It takes me a moment to gather my bearings—to start sketching again. My breathing and heart rate slowly begin to return to normal as I move my pencil, though slower this time.
Though I can’t shake the intense buzz that trembles through me every time I think about how he stared at my lips.
I sit at the window seat with my sketchpad resting against my knees. The late afternoon sun is pouring through my window, lighting up the room. My stomach continuously growls as I try to finish up the last few details of Nathan’s portrait. I ignore my stomach’s cries of hunger, wanting to finish the sketch before he gets here.
At least, that’s the excuse I’m giving my stomach.
Truthfully, I won’t be able to feed it even when the sketch is done because I don’t have enough money to buy a crumb.
I pause, staring down at my masterpiece. His figure is taking up a sheet of paper that was once blank. I want to put the sketch where I can see it—look at it whenever he isn’t here—but his father will be tearing this place down soon, so there is no point.
My chest clenches. I know I should probably be angry with him because his father is destroying my salvation. My home. But I’m not. I was, but then I realized it isn’t his fault. He can’t control his father.
And he can’t tell him about me either. He can’t mention the girl that’s living in the building his father’s about to tear down.
I hear the stairs creak. A minute later, I hear a knock on my door. I glance up, knowing who’s waiting in the doorway. Our eyes lock and something seems to thicken in the air. I turn away to break the connection, my cheeks warming for no reason.
He comes up behind me and leans over to see what I’m doing. “Who’s that sexy beast?”
I look down at his portrait; take it and flip it upside down, then turn it to the side—over analyzing it. “Sexy? Mmm, I don’t know. I give him a ‘meh.’”
“A ‘meh’? I’m just a ‘meh’?” He puts his arm behind his head and poses like a model. I roll my eyes but notice how his T-shirt rides up when he stretches his arm behind his head. “This is worth much more than a ‘meh.’”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “Nope, I’m not seeing it.”
He smirks with a wink. “Sure you do.”
I feel my cheeks flush, and I hate it. Why do I have to react in such an obvious way? Stupid red cheeks. “You’re as attractive as a tree.”
His smirk widens. “Says the girl with the red face.”
Dammit! “You’re overconfident.”
“And you’re lying.”
“Am I?” I ask as I stand to face him. I was going to play this off as much as I could.
He inches closer. “Yes, from the look of your cheeks, I would say you are.”
I shake my head, and he steps a little closer. I force a smile. “You’re really smug. I don’t find that attractive at all.”
“Oh, but you do,” he chuckles. My back is against the window now. We lock eyes, but don’t turn away. I don’t break the stare. I don’t move.
I don’t want to break the spell. Every part of my body is awake and buzzing with alertness. The way he’s watching me—staring right back at me with his crystal clear eyes—is making my heart slam against my chest. I can’t think of a response because all I can think about is how close he is. The silence seems to throw gas on to the intense fire between us. I open my mouth—about to pull a response out of thin-air. But I don’t get the chance to come up with anything.
Without a second of hesitation, Nathan suddenly leans down and presses his lips against mine.
My lungs immediately stop working. He pulls back ever so slightly so that his lips are barely brushing against mine. He brings his hands up so that they’re on either side of my face. His lips brush against mine, again. The kiss is light and sweet, careful almost. I kiss him back, tentatively.
It’s been so long since I’ve kissed someone that I wonder—only for a second—if I’m doing it right. The thought vanishes as quickly as it came.
One of his hands moves away from my face to flatten against my back, pulling me closer to him as he deepens the kiss. He parts my lips under his as my mind seems to sigh quietly in content. I kiss him back just as fiercely as he kisses me, unable to control the infatuation that rushes through me—the feeling almost like fireworks. Not so careful anymore.
Little shivers of urgency shoot through me. I push off the window, pressing closer to him. The rush of sensation that is coursing through me feels like I’ve drunk a gallon of coffee. It feels like an electric buzz is flooding between us.
