War on Whimsy

by Liane Moriarty

  "Certainly," said Henry. "But first, there are some people I need to thank." He turned to the Space Brigade first. "I am overwhelmed with gratitude," he said, solemnly clasping each of their hands in both of his. "The people of Whimsy will never forget. Our children's children will hear songs and stories and poems about the glorious, heroic Space Brigade!"

  When he got to Nicola, he shook his head in wonder. "I have learned so much about leadership from you! In the future, whenever I face a difficult problem, I will ask myself, 'What would the president of Earth do?' "

  "Nicola isn't the president of Earth!" exploded Greta.

  "Oh, isn't she? Sorry, I just assumed . . ." said Henry, while Nicola blushed furiously. "You're just so confident."

  Gosh. It was lucky Henry didn't know what was really going on inside her head.

  Sure is lucky, laughed Shimlara's voice in Nicola's head.

  Henry turned to Georgio, Mully, and Squid next.

  "Where would we be without people like you! People unafraid to stand up and say, 'This is wrong!' I'm overcome!"

  Tears rolled down Henry's face as he craned his head to look up at Georgio and Mully. Squid, who was the same height as Henry, solemnly patted him on the head.

  "It's our pleasure," said Georgio and Mully together.

  Next Henry hugged every single one of the United Aunts.

  "Ahem," said Marty with meaning. "Maybe we could . . ."

  "What? Oh! Yes, of course!"

  Henry and Marty stepped out onto the balcony.

  A few minutes later there was a tremendous roar of applause. Stunning fireworks lit up Whimsy's night sky in a frenzy of celebratory color. Nicola turned to the other members of the Space Brigade and smiled. "I think our work here is done."

  CHAPTER 39

  "Careful!" Katie called out to Sean.

  He was bouncing on his toes on the edge of an enormous diving board with his arms outstretched. Sean looked down at Katie and gave her a strange, almost confused look.

  "Thank you!" he called out. Then he dived gracefully into the pool with barely a splash.

  "Outstanding dive!" called out Georgio. Squid, who was sitting on his dad's shoulders, clapped.

  The Space Brigade, Princess Petronella, and the Gorgioskios were all enjoying a swim in the pool on the Royal Spaceship. The princess had offered to give the Earthlings a lift back to Earth, and although Tyler was sorry not to have the chance to use the Mini Easy-Ride Spaceship again, they hadn't been able to resist the chance to use all the Spaceship's incredible facilities as it flew through space.

  There were huge windows all along the side of the swimming pool and Nicola could see the Planets of Volcomania and Whimsy silently floating in space, joined by the cylinder that was the Underground Sea. From this height, Volcomania's erupting volcanoes were like tiny matchstick flames.

  "It looks so peaceful from up here," commented Mully. She, like the rest of them, was wearing a jewel-encrusted swimsuit from the Royal Spaceship wardrobe.

  "Hopefully it will be peaceful from now on," said Nicola.

  "Thanks to us!" said Princess Petronella, lazing back on a floating inflatable throne.

  "You never told us how you and the aunts managed to infiltrate the enemy lines," said Nicola to Mully. "What was your secret weapon?"

  "Age," said Mully.

  "Pardon?" said Nicola.

  "When you get to a certain age," said Mully,"you become invisible to young people.The aunts and I just walked on past those soldiers, saying things like, 'Excuse me, young fellow.' None of them took the slightest notice of us."

  "And how did you sabotage their tanks?" asked Tyler. "Did you use some special technique from your army days?"

  Mully smiled. "We threw away the keys. It's the simplest solutions that are the most effective."

  "I always knew I'd married a genius," said Georgio.

  When they had left the Planet of Whimsy, Henry Sweet and Marty Mania were deep in discussion. Henry had already agreed that the Volcomanians could grow crops on Whimsy's lands, as long as there were still plenty of meadows left for lying around staring at the sky.

  The United Aunts had stayed behind to help ensure the peace process continued peacefully. "I'll see you back at Grammy's birthday party," Great-aunt Annie had told Nicola and Sean. Then she winked. "Maybe you won't call me Crazy Great-Aunt Annie in the future, eh?"

  At the mention of Grammy's birthday party, Katie had remembered that they'd promised to bring something pink back for Nicola's little cousin Jessie. One of the Whimsians had given them the most beautiful handmade doll wearing an exquisite pink ball gown. "I actually wouldn't mind keeping it myself," Katie had admitted to Nicola.

