by Shayla Black
Tessa tried not to be upset. After all, he had to live somewhere once he left her place tomorrow. And he owed her nothing, especially since he’d already given her more of his time than she had a right to ask for. But even when he returned, it felt as if he already had one foot out the door.
Then Sunday afternoon while Hallie slept, he appeared in the hallway with his duffel and a guarded expression. Her heart dropped.
“I should go.”
He should, but the finality in his voice jolted her with panic as she headed him off in the kitchen. “Stay for dinner. It’s the least I can do to thank you. I’m making a roast and—”
“Thanks, but I found an apartment yesterday. I’d like to get my things out of storage and into the unit before I lose daylight. Trees, Cutter, and Josiah all said they’d help.” He glanced at his phone. “So I’m going to meet them in thirty minutes.”
This was the first she was hearing of his plans. Why hadn’t he told her yesterday? Or this morning? It wasn’t logical, but it hurt that he hadn’t. And that was her cue that she’d gotten too attached. Whatever he’d thought of her when he’d stared a bit too long, whatever he’d been feeling when he’d pleasured himself in her shower…he’d moved past it. Of course he had. Her life was complicated. She had responsibilities he wouldn’t want to shoulder full-time.
True…but it hurt like hell.
She needed to let him go with a wave and a smile. After all, Cash had crashed through her life like a vandal, making a mess of everything he’d touched and leaving her to clean up. But Zy had crept in like an assassin. He wouldn’t just leave her to pick up the pieces. If she let him, he would stab her in the heart and leave her to bleed out.
“Well, thank you for everything. I appreciate all you did for Hallie and me.” She tried to smile. “If you ever need a too-short sofa to sleep on or want another spoonful of homemade mashed potatoes, let me know. It’s the least I can do.”
Zy didn’t say anything for a long moment. He just stared at her as if he had something to say.
“Fuck it.” He dropped his duffel on the tile, then prowled in her direction, closer and closer. Instinctively, she retreated until she backed into the island. Then he planted his hands on either side of her hips and stared—into her eyes, then down at her mouth. He looked as if he was fighting himself.
From kissing her? Her heart skipped.
“Tessa…”
“Zy,” she answered automatically, her whisper sounding like a secret only they shared.
“Baby, you have to stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” But she knew. Even if it was stupid, his nearness made her feel electric. She ached for him so badly she throbbed.
“Like you want me to peel off your clothes and take you to bed as much as I’m dying to.” He shook his head. “Trying to pretend I don’t feel it when I do, that you don’t feel it when I know better… It isn’t working.”
Perversely, knowing he hadn’t mentally moved on made her feel better. Because what she felt wasn’t unrequited? Because she wasn’t the only one who would suffer this separation?
She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Even if you hadn’t looked at me like that, I still would have wanted you.”
Not looking at him hurt too much. It reminded her of what life would be like when he was gone. And every moment she couldn’t see him was just a moment sooner to miss him. “What do we do?”
He shook his head. “The colonel gave me a talking-to the other night. If we let anything happen, we’ll both be fired.”
Fear seized her chest. “I need this job.”
She was barely making ends meet as it was, thanks to Cash still not paying child support. The cost of daycare was going to put her at the edge. If she couldn’t keep this job… Well, no one else would be willing to pay her this salary when she hadn’t finished college and didn’t have a lot of good-paying job experience.
“Same. I didn’t leave my last job on the best of terms, and Trees helped me get this gig. If I screw it up…”
She nodded. “Then…you should go.”
It killed her to say that. Zy leaving was the last thing she wanted, but Tessa didn’t see a choice.
She tried to tell herself it wouldn’t be horrible. After all, no one was dying, and they’d see each other in a few hours at the office. But she already knew nothing between them would ever be the same. They’d go from essentially living together to being little more than strangers. She wouldn’t know what he ate for dinner every night, how he passed his time, or if he’d slept well. No sharing thoughts first thing in the morning. No spending their evenings with each other and a good sitcom. No feeling safe because he was in her life and under her roof. He would be gone, and she would again turn on the TV simply so the sound of silence didn’t make her feel lonely and lost.
“Yeah.” Slowly, he peeled his hands from the island, as if it was the last thing he wanted to do. Then he backed away, lifted his duffel, and fastened his stare on her again.
His blue eyes pierced her with regret. They would haunt her after he’d gone.
“It will feel weird here without you. I’ve gotten so used to you being around.”
He nodded. “It will feel weird to be alone in a new place. But I’ll see you tomorrow at the office. And if Cash makes bail this week and returns to give you hell, you have my number.”
She could also call the police since she knew now they would, in fact, arrest him. At least sometimes. “Sure.”
“All right. I’m going to…um, go.”
Damn it, her heart felt like it was breaking. Tessa wanted to throw her arms around him and stay here with him just a minute longer… But after that minute passed, she would still lose him…and it would only hurt more.
Tessa forced herself to nod. “Bye.”
He swallowed and cupped her cheek. At his touch, she closed her eyes and couldn’t stop herself from nuzzling into his hand.
“God, you look so fucking beautiful, and I want you so bad. Look at me, baby.”
