Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3

by Samantha Wolfe

  "Jensen." David spoke my name consolingly. "Sit down. You don't need to run. Nothing here can hurt you."

  "Can't fucking hurt me?!" I yelled at him as sudden rage eclipsed the panic inside me. He watched me silently, his only reaction a slight widening of his eyes. "Everything I do to get over this shit, fucking hurts. I'm cursed with fucking pain for the rest of my goddamn miserable life!" I gripped the edge of the coffee table and flipped it, the loud clatter echoing through the room. I turned to flee and skidded to a halt when I saw Sydney standing in the doorway into the hall, her eyes filled with empathy and understanding. She knew exactly what I was talking about, knew this pain, knew how I felt. I could see all of that in her beautiful eyes, and the rage evaporated as quickly as it had come. I sank down to my knees and stared up at her, my eyes pleading. "Sydney, please," I whimpered. "Help me."

  "Oh, Jensen." She rushed over to me. She put her arms around me, cradling my head against her belly. I clung to her like my life depended on it, my arms around her waist as I sobbed uncontrollably. Her fingers stroked through my hair as she tried to comfort me, but I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I'd shatter apart if she wasn't holding me together, her presence and her touch grounding me like nothing else could. I knew I could let it all out, and she'd keep me safe and whole.

  I thought I heard David talking at some point, but I was too lost in my grief to hear what he said or even care. At some point, Sydney coaxed me up onto the couch. She sat down and pulled my head into her lap as I kept crying. Eventually, the deep sobs started to ebb, and I started to calm down. She held me and stroked my hair until I finally sat up and looked around the room.

  "Where's David?" I asked hoarsely.

  "He went home," Sydney answered me softly. "He figured you'd had enough today."

  I turned to look at her and saw that she'd been crying too, her eye puffy and her cheeks tear stained. "We're a hot mess aren't we?" I asked her with a tentative smile as I reached over and caressed her cheek.

  "Oh, yeah," she answered with a smile. "Definitely."

  "I feel...raw," I told her quietly. "But I think I feel better."

  "I know what will make you feel even better," she suggested as her smile widened.

  "I'm all ears, baby."

  "Ice cream."

  I snorted out a laugh. "I was hoping you were going to suggest giving me a blowjob."

  "Now I know you're feeling better," she said with a smirk. "How about we have both? I know which one I want first." Her voice turned seductive as she leaned closer to me. Her hand slid slowly up my inner thigh as her lips brushed against mine. "You promised me you'd finish what we started this morning. Remember?"

  "How could I forget?" I asked just before she kissed me. The kiss was long and lingering, and spoke of her love for me and how she took care of me. I was breathless when she pulled her lips away from mine. Her hand squeezed my erect cock gently through my jeans. I thrust my hips up toward her hand; a needy whine escaping my lips as I stared into her lust filled eyes. "Please," I begged, feeling this unbearable need for her take me into her mouth.

  "Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you," she whispered as she reached for the fly of my jeans, her eyes still locked on mine.

  "I love you," I told her, each word poignant and filled with my gratitude. Tears threatened to fall again. Her fingers paused on my zipper as her eyes softening with affection.

  "And I love you," she replied with deep sincerity. "Let me show you how much."

  She knelt between my feet and pulled the zipper down the rest of the way. I lifted my hips up, so she could slide my jeans and boxers down my legs. She pulled them off and tossed them aside. Then I watched mesmerized as she pulled off her T-shirt, exposing her purple lace bra and her unbelievable cleavage. I held my breath as she leaned down and let her hot breath caress the underside of my erection. Then I let the air out of my lungs in a ragged rush as her warm wet tongue glided up the length of me, making me tremble with need.

  "Take your shirt off," she told me as she looked up at me with hooded eyes. "I want to look at you." I pulled my T-shirt off immediately, reveling in the way her eyes darkened at the sight of me. I glided my hand down my chest and abdomen until I grabbed her hand. I wrapped her fingers around my shaft and watched as she pumped me in her fist slowly. She leaned down again and licked the tip gently several times before taking me into her mouth. I gasped as her tongue began swirling across my sensitive skin, sending pleasure shivering through me.

  "Baby," I mumbled as I closed my eyes and let my head fall back onto the couch. "You feel so good."

  Sydney hummed with pleasure then took all of me into her mouth until the tip of my cock was squeezed in the back of her throat. It was the deepest she'd ever taken me before, and I groaned deep in my chest. I'd never felt anything like it before.

  "Did you like that?" She rose up and asked me as she gasped to catch her breath.

  "Oh, fuck yes," I moaned in disbelief. "How did you do that?"

  "I don't know," she said with a wry smile. "Let's try it again."

