Still Waters

by Jayne Rylon

  Bryant shivered in his grip, then moaned. He took hold of Vaughn, clinging to him every bit as much as Vaughn was clutching Bryant. He opened his mouth and allowed Vaughn to explore with his tongue and lips.

  For a few minutes, Vaughn was able to forget the pain of loss—losing Jake, the time he’d lost with Bryant, and the innocence Bryant had lost that day in the barn. Instead, his world was filled with the joy of creating something instead.

  Like when he drew, his brain was filled with possibilities.

  He cradled Bryant’s head between his hands, directing him so that he angled his face to best accept Vaughn’s kiss. He held him in place as he made love to Bryant’s mouth. He sucked lightly on Bryant’s lower lip before flicking his tongue over it, wishing it were as easy or effective to salve the rest of Bryant’s soul.

  The longer they kissed, the better it got. Each of them gave in a little until they met in the middle, open and receptive to the sweet and spicy exchange. Vaughn relaxed, enjoying the moment. He felt the muscles beneath his fingertips do the same. Bryant rested against the trellis, no longer poised to bolt.

  So Vaughn stepped in. Their chests collided, pressing together in all the right ways. It was unusual for Vaughn to be with a man taller than himself, but he found he got off on knowing he was still able to take control of someone larger, someone better than him in every sense, and make it good for them.

  He had prepared to mentor Bryant in what he liked.

  It turned out Bryant Compton was one hell of a kisser. He made out like he did most everything in life, as far as Vaughn could tell. He committed one-hundred percent. Like he had when he’d refused to settle for less than a doctorate degree or when he’d driven all night to get home after a family emergency.

  That kind of dedication spurred Vaughn on. He had to match Bryant’s passion. Their quiet, soothing kiss began to escalate. Bryant’s hands wandered down Vaughn’s back to his ass. He gave a surprised grunt when long fingers slipped into the back pockets of his jeans and squeezed.

  Vaughn parted Bryant’s lips and began to explore with his teeth and tongue.

  He one-upped Bryant’s bold grip by sliding his hands under Bryant’s shirt and running the flat of his palm up Bryant’s sides. Bryant shivered, then went slack. Vaughn could have done anything then and Bryant wouldn’t have objected, he was pretty sure.

  Instead of taking advantage of the situation and the vulnerability Bryant had shown him, Vaughn backed off. He clutched Bryant to him, hugging him tight as he slowly eased the pressure of their mouths, which had only moments earlier been crushed together.

  When their lips separated, Bryant groaned. Vaughn’s dick jerked in his pants.

  Neither of them moved, though Vaughn was dying to peer into Bryant’s eyes and read whatever might be in them. So he took a breath that was shakier than a simple kiss should make it. Then he pried open his eyes and looked.

  Bryant was staring right back, a mixture of shock and gratitude radiating from him.

  Vaughn didn’t really understand that. After all, he was the one who was grateful for Bryant. The guy had woken something he hadn’t realized was dormant. Something fierce and unshakeable.

  From the pulse hammering in Bryant’s neck, Vaughn thought he wasn’t the only one having a revelation at the moment. He felt pretty smug about how things had gone, and his eventual victory in their steer-and-cowboy game.

  Until Bryant’s parting shot. He pushed past Vaughn, who was still dazed with pleasure and let him have it. “You said you were trying to protect me then. We both know how that turned out. Why should I believe this time would be any different?”

  Vaughn couldn’t believe he had to ask. “Because I’d never disrespect you like that motherfucker did. I’d never hurt you or use you or put my pleasure above yours.”

  “Yeah, but one of us—and I’m pretty sure it’s me—is going to be crushed when the other gets tired of this diversion. You should know I’m planning on staying in Compton Pass. This wouldn’t be a random anonymous affair. We’d have to see each other all the time and…remember. Is that really what you’re signing up for? Because I’m not sure I can handle that. There are enough landmines around Compton Pass for my liking.”

  Vaughn’s arms ached to hold Bryant again. Except this time to ease the pain he could see in the other man’s eyes.