It was the last thing she wanted to do because it brought them one step closer to goodbye, but she lifted her gaze to him because she couldn’t help herself. Her heart twisted. “What?”
“Do us both a favor, okay? Don’t let yourself be alone with me. Ever. Promise me.”
How was she supposed to give him the words that would put the final nail in their coffin? “Zy—”
“You have to,” he prompted. “If you don’t… I’ve run out of strength. It’s taking all my will to leave you now. If you give me another chance, I will strip you down, touch every soft, sweet curve you have, and take you in every way possible. I won’t give a fuck who knows. And we’ll crash face-first into catastrophe. Don’t let that happen.”
She didn’t want to give him that promise. Of course, some part of her would love to throw caution to the wind. But she was a new mother, and she had to think of Hallie first. Of providing for her daughter. Plus, Zy’s expression said he needed her to be strong for both of them right now.
With her eyes swimming and her heart splintering, she nodded. “All right. I promise.”
“Good.” But his face said he was devastated. Then he blanked it and nodded. “See you around.”
April 7
* * *
At the beginning of their second workweek together, Tessa glanced over at Zy as he stood from his desk to head to their last-minute nine a.m. meeting.
Ahead, Trees made a cup of coffee. Cutter’s and Josiah’s desks were already empty. She’d seen One-Mile slink to the conference room earlier.
Across the office space, Zy met her stare. Looking at him hurt. She missed him. Worse, she still saw the same longing she felt reflected on his face. But they’d both behaved like professionals in the office.
She’d been busy since her return because Aspen had left everything a mess. Zy had been on a couple of short ops, thankfully without incident or injury. But they hadn’t talked. And it
felt weird. Even knowing he was in the building, nearby, and breathing the same air made her body hum.
God, she had it bad and she needed to let go.
Tessa pasted on a smile. “Do you know what this is about?”
He shook his head. “No clue. Cash given you any problems lately?”
“None. He’s been blessedly quiet. Maybe getting arrested made him think.”
“Not if the charges didn’t stick,” Zy shot back.
“True, but for now no noise is good. How’s the new place?” She’d avoided asking him, mostly because she hated to dwell on just how empty her duplex was without him. Everywhere she looked, she remembered Zy. She especially couldn’t be anywhere near her sofa and not see him stretched out, big and shirtless and watching her.
“Good,” he said. Then he flashed her a wry smile. “Actually, it’s a shithole. It’s too close to the university, and there’s too much partying going on for decent sleep. The place came furnished, which was great, but the decor is early secondhand dorm room, and the mattress is like concrete with a marshmallow topper.”
She took irrational pleasure in the fact he wasn’t enjoying it, then chided herself. The man needed sleep. “I’m sorry to hear that. They’ll be wrapping up the semester in another month or so. Hopefully, it will be quiet for the summer.”
“I may not last there that long. How’s Hallie?”
“Getting big. I took her to the doctor yesterday for her eight-week checkup. She’s gaining weight, but not as well as the pediatrician would like, so she wants me to make sure I’m sending enough bottles with her to daycare and we’ll keep an eye on the situation. But she’s otherwise healthy, just maybe petite.”
“Like her mother.”
“I’m not petite.”
He leveled her with a sardonic stare. “What are you? Five foot three and weigh a buck twenty?”
“Five foot four and I’m pleading the Fifth on weight.”
“Why? You look good, and I see your pants fit.”
“Finally.” She’d had to wear skirts the first couple of weeks back to work because those last few baby pounds had been incredibly stubborn. “But the needle started to move down again when I took up yoga at home. I try to squeeze it in as soon as I pick Hallie up but before dinner. So far it’s working.”
“Good.”
Then there was nothing to say as they entered the otherwise full conference room. At the front, the colonel stood, looking solemn. He’d been gone a lot last week, helping his stepson with something dangerous—or so she’d overheard Cutter and Josiah discussing earlier in the day. Then over the weekend they’d gone to Dallas to the wedding of a former FBI agent and a Chicago heiress who’d once been accused of murdering her family. Now, after a happy resolution, they’d gotten hitched…but the woman supposedly also had a boyfriend who owned some sort of sex club? And they were together, too, with her husband’s consent? That part couldn’t possibly be true. Who did that? Whatever, the colonel looked a little banged up. So did the three guys beside him, two of whom were his sons.
Tessa slid into an empty chair, notepad and pen in hand. Cutter leaned her way. “What do you know about this?”
The colonel’s watchful stare fell on her, then on Zy, who took the empty chair to her right and rolled closer.
She leaned Cutter’s way, hoping her boss would stop scowling. “Nothing.”
Instead, a quick glance told her that Zy wasn’t pleased. Because he wanted information now? Or because he was jealous that Cutter was so close?
Around the conference table, Trees slid into the last seat, steaming mug in hand, then Caleb Edgington cleared his throat. “Morning, everyone. I gathered you here to make an announcement that may shock you.” He gave a wry laugh. “Then again, maybe this won’t. You’re some of the best out there.”
One-Mile’s eyes narrowed as Tessa scanned the quartet of men at the front of the room, then he cursed. “You’re fucking retiring.”
