“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. “That’s not funny.”
She giggled again, “Oh I thought it was. Come on, in just nine months we could have a little Ace.” She was still laughing, but I wasn’t, because fuck, when my grandmother had said it, all I’d felt was panic, clearly that was the effect Sadie was going for as well, only I wasn’t panicking. I was maybe the calmest I’d ever been. Sadie stopped laughing and looked up at me. She must have seen something in my eyes, because she reached up and cupped the side of my face with her soft hand.
“Relax, I’m only kidding.” She had obviously mistaken my silence and humorless expression for something other than what it was. I had a feeling if she knew what I was really thinking, she would be the one panicking. I couldn’t stop the wolfish smirk from taking over my face as I looked down at her.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked.
“Like what?” I pushed closer to her and she matched my step forward with one back.
She swallowed dryly. “Like you know something I’m not in on.”
I took another step forward, pinning her against the wall with my body. A quick peek out of my periphery told me we were alone in the hallway. I fixed her with a dark look and leaned in close, placing my hands against the wall on either side of her head. “You think it’s funny to tease me, to get me all worked up and try to make me squirm with baby jokes?”
Her mouth fell open just enough that I could feel her warm, ragged puffs of breath against my neck. “Well the joke’s on you sweetheart,” I slid my hand down her shoulder until I was holding her hand, “because this is what thinking about you knocked up with my kid does to me.” I brought her hand to the place where my hardness bulged against the zipper of my jeans. She sucked in a sharp breath and then jerked her hand back. I watched the scarlet blush spread up her neck and over her cheeks. I chuckled and pulled away from her. “So go ahead, start poking holes.” With that, I left her standing there, wide eyed and short of breath.
“What’s with the shit eating grin?” Spade asked when I entered the living room where he was sitting on the couch, talking with Danny and Zander. Bree was leaning against the arm of the couch looking at him with rapt attention. I chose to ignore it instead of instigating something with her.
“Just let Sadie in on a little secret,” I told him, still grinning.
“Must’ve been a good one,” Zander chimed in.
“That it was.” I didn’t stop long enough to give them anymore than that, and continued on to the food table. I skewered a few meatballs with a toothpick and popped them in to my mouth. I was feeling slightly ravenous and since I couldn’t actually help myself to what I was really craving, the meatballs and tiny pigs in a blanket would have to do.
I expected to see Sadie come into the room after me. When I didn’t, I assumed she was hiding and trying to avoid me after that. I may have pushed her a little far, but what did she expect after her little stunt. When she suggested I take her up to my room and have my way with her, joking or not, my first instinct had been to throw her over my shoulder and do just that. I was still hard, thinking about throwing her down on my mattress, stripping her bare and-
“So your mother said you boys are going to be on Ellen next month.” Aunt Deb had horrible timing. I shifted uncomfortably. Of course being faced with Aunt Deb was a quick way to relieve any traces of desire. Sweet lady, batshit just like Gran, and nosy. She wears bright ass orange lipstick, and looks a little like that one fairy from Sleeping Beauty, the green one, or maybe I mean the pink one. I don’t know, I swear I only watched it one time with Izzy when I was helping Jax babysit.
“You’ll have to let me know when,” my aunt continued, “so your uncle and I can DVR it. We just got that, it’s so handy. Now I don’t have to miss any of my shows. I just tell it to record every episode of The Bachelor and it does.” It didn’t surprise me in the least that she watched that show.
“Yeah, they’re great for that,” I agreed.
“So anyway, I wanted to ask you, how serious is it with you and Stacy? Do you think she’s the one, or do you think she’ll be single again in a month or so? She seems so nice.”
Wow. She actually came over here under the pretense of being interested in the band, just so she could find out if Sadie would be available for her to fix up with one of my cousins. I had no doubt that the irritation I was feeling was visible, and she noticed. “I wasn’t trying to step on your toes, it’s just that you musician types don’t usually hang on to one girl long, and –”
“Sorry Aunt Deb,” I cut her off, “Sadie won’t be single again. Ever.” She was lucky she was my aunt or I wouldn’t have been so nice about it. As it was, I didn’t wait around for anymore stupid shit to come out of her mouth, and walked off. I had the urge to go find Sadie and kiss her in front every single damn person here just so they would get the picture that she was mine. Fucking mine.
I didn’t find her in the kitchen though. I asked Mia if she’d seen her sister and she said she hadn’t since I dragged her off. I walked through every room downstairs and even knocked on the bathroom door, but she wasn’t anywhere. I took the stairs two at a time, and first checked the bathroom up there. It was empty. The door to the room she was staying in was slightly ajar and when I nudged it open, I found her sitting on the edge of the bed. She was staring at the floor with a somber look on her face.
“Sadie,” she looked up at me and my stomach dropped. Her eyes shined with the telltale trace of tears. “What’s wrong?” I wanted to go to her, but I was afraid that I’d been the one to make her cry. I didn’t know if she wanted me in here.
“I’m fine,” she sniffed and then used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe at her eyes.
