A touch of love

by Conn, Phoebe

  Aubrey walked back into the house, but the way Larry had looked at Jesse had made his skin crawl and he was too stunned to move for a moment. Finally, he closed the front door and followed her into the living room. "Is Larry gay? Is that why you're no longer married to him?"

  Aubrey sat down on the sofa and folded her hands primly in her lap. "No. He's not gay. He was just playing with your mind, and it obviously worked. But please, I don't want to agrue with you about him."

  "We're not arguing," Jesse denied. "I just asked you a simple question. You make only vague references to an unhappy marriage in your book. Now that I've met Larry, I'd really like to know what happened. Hell, I'd like to know why you married a man like him in the first place."

  Aubrey bit her lower lip to force back the tears that thoughts of Larry always brought. "You've no right to ask such personal questions, Jesse. I think you'd better go."

  "Oh no, I'm not going anywhere," Jesse promised as he walked around the sofa to face her. There was a slate-topped coffee table in front of the sofa and after deciding it would support his weight, he sat down on it opposite her. Easily capturing her knees between his own, he reached out and took her hands in a gentle clasp. "Neither of us is going anywhere for a good long while."

  Aubrey wasn't afraid of Jesse, merely embarrassed to tears by the years she had wasted trying to please a man who had refused to be pleased. She shook her head and glanced away.

  Jesse tightened his grasp. Aubrey was again wearing the calla lily ring, and he took care not to gouge the petals into her finger. "I want the truth, lady. All of it and right now."

  Aubrey responded with a surprisingly defiant tear-brightened stare, but despite her stubborn effort to exclude him, Jesse knew he had every right to learn her secrets, even though he had known her only three days. On Saturday he had been prepared to dislike her quite thoroughly, but he had soon discovered that was impossible. She was far too exciting a woman to dislike, even if they did clash wills far too often.

  "How do you reconcile the fact that you don't always practice the same open, caring attitude that you preach in your seminars?"

  "It's not a question of not practicing what I preach," Aubrey insisted obstinately. "It's a matter of maintaining my personal privacy."

  "The hell it is!"

  Aubrey recoiled as though he had struck her, but she still didn't begin the tale he was so anxious to hear. Jesse

  was regarding her with the same hostile stare she had seen at the seminar, but this time she fully understood the cause. He challenged her constantly, but he had every right to hold opposing opinions. Still, she wasn't convinced she ought to trust him as completely as his demand required.

  "All right/' Jesse conceded. "I apologize for the foul language, but I was sorely provoked. Let's start over from where you got home this afternoon. How did your seminar go?"

  Aubrey was surprised by his sudden change of direction, but gave him credit for at least attempting to understand her. "Corporations hire me to conduct stress reduction workshops for their executives. That's what we were doing today. My presentation is slightly different than the one you attended, but the message is essentially the same: what we can imagine, we can achieve. People impose a great deal of stress on themselves when they try to live up to the unreasonable expectations of others, rather than striving to fulfill themselves."

  'That's certainly true," Jesse agreed, and his hold on her became a smooth caress across her palms.

  The warmth of his touch was distracting, but too pleasant for Aubrey to want to pull free. "I encourage people to find their strengths by following their hearts. I help them stop making excuses and begin setting realistic goals. When people dare to live their dreams, they become far more relaxed and confident. Confident employees are more productive, and so the whole company benefits from my seminars."

  Jesse nodded thoughtfully. "You're a very persuasive speaker, but I can't help but wonder what type of goals you've set for yourself. Do you hope to remarry someday and have a family?"

  Aubrey smiled slightly. "Yes, of course I do."

  "But I'm not what you had in mind, am I?"

  His cocky grin was very appealing, but Aubrey refused to fall into the trap she was positive he wished to set. She leaned forward slightly and spoke in a husky whisper. "Has it never occurred to you that not all women want to fall into bed with every blond hunk they meet?"