His hands move down to my hips while mine dig into his hair. His hair is soft clenched between my fingers. His hands are firm on my hips. His lips are soft, yet forceful as they move against mine.
Soft shivers tremble through me as his kisses become less forceful and more tender. Our kisses slow, going from hesitant desperation to a sweet and light brush of the lips again. Between the butterflies swarming around in my stomach, and his soft lips, I’m finding it difficult to breathe. And think.
Nathan pulls away, his breathing coming out in quiet gasps. I finally allow oxygen to enter my lungs, my breathing ragged. I stare up at him, surprise shooting through me; all the way down to my toes.
He just kissed me. Nathan just kissed me. I let out a long, shaky breath.
“Incredible,” Nathan breathes as he reaches his hand up to my face. He cups the side of my face for a second, before gliding his hand across my cheek to brush my hair back. My skin tingled wherever he touched.
I stand there, frozen as the taste of him slowly begins to fade from my lips. I open my mouth to speak, but I have no words. “Wow” is the only thing that comes to mind. I also feel slightly lightheaded, but that could just be because I didn’t breathe a single breath the entire time his lips were on mine.
He brushes my hair back again before letting his hand fall. He blinks as if he were just coming out of a daze.
Words describing the kiss—how amazing it was—are on the tip of my tongue. I don’t know what to say, all I can do is agree with his statement. Incredible. Incredible indeed.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I Am Alone
The ride to his house is about twenty minutes. I sit stiffly in my seat, waiting for the car to stop moving. I avoid looking out the windows, in fear of having a panic attack again. Nathan tries to make conversation the whole way there, asking me questions that I give one-worded answers to. About halfway there, he let’s one of his hands slide off the steering wheel to take my hand to comfort me.
Jittery butterflies swarm in the pit of my stomach. Not only is being in the car making me anxious; I’m also anxious because I’m going to Nathan’s house, where I would have to meet his parents.
The butterflies get more fluttery and spastic the longer we’re in the car, knowing that we’re getting closer to where he lives. Anxious, I start wondering what his parents are like and what his house looks like. I even find myself wondering what his room looks like.
When the car finally comes to a stop, I look out the window. The house is three stories tall with a massive, luscious green yard. Colorful flowers are all around the house, lining under the windows and the flowerbeds around the yard. The house itself is built from a light-colored stone. Big, glass windows line the front. Stone steps—that match the rest of the house—lead up to the front door.
“This is your house?” I gape.
“Yeah.”
“It’s intimidating.”
He laughs. “It’s just a house.”
“Yeah, but I’ve been living in a dumpy apartment. This is a crazy nice house!”
He chuckles. “Okay, let me give you the grand tour.” He climbs out of the car and heads for the house. I quickly follow, jogging up the steps after him as he opens the front door.
He lets me in ahead of him. I pause after taking a step inside. The entrance is huge with a high ceiling, and cream tiled floors.
“Holy shit, you live here?”
Nathan chuckles and the sound echoes through the room. He drapes an arm across my shoulders and starts leading me from the open room. “C’mon. I’m hungry, let’s get something to eat.”
He leads me into the kitchen, but then freezes in the doorway, cursing under his breath. A woman stands in the kitchen with her back to us. She turns away from the sink and walks over to the counter, grabbing a dishrag before looking up.
She pauses, her hands clutching the glass bowl in her hands. “Oh, hi.” She looks from me to Nathan, her eyes shining with curiosity. “I didn’t know Nathan was bringing a friend over.”
The way she said, “friend” made the butterflies in my stomach twirl.
“Sorry. Probably should have said something,” Nathan apologizes before turning to gesture to me. “This is Taylor.”
She sets the bowl on the counter before stepping toward me with a big grin and an outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you, Taylor. I’m Monica.”
“Nice to meet you, too. Sorry to, um, barge in.”
“No, no! You’re not barging in. I just wasn’t expecting company. Nathan hasn’t brought friends over in a while.”
I almost smile at that. Nathan moves further into the kitchen, opening one of the cabinets and grabbing a bag of potato chips. “We’re going out back.”