“You don’t seem fine babe. Did I do something? Did I upset you downstairs? I didn’t mean to, fuck I’m sorry. I’m an ass. I shouldn’t have done that. I came on too strong –”
“No,” she stood up and walked over to me. I hated the sadness on her face, but I won’t deny that it felt damn good when she leaned into my chest and wrapped her arms around me. “You didn’t do anything. I’m just emotional, you know, thinking about my family and how different our childhoods were.”
I wasn’t sure that I believed her, but didn’t know what else it could be, so I just held her. I wanted her to be able to open up to me, to trust me with all of her, even the small things or things she thought she couldn’t share with anyone. I hoped that in time she would get there.
Chapter 28
Sadie
I hated lying to him. I hated keeping anything from him. It was the very thing I’d gotten so upset with him about, the thing that had nearly ruined what we had, but I just couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t tell him what was really going on inside of me, why I had really been crying. His words shouldn’t have hurt so much, but even after so long, sometimes the pain felt so fresh, but I couldn’t let him see it. Things were so good with us, and it was Christmas Eve. He didn’t deserve to have to shoulder any more of my baggage. Instead I let him hold me. I clung to him, breathing in his clean smell and letting the peace I felt in his arms consume me to the point that the pain receded and all I felt was him.
I took a deep breath before finally pulling away. He still wore a concerned look, but didn’t press it. “You ready to go back down? Or we can just hang out up here and hide out. Whatever you want.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him, “we can go back down. I promise I’m fine. Besides, if we stay up here, Gran and everyone else will assume we’re getting it on, and I’d rather get to know your family a little longer before they all think I’m a crazed sex monkey.” I hoped my joke would lighten the mood a little, and it seemed to work.
He grinned and pulled me close again, “You can be my little sex monkey any time you want.” He winked before pressing a kiss to my forehead and then rested his chin on top of my head. I felt better, a lot better. Just being near him was comforting. His presence had become my solace. I wa
s afraid of what it would mean if things went bad between us, if I lost him too.
“Is this going to work? Us I mean, can we really make this work?” I mumbled softly against his chest.
He closed his eyes and bent his head down and touched his forehead to mine, “I hope so. God, I really hope so,” he breathed out on a heavy sigh, “because I won’t be able to stand it otherwise.” He pulled back just slightly and brought his hands up to hold the sides of my head so that I was looking right into his eyes. “I’ll fight for this, I swear I will. I’ll do anything for you, but I can’t lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, but what happens when we’re apart? What happens when you leave and are gone for months? Will you still feel the same when we’re not around each other every day, when you see Spade and Chris getting to spend the nights with all those pretty girls and not have to worry about someone waiting back home?” All of my insecurities and fears came rushing forth and poured out of me.
“Sadie, it doesn’t matter how much time and space is between us. I love you,” I gasped but he didn’t falter. “You and I have been dancing around this thing between us since we met, and in all that time, I never stopped thinking of you. I could never get that night out of my head. It was like the feel of your lips had been branded onto me. It was your face, your touch, your sweet smell and taste that got me through those nights on the road, not any other girl. I won’t pretend I was a saint, or that this doesn’t make me seriously fucked up, but it didn’t matter who I was with, I was always thinking of you, wishing it was you. In two years that hasn’t gone away, it’s only gotten stronger. At this point, I don’t think there’s anything that could get you out of me, you’re in so deep.” He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest, just over his heart. “You’re inside there. Every minute of every fucking day, I can feel you in there.”
I was crying again, but for a completely different reason. “I love you too,” I sniffed. He brushed his thumb over my cheek wiping away a stray tear.
“See, then we’re good. We got this.” He smiled down at me, still holding my face in his hands.
“I know. I’m just scared. The last time the guy I loved went away, he didn’t come back, and I know you’re not going off to war, but I’m still afraid that something is going to take you from me,” I admitted.
“Then come with me.”
“What?” I was taken aback, because I hadn’t expected him to suggest that.
“Come with me,” he repeated, and I could tell he wasn’t just trying to appease me or making the offer on a whim. He really wanted me to go with him. What surprised me was how seriously I considered it for a minute, but it just wasn’t realistic.
“I can’t,” I told him, and I meant it. As much as I liked the idea of following him on tour and not having to spend weeks and sometimes months at a time without him, I had other priorities and responsibilities that I couldn’t just shove aside.
“Why not?” He frowned at me.
“I have a job, for one.”
“Quit,” he said and I had no doubt that he was serious. “You hate it anyway.”
I snorted, “I can’t quit my job yet. I know you won’t let me pay rent, but I have other expenses.”
“And I have a shit ton of money. It works out perfectly.”
I shook my head at him. “You can’t pay my bills for me.”
“Sure I can,” he argued, obviously missing my point.
“I’m not that girl, Ace. My mother wanted me to be her, to land a wealthy man and then let him take care of me so that I can live a frivolous life of luxury at his side.”
“Hey, woah, that’s not what I meant, that’s not what I’m trying to do here. I just want you with me.”
