Keeping the Beat: An Adrenaline Novel

by O'Hara, Morgan

  “You should go after him Declan,” Reece whispered. “He shouldn't be driving around right now.”

  “I don’t give a flying shit.” My brother’s voice was considerably louder than his fiancé’s. It was obvious he was pissed at his friend. I wanted to chime in but his outraged, “ouch,” stopped me.

  “Why did you pinch me?” Declan hissed.

  “Because you do care so cut the crap, Declan. You’re not fooling me, it’s written all over your face. We both know he shouldn't be alone after what happened. You need to go find him and bring him back here.”

  I heard Declan let out a sigh and shuffle his feet. There was no doubt in my mind he was pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I’ll get my keys and call the guys to come help. You’ll stay with her?”

  “Of course I will,” Reece sounded slightly insulted Declan assumed she would do anything else. I heard her give him a smacking kiss and took that as my cue to move away from the door. “Be safe and call me when you find him.”

  When Reece peaked her head in to check on me I had already slid back between the covers and closed my eyes so she wouldn't know I had been eavesdropping.

  I hadn't heard my brother come home last night which meant while I was faking sleep I must have really fallen asleep. When I woke up the next morning it was with a raging headache that made me press my hands against my temples to try to temper the throbbing. I knew I should be upset about what happened but all I could think of was how much I wanted Jace.

  I had never seen him as upset as he had been the night before. Not once in the whole time I had known him had Jace ever raised his voice to me, but last night when he was ordering me to call the cops I had felt goosebumps break out along my skin. There had been so much rage on his face I was afraid to leave him with Sydney. Deep down I knew Jace would never hurt her, but it had been obvious he was hanging onto his control by the skin of his teeth. His whole body had been vibrating when he’d left me on Declan’s doorstep.

  Wincing slightly I turned on my back and pressed my arm against my forehead trying to relieve the pain pounding behind my eyelids. No doubt a pain killer would make me feel better but I didn't have the will to roll out of bed to go get one.

  “Headache?” I felt cool hands push my hair away from my face and blinked to see Mrs. Cooper sitting down on the bed next to me. Her worried expression told me she had been waiting for me to wake up for awhile.

  I nodded and let my eyes fall shut again. “Jace?”

  “He’s not back yet,” she said on a sigh. “The boys are still out looking for him.” Her hands starting combing through my hair lulling me back to sleep. “You had quite the exciting night, Miss Kane.” She reached over onto the bedside table and grabbed a bottle of water and two pain pills.

  Taking both from her I tossed the pills into my mouth with a sip of water to help ease them down my throat. “Tell me about it.” I felt tears building behind my eyes and knew if I didn't let them free my headache would only get worse. “I wish Jace were here. I don't understand why he just dropped me off and left. I need him with me and I know he needs me too.” The blank look that had been on Jace’s face when he had turned away from me and jumped into his truck made me want to scream and cry at the same time.

  “Kenzie, how much has Jace told you about his parents?”

  I opened my eyes and felt hot tears slide down my face. Mrs. Cooper looked like she was on the verge of tears herself. “Just that his mom died and his dad was in prison. He didn't tell me why and I didn't want to push him. I figured he would tell me when he was ready.”

  She nodded and looked away from me for a moment before seeming to collect herself. “My sister met Emmet Craw when she was seventeen and was immediately smitten with him. He was a boxer from Australia and when he went back there she followed him. I only met him a few times before she left and I didn't like him. There was something mean about him. I didn't like the way he talked to her. When I told my sister that she got defensive and told me I didn't understand. I almost wish I hadn't been so vocal about my distaste for him, maybe then she would have reached out to me when things started to go south.”

  “What happened?” I already had an idea and was scared that I was going to be right. I sat up a little feeling my stomach lurch. I felt like I was going to be sick as pain filled Mrs. Cooper’s eyes.