  The Volcomanian soldiers hadn't gone home yet. An enormous dance party was underway with some of Whimsy's best rock bands playing. Volcomanian soldiers had already proposed marriage to Poppy the waitress/actress and Rosie the beautiful preschool teacher.

  Mrs. Mania had been untied from her chair, but was refusing to budge. "All this niceness is making me nauseous," she said, but Nicola noticed a spark of pride in her eyes as she watched her son transformed from toad to president. The United Aunts were arguing among themselves about the best punishment for Mrs. Mania, given that she had ordered the invasion of an innocent planet and the kidnapping of the United Aunts. Some of them (like Nicola's great-aunt Annie) were arguing she should be exiled on the Planet of Arth for her actions. Other, cuddlier-looking aunts were saying, "Oh, let's just insist she apologizes."

  The prison camp guards had also been released from their chairs in the food hall and were following Marty's orders to pull down the camp. It had been especially satisfying to see the guard who reminded Nicola and Sean of the school bully sweating and swearing as he pulled down the barbed wire fence he'd ordered the prisoners to polish.

  They hadn't needed their scuba diving suits again. Marty Mania had arranged for them to travel back through the Underground Sea in comfortable Volcomanian submarines.

  When they got back to Volcomania, Shimlara had proudly showed off her bus driving skills to her parents and brother, and driven them back to the stone hut where the Globagaskarian secret agent JJ-11 had been waiting for them.

  "I hear you not only achieved your mission but you actually helped the Whimsians win the war!" said JJ-11. "I eat my words. When I first met you at the bottom of that pile of volcanic ash, I thought you were giggling fools, but you really did live up to the Space Brigade's reputation!"

  As Nicola dived beneath the water of the Royal Spaceship pool, her hand went to her neck where her limited edition gold button had once been, and she thought about how close the Space Brigade had been to losing their reputation.

  She swam to the surface.

  "Hey!" she called out to the others. "Did anyone use their gold buttons to fix a mistake?"

  The rest of the Space Brigade swam over to her.

  "I've still got mine." Tyler held up the button still hanging around his neck.

  "I used mine," admitted Katie. "I made a terrible mistake that would have lost us the battle. I was too soft on my music platoon. I didn't make them practice enough. It was so embarrassing. The drums didn't sound anything like hooves! The Volcomanians burst out laughing. They were on to us right away. I'm so relieved I got a second chance to fix that mistake!"

  Nicola remembered how she'd been surprised at Katie's sternness with her platoon.

  "I used my button, too," said Greta. "My mistake was the opposite. I was too mean to my platoon. Nicola told me I should encourage them and that sort of . . . irritated me. So I did the opposite. Next thing, all the writers and poets had walked off in a huff and convinced all the other Whimsians to pull out of the battle. It was terrible!" She paused. "Although I still think they were big crybabies and we shouldn't have had to coddle them like that."

  "Aha!" Nicola pointed at Greta. "I knew it was strange when you were so nice to me!"

  Greta narrowed her eyes at Nicola. "Wait a minute. What about that time
you hugged me outside the food hall. That was so weird! I bet you'd come back in time to fix a mistake, right?"

  Nicola admitted she was right and told them what had happened.

  "Wow," said Shimlara."And all along I thought my mistake must have been the worst. You made some doozies! All I did was drive the school bus off the crater of a volcano."

  "You didn't!" said Tyler. "When?"

  "It was when we came back to Volcomania after we'd won the battle," said Shimlara. "I was in such a good mood, showing off, driving too fast, and next thing you know, we were sailing through the air into a live volcano. You were all screaming, 'Unbutton your mistake!' So I did, just before we hit the lava."

  "I'm glad I have no memory of that," said Katie. "That must have been terrifying."

  Nicola looked at Sean and saw that his button was missing from around his neck, too.

  "Ha! You messed up, too! Confess!"

  Sean looked embarrassed.

  "I used it about thirty seconds ago," he said.

  "What? You made a mistake while we were swimming in the pool?" said Greta.

  "It was when I was on the diving board," admitted Sean. "Katie said, 'Be careful' so I did an extra big bounce. The diving board is made for Globagaskarians and it's extra bouncy. I hit the spaceship roof headfirst and when I landed I hit my chin against the side of the pool. I think I broke my arm and my mouth was full of broken teeth and blood. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced. So, yeah, I was pretty happy to unbutton that mistake."