“I know, but that’s how I would feel.” I figured now would be as good of time as any to share my bit of news. “I want to go to college, I mean I am. Going to go, that is. I’m registered for classes. I start in just a couple weeks.” I bit my bottom lip nervous for his reaction. I shouldn’t have been nervous though. His face split in a wide grin.
“That’s amazing babe.” He hugged me tight and then pulled back. “I’m proud of you for doing that. Where are you going to go?”
“I’m going to do most of the classes online, only one on campus, and right now I can only afford a community college, but I found one that’s supposed to be a pretty good school.”
“Babe, you don’t have to go to community college if you don’t want to, you know I would –” I put my finger over his lips to silence him.
“I know you would, but I’m pretty sure we just had this conversation. I want to do this for myself. I want to get my two year and then hopefully by then be able to transfer to a university.”
“Okay, stubborn girl,” he sighed, “I understand why you want to do it on your own, just please don’t refuse to ask for help if you end up needing it.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“And did I mention how proud of you I am?”
“You might have said something like that, but I think it would be better if you showed me instead,” I said suggestively and watched the hungry look take over his face as the corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes darkened. I found out earlier that tempting him was playing a dangerous game, but I couldn’t resist.
“Like this?” He asked just before ever so lightly and briefly pressing his lips to mine.
“I don’t know if I really felt it. I think you can do better,” I whispered breathlessly.
“Oh really? Well then, let me try again.” This time when his lips met mine, he started out gentle, just as he had before, but then the kiss quickly escalated into something more. One hand tangled in my hair and the other splayed across my waist, tugging me closer. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my body into his. He tightened his grip in my hair and the pressure on my hip increased as he dug his fingers into my flesh, pulling my body so close to his that it felt like he was becoming a part of me. He nipped at my lip eagerly and forced his way into my mouth, tasting and consuming me. I clung to him desperately, pushing at his tongue with my own. I could feel every inch of his hard body pressing into mine and I wanted nothing between us.
I tugged at the bottom of his shirt. He followed my lead and broke the kiss just long enough to pull it up over his head before slamming his lips back onto mine and shoving me backwards until we crashed into the door, forcing it closed. His hands moved up and down my body, grabbing and caressing my flesh as he slipped one hand under my top. I pulled away gasping, and his lips moved to my neck. I tipped my head backward and rested it against the door, giving him better access. His hand continued to slip higher as he trailed kisses across my throat. With his other hand he pulled the top of my shirt down over my shoulder so that he could kiss along my collarbone. I was lost in his touch, burning with desire, and when the hand on my ribs slid just a little higher and reached its destination, I couldn’t stop the soft, satisfied groan that escaped my lips.
In a flash, my shirt was tugged over my head and joined his discarded shirt in a heap on the floor. He continued to knead and tease at my flesh while his mouth assaulted mine again. He slid his other hand down to my hip and then the back of my thigh so that he could lift my leg and press in closer. I wrapped both arms around his neck and tangled them in his wild locks. Both of his hands went to my butt and he lifted me so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me over to the bed and dropped me on the soft mattress, immediately covering my body with his.
I pulled his face back down to mine and tugged his bottom lip between my teeth, sucking it into my mouth. He pulled it free and then playfully bit my lip in return. Then he ground his hips into mine and I lost all sense. I ran my nails down his back and a growl rumbled through his chest. He buried his face in my neck again and bit down as he repeated the action of grinding himself into my most sensitive place.
I moaned and dug my fingers into his lower back. He pressed harder and I felt myself start to come undone. He pus
hed himself up onto one elbow and started fumbling with the button of my jeans. I leaned forward and nipped at his chest while my own hands reached to undo his jeans. He sucked in a sharp breath and in no time at all, we were both shoving our jeans down our legs and kicking them off. I was left in nothing but my lacey panties and bra, my entire body on fire. My eyes took in the expanse of his bare chest, hungrily devouring the muscles that rippled as he moved over me, and all that inked skin that I wanted to run my tongue over. I settled for lightly tracing my fingers over the swirling lines down to the puckered scar just below his ribs on the left side. His body shuddered above me and he drew in a deep breath. The frenzy of his touch eased and everything slowed between us.
“How did it happen?” I asked, not really sure if I wanted to hear his answer, but I needed to.
“IED. I took a bit of shrapnel on that side.” I could see smaller scars that ran down his side to his upper thigh and my heart broke a little.
“Was it bad?”
He softly ran a hand over my hair, brushing it back. “It always is. There’s nothing good about shit going boom in places like that, but it could have been a lot worse. While it certainly wasn’t an experience I relished, and I made it a point to try extra hard to avoid flying shards of metal after that, I got off pretty easy compared to some.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly to hold back the tears my body wanted to release. I hated that he had gone through that, the he had experienced such a close brush with death. Who knew what a few inches in any other direction might have meant for him. I couldn’t imagine what a person must feel in a moment like that, the noise, the heat, the pain, the fear.
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