The three younger men at the front all looked at each other.
The elder Edgington just raised a brow. “You’re eloquent as always, Walker. I fucking am.”
“Son of a bitch!”
“You’re serious?” Cutter asked.
“Yes.”
Beside her, Zy stiffened. “Effective when? I just got here.”
“Are you shutting down?” Josiah asked.
“Or selling out?” One-Mile sneered.
The colonel held up his hands. “Neither. I’m turning the business over to my sons. Hunter is a former Navy SEAL married to my wife’s daughter and has a baby on the way. Logan is an active-duty SEAL who is married to his high school sweetheart, has twin girls, and will be leaving the service this summer. My stepson, Joaquin Muñoz, is former NSA with prior law enforcement background—and he just got engaged over the weekend. This move may seem sudden, but I’m leaving you in very capable hands.”
“No offense to your sons, sir, but I left my last gig to work for you,” Cutter said.
One-Mile glared at him, then sent his displeasure the colonel’s way. “That’s the first thing in months the Boy Scout has said that we agree on.”
“Same,” Josiah chimed in.
Trees and Zy both stuck up their hands. “Put us in the same boat. Zy came here because I told him there was no one better to work for or learn from.”
The colonel actually looked somewhere between choked up and humbled. “I appreciate that. I didn’t reach this decision lightly. As many of you know, I recently remarried. My wife, Carlotta, is cutting back her hours as a nurse. We’d both like to travel and enjoy our time together. Since we’ve been married, it’s been nothing but missions, danger, injuries… I’m not as young as I used to be. It’s time I passed the torch.”
When he stepped back, Hunter, the oldest, took over, naturally assuming the reins. “Hi, everyone. We don’t know much about you, except through Dad’s descriptions. Well, Tessa being the lone female makes her easy to spot. But we’d like to talk with each of you as soon as possible.”
Logan nodded and added his two cents. “We’re looking at a transition that may take a couple of months to complete, simply because I’m still on active duty, and we have paperwork and legal crap to take care of first. We want you to know that we’ll be fair, have an open-door policy, and will do whatever we can to make sure you’re satisfied with the new arrangement. We know that won’t happen overnight and it will take time to win your trust.”
“But we will win you over,” Hunter swore. “The three of us have had extensive conversations over the past two days. We’re united on what will make this business and this team the most elite in the country. And we’re up for the challenge. We hope you’ll give us a chance to prove that.”
No one said a word. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Tessa risked a glance around. The guys she worked with all looked pissed. She understood. While she hadn’t hired on with Colonel Edgington because he could teach her about mission strategy or tactical operations, she had seen for herself just why the operatives who worked for him respected him so much. He was straightforward, fair, smart, well-connected, and honest as hell.
“Thank you for coming to introduce yourself to us.” She broke the silence. “What do you see happening next and when?”
“Good question.” Hunter seemed grateful for the lifeline. “After a lot of consideration and deliberation, we’ve collectively decided to rename the organization. We’ll be known as EM Security Management.”
“For Edgington-Muñoz,” Logan cut in.
Hunter nodded. “Exactly. But creating a new legal entity will take some time. It will also take organizational skills we’ll be leaning on you for.”
Tessa was always happy when she was essential in this high-octane environment. “Sure. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll help make it happen.”
“We appreciate that. Dad said you were great.”
She smiled.
“So we’ll need everything new from legal documents to
business cards. We’ll also be doing some interviews to get better acquainted with each of you and your skills, so we can realign ourselves and make the best use of them. You’ll be hearing from us soon about these informal meetings.”
Cutter leaned in. “Our current employment contracts state that if we’re dissatisfied with management, we can leave for any reason within thirty days of written notice.”
The statement sounded more like a threat. Tessa had never heard the Louisiana local be anything but a Southern gentleman.
“What’s your point?” Logan sounded just shy of annoyed.
“Just stating fact.” Cutter shrugged.
Hunter stepped in. “That’s an option, and it’s up to you. We only want operators who’d like to stay and make a difference. If that’s not you, we’ll help you pack up.”
Cutter shrugged, but he clearly didn’t hate that response. “If you’re forming a new company, I’m assuming you’ll be presenting us with new contracts to consider?”
The trio looked at one another as if they hadn’t discussed that specifically yet. Then Hunter nodded. “Yeah.”
“Will that out clause still be offered in the new contract?” One-Mile asked. “If it’s not…”
Seriously? Walker, the elite sniper, was half the reason their clientele had the colonel on speed dial.
“We’ll be looking at every clause in your existing contracts before we create our own terms and conditions. If you’d like a similar clause in the updated agreement, we’ll make sure you have one. Most everything else is open to negotiation.”
Did that include the one that prohibited in-office dating?
Tessa started. Beside her, Zy stiffened.
As if pulled by some invisible force, she glanced over her shoulder. He stared straight at her, his gaze drilling into her.
She couldn’t blink and couldn’t look away. But that stare told her he had the same question. Was there a chance that, once they signed the EM Security contracts, they wouldn’t be prohibited from exploring whatever was between them?