  But he knew this wasn’t his chance. Bryant had already reached his limit for the night. It was a lot to take in. Their attraction even rocked him, jaded though he might have been.

  “I’m glad to hear you’re hanging around. I know you don’t believe me, but what I said tonight is true. Think about it. I’m not a quitter and I suspect that if you ask yourself what you really want, when no one is looking to judge you, you’re going to be knocking on my door sooner rather than later. I can’t wait for that day and I’m going to have fun chasing you until you give in to what I know we both need.”

  “You’re an arrogant son of a bitch, you know that?”

  “That’s confidence, Bryant. I’m sure that I’m right. And I’m willing to prove it. Whenever you’re finally ready.”

  At that last phrase, Bryant winced. His face turned red, and not from arousal.

  Too late, Vaughn remembered how he’d told Bryant he wasn’t ready that day in the barn. Right before everything had gone to hell. In fact, he’d practically dared Bryant to fool around with that sack of shit or whoever came along after him, even if he hadn’t realized it back then.

  Fuck.

  Before Vaughn could fix things, Bryant shook his head and spun on his heels. This time he didn’t look back or stop when Vaughn called his name. He marched out to the fire and rejoined his cousins in the warmth and light.

  Vaughn went home alone…that night.

  5

  Vaughn had thought entirely too much about Bryant and their exchange the night before. In fact, he’d been consumed by his missteps. Especially while he’d carefully watched Bryant and his cousins at Jake’s services that afternoon. Their heavy hearts had been obvious despite their best attempts to remember all the good times they’d shared with the man they’d obviously cared deeply for.

  Bryant didn’t need Vaughn making his life more difficult.

  Vaughn had screwed up. Again.

  Since he couldn’t think of anything else anyway, he figured he might as well come over and try to make up for it. Otherwise regret would eat him up like the mosquitos that came out in the summer. A bite here, a bite there, until he couldn’t stand to live in his skin anymore.

  So he’d decided to hang around Compass Ranch and offer his support in the hopes he could start to make things right between them. If Bryant told him to get the hell away, he’d do that, too.

  He spread his legs and prepared to camp out as long as necessary to catch Bryant leaving his family gathering, which had followed Jake’s funeral. During the ceremony, one filled with touching stories and even some laughter, Vaughn had studied Bryant to distract himself from his own sorrow. Therefore, he had noticed each of the thirty-seven times the guy flicked his gaze in Vaughn’s direction, not-so-covertly checking him out.

  Lying in wait now, he felt a little like a creeper but more like someone determined to do what he knew was best for them both. Even if Bryant didn’t yet agree.

  He’d probably been standing there for over an hour when he saw Bryant’s cousin, James, and the pretty girl, Ivy, from James’s smoke jumping base who’d accompanied him. Though he’d introduced her as his friend, Vaughn wasn’t blind. Those two were going to be as solid as any of the rest of the Compass clan. That was one thing about them. They mated for life. He couldn’t think of a single Compton who hadn’t stuck by their woman, or man, or men, once they’d fallen in love.

  Would Bryant be that faithful to the man he finally gave his heart to?

  Vaughn hoped so. That was another quality that was in short supply in his circle of hookups. Here today, gone tomorrow. Nothing more than the current moment was expected.

&n
bsp; Vaughn wanted someone he could count on. The kind of guy he could talk to about his day and life in general. Something beyond how he liked to be fucked or what kind of ink he wanted next.

  Where he’d struggled to get excited about tattooing another barbed wire armband on random cowboys, Bryant inspired lots of design ideas. To pass the time, Vaughn imagined what he might draw on that creamy skin, which would make an incredible canvas. He’d shape the lines around the contours of Bryant’s smoking hot body.

  As far as he knew, Bryant didn’t have any tattoos. Vaughn was more than willing to do a personal check to confirm his suspicions. Lost in thoughts of inspecting every inch of Bryant, preferably with his mouth and tongue, he didn’t realize the door had opened quietly until the porch steps creaked as someone descended.

  “What are you doing here?” Bryant asked, tipping his head slightly to one side as he approached Vaughn and his truck.

