The Fisher Lass

by Margaret Dickinson

‘Wife?’ Jeannie was surprised.

  ‘We’re getting engaged, Mam. There’s a little house come up for rent at the end of Wessex Street. Just ideal. We don’t want to miss it. If we get it, we’ll be getting married straight away.’

  ‘This is a bit sudden, isn’t it?’ She felt aggrieved. It was only five weeks since she had turned her back on Robert. Then, Joe had been ecstatic, picking her up bodily and dancing around the kitchen with her. ‘We’ll look after you, Mam. Me an’ Sammy,’ he had said. ‘You’ve done the right thing. It’ll be just the three of us. You’ll not regret it, I promise.’

  She was regretting it already. He had the audacity, she thought, only weeks later to waltz into her kitchen and calmly announce that he was leaving home to get married.

  She looked at him keenly. ‘Is that the only reason or is there something else you should be telling me?’

  Joe’s brow met in an angry frown. ‘No, Mam. She’s not expecting, if that’s what you’re meaning.’

  Beside him the girl gasped and turned bright red.

  ‘I’m sorry, hen,’ Jeannie said swiftly, gesturing towards the girl. ‘But you’ve got to admit that it all seems a bit of a rush. How long have you been walking out together?’

  The couple glanced at one another.

  ‘A month?’ Joe muttered.

  ‘A month!’ Now Jeannie was scandalized. ‘And you’ve been away at sea for the past three weeks.’

  ‘But we’ve known each other a lot longer than that,’ the girl put in. ‘’Aven’t we, Joe? I’m a barmaid at the Fisherman’s and—’

  ‘A barmaid?’ This was getting worse by the minute. Once upon a time, Aggie’s girls had worked behind the bar at the Fisherman’s.

  ‘What’s wrong with that?’ The girl bridled. ‘It’s hard work there and long hours.’

  Jeannie pursed her lips and said nothing, but she knew her expression would give away her disapproval. Then she realized she was being unfair. She should not judge this girl by what had happened years ago. She turned away, shrugging her shoulders. ‘Well, there doesna seem to be anything I can say. You seem to have made up your minds, but I hope . . .’ she turned back briefly to face Joe once more and knew that he would understand the meaning behind her words, ‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’

  It all happened so fast that Jeannie hardly had time to draw breath. Joe and Thelma got the house and were married on Joe’s very next shore leave. And, as if not to be outdone, Sammy produced a girlfriend and, whilst he made no announcements of engagements or impending marriage, when he was home from the sea he was hardly ever in Jeannie’s home.

  In the once bustling, over-crowded Lawrence household, Jeannie was now alone and all the days of the rest of her life stretched before her, empty and meaningless.

  Oh she had neighbours, and soon, she would no doubt be a grandmother, but was that all she could hope to look forward to?

  It wasn’t enough. Not for Jeannie.

  On a fine spring morning, Jeannie locked the door of the terraced, back-to-back house in Baldock Street and walked away from it. In her handbag was more money than she had ever carried before. From the wooden box under her bed she had taken her life savings. Shillings and sixpences scrimped and saved over the years. Saved for a rainy day or for that promised trip back to her homeland. Well, the rainy day had never come nor had the trip to Scotland. Today was a bright, glorious morning and she was going to spend the lot on herself. What was that saying she’d heard someone say once? ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life.’

  Oh yes, indeed it was. And from now on, this was how it was going to be.

  ‘Are you sure, madam?’ The sales assistant sounded very doubtful. ‘I mean, are you going to a wedding? That’s the sort of dress and coat and hat that you’d wear as – well – the mother of the bride.’ The woman’s face cleared. ‘Is your daughter getting married, madam?’

  ‘No,’ Jeannie said shortly and offered no further explanation but inside she was laughing, hugging the secret to herself. ‘No, I just thought I’d spoil mysel’.’

  The woman eyed Jeannie’s own sober, serviceable coat and hat lying across the chair in the fitting room. ‘Come up on the pools, have we, madam?’ There was an edge of sarcasm to the woman’s tone, almost of jealousy. But nothing could ruffle Jeannie’s feathers today.

  ‘No, it’s my savings.’

  Now the woman looked worried and eyed Jeannie suspiciously.

