Still Waters

by Jayne Rylon

  “You don’t want to? I’m not going to force you, that’s for fucking sure. I don’t want to take anything from you that you don’t want to give freely. I wouldn’t have told you at all. Except I’m afraid…you’re going to be disappointed.” Bryant rambled, desperate to explain himself without ruining the sweet tension building between them.

  Vaughn cracked up at that. He wrapped his arm around his middle and rocked until his face was as red as the prize-winning tomatoes in Vivi’s garden. “I highly doubt that.”

  “But I’m not like the rest of the guys you’ve been with.”

  “Are you terrible at blowjobs or something?” Vaughn chuckled, as if Bryant should know how he was at going down on someone by now. Because he probably should. “What are you really trying to say, Bryant?”

  “My friends at school mostly relied on social media hookup apps to find partners.” He cleared his throat. “That didn’t seem safe to me. After what happened…I don’t trust men I don’t know and I haven’t met any gay guys I was into romantically. I spent a lot of time studying, not going to parties. My social life is nonexistent.”

  “Hang on. Are you telling me you’re still a virgin?” Vaughn stiffened at that, his face going blank and unreadable.

  “You know damn well I’m not.” Bryant couldn’t stop the shame that flooded him at the memory and the embarrassment that accompanied it, especially knowing the one man he lusted after was privy to his worst secret.

  “So you’ve slept with other guys—at least once or twice—in the past six years, right?” Vaughn asked casually.

  Bryant shook his head again. Negative.

  “Are you serious? You haven’t done…anything…since then?”

  “Not unless it involved my own hands. And a few toys I got off the internet.” He tried not to stumble over that confession. Like smuggling a purple mail-order Fleshlight into his dorm and hiding it under his pillow was no big deal. When one of his roommates had passed by in the hallway, he’d nearly passed out.

  “Holy shit, Bryant.” Vaughn didn’t run this time. He reached out and drew Bryant to him. “I’m so damn sorry. And as far as I’m concerned, that day doesn’t count. That wasn’t sex. It was violence.”

  Did that mean Vaughn was about to reject him again? Tonight, of all nights, he didn’t think he could stand to sleep alone. He needed a distraction from his grief—both new and old. He needed to make progress. To be sure he wasn’t wasting the life not everyone had the luxury to live.

  “Will you show me the difference then?” Bryant let his wildest hopes slip from his lips into the darkness before he could lock them inside.

  “Yeah. I’d love to.” Vaughn kept holding him close, making him forget to be awkward or afraid or sad.

  Bryant hugged him back, glad for the man filling his arms. Giving him something steady to hang on to in a sea of confusion and misery. Ironically, on one of the hardest days of his life, he had found hope.

  After a while, Vaughn’s hands began to wander up and down his back. “Are you sure tonight is the best timing, though?”

  “I want to stay.” Bryant nodded.

  “That’s not what I said. You’re not going anywhere tonight or any night you feel like this is the place you’d most like to be. You’re always welcome. I’m glad I’m not alone tonight either. But…your first time should be special.”

  “I’ve waited long enough. If you’re here with me, that’s all I care about.”

  Vaughn closed his eyes for a moment, as if weighing the pros and cons. Then he opened them. The resolve there spiked Bryant’s pulse. This was happening.

  It wasn’t a dream.

  It wasn’t a fantasy.

  It was real life and it was going to be incredible.

  7

  This time, instead of retreating, Vaughn advanced. He took a step and then another until he guided Bryant backwards, toward his bedroom. “I’m going to take my time with you. Savor every moment. Every inch of you.”

  “That sounds good.” Bryant nodded eagerly.

  Vaughn chuckled. He wasn’t making fun of Bryant. No, he was getting off on how much he was about to blow Bryant’s mind. They both knew he would.

  When the back of Bryant’s knees bumped into the bed, he battled a moment of panic.

  “Hey, you’re not trapped. No one is forcing you to do this. If you’re not into it at any time, you just say so. I’ll stop. I won’t be upset. I won’t walk out on you. I’ll stay and hold you and we’ll work through it together. Unless you ask me to go. You can even have my place to yourself if you need space. I’m happy to sleep in your truck tonight. You got that?” Vaughn asked, sounding more serious than Bryant had ever heard him before. “This is all up to you. At your pace.”