  “You’re the whiz kid. What do you think?” Vaughn smiled, hopeful that Bryant would take his response as the compliment it was. He’d been called a lot of things in his life—sexy, hardworking, and one hell of a fuck—but a brainiac wasn’t one of them. Bryant was legendary around the ranch and the town in general. Hell, he’d gotten a perfect score on his SATs and started taking college-level classes when he was still a junior in high school.

  How was Vaughn supposed to talk with someone like that? Probably he’d be dull to Bryant. Maybe he’d wasted his time. Confused them both. Made an awkward situation unbearable.

  When Bryant smiled in return, all his doubts vanished. “I’m guessing you’re not delivering ice cream or coming to shovel shit like you used to.”

  “Do you want ice cream?” Good to know Bryant had a sweet tooth. That info could come in handy sometime. “Would that make you less pissed at me for being such a dumbass last night?”

  “You know, I haven’t had King Cone in years. Is the stand open yet?” Bryant stood straighter and walked faster at the mention of a double scoop. Vaughn tried desperately not to think of what they could do in bed with some chocolate syrup and whipped cream after polishing off dessert.

  Fortunately, he knew the answer to Bryant’s question. “Yup. I stopped there just the other night for a milkshake on my way into the shop. Can I take you out for some?”

  “As in a date?” Bryant wondered.

  “Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want to call it.” He shrugged. “Mostly I just want to catch up. Find out what your life has been like since I knew you before. And maybe try to convince you that I’m not the asshole you think I am.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Hey, I didn’t give you a lot of reason to believe otherwise last night. I’m sorry about that. I guess I underestimated how what happened back then still affects you now. And once I figured it out, I felt pretty shitty about my part in it. I know ice cream doesn’t count for much…”

  “A lot of problems could be solved with ice cream.” Bryant flashed his dimples as he climbed into the cab. “Get in, Vaughn. I’m hungry.”

  “Me too,” he murmured under his breath as he jogged around the hood and boosted himself into the passenger seat of Bryant’s truck. Both of them understood there was no way Bryant had left his aunt’s house anything less than stuffed, but he was giving Vaughn this shot anyway.

  Maybe he wanted to rewrite history as badly as Vaughn did.

  He could hope.

  They rode without saying anything for a while, long enough that Vaughn wondered if they’d ever speak or if Bryant would just keep driving until he reached the ice cream stand, bought himself a treat, then went back home. As if Vaughn was some phantom hitching a ride.

  Eventually, he couldn’t stand it anymore. “Are you still pissed about last night?”

  “Nah. I’m not the kind of person to stay angry. I guess I’m just…wrung out. Overwhelmed and exhausted.” Bryant sighed.

  Vaughn covered Bryant’s free hand, which rested on his thigh, and squeezed. “If this is too much, turn around. That’s fine.”

  “Oh no, I’m getting some damn ice cream. You put that idea in my head—now it sounds really good.” He glanced over with a wicked grin that reminded Vaughn of the boy he used to be. “Besides, I feel like torturing you by making you watch me lick it.”

  Vaughn groaned. Maybe he should have thought harder about his plan.

  When Bryant laughed, he figured the torture would be worth it.

  They rolled up to the stand and placed their orders. When Becky Sue told them how much it would be, Vaughn whipped out his wallet. He ordinarily wasn’t a super traditional guy, but he wanted Bryant to realize he’d made something of himself. Okay, so most anyone could afford a couple of ice cream cones, but truth was, there’d been a time when Vaughn wasn’t one of them.

  “You didn’t have to do that. But…thanks.” Bryant smiled and gave his ice cream a long lick from the cone to the tip. Vaughn’s cock noticed, and approved. Damn.

  Bryant laughed again as he sauntered to a picnic table nearby and straddled the bench. Vaughn took a seat just past Bryant’s knees, with his back resting against the table.

  After a few minutes of dedicated eating, complete with incredible soft hums from Bryant—which Vaughn could easily repurpose in his imagination as sounds he’d make when they were fooling around—Bryant asked, “Where are your tattoos?”

  Vaughn glanced down at his bare arms and braced himself for Bryant’s mockery. He clenched his jaw, then spat, “Don’t have any.”