  "No, because that's impossible," Jesse scoffed, amused by the roundabout way she had chosen to pay him a compliment. "Besides, it's not me we're talking about here, but you. I still want the truth."

  Aubrey sat back. "Let me see. Where was I? Oh, yes. We were discussing today's seminar. My part went rather well. Trisha has a date with one of the bank's vice presidents, but I believe everyone above teller has that title so it may not be as impressive as it sounds. Shelley's boyfriend cruised back into town, but he's a worthless slime who hasn't paid a nickel in child support for their daughter. As for Gardner, he just watched Trisha flirt her way through the men in the audience, but it was plain he was dying inside. Now is there anything else you'd like to know?"

  "I know Trisha's a flirt, but I barely noticed Gardner. I'm surprised Shelley has a daughter. She looks as though she just graduated from high school."

  "She's twenty-four, but her vulnerability makes her appear younger. She does the graphics for my brochures, and I'd hoped that working at the seminars would boost her confidence. Unfortunately, she's still painfully shy."

  "Well, it's nice that you're concerned about her and your other employees. Now let's get back to your husband. He's obviously successful. Why didn't he make you happy? Tell me."

  His relaxed manner invited her confidence, and yet she caught the faint hint of a threat in his voice. "Or else?" she asked.

  Jesse gave a sly chuckle. "Oh, yes, or else I'm going to assume that all you need is a man who'll treat you like a

  woman and I'll make love to you right here on the sofa instead of taking you upstairs/*

  "You wouldn't dare," Aubrey hissed.

  Jesse let go of her hands and released his silver belt buckle with one hand. "Try me."

  Aubrey stared at the teasing light in his eyes. He wasn't threatening her with physical violence, but he was making a promise he looked determined to keep. If he made love as well as he kissed, then that was no threat at all, she realized with a small sigh of surrender. "All right, I'll talk."

  "Smart girl."

  Aubrey tried to find somewhere to focus her glance other than Jesse's taunting grin, but he was much too charming to ignore. "My book was purposely vague not only to guard my privacy, but to avoid a lawsuit from Larry. He's an extremely successful attorney. I was twenty-four and teaching art in high school when we met. He was thirty, and more sophisticated than any man I'd ever dated. I was too thrilled by his attentions to give his proposal more than a few seconds consideration. We drove to Las Vegas and were married that very night."

  When Aubrey suddenly fell silent, Jesse encouraged her to continue. "Come on, you're just getting to the good part. Don't stop now."

  "I should make some tea or something."

  "You can't be that thirsty. Just tell me what happened. Couldn't he get it up on your wedding night?"

  "He had no trouble at all," Aubrey shot right back at him. "It was just that he was always very mechanical, as though he were following a script. Trial attorneys tend to have a theatrical nature, and he was as slick in the bedroom as he was in a courtroom, but there's a vast difference between technique and honest emotion."

  That remark hit Jesse real close to home because it fit his relationships with women as well. He didn't like that

  fact at all. "I can understand that," he managed to say, consoling himself that he had never received a complaint from any of the women he had taken to bed. Of course, it was highly possible none of them had possessed the brains to make the comparison Aubrey just had.

  Aubrey was beginning to feel a little sick to her stomach. Certain
Jesse wouldn't believe that excuse, she hurried to finish her story. "He had been wonderfully attentive while we were dating, but once we were married, he became increasingly distant. He was never openly critical, but he managed to find fault with everything I did. He would say, 1 Oh, you're wearing the blue dress to the party? I'd hoped you'd wear the green.' He would never mention a preference before I was dressed, however.

  "At first I did my best to please him, but the harder I tried, the less success I achieved. I was attempting to live out his fantasy of the perfect wife, you see, and it just wasn't me. We appeared to have the perfect marriage, but I felt abandoned. I didn't know what I'd done wrong, or to whom to turn."

  "Until you chanced upon creative imagery and wrote The Mind's Eye?"

