“Oh, Daws.” A small tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. “I have feelings for you, I do. But nothing’s changed. I still have Ari and we can’t happen as much as I might want it to.”
“Stop fighting me. Stop fighting us. You’re gonna lose because you’re already mine whether you want to admit it or not ‘cause that might have been the best kiss of your life, but news for ya sweet girl, it was the best of mine too.”
“Don’t you see? I have to fight you. I’ll fight you ‘cause I’m used. I’ll fight you ‘cause I’m broken. I’ll fight you ‘cause I’m scared. I’m so damn scared that whatever this is between us is too damn big.”
“Aubriella,” I whisper her name, the name I heard Ari call her on the field; the name that wasn’t Mom. “Don’t be scared of me.” The thought of her being afraid of me sends a pang of hurt through my chest, I never want her to be afraid.
“Daws.” she chokes out, “I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid that as soon as I stop fighting you and fighting this, that I’ll have to accept I’m good enough. And I’m not. You deserve more. You deserve someone who doesn’t have to fight you. You deserve to have a woman who can stand by your side and not hide who she is, what she is.”
My voice rises with a hint of anger, “You think you’re not worthy of me? Are you kidding me? You think you’re used and broken?”
“I know I am.”
“Dammit woman! You’re everything! Your scars are invisible, but I see them. I see what you’ve been through, it’s written all over every forced smile. It’s written all over your body when you have to pause and remember to breathe.
I.
See.
You.
I see you fighting every day, and what I see isn’t a woman who’s afraid to fight. It’s a woman who’s strong, stronger than any woman I know. I’m the one….The one who isn’t worthy. My whole life I’ve been a fucking prick, using people however I see fit. It’s me, not you. I’m the one who is used and broken. You,” I pause and collect myself taking a deep breath and then continue, “You are a mosaic of beautifully broken pieces put together. Don’t you fucking get that? When I see you, I don't see whatever it is that’s happened to you. I see a survivor, a protector and a fighter. You got a battle to be fought, I’m fighting it with you. No more running from this. No more fighting me.”
I pull her to me and kiss her. A kiss isn't even the right word. I devour and inhale her, tasting the saltiness of her tears that have leaked over her lips. She kisses me back with fierceness putting every bit of energy into it. She succumbs to it. Succumbs to me. Maybe she finally gets that I need her just as much as she needs me. Her fingers comb through my hair making it fall loose from my ponytail. I play with the hair on the back of her head and then move my hand over her chin breaking our kiss apart. The Charger’s windows fog up creating our own private cocoon. Our eyes are locked on each other, neither of us making a sound except for the residual panting left over from a moment that will forever change me. Finally, after who knows how much time, she breaks the silence.
“No more fighting you,” she presses her forehead to mine, “Gotta take it slow though, okay.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief, “We’ll go as slow as you need.”
*
Reluctantly, I dropped Aubrey off. She wanted to be home when Ari got there, so I stopped at the clubhouse and picked up Skaggs. We get out of my car and I tell him to make sure he is ready. We both check the clips in our guns to confirm that they’re loaded. We have several guns on us, the ones they will be looking for and the ones that I hope like hell they don’t find.
“Remember the guns are just precautionary. You’re here as my back up only in case shit gets hairy. Don’t speak unless someone speaks to you and don’t provoke anyone. Got it?”
“I got it already, I really don’t understand why we’re here.”
I growl, annoyed that he is questioning me. The more he talks the more, I’m thinking that I should've brought Turk. “It’s not for you to understand. I need to talk to someone, that’s all. Everything should be fine. But you never know.”
“Let’s do this then,” Skaggs says.
We exit the car. The parking lot is dim, but crowded at the overly flashy nightclub. As soon as we walk up to the door, the bouncer approaches us.
“Someone expecting you?” The meathead guido at the door asks. Our vests let him know exactly who we are.
“I need to see Carlo.”
