“It’s not that simple. You both said it, he’s dangerous. And in case you forgot, it’s not just me. Plus, I have a past that really makes it hard for me to trust a man.” There I opened up some. I told her enough. Ari is not the real reason. Sure she’s part of it, but it isn't really about her. How can I tell Jenny that I’ve been raped and sodomized by a monster that I’m sure would kill me and even though Daws is strong, I don’t think it’s fair to him that he should have to deal with my problems? How can I tell her that my time here might be temporary? That if there is even a hint of danger, I’m going to run.
“I get that about your past, I really do, but you have to not let your past control your future. But, I guess I understand about Ari. I don't know what it’s like being a mom, especially a young mom, but I do know the way he looked at her was like he wanted to be your baby’s daddy.”
I roll my eyes and take another drink feeling a little buzzed, “I don’t need a baby’s daddy.”
“Okay, okay, but I do know what you really do need.”
“What do I need?”
“Well, I’m not sure why you are going with this boring brown, but your roots are starting to show. Not noticeable yet, but you need new color and I’m just the girl to help you with it.”
Jenny walks into her bathroom and returns with a smock and and some mixing bottles. She grabs the chair from her kitchen table and directs me over, “C’mon, sit. I swear I know what I’m doing.”
I do as I’m told. I didn’t even notice that my natural blonde was starting to show so I am grateful.
“Box color is just plain boring. I’m going to do some highlights and low-lights that way when your roots start to show your hair has more dimension to it and you won't be able to tell right away.”
“Okay! Sounds fun.” I’ve never had my hair professionally done so this is a new experience that I am looking forward to. Jenny refills our drinks then grabs a box of foil sheets. She begins putting dye on my hair. The ammonia smell filters through the room. Soon, my head is covered in foil and the timer is ticking away.
“This is going to look amazing, but with your eyes I don’t understand why you don’t want to be natural.”
I take a gulp of my sangria, now feeling its effects full on, “I guess it reminds me of my past too.”
The timer buzzes and Jenny starts to unfold the foil. “I get it Aubrey. I can see it in your eyes, something bad happened to you. When you’re ready I’m here to listen, not judge. I’ll never judge you. But this thing that happened in your past, whatever it is, you need to take some control over it.”
“He doesn’t control me,” I slip. I should’ve said it doesn’t control me, but apparently, the sangria is making my lips a little loose.
“No? You won’t date who you want. You won’t look how you want either? All I’m saying, is try to do something for you to take some control away. It can be something small. Just keep trying to do things only for you. It’s okay to be a little selfish. Now, let’s get this washed out.”
She brings me to the kitchen sink and has me flip my head over. Using the spray hose, she rinses out the dye. “There. Now, I want you to sit back down. I’m going to shape it up with the scissors and then I’ll blow it out, okay?”
I nod and do as I’m instructed. As Jenny works her magic, I think about what she said. I repeat it to myself, “Rich doesn’t get to have control over me.”
When Jenny is done she grabs something from a makeup bag. “This is a brow pencil, you don’t need a lot of it but you can subtly make your brows look a bit darker. By the time Jenny hands me a mirror, I am taken aback. It’s not a drastic change in color, but it looks more natural. My eyes look more alive and my hair, which looked dull before, now has a shine to it that I’ve missed. Tears well in my eyes. It might be the sangria or it just might be Jenny’s act of kindness but I get up and hug her, taking her off guard.
“Thank you, I love it. Thank you so much.”
*
I’m laying in my bed, thinking about today. I’m still a little drunk from all the sangria Jenny gave me. I think about what she said about taking control back. I also think about Daws and that kiss. I’ve never felt my body come more alive. If I’m really honest with myself, I have to admit that I want him and I have feelings for him. A huge part of me wants to let him protect us, but what if my demons are too strong? Too much? Too big of a burden? I think about how Daws’ hand felt in my hair and I think about how his touch almost caused me to have another attack. I need to get back control of my body. Jenny is right. There is something I can do to take control back.
