A touch of love

by Conn, Phoebe

have time to place an ad, but checked the Times for lost dogs. People were missing poodles and collies, even a Chihuahua, but no one was looking for a young German shep-herd. ,,

  Jesse spoke her name in a tender sigh. "Aubrey, Lucky saved your life today. He was meant to be your dog. I knew that when we were in Sedona, and I didn't intend to keep him long."

  That Jesse had already planned to come see her before she had called him thrilled Aubrey clear through. Unable to observe the grisly scene on the highway, she glanced out at the sands swirling above the Devil's Playground, doubted the storm would last long, and had a sudden inspiration. "I can call Cecile Blanchard and ask her to look after Guinevere and Lucifer so that we can stay here. Let's come back tonight after dark. With the stars to guide us, I think we'll have more success."

  In so many ways, Jesse believed they already had, but he agreed. They had to leave statements down at the Highway Patrol headquarters, where they learned a hysterical Rachel McClure had been taken to the hospital, but not charged with any crime. They spent the rest of the day and early evening snuggled in each other's arms in a comfortable motel room in Barstow. Then when the wind died down, they gathered their courage and returned to the desert site.

  *T think they must have pulled off the road just past the sign for the Devil's Playground," Jesse said. "We covered part of the area where they might have buried the Ferrells today. Maybe we were close when Caine found you."

  4 'No. I don't believe so." Aubrey climbed out of the truck and kept a firm grip on Lucky's leash. They'd studied the Highway Patrol's maps of the Devil's Playground and found the area to be nearly forty miles in length, but less than twenty miles of the narrow width bordered the road.

  Oddly shaped, it resembled a glove, with a long index finger extending toward the west.

  'The desert dreams were right/' she told Jesse, "and the Indian pointed west. Let's go that way, until we feel or hear something compelling."

  Had someone told Jesse a month ago that he would soon be pressing the limits of his perceptions into the psychic realm, he would have howled with laughter. Tonight, Aubrey's suggestion struck him as a wise course to follow. "Let's give ourselves plenty of time."

  "Yes. I doubt spirits wear watches." Aubrey laced her fingers in his, and they began moving slowly across the wind-rippled sand. There was very little traffic on the highway that night, providing only a faint hum in the distance. She timed her breathing to her steps, and because Marlene was the one they had heard in the Ferrells' garage, she sent her a silent call. It made sense to her that a mother's love would be strong even after death, and she prayed that she and Jesse possessed sufficient psychic ability to hear Marlene's cries a second time.

  Hand in hand Aubrey and Jesse walked slowly, aimlessly, while at the same time they strained for even a faint sign they were on the right path. Simply enjoying the exercise, Lucky trotted along beside them. The day had been warm, and stored heat still radiated from the sand, but when Aubrey felt a sudden chill, she tightened her grip on Jesse's hand. He stopped with her, and not daring to speak, she inhaled deeply and her whole body flooded with tingling anticipation.

  A tremendous sorrow had filled them at the Ferrells' home, but here in the desert sands, the mood surrounding them became one of tranquil beauty. There was no change in the light, no shimmering sparkle, but Aubrey felt the same blissful calm experienced in a Zen garden. The Indian did not appear in her mind, but she knew this was

  precisely the spot where he had stopped to scoop up a handful of sand. She knew it without needing proof, as readily as she knew her own name.

  "I think this is the place," Jesse whispered softly. "But it isn't sad as I had thought it would be. They must be at peace, at last. I guess there really is a heaven, and they're already there."

  They had brought a single wooden stake topped with a red streamer, and Jesse knelt to bury it in the sand. "The authorities will investigate tomorrow, but I don't want to be here. Do you?" He rose and brushed the sand from his hands.

  "No. Let's just get up early in the morning and go home."

  Jesse draped his arm around Aubrey's shoulders as they made their way back to the truck. Lucky had enjoyed the trek across the sand, and as they drove back into Barstow he leaned out the window, eager to sample the scents floating on the evening breeze. Along with toothbrushes* they had bought a water bowl and dog food, so Lucky was quickly settled for the night.

