“Ben?” Sierra asked. “Is this a bad time?”
“No, this is fine. What did the doctor say?” Ben couldn’t believe there was a lump in his throat that felt like it could choke him. What if the bed rest hadn’t helped? What if she lost this baby, after all?
“Everything’s fine, Ben. The doctor said it all looks good. The baby’s growing as it should. She advised me to still go easy next week, not work twelve-hour days or anything like that. But then the pregnancy should proceed normally.”
Ben felt relief, such relief he felt ten pounds lighter.
Sierra went on, “So Aunt Gina is going to help me gather my things and go home. I’ll be out of your hair and you don’t have to worry about supper tonight, or what time you get home.”
The idea of going back to his house without her being there filled him with a kind of hollowness he’d never experienced before. It was crazy.
Inside him a question rose up. What’s next? But he really couldn’t ask Sierra that. After all, he had his work, she had her shop, and the baby wouldn’t be born for another seven months. So what was there to say?
“Ben?”
“Yes?”
“I want to thank you for everything. I really appreciate you giving up your life for the past week and a half. I’m sure I could have managed, but you made me feel protected and safe. That helped when I was worried I would lose the baby.”
That lump was back and he didn’t know how to get rid of it. He didn’t even know what to answer her. So he said, “No thanks necessary.”
She didn’t respond to his comment. She seemed to be waiting for him to say something else. But he wasn’t sure what the next step was or where they should go from here. So he simply asked, “Stay in touch, will you?”
“I will.”
When Ben closed his phone, he didn’t like ending the connection. He didn’t like not knowing what Sierra would be doing and who she’d be doing it with.
You have separate lives, he reminded himself. But his reminder gave him no solace at all.
Chapter Eight
The drive to White Rock Overlook always filled Sierra with a sense of anticipation and expectation. The point near Los Alamos looked over a grand vista with a waterfall and gorge. Today, going there with Ben, she wasn’t exactly sure what she felt.
She glanced over at him. It had been two weeks since she’d left his house…two weeks since she’d heard from him…two weeks of wondering what he was thinking and feeling. She knew he was embroiled in preparation for a trial along with all of his other cases, and maybe she—and their baby—hadn’t been a consideration at all. But when he called last night and asked her to take a drive with him, she wondered if maybe he’d missed her as she’d missed him.
The beauty of the russet cliffs, the cerulean sky and puffy clouds could distract her from the fact that she’d fallen for Ben, big time. Mistake or not, her heart was tied up with more than their baby.
After they parked, Ben came around the car and helped her down from the SUV. She felt as if she could almost see the world as it had once been thousands of years ago—the scene was primal, elemental and heart-stopping. For some reason, she was particularly aware of the life growing inside of her and Ben standing beside her.
“Let’s walk over to the edge,” Ben suggested, his arm going around her, his hand settling at her waist. She felt a sense of rightness about that, yet some trepidation, too. They’d fallen into this situation like the proverbial two stars that had collided.
The breeze tossed her hair and buffeted her suede jacket. In mid-November, winter had come to the area. Ben’s cable-knit sweater made her want to burrow into his chest and just hold on to him.
At the edge, amid scruffy piñon pines and sage, they faced the faraway waterfall.
“I know you said Sandia Peak was one of your favorite places. But the road’s icy and I wasn’t sure how the altitude would affect you—being pregnant and all. This is one of my favorite top-of-the-world places.”
“It’s beautiful up here.” She could almost believe they were looking down at the Garden of Eden.
“I have something to ask you.”
Ben’s voice was husky and her heart pounded against her chest. Was he going to bring up joint custody again? All the conditions they needed to work out? Would he want notarized guarantees and promises? Had he thought that by bringing her here they could both consider their situation with more perspective?
“What do you want to ask me?” She studied him, searching his face for a hint of what was on his mind.
“I’ve put a lot of thought into our situation.”
“And?” she prompted.
“And…I want to be an everyday dad, not a weekend one.”
Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself not to panic. But if he wanted custody—
“I don’t want our son or daughter to be born illegitimate,” he went on. “I don’t want you to meet someone else, marry him and give my baby a stepdad. There’s only one way to secure being a family unit, and that’s if we get married. Will you marry me, Sierra?”
The question wrapped around her with the wind. She held no illusions that Ben loved her. He might be attracted to her, but this question had everything to do with their child rather than her. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, they wouldn’t even be standing here.
In an instant her engagement to Travis and everything that had happened rushed through her. She’d loved Travis, but she was also falling in love with Ben. She and Travis might have lived a vagabond life, and she really hadn’t thought about the repercussions of that. She’d been young, idealistic.
Now…
Now Ben was asking her to look at the practical side of everything. One truth stood out. As Ben’s wife and his child’s mother, she could put down permanent roots. She could have the family she’d always dreamed of. As her love for Ben grew, surely he would come to care for her, too. They did have chemistry to build on, as well as the best interests of their baby.
Her silence didn’t make him impatient. “I understand if you need time to think about this.”
