Whisper's Edge

by LuAnn McLane

  20

  Risky Business

  KATE CRUMBLED THE CRUNCHY TOPPING OVER THE MAC AND cheese before sliding the glass dish into the oven. After washing a few dishes she sneaked a bite of the coleslaw that was already chilling in the fridge. “Hmmm.” She added more cracked pepper and then tested it again. “There we go.” She nodded with satisfaction, but after she put the slaw away she remembered why she had opened the fridge in the first place. “Whipped butter,” she mumbled with a shake of her head. She wanted the butter to soften for the yeast rolls she’d picked up at Grammar’s Bakery. Of course, she hadn’t gotten out of the bakery before Mabel Grammar talked her into a scrumptious cinnamon cake for breakfast and a dozen of her famous butter tea cookies. All it had taken was a piece of cookie from the plate of broken samples and she’d caved.

  Kate looked at the white paper bag containing the melt-in-your-mouth cookies and sighed. She’d eaten three of them on the way home. “Damn that Mabel anyway.” Okay, Mabel hadn’t really talked Kate into any of the purchases but that was her story and she was sticking to it. Luckily, Ben worked the extra calories off her with evening walks around Whisper’s Edge and down by the river, not to mention the lusty lovemaking sessions that left her breathless and limp as a rag doll. “Whoo-ee.” Kate fanned her face at the mere thought and opened the fridge and stood there just to cool off.

  After setting the kitchen table she tossed together some tartar sauce in anticipation of the fish fry. Ben had given her the easy recipe, and it tasted so much fresher than from a jar. Before Ben, cooking had been a mindless chore but it had turned into a labor of love. She bought his favorite things at the grocery store and stocked the fridge with condiments he enjoyed, like the hot sauce that he put on everything. It’s a wonder the man had any stomach lining left. Something as simple as setting the table took on a whole new meaning when it wasn’t just for one. After her divorce, Kate had shut herself off from the world and she suddenly realized what she had been missing.

  After a quick peek in the oven at the mac and cheese that was just starting to bubble around the edges, Kate hurried into the bathroom to freshen up. Taking extra pains with her appearance was another change she had made since being with Ben. Kate grinned. Ah, but she’d noticed a difference in Ben too. Nowadays, he wasn’t always dressed like a lumberjack…even though Kate found the look sexy as all get out, but Ben had either gone shopping or dragged clothing out of hiding because he was wearing clothes she’d never seen before. Kate suspected a little bit of both. But the best part was that Ben laughed and actually talked in sentences instead of giving one-word responses. She even saw him playing horseshoes and joking around with the men instead of keeping to himself.

  Kate grinned at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. These days she positively glowed. The ship that she’d thought had sailed, as she’d told Savannah, had actually been stored in dry dock and boy oh boy was she glad to get back into the water.

  Oh, not that Kate wasn’t treading carefully in her budding romance with Ben. She was having the time of her life, and she wasn’t about to ruin what they had by bogging down their relationship with declarations of everlasting love. Light and simple was what Kate wanted. Anything more than that would have her running for the hills, she thought with a lift of her chin. But when Kate’s eyes stared back at her with a hint of yeah-right-you-want-it-all, she squashed it.

  “Who needs all that heartache and drama?” she grumbled at her reflection. “Not me.” And marriage? Kate shuddered at the very thought of giving up her independence. She refused to acknowledge that it was actually the fear of giving her whole heart that lurked in the shadows of her mind. Nope, she liked things just the way they were. She blotted her lipstick and tossed the tissue in the trash before giving her reflection a firm nod. Wanting more was asking for trouble and very well might push Ben right out the door. After the heartbreak he’d suffered in his life it was pretty unlikely that he would want to get serious. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it,” Kate said with a firm nod.

  Kate tugged on a pair of denim Capri pants and a beaded turquoise tank, checking the wobble of her upper arms while wondering if she should get something with sleeves. But before she could decide she heard the screen door close with a metal bang. “Ben?”

  “The one and only.”

  Kate grinned. They were to the easy point in their relationship where he came in without knocking if she was expecting him. “I’ll be out in a jiffy,” she called from her bedroom and checked the wobble once more. “Help yourself to a beer.”