Laying under my covers I slip my bottoms off so that all I have on is a loose t-shirt. If I can’t be comfortable with my own touch, how can I let someone else touch me? I think about Daws’ dark eyes and how they seem to get darker when they are focused on me. My hands slide up under my shirt and over my full breasts. Evil thoughts want to invade my head, but I shake them away as I slowly roll my nipple between my thumb and forefinger. Daws. I imagine what he would look like with no shirt on. I picture rock hard muscles covered in tattoos. A broad chest and abs so well defined that Calvin’s latest model is jealous. My body is reacting in the way it’s meant to. I feel moisture start to pool between my legs. I want to touch myself and find pleasure where there has only been pain. I’m scared.
I focus all of my attention on just one man. The only man to ever make me feel anything more. Daws. The way his tongue circled over mine, tasting of mint. I imagine his tongue pulsating over my own tongue as my finger begins to circle over my clit. I’ve never given myself pleasure before and I’m determined to see it through. I hear his voice in my head telling me I’m sexy, whispering how he wants to touch me. I press a finger in my opening. My breathing hitches with the intrusion, but I slide it in deep and circle my thumb over my clit at the same time. Focusing on all things Daws, I picture that it’s his hand instead of my own and I’m shockingly more turned on and any fear is erased with pure pleasure. I can do this. I rotate my hips higher and use my other hand to pinch my nipple harder, causing a tingle to roll through me. I continue pumping my finger and decide to add another. The pressure tightens and I’m lost in a swirl of satisfaction thinking about his mouth on me in intimate places, but being gentle at the same time. My breath is coming off in loud pants and it’s definitely not from fear. Ecstasy is consuming me. I roll my head back on the pillow as my walls begin to tighten. An electrifying shudder rushes through my body as a name slips past my lips. Daws.
Chapter 11
Daws
Fuck, it’s been ten days. Dray sent me and Jules to New York to handle some business with the Blue Valkyries, a sister club to the Devil’s Crusaders. Mickey was supposed to go, but Maura’s old man is in a bad way so Mickey went to D.C. with Maura. For the last ten days, I’ve been stuck here trying to help Big Betty, also known as the ‘Big Bitch In Charge’, with a few girls that have gotten out of control spreading their legs with a rival club. It’s one big clusterfuck is what it is.
My head has been swimming and I feel like I’ve been living in a goddamn soap opera for the last week. This whole scene is a fucked up mess. All I’ve wanted to do is is talk with Aubrey and see how she’s doing. I needed to be around her to reassure her, not give her space. What if she needs me and I’m here trying to sort out who’s fucking who and who should not be in this fucking club?
“Talk,” I say answering my phone.
“It’s Remy.”
I turn my body away from Jules so he can’t hear what’s being said, “Whatcha find?”
“I got nothing,” he says.
“How’s it you got nothing?”
“I got nothing ‘cause she isn't real. Whoever she says she is, she’s not. Her ID is fake and a damn good one. I found other forged documentation too, so whoever she has helping her is a pro.”
“Thanks, I’ll send payment.”
I disconnect the call, stomp out my cigarette and throw my leg over my bike.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just anxious to get back.”
“You got a thing for the new chick? That why you wouldn’t fuck Alayna?” I do my best to give Jules a look that says to shut the fuck up, but I fail miserably.
“Ha Ha I was thinking that. Damn no wonder…”
I cut him off. “Yeah well don't think I haven’t noticed the looks you and Jenny have been giving each other.”
“Nothing’s happening there brother,” he says in a sharper tone.
I give him a look that says ‘now,who’s full of shit’. “You ready to ride?” I ask.
“Yeah, let’s roll.”
We ride straight through only stopping for gas and to warm our hands. It’s November and the chill in the air is painfully cold. This will be one of the last times this year I have my bike out.
We pull up to the clubhouse and Turk waives us through. I want to rush to the shop to see if Aubrey is still here for the day or if she’s already left, but my first order of business is the club. Church has been called and the brothers are waiting for us to get here.