  “He stopped just being mean with his words,” Mrs. Cooper shook her head, a tear spilling over from the corner of her eye. “He started hitting her. Of course she never told me, I didn't find out about it until much later. When Jace told me.” Her hand had continued to run through my hair as she spoke but now I reached up and locked my fingers with hers. “One night he didn't just hit her. He killed her. Jace tried to intervene and got hurt in the process before he ran to a neighbors and called the police. By the time they got there it was too late. She was already gone.”

  “Oh my god, Mrs. Cooper.” I sat up on the bed and wrapped my arms around her pressing my cheek against hers. “I’m so sorry.” I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better but that didn't stop me from trying.

  “I loved my sister but there was a long period of time where I blamed her. I couldn't understand why she didn't leave him, why she didn't tell me. Why she didn't take Jace, leave him and come home.”

  “She was probably scared of what he would do.”

  “And in the end he did it anyway.” Pulling back to look at me Mrs. Cooper cupped my cheek in her hand. “I know what happened last night scared you, it scared all of us, but I think it absolutely terrified Jace. He’s always been convinced he was going to turn into his father. That fear has made him hold apart of himself back his entire life, until he let himself be loved by you.”

  Knowing the rest of Jace’s story made everything fall into focus. I suddenly understood why Jace was always so controlled when it came to his anger. I even got why he was so afraid to be with me in the first place. What I didn't understand was why he left me when I needed him the most.

  Jace

  After sitting in my truck for majority of the night I headed into town just as the sun was coming up. I went to the hardware store and purchased the supplies I would need to fix Kenzie’s door before driving over to her house.

  When I pulled into the driveway I immediately ripped the crime scene tape away from the door. I didn't want Kenzie to come back here and be reminded of what happened last night even though I doubted it was something she would ever forget. I knew I would never be able to.

  I collected the pieces of the door I had kicked down forcing my mind to stay blank when thoughts of why I had broken it threatened to break through. I was just getting ready to put the new door in place when I heard tires squeal behind me followed by the slamming of doors. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Declan, the twins, and Garret walking towards me and resumed my task.

  “If you want to kill me you can wait until after I fix this door.”

  “We’re not here to kill you, Jace.” Garret stepped into my line of vision, a concerned frown etched on his face.

  “That’s a shame.” I let out a bitter laugh.

  “We’ve been looking for you all night.” Lucas appeared on my other side, his expression mirroring his older brother’s. “Where have you been?”

  “Around.”

  “Shiiiiit,” Wyatt’s voice held just enough shock to make me glance his way. He was standing at the side of my truck looking at the door, his blue eyes wide. “Damn, dude. This is why I never get into fights with you. You’re going to have to replace this door.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” I said turning away from him. Before I could reach for my tools Garret snagged one of my hands. They were still crusted with blood because I hadn't bothered to wash them. I could see faint bruises forming and knew I had probably sprained something but didn't care. Like the damage to my truck door, it didn't matter.

  “Jace, holy shit.” He moved my fingers back and forth making me wince and pull it away. “Does it f
eel like anything is broken?”

  “It’s fine,” I snapped out glaring at him. The look he gave me made me want to jump back in my truck to get away from the questions shining in his eyes. “I’m fine. Go away so I can fix this fucking door.” When none of them moved I blew out a breath and turned on Lucas. “Why are you here?”

  “We need to know you’re okay,” he answered in a measured tone. “Which you’re obviously not.”

  “I just said I was fine didn't I?” My voice cracked as I yelled at him. “Now fuck off!” I pivoted around meeting Declan’s eye. He was watching me from a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest. “You shouldn't even be here.”

  His eyebrow lifted as he shook his head. “Where should I be?”

  “With Kenzie!” I shouted the words taking a step towards him. “You should be with your sister making sure she’s alright!”

  “No, Jace,” his calm expression faded away as he closed the distance between us. “That’s where you should be.”

  “How can you say that after what happened last night? You’re her brother, you should be looking out for her.”