Searching Ben’s face, she found strength and determination with just a hint of uncertainty. Marriage. It was a big step and she realized he wasn’t sure about it, either.
But suddenly she was sure, more sure than she’d been about anything in a long time. “I don’t need time to think about it. I want our son or daughter to have a mom and dad. The best way for that to happen is for us to be together.”
She thought he might take her into his arms. She thought he might even kiss her.
Yet he didn’t. He simply looked relieved. “We can go to the justice of the peace.”
Actually, she’d like a church wedding, but…she could see the practicality of what Ben was suggesting. “You don’t want to wait until your family flies in for Thanksgiving?” The holiday was less than two weeks away.
“No. I want this to be a fait accompli by then. We can get married Monday. I don’t have to be in the courtroom. We can be all settled in by Thanksgiving.”
He just wanted to get it over with. She wanted…more. But she also wanted their lives on a manageable course, both of them knowing what to expect.
He rested his hand on her shoulder. “You won’t be sorry, Sierra. I’ll take care of you and the baby. We’ll have a good life.”
She had so many questions…so many what-ifs. Truth be told, so many doubts, too. Underlining all of it, she wanted her hand in Ben’s, with both of them looking in the same direction.
She reached up and covered his hand with hers. “I’ll call Camille and Miguel and we can plan our wedding.”
“How do you think your aunt will feel about this?” Ben asked.
Sierra squeezed Ben’s hand. “Let’s go find out.”
Standing in the justice of the peace’s living room late Monday afternoon, Sierra tried to forget that he wasn’t a man of God, tried to wipe out the pictures of the church she’d rather be married in, tried to reconcile
this wedding with the one she’d always imagined.
She had chosen her dress from her closet with care. It had the colors of a New Mexican sunset, pink and peach with a bit of sky thrown in. She’d caught Ben glancing at her often, hoping he found her attractive on their wedding day, even though she wasn’t in a traditional gown.
Camille stood at her elbow, holding a small white bouquet that had come with the justice of the peace’s package for the wedding. Ben had made all of the arrangements and yesterday had taken her shopping for wedding rings. They’d bought simple gold bands.
Sierra was aware of her aunt’s presence, too. Aunt Gina sat in a folding chair looking on. Her response to Sierra and Ben’s announcement that they were going to marry hadn’t been a jubilant one. In fact, she’d pinned Ben with a glare and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?” He hadn’t hesitated an instant in his response that he absolutely did. Not reassured, even up until this morning, her aunt had counseled Sierra, “You can still back out. This isn’t a done deal.”
To Sierra it was. She’d made a decision and there was no turning back. She and Ben would make this marriage work for the sake of their child.
And what about you? a little voice whispered as Ben slipped the wedding band on her finger.
I’m going to be the wife he needs and a good mother to his child.
Ben hadn’t mentioned the paternity test again, and Sierra hoped that he’d come to trust her the same way she trusted him.
At the end of the ceremony, the justice of the peace smiled at them. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. If you’d like to kiss, that’s fine with me.”
Whether for the on-lookers or for themselves, Ben wrapped his arms around her. In his embrace, Sierra was hopeful about their future. When his head bowed and his lips sealed to hers, the living room and everyone but her and Ben dropped away. She only hoped he could feel their connection, too. As his tongue dipped into her mouth and she responded with greedy hunger, she realized she could never have married him if she didn’t love him. She did love him. It was a new love, somewhat based on the potent chemistry between them. But there was more to it, too. She knew she wanted to explore everything about Ben, meet his needs and have him meet hers, find a future with him and one for their child.
The justice of the peace cleared his throat loudly. The sound penetrated Sierra’s haze, and the profound silence that followed it penetrated, too. She could feel the exact instant Ben decided to stop the kiss. She wanted to protest yet knew she couldn’t. After all, they weren’t alone. They weren’t in a private place. They were at their wedding ceremony and her aunt was watching.
When Ben pulled away, Sierra knew she should feel embarrassed, but she didn’t. Her aunt was giving her a curious look, and Sierra pulled herself together as Ben leaned away. She stepped back and Camille handed her her bouquet.
“I have papers for you to sign,” the justice of the peace said. “Then you can celebrate.”
“Yes, we can,” Aunt Gina agreed, her gaze now going to Ben. “The caterer is setting up everything at the house as we speak. I wanted to surprise you. They even promised me a wedding cake, so something about the wedding will be a little bit traditional.” Her words seemed to challenge Ben to contradict her.
His shoulders went straight and his back stiff, but his words were polite. “Thank you, Gina. Sierra and I didn’t expect anything like that.”
Sierra gave her aunt a huge hug. “You always know just what to do to make everything right.”
“I wish that were true,” her aunt replied, looking from Ben to Sierra. “I do wish that were true.”
A half hour later, they were sharing a light supper in her aunt’s living room. Ben sat beside Sierra on the sofa, quiet. Although Camille and Miguel kept the conversation flowing, it still lagged now and then.
When Ben’s cell phone rang, Sierra was afraid he’d be called away to work. But when he checked the number, he smiled. Putting the phone to his ear, he said, “Dad?” Then he listened. After a few moments, he passed the phone to Sierra. “It’s my father. He’d like to speak to you.”