“Carlo’s busy.”
“Look, I got no problems with him. We’re packing, but I’ll tell you what, we’ll leave our guns here with you, as a show of good faith.” Skaggs looks at me like why did I just have him load his weapon only to hand it over. He’ll learn soon enough that sometimes the way things appear is much more important than reality. We take our guns from our backs that are concealed by our vest and hand them over. “Give him your ankle piece too,” I tell Skaggs. This leaves me with one weapon just in-case.
The guiney presses something on his blue-tooth and lets them know that we’re here. The bar is crowded with people dancing to the thumping beat. We walk to the back of the club where there is a raised level of seating. I spot Carlo as soon as we walk in.
The guiney wasn’t lying. Carlo must have business because instead of his normal watchdog status, he’s sitting two seats down from Carmine. Carmine is in charge and Carlo’s place next to Carmine tells me Carlo has moved up. Carlo sitting where he is let’s me know that he’s now in third, which means if Carmine was to find himself at the bottom of Lake Green there would only be one other person in the way of him becoming a boss. Very interesting indeed.
“Come, come young Mathews boy.”
I want to correct Carmine as he calls me boy, but I need to tread carefully. Respect is one of the highest values the Italians have.
“What brings a Crusader into my fine club?” Carmine asks. Carmine is older. His hair is slicked back with product covering up where he is balding and he’s decked out in a black suit. It looks nice, nicer than anything I’ve ever worn. Not that I want to get all GQ.
“Carmine, good to see you,” He tilts his head and takes a drink from his scotch. “I’m actually here with a little personal business with Carlo. It won’t take but a minute.”
“Surely anything you need to discuss with Carlo can be said here. No?” Carmine looks amused like he’s stirring the pot for his own personal entertainment. Apparently, the scantily dressed girl dancing in the cage is not enough.
“Yes, I’m sure it could, but I want to have a word about a family friend of his, and I’m sure she wouldn't like to be discussed openly.” This was my way of letting Carlo know that I came to discuss Aubrey.
“Carmine, I’ll just be a second,” Carlo says as he stands from the table and motions for me to follow him to the kitchen. He enters through a swinging door and I motion for Skaggs to stay put.
“What do you think you’re doing? Do you know how dumb it is for you to be here?” Carlo says very irritated. I’m calm and in control. This doesn't faze me, not even a little.
“You need to stop giving Aubrey shit about seeing me. We’re together. You need to back the fuck off.”
“And if I don’t,” Carlo says getting animated.
“Listen, man. We don't have a beef. My club is at a good place with your people. I want it to stay that way.”
“Are you trying to say that if I don't stop warning Aubrey to stay clear of you that you are going to cause trouble between us and the club?” See, I knew these Italians were smart. Very good Carlo.
“Aubrey is mine, is what I’m saying, and no one is going to interfere.”
“Does she know that?”
“Yeah, we finally came to the same understanding.”
“Look,” he sighs, “I just made third, I can’t stir the pot. But Aubrey’s a nice girl and she comes with a lot of baggage. I promised someone I would look out for her. She is living with my mom for god-sake.” Interesting it seems Carlo here
knows a bit about my girl’s background. I wonder if he’s the person who helped her with her papers? I could force it out of him, but I want her to tell me.
“Well then, I’m glad she has you watching her back too. Just stop trying to interfere and we won’t have an issue.”
“I don't want your shit to bleed all over her or my family. Can you promise me that? ‘Cause if she is with you, it’s not just her I’m worried about, my nephew cares about that little girl.”
“The club doesn’t have any shit going on. Nothing will come down on your family.”
He gives me a nod of understanding and we part ways. I gather Skaggs and we start to head out. We walk past the table Carmine is sitting and he calls out to me.
“Nice to see you, young man. You tell your old man it’s a shame we haven’t seen him around as much.” Shit, I know there is some double meaning there. Truth is, my dad is getting up there. He’s pulled back from a lot of meetings, but if he’s missing meetings with the Italians it could be bad.