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me for being a decent human being.” Vaughn sidled closer again. This time he slid his hand beneath Bryant’s shirt. He rubbed his open palm over Bryant’s abs then slid it upward to his chest, soothing Bryant even as he enflamed him. Those first intimate touches made Bryant’s breath stick in his lungs and his cock stand up at attention. “Would you like me to undress you?”

  He nodded so hard and fast he looked like the ancient cowboy bobble-head stuck on the dash of his dad’s pickup. In fact, he was about to tear his own clothes to shreds so Vaughn didn’t have to waste time on getting him naked. His entire body hummed. He’d waited years for this moment and didn’t want to risk anything ruining it now.

  Including himself and his self-doubts.

  Maybe he’d gotten soft while he was away. He didn’t work the ranch every day and had eaten a few too many pizzas while he studied. Although he’d made good use of his campus’s gym, it wasn’t the same, really. Town life didn’t seem to have impacted Vaughn, though. He could already tell Vaughn was even more cut and toned than he used to be, despite having forsaken ranch jobs. He’d grown up really, really well.

  Bryant had filled out from his younger self, but he wasn’t as strong as he could be. Yet.

  It was time to change that.

  He reached out and cupped Vaughn’s stubbled jaw. Using the pad of his thumb, he brushed the other man’s lips.

  “That’s right. I’m yours for the taking, too,” Vaughn murmured, teasing Bryant’s thumb with his mouth as he spoke. “Feel free to explore.”

  “I still wonder what it would be like to kiss you. Same as I did back then. I thought about it a lot that summer. And even more since,” Bryant admitted. “The taste I had last night wasn’t enough. I was in shock and it happened so fast, it felt like another fantasy. I need to do it again.”

  “Same here. Back then you drove me nuts with your easy smile and quick comebacks, not to mention the way your lean muscles would put on a show while you were working. Mostly because I knew I couldn’t have you. I’d hoped…after you turned eighteen…but then…”

  “Enough about then.” Bryant stepped closer and dropped his head so that his mouth was a hairsbreadth from Vaughn’s. “Kiss me. Right now.”

  Vaughn didn’t need to be told twice. He groaned and fused their mouths, cradling Bryant’s cheeks between his hands as if trying to prove how different he could be from Bill, who’d scarred Bryant bad enough that he’d written this experience off for six whole years.

  He moaned and trembled in Vaughn’s grip.

  It was everything he’d wished for and never gotten. Spicy, sweet, and a little bit desperate.

  Patiently, Vaughn showed him how to make it even better with swirls of his tongue, the hint of teeth, and a seductive rhythm they naturally fell into as they discovered how well they meshed. Bryant didn’t have anything to compare it to, but he figured it was as good as he suspected when Vaughn drew back, panting, to rest his forehead on Bryant’s.

  He stared into Bryant’s eyes just long enough to catch his breath and whisper, “Damn,” before going back for seconds. Instead of ramping up their exchange, Vaughn seemed content to dwell. He pressed Bryant’s shoulders, though
, urging him to sink onto the bed if he chose.

  It wasn’t a shove. He wasn’t demanding it.

  It was a suggestion.

  One Bryant gladly took. He wanted to settle in and savor these moments. The ones where his eyes were opened to the magnitude of pleasure he could find with the perfect partner. He lay down and Vaughn followed, never breaking their contact. When Bryant tried to settle onto his back, Vaughn rolled him to his side instead. Probably so that he wasn’t fully on top of Bryant.

  While part of him appreciated not feeling pinned down, most of him regretted the loss of Vaughn’s comforting heat and weight on top of him. Sometime when he was able to actually form words, he’d tell Vaughn that he didn’t mind the pressure.

  For now, he was content to make out with Vaughn, mimicking the motions he made with his mouth. His toes curled when he made Vaughn moan. To know he could affect his partner, even as skilled as he was, made Bryant feel like less of a complete failure.

  He was on euphoria overload. He dropped his head back to gasp for air and Vaughn slowly descended, giving him ample time to object, which he definitely didn’t do. Vaughn began to spread his kisses over Bryant’s exposed neck, licking and sucking places Bryant never knew could be so fucking sensitive. He squirmed on Vaughn’s bed.