  “Isn’t it weird for a tattoo artist not to have any tattoos?” Bryant wondered without laughing.

  “Probably.” Vaughn forced himself to relax, took a bite from his cone, and then tried to explain. “Every day I do cover-ups and draw dumb shit people will regret eventually. I’m going to get tattooed someday. I’m just waiting for the right thing. The absolute perfect thing. Until then…I can wait.”

  “I respect that,” Bryant said when most people would have shaken their head or called him some kind of hypocrite. Hell, plenty of guys had before. “When you’re looking for a forever thing, it’s better to be sure.”

  Vaughn wondered what Bryant was waiting for. As far as he knew, the guy had never had a serious boyfriend. Maybe that was what he meant. It wasn’t worth the hassle of bringing someone home and introducing them to the millions of Comptons swarming Compass Ranch until it was the perfect somebody.

  If they hooked up, would Bryant keep it a secret, too?

  Somehow that didn’t sit right with Vaughn. He wanted everyone to know he’d staked a claim.

  Something in his expression must have tipped Bryant off to his thoughts. “Settle down, Vaughn. I wasn’t referring to you. I was talking about myself. Anyway, never mind.” He flashed a lopsided smile. “You remind me a lot of your dad. Direct, kinder than you think under a tough exterior, a badass artist, a little moody, you know?”

  At least he’d included the art thing. It was the one trait Vaughn was grateful he’d inherited from Snake.

  “The truth is, you knew my dad better than I did.” Vaughn shrugged one shoulder. Still, it touched something deep inside him to know Bryant thought so. “I never had that tight bond, like you do, with your family. My mom does the best she can, but she’s not like yours. Her focus was never me. She worked a lot of nights, and partied hard, even after having me by mistake with a cowboy just passing through for the rodeo. She told me not to worry because she’d gotten her tubes tied after that little surprise. It took her a few years to track Snake down, and by then he was already older. He always provided for me, or thought he did, but my mom used a lot of that cash on getting her nails done, or making her hair bigger, always in the hopes of snagging some rich guy. As if there were billionaires pouring through the doors of the shithole bar where she waited tables.

  “It was probably around the time that Jake found Viho that my dad started bringing me up here for the summers. At first, it was awkward as shit. I was a punk and didn’t handle it well. I was used to essentiall
y being on my own and he had a hell of a lot of rules. Then, just about the time we’d sort through all that each summer, I had to go back. When I came up here for good, at the end, Snake made a real effort. But it was too late. It was impossible for me to get attached knowing I was only going to lose him. The last thing he said to me was that I was his biggest regret.”

  Vaughn figured his relationship with his dad, and putting Bryant in a situation where he got hurt, had to top his own list. So that seemed fair enough. At least he had a chance to make amends to one of the important people he’d disappointed now.

  “I’m sure he meant not bringing you to Compass Ranch to live sooner was a mistake.” Bryant didn’t hesitate on that one.

  “I think so too, now. Jake helped me see that was probably true. But I guess we’ll never know for sure. He fell into unconsciousness soon after and never woke up.” Vaughn scrubbed his hands over his face. “Shit. Not sure why I’m telling you all that. I guess Jake…it’s bringing those memories to the surface.”

  Bryant scooted closer and put his hand on Vaughn’s knee. “I’m sorry, that sucks. I can’t imagine growing up without my family. They’re loud, and overwhelming sometimes, but I always knew they were there for me. That they love me unconditionally.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell your cousins about what happened in the barn that summer?” Vaughn asked before he could think better of it.

  Bryant choked on the last bite of his ice cream cone. He took longer than necessary to wipe his mouth on a tissue-thin napkin, then said, “How do you know I didn’t?”

  “Because they never would have let you keep blaming yourself like you do. You’d have dealt with it better and moved on by now, I’m guessing.”

  Bryant didn’t bother to deny it. He looked down at his boots. “I don’t know. It’s weird being the only gay guy in the bunch. They don’t get some things. They try. They’re accepting of me. It’s just not part of their experience, you know? And they’ve certainly never been overpowered by one of their dates. I guess I didn’t think they’d really understand.”