collect my thoughts. In this instant, I would tell him anyt
hing he wants to hear. I also know anything I say won’t make a bit of difference to him. Nothing will convince him to leave me behind. If anything, what I say will only make his resilient efforts stronger.
“I’ve already told you. It is the reason.”
My words leave a bad taste on my tongue like a poison. Ian stares at me.
He nods. “How long have you known you will take her place?”
I shrug indifferently and examine his eyes in the moonlight. “A few months. No one in the Village knows. I’m not allowed to tell them.” I look at him dejectedly. “I know it’s a terrible fate, and honestly, I’m not so thrilled about it. But this is the way it’s meant to be.”
“The way it’s meant to be?”
“Yes. I don’t like it. I’ve tried not to believe in Fate, but when everyone else around you does, it’s difficult to stand alone against it. I feel as if I’m not in control of my own life.” I prop up on my knees and take his hands. “It’s hard to explain, but I think if I stay and do this one thing that Fate requires, I’ll have the power to resist it afterwards.”
He lowers his eyes and gently runs a tender thumb across the bumpy scar on my wrist. Our eyes connect. “I doubt that. I rarely feel like I’m in control of my life, either.”
“Oh?”
This seems impossible. We’re out here under the trees—free, and Ian is so far away from home. How could he ever think he wasn’t in control of his life?
“Really,” he says. “I think it’s that way for most people. We never really get to choose.”
I frown. “I don’t like that. It’s the one thing I want. It’s the hope I have for my village. That one day the people here will be allowed to make choices that aren’t dictated by something that’s already been decided.”
Ian smiles. “You know, that makes a lot of sense. And of course you won’t leave—not with these big ideas. Not Kate, who always puts everyone else’s welfare before her own, like their lives matter more than yours. I should have known. It will always be something big with you.”