  Aubrey found it impossible to sleep, however, and Jesse knew she did not feel up to making love any more than he did. He had never simply held a woman in his arms, but with her, it felt right. "If we found them," he murmured, "you know what's going to happen to us, don't you?"

  Aubrey sighed and pressed her shoulders against his chest. "Yes, exactly what I feared. We'll be asked to appear on all the talk shows and despondent families will deluge us with heartbreaking pleas to find their missing loved ones. The requests began coming in when the photograph of us first appeared in the newspaper. I just don't think I could do this again and again though, Jesse. And yet, we've

  barely glimpsed what we might be able to do, and it would be cowardly not to pursue it."

  "We?"Jesse chuckled. "I won't argue with you. Whatever mystical power we have works best when we're together."

  Aubrey covered a wide yawn. She didn't want to be Jesse's business partner, but did not feel up to suggesting a deeper emotional tie. "Let's just go to sleep. Tomorrow has to be a better day."

  Jesse smoothed her hair away from her cheek, then leaned close to kiss her goodnight. This had easily been the strangest few weeks of his life, but he would not have traded them for any prize. One thing at a time, he cautioned himself, but Aubrey had been asleep a long while before he finally quieted the noisy memories that too often disturbed his rest.

  Jesse spoke with Detective Heffley soon after he and Aubrey arrived home on Wednesday, but gained little satisfaction from her assurance John Gilroy was known to have crossed the border into Mexico, where he would surely stay. Jesse made a brief report of Harlan Caine's death and told the detective to contact the authorities in San Bernadino County, where he had left the developer's pistol for ballistic's testing. It was a strained conversation at best, but all Jesse felt he owed her.

  It was Aubrey who answered the critical call that afternoon. Four bodies had been found buried beneath the stake Jesse had driven into the ground at the Devil's Playground, and there was enough left of the charred remains for the county coroner to identify them as Peter and Mar-lene Farrell and their twin sons. Every word of the grim report stung, and her eyes filled with tears as she hung up the telephone and relayed the message to Jesse.

  "They'll need more time to be positive the bullets that

  killed Pete and Marlene came from Harlan's pistol, but it's the right caliber, and I've no doubt it was the murder weapon. Your aunt will surely need your help planning the funeral. I'm sorry it ended this way, but at least it's over and Edith will finally have the peace you wanted to give her."

  "That's what we all want, isn't it—the peace to greet each new day with joy instead of dread?"

  Aubrey had spoken of that very goal in many of her seminars. "Yes. That's the ideal. Perhaps you can arrange for the service to be on Sunday, then all the Ferrells' friends should be able to attend."

  Aubrey's mood was as downcast as his own, but she had not known his relatives, and Jesse was afraid to ask why their deaths had affected her so profoundly. "Don't you want to come?"

  "No, not if it will lead to a media circus. Pete and Marlene deserve better than that."

  "The family generally uses a private entrance at a funeral, and you needn't be seen if you don't want to be." Reminded of how reluctant she had been to help in the beginning, Jesse chose not to push the issue. "Think about it. You've plenty of time to decide. I better get on over to Edith's. She knew what was coming all along, but that doesn't mean this news won't hit her hard."

  "Do you want me to come with you?"

  "No. I th
ink you need to pull back. Just lie out by the pool, answer your fan mail, and think up some inspiring thoughts for Saturday's seminar." Jesse gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, then stepped away. "Maybe I ought to just stay at my aunt's for the next few days. That way she won't be grieving all alone."

  Aubrey swallowed a sickening wave of panic and forced herself to make the gracious response. "That would be

  very thoughtful of you. Please give me a call if there's

  anything more I can do."

  "Sure. You have my aunt's number if you need me." "Yes. I do." But Aubrey knew she wouldn't call while

  Edith needed him so desperately—and she dared not

  admit that she did, too.