By the time Church is out it’s past five and I’m pretty sure I’ve missed my chance at seeing Aubrey. I walk over to the shop nodding at a few of the hang-arounds and prospects. Only full brothers are welcome in Church. I turn the corner heading for the office and I hear a man’s voice; it has me seeing red.
“Aubrey, you look real pretty today. You think you want to go for a ride?” Michael, Jarrod’s cousin and a hang around, is openly flirting with Aubrey. I don’t wait to hear her response. I rush over grab Michael by the back of the neck and pull him out of her sight.
Standing outside the garage, I hiss in a low voice, “She’s mine. Do you hear me? Mine. Stay away from her.” Michael is taken aback. He is a big guy matching Jarrod’s size but he’s a hang around and should know his place around here. A hang around is someone waiting to see if they can become a prospect and right now, this dude is not on my good list.
“Shit. Sorry, Daws. I didn’t know.”
“Daws?” The sweetest voice calls my name and I let Michael go, giving him a look that is as equally as menacing as my grip was.
“Aubrey.” My voice is softer when I say her name, letting go of my hostility. Something is different about her, she has some make up on and her hair is different. Even the way she is standing there staring at me seems different, more confident. I walk over to her, put my hand on the small of her back and guide her into the office. I close the door and turn the lock.
“You’ve been gone,” she says.
“I had business, and I wanted to give you space.”
“I...I missed you,” She nervously confesses.
I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her. I missed her berry scent and the way she fits in my arms. “You missed me?” I brush her hair behind her ear as she stares up at me.
“Yeah. You just left?”
“I wasn’t supposed to go, Mickey was. I’m sure you heard about Maura’s man, He got in a bad way. After I dropped you off, I came back to the clubhouse and Dad sent me out to handle business.”
“Oh okay. Well Carlo should be here soon. He called the shop to say he was running late.”
“Call him back, tell him I’ll take you home. I have to run into town anyways,” I lie, but I want to spend time with her.
“You sure?” she asks. And I watch her walk around the desk, pick up the phone and dial Carlo.
“Hey Carlo…I got a ride….I know...Daws is….” She turns away from me like she feels guilty for defending me. Every part of me wants to grab the phone and tell Carlo off and if it was any other woman I would, but I know Aubrey needs me to rein in my temper. I’m going to pay Carlo a visit tonight and tell him to mind his fucking business.
“Where’s Ari at right now?” I ask as soon as she hangs up the phone.
“She went to go watch a basketball game of Gino’s with Angie.”
“Good. I’m taking you somewhere, but first I need to do something.”
“What’s that?” she asks. I don’t give her a chance to think, I grab her and bring her close to me. My mouth covers hers. I might be a little more rough with the kiss than intended, but after seeing Michael come on to her, I need to claim her. Her lips part letting me in and my tongue pushes against hers. I feel it. The need and want from her. She wants me.
She tastes sweet like berries just like she smells. Everything about her is sweet. Ripe. Her hand curls into my shirt grabbing me, almost clawing at me. I palm her ass, then grab it. It’s full and muscular. Perfect. I slide my hand off her ass, down her thigh and lift her leg opening her up to me. I push her against the wall and she is pressed against me. My dick is hard, aching at a chance to get at her. She is reciprocating and pressing her tits against me. I want to fuck her. No. I need to fuck her. But Aubrey needs me to go slow.
I pull away from the kiss. My dick clearly hard. She is panting and out of breath. I grab her hand flip the latch on the door and start hauling her towards the Charger.
“Where are we going?” she asks still a little out of breath.
“Surprise.” I pull her close to me as we drive. I stroke her hand, her thigh, the back of her neck. I feel like I need to keep touching her. The last ten days have been hell being away from her. All I wanted to do was get back here and make sure she was okay.
We pull into the mall parking lot. It’s chilly outside. My guess is we might be getting a dusting soon. She shivers and I’m just now noticing her lack of winter attire. We enter the mall. I get looks from some snooty old ladies who hold their purses close to their chest, as if I were going to rob them. I just shake my head and hope Aubrey doesn’t notice. I lead her to the cell phone kiosk. I give a nod to Chad the kid behind the glass counter, “Need to add her to my plan and get a new phone.”