  “You were reading my mind,” he called back, making her smile again. The ease of their companionship was a soft place to land at the end of the day. Oh, and the incredible passion, at their age, was such an unexpected pleasure that Kate had to shake her head in wonder. She would never have guessed that sex could ever be this good. A teeny tiny part of Kate wondered if Ben had shared the same kind of passion with his late wife, but she’d never ask such a question. Kate also wondered if Ben could ever love her as much as he’d loved Anna, and she supposed that it was another reason she held back. And in an odd twist of where-the-hell-did-that-come-from, a part of Kate didn’t want to diminish the cherished memory of his wife. Wanting the whole heart that had been given to another just felt…somehow wrong.

  Kate, of course, had finally told Ben about her failed marriage and Craig’s infidelity. She’d mentioned but not revealed how much pain her miscarriage had caused because it was so very difficult to go down that jagged path of her painful past. After that, they’d left the mention of Anna and Craig alone, preferring to stay in the present.

  But the past was there and the scars were deep.

  Kate slipped into her sandals and inhaled deeply, clearing those thoughts from her head but reminded herself that this was precisely why they needed to keep things fun and causal. It was better that way.

  But not nearly as fulfilling slid into her brain but she pushed it right back out as she headed for the kitchen.

  “Something sure smells good,” Ben said and inhaled a deep breath.

  “It’s mac and cheese.”

  He turned around and nuzzled Kate’s neck. “Mmm, nope, it’s you.”

  “You ole flirt,” she chided but his warm lips caused a hot tingle to slide down her spine.

  “Better than being called an old fart.”

  “True.” Kate laughed. “So you brought me some fish, did ya?” Kate asked with a smile.

  “Yes, and a bottle of your favorite wine,” he added. “I took the liberty of pouring you a glass.”

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Kate said, but accepted the glass of Chardonnay. She took a sip and sighed. “You’ve taught me that life is too short to drink the cheap stuff,” she said and could have bit her tongue. What a stupid thing to say to a widower, she thought, and was about to say so, but Ben laughed.

  “I agree. And we need to do some shopping for the wine-tasting night you and Savannah are planning. It will be fun. We could even take a drive up to some of the wineries. There are some pretty good ones. Elk Creek is a pretty long ride from here but they also have skeet shooting and that would be a blast, don’t you think?”

  “Sure,” Kate agreed. “Sounds like fun and I could use a day off.”

  “I’ll look into it.” Ben’s sexy smile caused a little flutter in her stomach. She sure hoped that feeling never went away.

  Then Ben looked at her for a long moment, making Kate’s heart thump against her ribs. She had a feeling he was about to say something substantial, but if he was, he suddenly refrained. She wasn’t sure if she felt relief or disappointment. Relief, she told herself firmly and took another sip of the cold wine.

  “Do you want to have our drinks out on the back deck while the mac and cheese bakes? It needs a little while longer.”

  “Sure,” Ben said, but Kate thought she saw a nervous flash in his eyes.

  “Let’s go then,” she said, but swallowed hard. He seemed in a good mood so she did
n’t think he had anything bad to tell her, but then again life was weird so who knew? She walked out onto the deck and was about to sit down when she spotted a lovely wrapped gift sitting on the round table. Her heart hammered and she turned around to face Ben. “For me?”

  “Yes,” he said softly.

  Kate swallowed and put her wine down before her shaking hands gave away her sudden emotion. “This is a surprise,” she said gruffly. “Is it an occasion I’ve forgotten? I’m bad that way,” she joked even though she really wasn’t.

  Ben reached over and covered his big hand with hers. “No, I just wanted to get you a little something. No holiday, no special occasion, unless you count spending the evening with you. And I do.”

  “Oh…” She gave him a smile that wobbled a bit at the corners. Judging by the box, whatever was inside was going to be…something wonderful. Her heart hammered but then she suddenly remembered that the last unexpected gift she’d gotten from a man was an engagement ring. While the size of the box indicated something different in Kate’s suddenly blown mind, it represented the same thing. Commitment. Declaration of feelings. Hope.

  And then betrayal.