  On Saturday morning, Aubrey wore Levi's, a baggy gray sweatshirt, a colorful scarf wrapped around her head, and dark glasses to confuse the reporters waiting to interview her before her seminar. Fortunately, Gardner had summoned security guards to keep the unruly group well away from the door, and she wasn't recognized. As soon as she had slipped into the conference room, she removed the sunglasses, pulled off the sweatshirt to reveal a blue silk shirt, and tossed the scarf aside.

  She fluffed out her curls as she walked over to the table where Shelley and Gardner were huddled together. She had spoken with each of them on the telephone and already answered every question they had. One look at the way their eyes shone when they glanced at each other answered her own.

  "This is only the fourth seminar in this series, but I'm going to announce it will conclude today, and send out refunds for the last two dates. This last week has been difficult in the extreme, and I need to get away. I'll cover your salaries though. There's no reason for you to be penalized just because I can't continue."

  Trisha had hoped to arrive early, and apologized as she joined them. "I'm sorry. I meant to be the first to arrive, but just as I was leaving the house Eric called to confirm our plans for tonight and I didn't want to be rude."

  Gardner checked his watch, but discovered Trisha wasn't late at all, and refrained from delivering a lecture on the

  value of being punctual. ''If you're still seeing him, why don't the four of us go out some time? I went to hear Rifficus Rose last night with Shelley,and I'll bet you'd like them, too."

  "My God," Trisha gasped. "You went to the Old Towne Pub?"

  Obviously offended, Gardner straightened up. "Yeah, I did, and I had a real good time."

  "We're going to take Annie camping next week," Shelley added shyly.

  Pleased for the quiet couple, Aubrey waited until her assistants had caught up on each other's news before telling Trisha she was ending the seminars for the time being. "Fll need a few days to decide what I want to do about the others we have coming up, but I'll let you know in plenty of time to cancel, or reschedule them."

  Trisha's dark eyes widened in astonishment. "But you've gotten such incredibly good publicity from the Ferrell case. This is no time to retire, even if it's only temporarily."

  The room was filling, and Aubrey backed away to greet the day's participants. "My mind's made up, Trish. Now let's just concentrate on giving today's session the enthusiasm it deserves." Her warning glance stilled Trisha's complaints, but she had to counter them all again at the close of the day.

  "Does Jesse know what you're doing?" Trisha asked pointedly.

  "I'll tell him after the funeral tomorrow."

  "Eric and I will be there," Trisha promised. "We didn't know the Ferrells, but we know Jesse and want to attend."

  "So do we," Gardner added. He had his equipment all packed, and left the room with Shelley.

  Aubrey donned the sweatshirt and covered her hair. "I doubt any reporters had the stamina to last the day, but just in case, I want to be ready to fool them."

  Trisha had on a short yellow dress, and certain she looked her best, opened the door and peeked out. "It's safe to leave. There's no one here."

  "Thank God." As they walked to the parking garage, Aubrey only listened with one ear to Trisha's insistent demands that she ride the current wave of publicity. "Get the refunds ready, and I'll sign the checks before I leave town."

  "Where are you going?"

  "I haven't decided yet. Maybe Australia."

  "Isn't it winter there now?"

  "Probably, but I can always learn how to ski." Aubrey laid her notebook on the back seat and got into her car. She had been so depressed all week, she didn't really know how she had gotten through the day's seminar without breaking down. She thought she would have plenty of time to cry when she got home, but when she pulled into her driveway, she saw Jesse's Chevy parked across the street. He had been playing with Lucky in the backyard, and met her at the gate.

  "Did you go to your seminar dressed like that?" he asked incredulously.

  Aubrey glanced down at her sweatshirt and shrugged, but pulled off her scarf. "It's a disguise. It worked, too. I got by the reporters this morning without having to answer any questions." She looked up at him and wondered why he was taller than she had remembered, and even more handsome. Her chest ached with longing, but she just fiddled with her scarf rather than hug him.

  "My editor wants me to write a book about our involvement in the Ferrell case. I told her that was the very last thing I'd ever do."

  "Really?" Jesse feared he must be to blame for the sadness in her eyes, and reached out to take her hand. "Come sit with me awhile. I've been trying to mediate a dispute

  between Guinevere and Lucky, but the two are just ignoring each other.''