  Oh God, he was in Vaughn’s bed.

  That thought alone had his cock throbbing in his jeans. He groaned. Going slow like this was its own form of delicious torture. One he didn’t mind in the least.

  When his eyelids drifted open, he saw Vaughn tensed with desires of his own. Was Bryant being selfish? Making the other guy wait when he needed more?

  “Is this okay? For you?” Bryant asked.

  “Fucking incredible,” Vaughn murmured, as if in awe. “Not sure if I’ve ever really taken the time to get this amped up before rushing to the finish line. It’s different with you. New and amazing. I could do this all night.”

  It made something deep inside Bryant blossom to know Vaughn was exploring uncharted territory just like him. He relaxed and gave himself permission to ask for more. “You said you were going to undress me. Do it, please. I want to feel your skin on mine while we kiss.”

  Vaughn hesitated, taking several deep breaths. “You’re going to kill me. If my heart explodes and I croak in bed, just tell everyone I went out the happiest I’ve ever been.”

  “Do you really mean that?” Bryant traced Vaughn’s swollen lower lip with the tip of one finger.

  “I’m probably not actually going to die. It just feels like it. More like I already have and I’m in heaven.” Vaughn winked.

  Bryant laughed. “Not that. I mean, does this really make you happy?”

  “Yeah. It’s kind of weird. I feel more than horny in bed. I feel…like it’s been too long since I was kissing you because I want to share more of this sensation with you.”

  How could he resist that? Bryant reached out and drew Vaughn close again. “Multitask then. Kiss me but take my clothes off, too. Can you do that?”

  “I think so.” Vaughn flashed a wicked grin before he sealed their mouths. His fingers deftly unbuttoned Bryant’s shirt. Never hurrying. He slipped each button through the hole, then trailed his fingers along the bare skin he exposed before working on the next.

  Why the fuck did this shirt need so many buttons anyway? Bryant arched, trying to press his chest closer to Vaughn. When he’d finally finished, Vaughn clasped Bryant’s hands in his. Their fingers entwined for a while even as their legs scissored and their mouths kept devouring each other. Only when Bryant made a tortured sound low in his throat did Vaughn place Bryant’s hands at the top of his shirt.

  Bryant couldn’t say he was as suave as Vaughn. He fumbled, then resorted to tugging a few of the buttons off, but eventually he freed Vaughn’s torso. He couldn’t stop himself from kneading the muscles there as they stared into each other’s eyes, always kissing.

  They rolled around on the bed, wrestling each other’s shirts off without interrupting their make-out session. They tumbled over each other, tugging and straining, rubbing against each other in the most delicious foreplay imaginable.

  When Bryant ended up straddling Vaughn, he broke the kiss, just for a moment, to get a good look at his partner. “Damn, you’re gorgeous.”

  He raked his fingers down Vaughn’s body from his collarbones, over his chest and tight nipples, along the valley of his ripped abdomen to the trail of hair that disappeared into his waistband. He rocked his hips, grinding their denim-covered cocks together.

  Thank god for the thick material, or Bryant would definitely have lost it by now. His balls were tight and close to his body, drawn up at the thought of how this would end.

  He never wanted it to end.

  “You are, too.” Vaughn echoed his thoughts and his gestures, running his hands over Bryant’s arms, chest, and finally down to his ass. He squeezed hard and used the grip to guide Bryant, keeping him rubbing their hard-ons together through their pants. “Do you want to show me your cock? Let me suck it?”

  “Son of a bitch.” Bryant threw his head back and clenched his jaw. He damn near came in his pants at the thought alone.

  “Is that a yes?” Vaughn asked, his fingers hovering over the button on Bryant’s fly.

  “Hell yes. But…” Bryant swallowed hard.

  “But what?”

  “I don’t even know if you’ll get it all the way in your mouth before I come. I’m on the edge. Just from making out with you.” He turned his head to the side, feeling his cheeks heat.

  “Hey, you’re doing better than I did. My first time, I shot the second I rode the guy’s thigh while making out with him.” Vaughn grinned. “Don’t worry. If you want to come, come. It’ll take the edge off. I’ll get you hard again eventually. There’s no hurry tonight.”