  "You idiot," said Greta.

  "That's what you said the first time," said Sean.

  "So Tyler is the only one who hasn't made a mistake," said Nicola.

  "I guess I'm just perfect," said Tyler.

  "I wish we had an endless supply of those gold buttons," sighed Katie.

  "Don't worry," said Tyler. "If you make another mistake, you can use mine."

  "What are you all talking about so seriously?" Princess Petronella had paddled her inflatable throne over to join them.

  "Mistakes," said Shimlara.

  "I don't know anything about mistakes," said the princess. "What's it like to make one?"

  "Didn't you make a mistake ordering Earth to be destroyed?" said Nicola.

  "Nope," said the princess. "Because otherwise I would never have collected so many dear friends!"

  "Oh, that's sweet," said Katie.

  "Except we're not stamps," said Greta.

  A message came over the spaceship loudspeaker."Attention, all passengers. Our estimated time of arrival on Earth is approximately twenty minutes."

  "I wonder how much time will have passed on Earth," said Nicola as they all climbed out of the pool and dried themselves. "Hopefully only a few minutes, so no one will have missed us."

  It was very strange to think of returning to ordinary life after they'd parachuted over volcanoes, scuba dived through the Underground Sea, white water rafted, and then helped a planet win a war.

  "I assume you flew on Time-Squeeze speed, so you had time up your sleeve," said Georgio.

  "We always do," said Nicola.

  "That's good," said Georgio. "Because if you hadn't, I calculate that at least ten years would have passed in Earth time. Imagine that! Your parents would have spent the last ten years worrying about you. All your friends would be ten years older. You would--oh my goodness, are you choking, Tyler?"

  Everyone turned to look at Tyler. His face had gone white.

  "I forgot," he wheezed.

  "Forgot what?" said Nicola.

  "I made a terrible mistake! I forgot to put the spaceship on Time-Squeeze speed! Ten years will have passed! I--what? Why are you all pointing at me?"

  Suddenly he understood. He grinned at them, and holding the gold button between his fingertips, he began to murmur, "Let that moment retake . . ."

  Nicola blinked. She had a slightly odd feeling. She wasn't sure why. Georgio was in the middle of saying to Tyler, "I assume you flew on Time-Squeeze speed, so you had time up your sleeve."

  For some reason Tyler's face was bright pink and his glasses were fogged up. He spoke slowly, as if he was dazed. "I fixed my mistake."

  "What mistake?" asked Nicola. She had no idea what Tyler was talking about.

  Tyler took his glasses off and polished them with his sleeve. "That was the most amazing thing! I went right back to when we first left Earth in the spaceship and this time I made sure we went on Time-Squeeze speed! It was incredible!

  Ah. So Tyler had made a mistake and now he'd fixed it. It was so strange that Nicola had no memory of it happening. Now everyone had used their limited edition gold buttons, so there would be no more second chances.

  We'll just have to live with our mistakes from now on, thought Nicola.

  Everyone was concentrating on Tyler, so she was the only one to catch the first glimpse of Earth's familiar curve through the spaceship window. Seeing Earth from outer space was like seeing her own life from very far away. She thought about all the tiny things that could upset her on an ordinary day: missing the bus, homework, an argument with Sean. She vowed that at least once a day she would stop and remember that somewhere in the galaxy, planets were at war, fighting for the freedom she took for granted: the freedom to be annoyed by little things, because you didn't have to be terrified by much bigger things. Of course, it wouldn't stop her from being annoyed by Sean or wishing she didn't have homework, but it might help her put things in perspective.

  As the Royal Spaceship plummeted back into Earth's outer atmosphere, Nicola's heart lifted. She thought about all the ordinary places and things and sights and sounds that lay waiting for her: her mom's frown as she sorted mismatched socks from the wash and yelled out answers to the quiz show on TV, her dad dancing around the kitchen as he burned the lamb chops, the taste of cheese on toast, the feel of her own pillow at the end of a long day, the shrill cries of cicadas as Earth's only sun slipped down toward the horizon outside her bedroom window.

  Earth wasn't a perfect planet, but it was hers.

  Home,she thought. It's so good to be home.

  THE END