  Maybe she thinks I’ve been to the Fisherman’s, Jeannie thought. She’ll be sniffing my breath next. Then she almost laughed out loud as another thought struck her. Maybe she thinks I’ve stolen the money. But the woman merely said, ‘And I thought the Scots were supposed to be mean.’

  ‘No’ mean, hen, just canny,’ Jeannie countered, still not offended. She twisted this way and that, eyeing the new Jeannie Lawrence reflected in the long mirror. ‘Aye, I’ll take it.’

  Now the woman brightened. It would be, Jeannie surmised, her best sale of the week.

  ‘Thank you, madam. Shall I wrap everything for you?’

  ‘No, no. I’ll keep it on. If you’d just remove the labels.’

  ‘Then shall I – er – wrap your own garments?’ There was a distinct look of distaste on the assistant’s face now.

  Jeannie chuckled. ‘No, hen, you can throw them away.’

  And with them, she thought, would go the aroma of fish that she had lived with for the whole of her life until this moment.

  ‘But you can do one more thing for me?’

  ‘Yes, madam?’

  ‘Where is the underwear department?’

  Jeannie spent the rest of the morning and half the afternoon in the store. In the hairdresser’s, she had her hair restyled, curled and wound up on to the top of her head. It was the most sophisticated style she had ever had and, though she doubted she could repeat it herself in front of her own bedroom mirror, just for today she felt as if she had stepped off the front cover of a fashion magazine.

  As she left the store, Jeannie’s step was light. Clad in new clothes from the silk underwear that felt deliciously smooth against her skin to the new dress and coat that fitted snugly against her still slim figure, and her new hat set at a jaunty angle, she walked the full length of Main Street with a smile on her mouth. She could still turn a few heads, she thought.

  She caught the bus heading out of town and within half an hour she was walking down the lane towards Robert’s house. As the sun dropped behind the far horizon, she approached the gate once more. Her heart was beating rapidly. She stood again with her hand resting on the top bar and let her gaze roam slowly over the house. Twice before she had stood here and then turned away, back to her life near the dockside.

  But this time was different. Now she took a deep breath, pushed open the gate and walked through it.

  Forty-Three

  ‘We’ll buy another house, my darling. I’ll put this on the market and . . .’

  But Jeannie was standing in the centre of the huge drawing room, her hands clasped in front of her, turning slowly, taking in everything around her. Then she walked to the long French windows and stood looking out across the smooth stretch of lawn to the copse at the end of the garden. He came and stood beside her, putting her arms about her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

  She leant back against him and sighed dreamily. ‘But it’s a beautiful house. Surely you don’t want to leave it. It’s your home, Robert.’

  ‘It’s never been a home, Jeannie. Louise decorated and furnished it in her own ultra-modern style. And then, she hardly ever lived here.’

  Jeannie turned in his arms to face him. ‘So what are you saying? That you don’t want to live here because it has unhappy memories for you?’

  ‘No, no,’ he said swiftly. ‘The house is right enough. I just thought that – well – you wouldn’t want to live where I’d lived with Louise.’

  Jeannie wrinkled her nose. ‘Well, I dinna like some of her choice of decor.’ Then s
he laughed impishly. ‘Well, to be truthful, I dinna like any of it.’

  ‘Nor me,’ Robert put in with heartfelt fervour.

  ‘But,’ Jeannie was more serious now, ‘I’m not jealous of Louise so I’m not afraid of her ghostly memories in this house.’

  ‘My darling, you have no need to be. I have only ever loved one woman in the whole of my life and she is now here in my arms.’ He sighed as he added, ‘But I have to admit to being jealous of your Tom.’

  Jeannie blushed a little. Even now she was not quite ready to lay open her soul to Robert about the truth of her own marriage. It seemed to her that she would be dishonouring Tom’s memory if she did so. And she would never want to do that for he was the father of her son and the closest to a father that Sammy had known.

  They were married very quietly with Edwin the only family member present.

  Neither Joe nor Sammy came to her wedding.

  The day she had returned to the house in Baldock Street to meet the two boys, due home for a day and a half, had been very painful. She stood at the open front door and watched them walking down the street. Her heart contracted at the sight of them. Two good-looking young men, laughing and joking and pushing each other. They were arguing already, she thought, even though they’d stepped off different boats and hadn’t seen each other for three weeks. Then they saw her standing there, dropped their bags and ran towards her.

  ‘Mam! You look smart. Been into town?’ Joe gave her a bear hug, lifting her and swinging her round. Sammy, as always, kissed her cheek and asked, ‘You been all right, Mam?’