  “I am looking out for her, dumb ass!” Now we were both yelling as Declan shoved me back a full step. “She fucking needs you right now and you need her too! Stop being a fucking idiot and get in the car!”

  Breathing heavily I shook my head, cursing when my hair fell into my eyes. I glanced down and saw one of Kenzie’s hair bands on my wrist and felt something inside me break. “I can’t.”

  “Why the hell not?” Declan threw up his hands, exasperation clear in his voice.

  “Because it’s my fault she was in danger.”

  “Now you really are being an idiot,” Wyatt groaned. “Sydney is the crazy bitch who broke into Kenzie’s house, Jace. Sydney is the one who wanted to hurt her. Not you. You would never hurt Kenzie. You love her.”

  “It’s my fault Kenzie was even on Sydney's radar. When I saw her standing there with the knife in her hand, I wanted to kill her. I’ve never been so fucking furious,” I confessed.

  “No shit,” Garret agreed staring at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking. “I feel like killing her myself. Doesn't mean I would actually do it, Jace.” Coming to stand beside me, I felt his hand grip my shoulder. “You didn't either.”

  “I could have,” I whispered forcing myself to meet his eye. “I wanted to break her for coming after Kenzie. For coming after what was mine. I was barely able to keep it together. If the cops hadn't shown up when they did I don't know what would have happened.”

  “Nothing, Jace.” Garret’s voice came out harsh cutting through me as his fingers dug into my skin. “Nothing would have happened. You wouldn't have hurt Sydney even though you wanted to. It’s not in your nature.”

  “Yes it is, Garret!” I pulled away from him feeling my breathing quicken. “It is in my fucking nature!”

  “I mean sure, you have a temper Jace, but you would never hit a woman.” Lucas frowned as my chest heaved, panic setting through me. His voice sounded like he was far away even though he stood no more than a few feet from me. When he looked like he was going to walk towards me I threw up a hand to ward him off. I felt like if someone touched me I would splinter in half just like Kenzie’s front door.

  “Why not?” I could hear myself screaming and dimly thought that the neighbors could probably hear every word but I didn't care. “My father beat my mother to death. Who’s to say I’m not capable of the same thing?”

  “What?” Wyatt gasped looking like a dumbstruck fish. “What the hell are you talking about? Your parents died in a car accident.”

  “Shut the fuck up, Wyatt,” Garret growled glaring at his brother.

  Now I knew why the twins had stopped asking questions. Uncle Leonard had lied to them about what had really happened. I couldn't blame him. Sometimes the truth was too terrible to tell.

  “My dad used to slap my mom around. Wouldn't let her do anything without his permission. If she wanted to meet friends for lunch or do something for herself she had to pretend like she was going to work.” Feeling my whole body tense as the memories flooded through me I turned back to the open doorway and picked up my tools. “One night he caught her in a lie. He hit her so hard she fell over and I jumped in between them. He grabbed my arm so hard it snapped when he shoved me out of his way. He picked her up and slammed her down. Her head hit the corner of the end table and that was it.”

  “Jesus,” Wyatt whispered. I felt all their eyes burning holes into my back but didn't turn around. Now they knew the truth about who I really was.

  I tensed when I felt a hand come to rest on my shoulder. A second later I was being turned around and Declan’s arms were pulling me close for a tight hug that knocked the remaining air from my lungs. I felt another pair of arms wrap around my back and turned to see that Wyatt was also clinging to me. Garret was next, followed by Lucas. I almost smiled picturing the five of us standing in an awkward group hug in Kenzie’s front lawn. After a moment they let me go, but Declan wouldn't move away until I met his eye.

  “Get in the car, Jace.”

  Chapter 22

  Kenzie

  I kept glancing at my phone every five seconds to see if Jace or one of the guys had called but was disappointed each time. Thankfully my headache had subsided, but I was still feeling sick to my stomach. I expected that feeling would stay with me until I saw Jace again.