She smiles. “Okay. You kids have fun.”
Nathan grabs my hand as he heads for the back door. My eyes bulge as I take in his backyard. “You have a pool?! Why didn’t you invite me over sooner?”
Nathan chuckles as he opens the bag of potato chips. He stuffs a few in his mouth before holding the bag out to me. I grab a few but don’t stuff them all in my mouth at once like him. “Do you want to swim?”
“I don’t have a swimsuit,” I tell him between crunching on chips.
“You might be able to wear one of my sister’s swimsuits.”
“Sister? I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“She’s away at college right now.”
“Uh,” is all I say, wondering how much they look alike. I picture a girl with long dark hair with the same piercing gray-blue eyes.
Nathan jumps up. “C’mon, let’s see if you can fit into one of hers.”
He sets the bag of chips on a chair before heading back into the house. I follow him out of the kitchen and back into the entranceway. I tail behind him as he gallops up the stairs. I take in my surroundings, basking in the beauty of his house, comparing my creaky staircase to his non-creaky one. The walls are perfectly painted and bright, whereas mine are chipped and dented. The floors are also pretty and lacking holes.
When we reach the top, he veers right, walking down a hallway until he reaches the third door on the left. He pushes it open, motioning me inside. I step inside, taking in his sister’s bright purple sheets, white wooden bed and dresser, and the dozens of pictures that cover the walls.
Nathan moves to the dresser, rummaging around in a few drawers. I feel slightly awkward watching him while standing in the doorway, shifting my weight as I wait for him to find something for me to wear.
“Ah, here they are.” My attention is snapped back with the sound of Nathan’s voice. He stands, pointing to the bottom drawer that is open at his feet. “Her swimsuits are in here. I’m going to go change while you try them on.”
I nod and say, “Okay” before he leaves the room. I stand there for a moment, glancing around the room again. I wonder if there are any childhood pictures taped to the walls. I crouch down in front of the drawer, carefully going through his sister’s swimsuits. I end up slipping into a purple bikini.
Seeing that it fits nicely, I walk up to one of the walls that are covered in pictures. I stand close, examining every picture, looking for one of Nathan. I smile when I finally find one of him sitting on the couch, looking very serious as he plays something on his Game Boy.
My eyes continue their search for more. It’s only a second later when I come across another picture that makes me grin. The picture is of him, and whom I guess is his sister. They look about eight, smiling happily at the camera with wet hair and swimsuits; their arms draped around each other’s shoulders. Nathan’s smile is even missing a few front teeth.
The next one I find is a picture of the whole family standing on the front porch in Christmas sweaters. I could see this picture being on the front of their family Christmas card. They seemed like the perfect family.
∞
Exhaustion has taken over me, weighing me down. I feel so heavy. My eyelids feel as if they weigh a thousand pounds. My feet drag along the concrete. It’s very late—possibly early morning—and I can’t force myself to walk for much longer. I need to find a place to sleep, and it can’t be in any of the hotels that I’ve walked past.
After passing several lit buildings, I notice when I turn a corner and walk by a building that isn’t lit. I look up, but there aren’t any signs of life. Not in the building or outside of it. I am the only one on the entire block.
Glancing around a few times, I gradually make my way to the front stoop to the double doors. They are chained and bolted shut. I back away without even attempting to juggle the handle. It would be perfect if I could just get inside.
As I walk away from the doors, I notice an alley that cuts down the side of the building. There might be a back door, but as I glance down the backstreet, an unsettling feeling creeps through me.
I shift my weight, waiting for something or someone to jump out of the blackness. I’m too exhausted to run if someone does. I’m too exhausted to stay upright for another minute.
Just go see.
I take in a deep breath before walking down the alley. I creep along the wall of the building, my shoulder scraping against the bricks. When I blink, my eyes stay closed longer than they should, but I hardly notice since I can’t see an inch in front of my face when my eyes are open.