  ‘I can’t stop,’ Joe went on, without giving her chance to speak. ‘I must get home to Thelma. She’ll be waiting for me.’ He gave a suggestive chuckle and nudged Sammy. ‘I’ll see you in the Fisherman’s later – if I’ve still got the strength.’

  Trying to keep her voice calm, Jeannie said, ‘There’s something I must tell you.’

  Joe grinned. ‘Well, make it snappy, Mam. I ain’t seen my lovely wife for three weeks, y’know.’

  No, she thought, you’re impatient to see your wife and that’s only natural, but you think nothing of condemning me to a life of loneliness. ‘Come in, just for a moment.’

  The house was cold for she had not lived there for a week now and as soon as the two men stepped into the kitchen, she saw them glance at the cheerless grate and then at the wall, empty now of a half-braided net. Eyebrows raised, they looked at each other and then, with one accord, turned towards her.

  Jeannie stood facing them, the kitchen table that had once been the hub of the crowded family home, between them.

  ‘Joe,’ she began, ‘you’re married and have a home of your own. Sammy, although you dump your washing here, you dinna sleep here even when you’re ashore. You’re with Sally or Sarah or whoever the girl of the moment is—’

  ‘Helen, as a matter of fact.’

  ‘With Helen, then,’ she went on calmly, though she was aware of the fluttering just below her ribs. She clasped her hands tightly together to stop them trembling. ‘I’ve thought things over very carefully and decided that I’m not prepared to spend the rest of my life alone.’

  Joe was frowning, as if half-guessing already what she was about to say. ‘You’re not alone. We always come to see you. We come here first,’ he added belligerently, as if they were bestowing a great favour upon her.

  ‘Yes,’ Jeannie agreed, ‘And how long do you stay? Five minutes? Ten minutes? Long enough,’ she glanced at Sammy, ‘to drop your washing off?’

  There was a moment’s silence and then as she opened her mouth, Joe took the words from her lips. Pointing his finger at her, he burst out, ‘I get it. You’re going to him, aren’t you?’

  Silently, she nodded.

  ‘Aw Mam, no,’ Sammy said. ‘No, don’t do it. Please.’

  ‘She already has,’ Joe snarled. ‘Just look at her fancy clothes. She didn’t buy them hersen’.’

  Resolutely, though her insides had turned to jelly, Jeannie said, ‘You can apply for the tenancy of this house, Sammy, and you can have everything that’s in it, apart from any bits and pieces that Joe might want. I’m sure,’ she added with a hint of sarcasm, ‘it won’t be long before you follow Joe’s example and get married.’ She paused and then, mentioning his name for the first time, she said, ‘Robert and I are getting married in three weeks’ time to coincide with the next time you are both due ashore. We hope you will come to the service. It’s at—’

  ‘Never! Never in a million years. In fact . . .’ Joe leant towards her, all the resentment and bitterness that had been his father’s as well as his own, clearly etched into his twisted features, ‘I don’t want to see you again. Not ever!’

  With that, her son turned and left the house slamming the door behind him so hard that the window next to it rattled.

  ‘Oh Mam,’ Sammy was saying sadly, shaking his head. ‘How could you? How could you do this to us? I thought you loved us.’

  That, more than Joe’s anger, had been the cruellest shaft of all.

  Forty-Four

  ‘Where are you going, Jeannie?’

  Robert came up behind her as she pinned her hat on to her head. ‘To see Thelma.’

  ‘Thelma?’ Robert repeated, surprised.

  ‘Aye, ma daughter-in-law.’ Her mouth was tight, her words clipped with disapproval. ‘If what I’ve been hearing is true, she’s about to get a piece of ma mind.’

  Robert put up his hands, palms outwards. ‘Oho, I wouldn’t be in her shoes, not for all the fish in the sea.’

  Jeannie turned and gave him a wide smile, but her eyes still sparkled with the light of battle.

  She and Robert had been married for three months and during all of that time she had not seen, nor heard, from her boys. Instead, she had heard gossip about Thelma.

  Intrigued now, Robert leant towards her. ‘What exactly have you been hearing?’

  But Jeannie only tapped him on the nose and said, ‘Never you mind. This is women’s business.’

  ‘Ah.’ He asked no more but offered, ‘I’ll drive you, if you like.’