  Bryant knew right then that more than his virginity was at stake. He wanted to give himself to Vaughn. His heart included. A dangerous proposition. So he pretended to himself that things weren’t so serious. That it was just a hookup. No big deal.

  Then he nodded. “Please. I’d love to know what it feels like to have someone suck my cock.”

  From the bragging his cousins did, he knew it was a highlight of their sex lives. Bryant wanted to be in on the secret. Even if it meant craving something he couldn’t have all the time.

  Vaughn licked his lips, then popped the button on Bryant’s fly before unzipping it carefully. He wrapped his fingers in the waistband of Bryant’s jeans and walked them down his hips and thighs. When Vaughn ran out of room, his fists at his sides and the jeans strangling Bryant’s knees, Bryant rolled to the side, landing on his back. Vaughn came over him and finished the job, peeling the denim down and off Bryant’s socked feet before getting rid of those and his underwear, too.

  Then he was naked. Bared to Vaughn’s hungry gaze. Vaughn scanned him from head to toe, taking special note of his cock, which had never been as long or hard as it was in that moment. It lay heavy on his belly, leaking precome onto his abs. “Damn, Bryant. You’re impressive.”

  “Come on, I’m not that naïve. I’ve watched a lot of porn. If anything, I’m average.”

  Vaughn grinned. “Average guys don’t star in porn.”

  “Oh.” Why hadn’t he considered that? Right then, reasoning was beyond him. There were other things more important. “Can I see you, too?”

  “In a minute,” Vaughn said. “I want to touch you. Is that okay?”

  Bryant didn’t hesitate. He reached out and tugged Vaughn’s hand straight to his cock. When the other man fisted his dick, a primitive howl flew from Bryant’s throat. He saw stars as Vaughn adjusted his grip before massaging his shaft with ripples of his fingers. Jesus. He’d imagined it would be great, but he’d had no idea it would be so much more intense than jerking off when someone else touched him.

  Someone he desired. Someone who respected him and only cared about bringing him pleasure.

  God, he’d been so stupid.

  He refused
to think about that now, while Vaughn nearly made his eyes roll so far back inside his skull that he read equations from his research, which were imprinted on his neocortex. Bryant lifted his hips, shoving his cock deeper into Vaughn’s grasp.

  “Does that feel good?” Vaughn asked.

  “Shit, yes,” he growled.

  “Do you like it more like this…” Vaughn left his hand looser and jacked the tip a few times. “Or like this…?” Then he tightened his grip and made full-length strokes with his fist.

  When the side of his hand bumped Bryant’s balls, he couldn’t decide. “Both. I like both.”

  Vaughn chuckled. “It’s so fun to experiment with you like this. Don’t worry. I know something you’ll like even better than either of those.”

  “Not sure that’s possible.” Bryant dug his toes into Vaughn’s comforter to keep from flying into space. He wasn’t a rocket scientist, but he was pretty sure they generated enough energy between them to shoot him into orbit.

  Without bothering to argue, Vaughn sank between Bryant’s legs and cupped his balls in his palm. He rolled them lightly while still jerking Bryant off. And just when Bryant thought he might come before he felt Vaughn’s mouth on him, the other guy leaned in and licked around the head of his dick while his hand kept up its magic.

  “Vaughn!” He wasn’t sure if he was calling out for the other guy to stop or to do more. All he knew was that his focus was lasered in on the places where they intersected and the things Vaughn was capable of doing to him.

  “I’m right here, Bryant. I’ve got you,” he whispered. “Remember, you’re safe with me. It’s okay to let go. I want you come. For me. Whenever you’re ready.”

  Bryant looked at Vaughn then, and saw him open his mouth as he approached, slowly. Waiting for affirmation that it was okay to proceed.

  “Please,” was the only thing Bryant could say.

  The humid suction that enveloped his cock in the next moment shocked him in the best of ways. He never imagined it could be like this. Damn, his cousins had been holding back. Their rave reviews still hadn’t done this justice. The pressure of Vaughn sucking, interrupted by light laps of his tongue, kept Bryant on the edge of rapture longer than he thought he would make it.