  "Yes. Larry dismissed my book as New Age nonsense and didn't bother to read the manuscript. By the time it sold, I'd seen our marriage for the sham it was and asked for a divorce. I'd intended to return to teaching until my book became a surprise bestseller.

  "Larry blamed my sudden success and the pressures of his job for our problems and begged me to give our marriage another try. I had loved him dearly once and thought I should, but the very next week he mentioned how disappointed he was that I wasn't content simply being his wife, and we were right back where we had started. I saw his attempt to manipulate my thoughts and emotions for the abuse it was, left the house we had shared, and never went

  back. My parents were planning to move, so I bought this place from them and came home."

  Aubrey looked down at her hands and realized they were trembling badly. "You were right when you teased me Saturday night about not going out much. I haven't dated at all since the divorce. Conducting seminars keeps me from being lonely, and quite frankly, I think it will take a long while for the disillusionment of my failed marriage to fade."

  Jesse reached out to tilt her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. "There's no reason for you to be ashamed to tell that story. Larry wanted a cardboard cutout of a woman, not one who could think on her own, let alone one who believes in following her heart Now when a kid falls off a horse, he's always told to get right back on again so he's got no time to be afraid. After such a lousy marriage, I don't blame you for avoiding men for a while, but it's high time you got back in the game. Come on, let's go upstairs. Someone else might come to the door and I don't want to give them an eyeful."

  When he pulled her to her feet, Aubrey panicked. "Oh no, you can't expect me to regard making love to you as therapy."

  "Why not? It sounds like a hell of an idea to me."

  "NO!" Aubrey yanked her hands from his. "I divorced a man for trying to make me into something I'm not, and I'm nowhere near ready to make love to you." There was such little room between the sofa and coffee table she couldn't get by him. She glanced over her shoulder and wondered if she could leap over the back of the sofa without falling on her face.

  "Hey, take it easy," Jesse called softly. He drew her into his arms but his hold was feather light. "If you're not in the mood, all you have to do is say so. Fortunately I'm

  always in the mood, so whenever you feel the time is right, we're sure to connect.''

  His shirt was still open, and Aubrey found the warmth of his bare chest beneath her cheek as reassuring as his words. He smelled very good. The first time he had pulled her into his arms they had been outdoors and she hadn't noticed he wore such an intoxicating scent. Damn the man, she cursed silently. Why did he have to be not only handsome, but so wonderfully understanding? An amorous cowboy was the last thing she needed on that, or any other afternoon.

  "I'm all right," she assurred him as she moved to the side.

  Jesse released her instantly. "Make yourself some tea. I'll go to my aunt's house and get my things."

  "What things?"

  "You want a list? Let's see, there's my clothes, and—"

  "You are not moving in here, Jesse Barrett." Aubrey put her hands on her hips, her mood instantly turning defiant.

  "Look, this was your parents' house. Glenn is your maiden name. It's not going to take the killers any great amount of time to find out where you live. If you think I'll leave you here all alone, when you don't even have an alarm system or a dog that could bite anyone higher than the ankles, you're just plain crazy.

  "As I see it, I placed your life in jeopardy by taking you over to Pete's house, and I'm not going to leave you to face the consequences alone. We don't have to sleep together if you don't want to. Just think of me as a bodyguard. We can keep our relationship strictly professional. That's what you want, isn't it?"

  "Yes," Aubrey was quick to assure him. "But you can't live here indefinitely. If the police haven't been able to prove there has been a murder, much less catch the culprits, how do you think we're going to do it?"

  "I don't know yet, but I've got a line on several interesting possibilities. I'll tell you all about them later. Now lock the door after me and don't let anyone else in before I get back. Just leave all the books where I left them so I can find what I want to show you."

  In the space of three days' time, Aubrey's well-ordered life had gotten completely out of control. As she stood at the front window and watched Jesse drive away, she feared things were going to become a lot more complicated before they improved. It had begun so innocently, with a cowboy turning up in her seminar, but a sinking sensation filled the pit of her stomach as she recalled the chilling photograph of the Ferrells. That had been imagery of the very worst sort, and she didn't want any repetition of it.