“No, Daws. I can’t let you do that for me.” She thinks she is getting a choice here.
“Get her one like mine, will you?” I say to the pimply teenager that I’ve dealt with a few times.
“Daws!” I continue ignoring her.
“Get us an easy number too will you?”
He brings a few iPhones out similar to mine. “I have the 5 with a few different colors.”
“What color do you want, Aubrey?”
“I don’t want you getting me a phone.” Chad pulls out a green, blue and pink one.
“We’ll take the green one,” I look at Aubrey, “Matches your eyes.”
“Daws,” she objects again, but her attempt is futile.
We stand at the counter for ten minutes while the kid does his thing. Aubrey continues giving me looks and I continue touching her in some way. I need to touch her but I also think she needs to get used to being touched by me.
I’m a man on a mission. I grab her hand and our bag and drag her back out to the car. Next stop is Shades. They sell motorcycle gear and apparel, not the cheap shit you get at the mall.
I pull up in front of Shades and see a few guys I know outside smoking. They nod their heads giving me the ‘what’s up’ nod, but I don’t want to talk.
“What are we doing here Daws?”
I ignore her question and bring her to the section of the store where all the chick shit is. I find something I like, “Try this on.” I hand her a leather jacket fit for riding.
“Daws!”
“You’re right, I could do better.” I find one that is a little more fitted that has a liner to keep her warmer. I sense that she isn't going to try it on so I grab her hand and drag her to the front of the store.
Shit, at the counter ringing up is Rita. I’ve hooked up with her a few times and she’s the last person I want to be taking care of us. She has on a leather corset and her tits are pushed up nearly to her chin. She is overtly sexual in every way.
“Daws baby,” she purrs. “What are we getting you today, baby?”
“This is for MY GIRL, Aubrey.” I hand Rita the coat. “Put it on my account.�
�� Her hand grazes over mine as I hand her the coat.
“Is there anything else I can get for you, Daws? We can go in the back.” Seriously. Did this bitch not just hear me say my girl?
Aubrey surprises me and says what I was thinking, “Hey,” she snaps her fingers, “I’m right here, lady.”
“Relax, no need to get your panties in a bunch. You’re welcome to join us. Daws is always up for multiples.” I’m going to fucking kill her.
“Not anymore,” I growl. I think she finally gets the hint.
“Okay, okay. I applied your club discount and it will bill out at the end of the month.”
“How much is it so I can pay him back?” Aubrey asks.
There is no way I am letting Aubrey buy this. Besides, it’s nearly a five hundred dollar leather. I give Rita a look that says how ticked off I am and bare my teeth a little, warning her that she better not say how much.
“Oh don’t you worry about it, the club just gets billed,” Rita says in a mock sweet voice.
I grab the bag with the jacket and take hold of Aubrey’s hand, dragging her out of the store. Once in the car, I crank up the heat and take the jacket out.
“Wear this please.”
“Daws, what are you doing? You see me after ten days of nothing and give me the best kiss of my life. Then, you drag me from store to store all possessed. You don’t need to get me a phone or a coat. You’re acting like a madman. What gives?”
I smirk ‘cause she just said it was the best kiss of her life and then I deadpan, “Here’s what gives. I’m gone for ten days, and I come back and see Michael hitting on you. Michael.”
“Daws I...”
I place my fingers over her mouth silencing her. “I’m angry that I wasn’t here with you. I don't like the idea of any guys sniffing around you. I’m ticked that I didn’t realize you don’t have a cell phone, and when I was gone I wanted to call you but by the time I would’ve had a chance, it was late and you don’t have a phone. Then, I saw you shiver in the car and I realized you don't have a warm jacket. So yeah, I might be acting crazy, but you make me crazy. I want to take care of you and I feel like how can I when I’m not here, and I’m not even able to do easy things like call you.”
Fight You Page 9