  “Are you going to open it?” he asked gently.

  “You really shouldn’t have…”

  “I wanted to, Kate. Go ahead. Open it up.”

  Kate nodded, but as she reached for the box she was suddenly overwhelmed. She felt hot, then cold and shaky. Dear God, like a panic attack.

  “Kate, are you okay?”

  “I…” Instead of picking up the box she turned on her heel and all but ran back inside her house.

  “Kate!” Ben quickly followed but she kept on walking. Where she was going she didn’t even know but aimlessly ended up in the corner of her bedroom. “What’s wrong?”

  Kate didn’t turn around, but figured from the sound of his voice he was standing in the doorway as if uncertain whether to enter. She didn’t blame him. This was stupid! Unfair to Ben! She needed to get under control but just couldn’t.

  Ben remained silent and all that could be heard in the room was the sound of her ragged breathing. After another few moments he asked, “Kate?” His voice sounded gruff, confused and hurt. He didn’t deserve this.

  She turned slowly and absolutely hated the look of sorrow etched on his handsome features. “Yes?” she whispered.

  “What’s come over you?” He took a couple of steps into the room but then stopped as if uncertain if he should come any closer. “Did I do something…say something wrong? If I did, I am so sorry. I can be a bonehead sometimes and not even know it.”

  Kate gave him a jerky negative shake of her head but couldn’t find her voice.

  “What then?” He appeared so upset but how could she begin to explain?

  “It’s just that I’m…I’m not…not ready to…be…serious.”

  “Oh.” Hurt flickered in his eyes. “I thought we already were.”

  His quiet statement clawed at her heart but Kate shook her head. “No.” Her voice sounded as sad as she felt.” I’m sorry…”

  “My mistake.” If his tone had been harsh Kate could have handled it, but he simply sounded forlorn. Defeated. He stood there silently and Kate knew he was waiting for her to explain or even retract what she’d said but she didn’t. Couldn’t. He finally shoved his fingers through his hair and then said, “I guess I should go.” Again, he looked at her with hope lingering in his eyes and she swallowed hard but remained silent. “Okay…guess that answers that.” This time his disappointment held an edge of frustration. “Good night, Kate.”

  No! The single word screamed in her head but would not get past her lips. A moment later he was gone.

  Kate’s legs gave out and she all but fell onto her bed. She knew that she and Ben were being given the second chance at something wonderful. She knew that she was blowing it.

  In the distance she heard the ping of the timer telling her that the mac and cheese was done. Tears welled up in her eyes as she walked on wooden legs into the kitchen and took the dish from the oven. She had ruined what could have been a perfect night. “You dumbass,” she whispered fiercely. Kate balled her fingers into fists and tried to will her sorry-ass self into going after him. But cold, hard fear knotted in her stomach and kept her rooted to the spot.

  Kate knew that happiness was within reach. All she had to do was grab it. But she knew the deep heartache of having joy snatched away. The logical side of her brain jumped in and reminded her that although she didn’t say it, she was already in love with Ben, so what was the point? A sad smile trembled on her lips. Ah, because Ben was the type of man that she would fall more deeply in love with each and every day. Tonight was a glaring example.

  Kate inhaled a shaky breath. Love was such risky business…like walking across a high wire without a safety net. And she just couldn’t do it.

  The aroma of the mac and cheese went from being enticing to cloying, and Kate’s stomach rebelled. With a sigh, she poured a glass of sweet tea and took it out to the front porch so she could get some much-needed fresh air. But after she sat down in a rocker and sipped her drink, the cheerful sounds of the warm summer night reminded her of what she had just chased out of her life. Laughter and music drifted her way, making her mood even more melancholy. After a little while, Kate decided it was time to go in and watch television or maybe read. She knew she was in for a sleepless night and hoped that she didn’t order anything too crazy from HSN. But just as she stood up, Kate heard a yell of distress.

  “Stop! Get your ornery butt back here right this minute!”

  Kate hurried to the edge of the porch and looked down the street. She shook her head when she saw Willie running down the sidewalk as fast as his short legs would allow.

  “I mean it, Willie!”