  While she hadn't admitted it to Jesse, she frequently let herself dwell on sharing the future with a man. She had given him all the traits of good character, but had purposely kept his physical appearance vague because any creation of a particular ideal would exclude men who might better fulfill her desires. A swaggering Brahma bull rider was absolutely out of the question, however.

  She went into the kitchen to brew some soothing herbal tea, but as she sat down to sip it, her mind filled with taunting images of a blue-eyed cowboy with a wicked grin. Some bodyguard he would make! She might be in far greater danger from him than from the murderers he was so determined to catch.

  "We'll just have to solve the crime and send him home," she promised herself, but she had little faith that they could succeed when their only clue was a ghastly photograph she refused to view a second time.

  She had set the kitchen table for two, but occupying the same space and sharing a meal were two entirely different things in Jesse's view. 'Til make you a deal. I'll eat some salad, if you'll take a slice of pizza."

  Aubrey was amused by his effort to strike a bargain, but saw no reason to agree. "Salads are filled with delicious nutrients, while the only nutritional value in a pizza is in the sauce and crust. In fact, eating high-fat meats like pepperoni or sausage and cheese could actually contribute to a slow form of suicide."

  Jesse was used to women watching their weight, but he thought Aubrey was taking her choice of food to obnoxious extremes.' 'What if I order a pizza topped with mushrooms, olives, bell peppers, and just barely sprinkled with cheese?"

  "Well, that would be a significant improvement," Aubrey agreed reluctantly.

  Jesse grabbed the telephone to place his order before she qualified her answer. The pizza arrived as quickly as the company promised, and while Jesse would have preferred Canadian bacon or Italian sausage, he was too hungry to regret his compromise. Aubrey had a fat-free ranch dressing that enhanced the flavor of the salad sufficiently to make it palatable, and as he bit into his first slice of pizza, he decided the vegetarian special wasn't half bad.

  Aubrey took only a single slice of pizza and began with her salad. She hadn't invited anyone to have dinner at her house for a long time, and it was rather nice having company again. Still, she didn't really believe she needed a bodyguard and hoped after Jesse followed her around for a couple of days, he would be bored witless and go home. She took a sip of water and struggled to find a subject for conversation that woul
dn't lead directly to an argument.

  As soon as Jesse had taken the rough edge off his appetite, he explained his day's explorations. "I looked through the books you'd mentioned in The Mind's Eye, but I didn't

  find much on ESP, so I searched through your bookshelves. I found a volume from the Time/Life series on the Mysteries of the Unknoxvn that has a test for ESP. It uses cards with symbols and is supposed to be an accurate test of psychic ability. Have you ever taken it?"

  * 'Yes, but it was nearly a year ago, and my score was lower than what anyone would correctly identify by chance/'

  Jesse appeared perplexed. "How can that be possible?''

  'To score lower than chance? Well, I suppose it requires some sort of talent, but obviously not the one we're looking for."

  "That's discouraging," he murmured between bites. "After dinner, let's make a set of the symbol cards and try it again."

  "Jesse, really. Please don't get your hopes up." Or anything else she thought to herself. She took a quick mouthful of salad to hide her smile, tickled by the joke she dared not speak aloud.

  "Did you try the test with Trisha?" When Aubrey nodded, Jesse assumed she had been distracted by her vivacious assistant. "That's reason enough to take it again."

  Aubrey couldn't imagine why, but his scowl provided a ready glimpse into his reasoning. She rested her fork on the side of her plate. "You don't like her for some reason?"

  Jesse shrugged slightly. "She's just not my type is all. I'm too tall to go for petite women. I'm afraid I might inadvertently suffocate one with an enthusiastic hug."

  There wasn't even a hint of clumsiness in any of Jesse's actions, so Aubrey thought the danger of his killing a woman with affection extremely remote. "I thought we were talking about ESP testing. Can't you think of women as anything other than sex objects?"