Everyone in the room was quiet, and Sierra didn’t know if she should find a private corner or not. But she decided just to take the call right there. “Hello?” she asked tentatively.
“Sierra? This is Galen Barclay.”
“Hello, Mr. Barclay.”
“How about if you call me Galen.”
“All right…Galen.”
“I know this is probably awkward for you and we’ll have to get to know each other eventually. But I just wanted to welcome you into the family. You’re a Barclay now, and that means something.”
Tears came to her eyes. “Thank you.”
“No thanks necessary. Family is important. You’ll know that for sure when you meet all of us. I didn’t want to interrupt anything, but I just wanted you to know I’m looking forward to getting to know you.”
“I’m looking forward to getting to know you, too,” she responded. “My parents are very far away most of the time and we’re not…close.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Maybe we can take up the slack. Now, you take care of yourself, you hear?”
“I will.”
Galen said goodbye, and she handed the phone back to Ben. After a final comment or two to his dad, he clicked the phone shut.
Sierra sought her aunt’s gaze. “He wanted to welcome me into the family.”
Gina cocked her head. “That was generous of him. Now, why don’t we cut that wedding cake?”
After enjoying slices of the small, three-tiered cake decorated with real roses and greenery, Camille and Miguel kissed and hugged Ben and Sierra, then left.
“Are you tired, honey?” Gina asked her niece.
“A little, but it’s a good tired.”
“Why don’t you wrap up a layer of that cake to take along.”
As Sierra went to the kitchen to do as her aunt suggested, she watched Gina take Ben aside to have a quiet conversation with him. Sierra wondered what that was all about. She found out as soon as she and Ben climbed into the SUV to drive home.
Home. Could she really start to think of Ben’s house as home?
In the car, she felt Ben’s tension and wasn’t sure what it meant. “What did my aunt want to talk to you about?”
Ben didn’t answer her right away. He glanced at her and then set his eyes back on the road ahead of him. When they stopped for a traffic light, his words were measured and careful. “Your aunt is concerned about you.”
That was a diplomatic answer if she ever heard one. “I’m your wife now, Ben. I want to know the truth. Aunt Gina can be overprotective sometimes.”
“She doesn’t believe we should have gotten married.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“She tried to talk me out of it. She told me I should just move in with you, not marry you. That way, if we didn’t stay together, we wouldn’t have so much to untangle.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. I told you Aunt Gina is always blunt. She says what she thinks. But at least I don’t have to guess.” She tried to make the conversation lighter than it was, because obviously her aunt’s opinion bothered Ben.
“She thinks I married you to have control over you and our child,” Ben informed her, frustration edging his tone. “That’s the word she used—control. That’s not what this is about, Sierra.”
Sierra wasn’t sure what their marriage was about yet. She believed Ben was trying to do the right thing, that he was raised to do the right thing. That meant taking responsibility. But duty and responsibility were very different from what she wanted in this relationship.
“Do you believe me?” he asked her.
“I believe that you think two parents would be better for our baby. Two parents who are around twenty-four hours a day.”
“That’s right, and that isn’t control.”
“I know. Aunt Gina will understand when she gets to know yo
u better. She’s…she’s divorced.”
“She was married?”
“Long ago, when she was in her twenties. It was a whirlwind romance and she was…deceived. He was charming and flattering and wonderful before they were married. Afterward, he became abusive. Within six months, she filed for a protective order and divorce. The experience really changed her, made her less trusting, more analytical. She doesn’t want me to end up in a situation anything like that one.”
“She doesn’t trust your judgment?”
“She has to trust my judgment. I’m married to you now. That’s just the way it’s going to be. She’ll come around, Ben, once we spend more time around her.”
Silence lay heavy between them until Sierra offered, “It was nice of your dad to call and talk to me.”
“Dad’s a tough old bird sometimes, but he means well. He wants me to take you home for Christmas.”
“Do you want to go back to Rapid Creek for Christmas?”
“If the flight’s okay with your doctor and you’re feeling good.”
“I’ll talk to her about it at my next appointment.”
A few minutes later, Ben pulled into his carport and switched off the ignition. He was out of the SUV and around to Sierra’s side before she unfastened her seat belt. After he opened her door, he extended his hand to her.
Dusk had fallen, but a motion-detector light had gone on when Ben neared the side door. It illuminated his face. His expression was hard to read, but she thought she saw a hint of unsureness there. They were both uncertain of what came next.
Taking his proffered hand, she stepped down, took a few steps toward the doorway, and then stopped. There was a box sitting on the step.
When Sierra bent to pick it up, Ben commanded sharply, “Don’t!”
She looked up at him. “Ben?”
“Don’t touch it,” he repeated, circling her waist and guiding her to the far corner of the carport. “Just stay there. I’m going to make a call.”
“Tell me what this is about.”
“I don’t know what’s in that box and I’m not taking any chances. Then we’ll talk about it.”
The Daddy Verdict Page 10