  'Tm hoping they'll eventually make friends, while Lucifer's taken up residence in the house." Aubrey followed Jesse to the glass table, then quickly pulled off the baggy sweatshirt before sitting down. 'The book would surely be another bestseller, but it just doesn't seem right."

  "Why not? The ballistic report's in. Harlan Caine's pistol was the murder weapon. You could make it a fascinating story, and at the same time, downplay the psychic angle so that you'd not be plagued with more cowboys looking for lost relatives."

  Jesse flashed a charming grin, but Aubrey knew she couldn't risk another broken heart, and that was all he was going to leave her. She looked away, and Guinevere came out from under the bougainvillaea to nestle at her feet while Lucky remained close to Jesse. She and Jesse were as great a mismatch as the two dogs, she realized, and the thought didn't make her feel any better.

  Jesse had been teasing, but after studying Aubrey's woebegone expression, he knew his joke had fallen flat. He got up and moved his chair closer. "I wanted to talk to you before the funeral. What I mean is, I thought it would be better to talk to you before we all ended up in tears, and no matter how upbeat the memorial service is, I'm afraid that's what will happen."

  Aubrey was already on the verge of tears, but at least at the memorial, she would have an excuse. "Is there something you need? I told you I'd be happy to help."

  Jesse took both her hands in his. "Yeah. There's something I need. You." Aubrey drew back slightly, and he increased the pressure on her hands to draw her close. "Just listen to me a minute. The first time we slept together, you told me we were too different to have anything that

  would last, but every man and woman are different. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

  "I think you could be real happy working in Sedona and you can fly out of Phoenix to anywhere you want to hold a seminar. I know you have two more scheduled in Pasadena, but—"

  "No. I cancelled them." Aubrey wasn't sure where Jesse was heading, but relocating to Sedona and being with him struck her as two entirely different things. She couldn't beg for the love he wouldn't willing give. "I need to get away for a while," she murmured.

  Jesse remembered how enthusiastic her presentation had been at the first seminar he had attended. When he contrasted that memory with her dejected pose now, he was overwhelmed with guilt. Earlier in the week she had nearly gotten shot, then she'd seen Harlan Caine hit crossing the highway. They had found the Ferrells, but had had litde reason to celebrate
. Then he had left her to brood alone all week.

  "I should have stayed here with you," he apologized.

  "Your aunt needed you."

  "True, but I needed you, and while you're too damn stubborn to admit it, I think you needed me, too."

  "I am not stubborn!"

  That was the most life Jesse had seen from her, and he relaxed into a smile. "I'm trying to ask you to marry me, Aubrey. If you want to get away so badly, why don't we make it a honeymoon? Australia sure seems a little far, but maybe it would give us an excuse to take off" a month or two. What do you say?"

  Aubrey stared at him. Maybe he didn't love her, but if they married, he would certainly have the time to learn. Then again, what if he didn't, and ended up resenting her, or God forbid, just being indifferent? "Isn't love important to you?" she asked.

  Jesse swallowed hard. He hadn't kept a count of how many women had said they loved him, but he had never spoken the word himself. He had always thought that if love created the mess his family had been, then he didn't want any part of it. But Aubrey wasn't like any woman he had ever known. He leaned over and kissed her.

  "I don't know much about love," he confided, "but I know I love you. If you'd just give me a chance, I'm sure I could make you happy."

  Aubrey reached out to frame his face tenderly between her hands. "I love you so much, but what if we learn how to read each other's minds, and don't like what we see?"

  Jesse swore under his breath. "There's nothing but good in you so I'm not worried. But if you ever decide you don't like me, then I'll just grow my hair long, dye it black, buy a pinto stallion, and convince you I'm the man of your dreams."

  Aubrey laughed for the first time in a week, and pulled him into her arms. She could see the love in his eyes and feel it in his touch. If he loved her as much as she loved him, then the adventure had just begun and the future was theirs to create. "Oh, Jesse," she swore, "you already are."