  A part of me was still angry with him for leaving me but more than anything I wanted to assure myself he was okay. Mrs. Cooper’s words had sunk in once she had left to go do some restless cleaning. She had asked if I needed her to stay with me but I told her I was okay. The only company I really wanted was Jace’s.

  I had set up camp by the window so I could overlook the Cooper’s property, waiting to see any sign of the guy’s return. When Declan’s familiar car came into few I sat up straighter and waited anxiously as he, Wyatt, Lucas, Garret, and eventually Jace piled out.

  Before I realized what I was doing I had jumped to my feet and was racing down the stairs. Loki barked in alarm when I almost slipped near the bottom but I didn't let it deter me as I flung the front door open. I almost ran right into my brother as I stepped out onto the porch but I quickly ducked under his arm, throwing myself at Jace. He caught me as I wrapped my arms and legs around him. I held on for dear life, refusing to let him push me away again.

  A second later I felt his own arms lock around me like a steal cage and knew he wasn't going anywhere. I rested my nose in the crook of his neck and took a deep breath as his comforting scent filled my lungs. A sob choked me and I let it loose. Jace’s arms flexed as he felt wet tears start to soak his shirt.

  “It’s okay, Kenzie. You’re okay,” his voice was low and soothing as his hand ran up and down my back. I let my legs fall from around his waist and slid down his body until I could move back to look him over. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he had been run over by a truck. I lifted a finger to trace the lines of his face making him let out a bone weary sigh.

  “I know that. I've been so worried about you.” I suddenly realized that we were alone on the porch. My brother and the guys must have left us to go inside at some point. “Why didn't you stay with me, Jace?”

  “I didn't want you to see me like that,” he said sounding agonized.

  “Like what?”

  “So angry. So out of control.”

  “Why not?” I couldn't take seeing the tortured look in his eyes but when he tried to look away from me I placed my hand on his cheek. “You told me you would talk to me about what you were feeling, Jace. I told you I wouldn't pull away from you. You can’t pull away from me either. It doesn't work that way.”

  I saw his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath. “I was afraid you would see me and be afraid of me. That you wouldn't want to be with me because of it.” He shook his head and worried his bottom lip. “I couldn't risk it.”

  “I thought we had covered this by n
ow.” I raised up to press a kiss to his jaw. “There’s no part of you I don’t love, Jace. I could never be afraid of you, but I’m terrified that you’re going to try to leave me.” It wouldn't be the first time Jace had made a decision that hurt me thinking it was for my own good.

  “I could never leave you, Kenzie. I’m not that strong.” His eyes widened on mine as his fingers tightened on my hand. “There are somethings about me that you need to know. I don’t know if they’re going to change your mind about wanting to be with me or not.” He sucked in a breath looking sick to his stomach. “My dad-”

  “I know about what happened with your parents, Jace,” I quickly interrupted him wanting to put his mind at ease. “Mrs. Cooper told me this morning.”

  “You’re not afraid I’m going to turn out like my father?” Jace asked, lookin like I could crush him with my answer.

  “Are you afraid I’m going to turn out like my mother?” I quirked a brow as my finger traced the lines of his exposed tattoo. “Just because we had shitty parents doesn't mean we’re destined to be shitty people, Jace.”

  “They always said I was going to be just like him.”

  “They didn't know you, Jace. They don’t know the man you’ve become. I do. So who are you going to believe, me or your parent’s ghosts?”

  “You,” he said without missing beat. His lips tugged up in a reluctant smile. “Of course I’m going to believe you. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, that must mean you’re right about me.”

  “Bet your ass I am,” I let myself smile back at him, my hands resting low on his hips. “Are you going to leave me again?”

  “No.”

  “Even if you think it’s the right thing to do?”

  “I’m not going anywhere without you, Kenzie.” His hand tangled in my messy bed hair as I took a step closer to him, my chest bumping against his. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry about what happened last night.”