  Kate almost smiled, but when she saw Miss Patty running faster than a woman her age should go, she decided she needed to cut Willie off at the pass. She jogged across the yard and intercepted Willie just as he reached her front gate. “Gotcha!” Kate held on to Willie’s collar and waited for Miss Patty to catch up.

  “Thank you…kindly…Kate,” Miss Patty managed to say in between breaths. ‘W-Willie went chasing after a bee…of all things and he got a…a head start on me.” She pointed a finger at her dog. “Now, just what were you going to do with a bee anyway? The danged thing would have stung your tongue.”

  Willie looked up and did that confused doggy thing with his eyebrows.

  “Silly dog,” Miss Patty muttered, still breathing hard.

  Even though Kate didn’t feel like small talk, Miss Patty looked as if she needed a cold drink. “Would you like to sit a spell and sip some tea?”

  Miss Patty swiped at a droplet of sweat at her temple. “Oh, bless your heart. Yes, I would.” She fell in step with Kate. “And he doesn’t deserve it but would you get Willie a dish of water?”

  “Sure thing.” Kate gestured toward the rockers. “Have a seat and I’ll be right back.” A moment later she returned with water for Willie and a tall glass for Miss Patty.

  “Thank you.” While Willie happily lapped away, Miss Patty took a drink of her tea and then said, “Some good smells are coming from your house.”

  Kate lifted one shoulder. “Just some mac and cheese.”

  “Am I keeping you from dinner?” Miss Patty asked casually but her gaze was keen.

  “No.”

  “Oh well. I saw Ben walking past my house a little while ago.”

  Kate nodded, knowing this was going to lead somewhere she didn’t want to go.

  “His hands were shoved in his pockets and his head was down. Didn’t appear too happy. And since you seem down in the mouth I’m guessing something went wrong with you two?”

  “We’re just friends.”

  “Bull feathers. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  Kate swallowed hard.

  Miss Patty set her glass down on the small wicker table. “I would say that this is none of my business but I make ever
ything in Whisper’s Edge my business. And I care about you.”

  The lump in Kate’s throat swelled.

  “I’m not going to pry or ask for details, but I’m going to give you some sage advice.”

  “Okay,” Kate managed gruffly.

  “Don’t let fear get in the way.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of living your life the way you want to.”

  “I’m not afraid of anything,” Kate scoffed, even though Miss Patty had hit the nail smack dab on the head of her problem.

  “I can see fear in your eyes.” Miss Patty arched one eyebrow. “And besides, why else would you let that handsome hunk of man walk away?” Miss Patty slapped her leg. “What’s wrong with you, girl?”

  Rather than deny anything, Kate merely sighed. What indeed?

  “I’m just sayin’.” Miss Patty fell silent and then drank the last of her tea. She rocked for a few more minutes and then stood up. “It’s getting late. I’d better head for home.” She reached over and patted Kate’s shoulder. “Thanks for snagging Willie for me. Don’t tell, but he was actually making a beeline for Etta Mae’s petunias.”

  Miss Patty’s admission managed to drag a chuckle from Kate. “No problem.” She made a show of locking her mouth and throwing away the key.

  “You take care now. If you need to bend my ear just give me a holler.”

  Kate smiled. “Thanks, I’ll keep your offer in mind.” After Miss Patty left she sat there for a few more minutes and then went to the backyard to retrieve the gift. She brought it inside and put it on the coffee table and looked at it for a long time.

  Miss Patty was right. She had lived in fear since the end of a marriage to a man she had loved and believed in with all her heart. It was about damned time that she took that power away from Craig. With trembling fingers she slowly and carefully removed the wrapping paper. After inhaling a deep breath she lifted the lid.

  “Oh my…”

  For a moment she simply admired the beauty of the turquoise and coral. But the silver heart-shaped charm beckoned her and she reached into the box and gently lifted the bracelet from the strip of cotton. When she saw the word strength etched in the center of the heart, Kate’s breath caught in her throat. She pressed her fingers to the heart, until the cool silver turned warm beneath her skin. Letting go of fear took courage. “I have it in me,” Kate said softly, and then smiled as she slipped the gift of strength onto her wrist.