Chapter 12
Aubrey
Daws’ words tore down every defense I had. He told me to stop fighting him and I couldn't protest any longer. Sure I’m scared. He has the ability to irreparably damage my already tattered heart, but something deep inside of me is telling me to be brave. Last night after Daws drove me home, I was so excited and anxious over everything that happened. I laid in bed for a while not quite sleeping, rehashing the evening’s events. My phone dinged sending me the first of many text messages.
Daws: I wish you were with me
Me: I wish you were with me too.
Daws: I love your lips on mine
I felt myself blushing as his sweet texts came through.
Daws: What time does Ari need to get to school?
Me: 8:30
Daws: cool see you at 8
Me: wait what??
And then no response.
I just finish packing Ari and Gino’s lunch when I hear a knock at the door. Angie is walking through the kitchen in her blue terry cloth robe holding a coffee cup. Ari and Gino just ran upstairs to brush their teeth after breakfast.
“I’ll get it, I think it’s for me.” I open the door and Daws is standing there. He’s freshly showered. His hair is wet and pulled back. He has a long sleeve black Henley on underneath his Devil’s Crusaders vest. I know I should be afraid of that vest, but something about it feels more like security rather than a symbol of fear.
“Morning, sweet girl.” He brushes his hand through my hair, trails his fingers down my neck and along my side. Light touches stroke all the way down my arm until he finally reaches my hand and he links our fingers. I’m momentarily struck speechless by his touch.
“Morning. You didn’t answer my last text. What are you doing here?”
“Surprise,” he says and starts to lead me outside. I let out a soft chuckle, I’m starting to get used to him dragging me around. In the driveway is a small, black. slightly rusted SUV.
“You get a new car Daws?”
“Not me?” Daws looks at me a little cautiously.
“Okay, I’ll bite. Who’s car is it?” He tucks his other hand in his pocket and pulls out keys then he places them in his hand that’s still holding mine. His hand that is clamped over mine some how slides the key into my palm and closes my fist over it.
“I want you to drive it.”
“Wait, no. A car? That’s too much. You can’t give me a car.”
“Listen, the shop gets cars all the time. People can’t always afford the work, so this is one that I’ve done some work on in my spare time. The body on it is shit. It’s older, but it’s four wheel drive and will get you around here when the weather starts to get really bad. I know you don't like to take shit from people, but think of it like you're doing something for Ari.”
Aw crap. He’s got me there. I can’t say no because he’s right. A car would be useful with Ar,i and then it would be exactly what I need if I need to run.
“You’re giving me a car?”
“Well, the title and tags are in my name, but I called and added you to the shops insurance. Figured it would be easier.”
“I passed my test while you were gone,” I lie.
“That’s awesome.” This is going to be something I have to lie to Daws about and I hate it, but it must be done.
“Okay,” I relent.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Okay. Thank you,” I say and step up on my tiptoes kissing Daws lightly on the lips, shocking the both of us with my forwardness.
“Let’s go get Ari and get her to school,” he says.
“I usually go with Carlo. He should be here any second.”
“Nah, I already talked to him.”
We walk in the house and Angie is getting backpacks on the kids. “Hey, Ari and Gino. Daws is giving me a car to use so I can take you both to school.”
“Yay Daws!” Ari leaps at him and throws her arms around his waist.
“I’m Gino. Who the heck are you?” Gino says in a protective way similar to Carlo’s tone.
“Relax, kid. I’m Daws,” he chuckles, “I know your uncle Carlo and your aunt Jenny. Knew your dad too, he was a good guy. Real straight shooter. Always told you how it was. So, I’m gonna be straight with you. Aubrey is my girl and that means Ari is real important to me too. You seem like you got no problem sticking up for yourself. Can you make sure you stick up for Ari and keep an eye on her?”