I stumble forward when I run out of wall to follow. I open my eyes to find they have nearly adjusted to the dark. I blink a few more times before I move again. I slip behind the building and try the first door.
It doesn’t open so I try the next, only to find that it didn’t open either. It isn’t until I try the fourth door that I find one that opens. I use all of the strength I have left to yank it open. When it bursts open, a loud, booming sound echoes through the alley.
I gasp and jump back in surprise, almost losing my hold on the door. I quickly step inside and pull the door shut behind me. I let out a relieved breath.
It’s quiet inside. I could have heard a pin drop. A single footstep would echo through the whole building, and it would sound as if its walls were crumbling.
I push away from the door to venture further into the building. When I reach the staircase, I look up at the several floors above me.
I start up the steps. They creak under my weight, but I press on. I force myself to go to the top floor and then to the last room at the end of the hallway, nearly collapsing along the way.
Since I’m breaking and entering, I want to make myself difficult to find.
Beyond exhausted, I almost fall flat on my face when I walk into the apartment. I manage to make it to the couch, though, and the moment I was curled up with shut eyes, I was out.
∞
A knock sounds at the door. I turn in time to see the door slowly open. I force a smile as Nathan peeks his head in. “You ready?”
“Yup.” I move away from the wall of pictures, making my way to him. I pull the door open further, feeling disappointed to find him wearing a shirt. Please tell me he intends to take it off soon. I flush from my thoughts before following him out to the hallway.
We walk down to the pool quietly. I catch myself glancing over at him every few seconds. I take in his expression, wondering what he’s thinking about, but coming up without an answer. Then, my eyes move downward, trailing down his arms until my gaze comes to a pause. I can see the outline of his abs through his T-shirt.
Feeling my cheeks beginning to redden, I tear my eyes away
.
I trail behind him as we make it out to the pool. He pauses at the pool’s edge before lifting his shirt over his head. I linger by the lounge chairs as I watch his shoulder blades flex with the movement. The T-shirt lands on the ground behind him. My heart is doing summersaults in my chest as I watch him dive straight into the water.
I move to sit at the edge, just beside Nathan’s discarded shirt. I let my legs dangle in the water, but don’t fully get in. The sun bounces off the water, making it glimmer. I can see Nathan’s blurred image as he skims across the bottom of the pool. He comes up with a small gasp. He brushes the wet hair out of his eyes before looking up at me. He smiles, shading his eyes from the bright sun with his hand. “Get in.”
I hesitate, tearing my eyes from him to stare down into the water that laps around my legs. When I glance back up, he’s right in front of me. I feel my heart freeze in surprise, and then nearly melt before picking up speed. With a smirk, he grabs my hand and yanks me into the water.
Water.
Burning lungs…Air.
Air!
I need air!
I scream, my eyes wide as I watch bubbles rise to the surface. My cries are muffled by the water as I panic. My heart hammers in my chest and my arms flail as I try to follow the bubbles to the surface.
I’m suddenly yanked out of the water. My muscles are tense—shaky. Hands are suddenly on either side of my face, trapping me. I blink as I’m forced to look up at him.
“Breathe, Taylor! Take a breath.” His voice sounds far away; his tone full of panicked concern. “Breathe!” I blink again, taking in a shaky breath as I stare into his crystal clear eyes. “Again,” he urges. I take in another breath; it becomes easier after that until it’s a constant rhythm. He brushes my wet hair back from my face. His voice comes out clearer when he asks, “Are you okay?”
I nod, feeling less dizzy and confused. “I’m—I’m sorry,” I breathe.
His hands are gripping my arms, holding me against him. He lets out a long, relieved breath. “As long as you’re okay.” He crushes me against him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. One hand holds the back of my head while the other is flat against my back, pinning me to him. I feel lightheaded. Whether if it is because of how close we are or because of the panic that had suddenly taken over, I wasn’t sure. The bare skin of our arms brushed and our legs caressed, sending my heart soaring again. I want to shake my head to clear my thoughts, but his eyes are holding me in place.
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