  ‘You can take me into the town, but not to her door. I’ll walk from the end of their road.’

  He smiled knowingly. Jeannie didn’t want to be seen by the neighbours drawing up in the fancy motor car. He glanced down at the grey coat and hat she was wearing. Although of good material and fine cut, they would not attract the attention that some of the items now in her wardrobe would.

  ‘Shall I wait for you?’ he asked half an hour later as he opened the car door for her and helped her to alight.

  ‘Are you going to the office?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I’ll walk from their house to the dockside and meet you there.’ The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. ‘It’ll be nice to see Edwin. We should ask him to dinner soon. Do you think he’d come?’

  ‘Of course, he would. He likes you, you know.’ He closed the door as he added, ‘See you soon, then. Good luck!’

  Jeannie’s smile broadened. ‘It’ll be her needing the good luck.’

  Chuckling to himself, Robert got back into his car and drove away as Jeannie set off to walk the length of Wessex Street until she came to the terraced house where Joe and his wife lived.

  Rapping smartly on the door she stood and looked about her, tapping the toe of her shoe whilst she waited. Across the street, she saw the net curtains twitch. Further along the road, two women stood, their arms folded beneath their ample bosoms, their hair tied up, turban-style, in headscarves. They watched her, their heads bent towards each other as they gossiped.

  Thelma opened the door. She was still in her dressing gown though it was gone eleven in the morning. ‘Oh, it’s you,’ was her only greeting.

  ‘Well, are you no’ going to ask your mother-in-law in?’

  The young woman pulled the corners of her mouth down, but left the door open and led the way, scuffing along on worn-down slippers, through to the back kitchen. Jeannie w
rinkled her nose in disgust as she entered the stuffy room. There was a stale smell of cabbage water. The floor did not appear to have been swept for a fortnight, nor the windows cleaned.

  Jeannie flicked the chair with her glove before sitting down. Turning to look at the girl, she asked, not unkindly, ‘Are you ill, hen?’

  Thelma looked up in surprise. ‘Ill? No, course I aren’t. Why d’you ask that?’

  Jeannie’s glance around the room spoke volumes and the girl reddened though more from anger than embarrassment. ‘Oh I see. Not posh enough for you, now?’ Her lips curled.

  Jeannie’s own mouth was tight. ‘I’ve never lived in fancy houses, not until now,’ she admitted. ‘But I’ve always kept my home clean and tidy. There’s no excuse for this.’ She waved her hand to encompass the whole room. ‘It’s not what Joe’s used to.’ Thelma opened her mouth again, but Jeannie forestalled her. ‘But that’s not what I’ve come about. If you want to live in a pigsty then that’s up to the pair of you.’ She leant forward. ‘But what I don’t like, is hearing gossip about you while my son’s away at sea.’

  ‘Eh?’ The girl looked startled.

  ‘Aye.’ Jeannie nodded slowly. ‘From what I hear, you’re fast taking over from where Aggie Turnbull left off.’

  Thelma sprang up out of her chair so suddenly that Jeannie jumped, her spine coming up hard against the back of the wooden chair. Thelma leant over her, raining spittle on Jeannie’s face. ‘How dare you? How dare you come into my house and say such things?’

  Jeannie rose slowly and stood facing the younger woman. ‘I dare because I care about my son.’

  ‘Well, he dun’t care about you. Not since you married him. He dun’t want anything more to do with you. So, you can get out of this house and stay out.’

  ‘Very well. But I shall be on the dockside the next time his ship comes home.’

  A look of sudden fear passed over Thelma’s face. ‘He won’t believe you,’ she said, though now there was a tiny sliver of doubt in her tone. ‘He’ll not believe anything you tell him.’

  Jeannie made to turn away towards the door, but glanced back to say calmly, ‘He’ll believe me, because he’s the jealous type. Just like his dad. He believed the gossip about Mr Robert calling at the house when he was away. Never mind that Sammy was his nephew and he was trying to help him. Never mind that he was the one who kept Tom at sea when other ships’ runners would have passed him over for the times he missed a trip. Oh no, Joe’s just like his dad in that. He believes what he wants to believe.’ She shrugged. ‘And even if I don’t tell him, you can bet someone from around here will. I’ve heard the gossip about you as far away as my posh house.’ She raised her eyebrows and put her head on one side. ‘Haven’t I?’