“Dude, you don't need to ask me. I got their back,” Gino says acting tougher than he really is. He shuffles his feet and looks down, “You really knew my dad?”
“Yeah, kid. Good guy. I gave Ari my number the other day. I want you to get it from her and call me if you ever think our girls need anything, okay?”
“Yeah man, sounds cool.” Gino fist bumps with Daws and a smile forms at the edges of his mouth. Not all the way, but it’s there and I think Daws just wormed his way into someone else’s heart. We say goodbye to Angie and Daws and I drive the kids to school.
The rest of the morning is uneventful. I get my work done in the shop and by lunch I’ve barely seen Daws. He stops in, knocking on the side of the doorway before walking in.
“Hi,” I say looking up from the computer screen, “I was just going to ask you if you wanted me to grab lunch?”
“Actually, that’d be awesome. I want to get this bike jammed out before this weekend.”
“What’s this weekend?” I ask.
“My mom is going to be out of town again and I was hoping that maybe you could stay with me tomorrow night at their cabin?”
“Don’t you live here, Daws?”
“Aubrey, there is nothing special about this place and you deserve special.”
I blush, full on pink cheeks, even my neck might be turning shades.
“Okay. Let me see what I can do about Ari.”
*
Pulling up in front of Daws’ folks’ house has my emotions all over the place. He asked me earlier to pack a bag and to come hungry. I should be nervous about the idea of staying the night, but honestly I’m not. I trust Daws to go as fast or as slow as I need. It takes a lot for me to trust a man, but trusting him is easy. It feels natural, like something I don't have to force. Or maybe he has just been patient enough with me that I didn’t pay it much mind when it happened, but it happened. I trust him.
I knock on the door and hear loud crashes.
“Shit. Fuck. Christ.” Bang, clank, crash. Loud noises and curses fill the air. Daws is throwing a smoking pan into the sink. Smoke is billowing up as water tries to stifle whatever is burning.
“Daws,” I call out and he doesn’t answer me. “Daws!” I yell again and finally he hears me. He turns his head to look at me, flashing a genuine look of embarrassment. The kitchen is a mess. Red sauce is running down the front of the stove, half-singed brown stringy noodles stick out of the sink along with very black garlic bread.
“Shit, Aub. I fucked...I mean, I messed it up.”
/> Normally, when I hear a man cursing like this I start to panic, but it dawns on me that my body is at complete ease around Daws right now. “It’s okay you can swear around me.”
“Ahh fuck, Aubrey. I messed up dinner.”
His phone rings taking him away from our conversation. “I gotta take this,” he says.
I walk into the kitchen and start to clean the mess he made of dinner. Daws strides into the living room and is irritated.
“Aubrey, I gotta go. Club business. Will you stay here? There is other food in the fridge. Just stay here, please? I want you here when I get back no matter how late that is. Will you do that? Will you stay?”
“Yeah okay, Daws. I’ll stay.”
“Good,” he says pulling me into his arms and kissing me on the head, “I’m sorry this all just got messed up.”
“Don’t worry about it, Daws.”
He throws his vest on, grabs his keys and walks out the door.
I continue tackling the mess Daws has created, until there are no longer any dishes and the stove is clean. Sadly, his pot is done for. I grab some lunch meat from the fridge and make a sandwich. Then, I sit on the couch and turn on the TV.
The TV is glowing blue indicating that I must have fallen asleep. I’m not sure what time it is, but it’s dark and I’m assuming late. I hear a noise on the steps and then the door handle begin to move. This makes me slightly frightened and I curl into the couch, tight and low trying not to be seen.
“Aubrey?” Daws’ voice resonates through the still house. I’m relieved that it’s him.
“Hi, I’m here.” I say as I sit up.
“Thank fuck. I was afraid you’d leave.”
“What time is it?” I ask.
“Just after two.”
“Wow, it’s late. Maybe I should go?”
Fight You Page 10