  "Oh, hell yeah," I agreed wholeheartedly. She took all of me again, that same squeezing sensation at the tip making my back arch up off the couch. "Ah," I breathed out as her tongue played along my skin. I watched her head bob up and down as she began fucking me with her mouth. I gripped the edge of the couch cushion in my hands and squeezed, holding on for dear life as pleasure coursed through me. Her saliva coated me, and she began pumping her fist along with her mouth. It was fucking amazing, and I could feel myself getting closer and closer to coming.

  As I reached the end of my limit, I suddenly grabbed her hair and wrenched her off my cock with a growl. I came up off the couch in a rush, and pushed her down onto the rug on her back. I knelt on the floor, and jerked her panties and yoga pants off, throwing them aside. I didn't even bother with her bra. I needed to be inside her, needed to come inside her so badly that I couldn't even form the words. I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the floor above her head with one hand while I kneed her legs apart roughly, growling like an animal the entire time. She writhed under me as I rubbed the head of my cock through her wet folds. Then I filled her in one fluid motion as I slammed into her, hitting bottom and watched her body spasm as an orgasm hit her hard. She keened in ecstasy, her voice raw and incoherent.

  I started fucking her before she even had a chance to come down from her first climax. The hard floor changed everything, making my thrusts sharper and deeper without the give of a mattress. I was going so deep inside her that I was half afraid I was going to hurt her, but when I met her eyes, all I saw was pure joy and pleasure spreading across her face. The raw desire and love I saw in her eyes blew me away.

  "More," she demanded, her voice filled with need.

  I gave her what she wanted, my thrusts hard and forceful, making her come again and again, her wrists still pinned above her head. Sydney had one release after another until I couldn't tell where one ended, and the next began. She screamed and wailed on and on, her body giving up everything to me. I felt like a fucking god, and when my release finally came, an inhuman roar tore up out of my chest as I pounded into her. The pleasure was so intense as it blasted up from my balls and out through my body, that I thought it might blow my brain out the back of my fucking skull.

  I slumped down onto the floor on my back next to her afterwords, my heart and lungs struggling to recover. She rolled onto her side to face me, throwing one leg over mine and snuggling in close with her head on my chest, her breathing still heavy like mine.

  "How?" I gasped out when I could finally speak again. "How do you keep doing that?"

  "Doing what?" she whispered raggedly between breathes.

  "Keep blowing my fucking mind," I rasped out in amazement. "I think I forgot my fucking name there for a second. Who the fuck are you?" She let out the sexiest laugh I had ever heard, low and throaty, and it made me shiver all over. "God, I fucking love you." I growled out.

  "I love you too, a
nd my name is Sydney. I'm the love of your fucking life," she said in that damn sexy voice of hers as she looked at me, her eyes dancing with joy.

  "Damn straight," I said vehemently. "How about we have that ice cream now?" I added as I kissed her forehead.

  "I thought you'd never ask."

  Chapter Seven

  Sydney

  It was a first for us, both Jensen and I had woken each other up with nightmares last night. His woke me up around two in the morning. Mine waited until about half past four to scare the shit out of him. After Jensen's, it had taken us a while to get back to sleep and after mine, he went back to sleep, but I was wide awake. I gave up trying to sleep at five and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. I sent a quick text to David, knowing he was probably already awake. He had always been an early riser, for as long as I'd know him.

  Are you awake? I can't sleep. A reply came almost immediately.

  I'm up. Want to meet for breakfast before work?

  Okay. I can meet you around 6. Where? I sent back.

  He texted back telling me to meet him at a local restaurant known for its amazing breakfast. I leaned over and touched Jensen's shoulder gently.

  "Baby?" I whispered close to his ear. He mumbled something incoherent as he opened his eyes, and it took him a moment to focus them on me.

  "Yeah, baby?" he asked in a sleepy voice. "What's wrong?"

  "I can't sleep, so I'm meeting David for breakfast at six," I explained. "Do you want to go with me?"

  "I'm so fucking tired, baby," he practically slurred out with a pained look on his face.

  "It's alright. You can sleep." I ran my hand though his hair. "I'll see you when I get home tonight."

  "Okay," he mumbled as he started drifting off to sleep again. "Love you."

  "I love you too," I whispered and pressed a kiss to his lips that he returned clumsily. I smiled down at his face as he went back to sleep. He had cried so hard and for so long last night that it wasn't any wonder that he was exhausted. Not to mention the two times we had sex. The man was a machine in bed. I didn't know where he got the energy or how he could get aroused as often as he did, but I definitely wasn't going to complain. He always left me satisfied.

  I crawled out of the bed, went to the closet, and got dressed in my scrubs. I was grateful that I had showered before bed last night. I went to the bathroom, closing the door before I turned on the light, so I wouldn't disturb Jensen, and put my hair in a low ponytail. I spent a few minutes putting on some makeup, and I was ready to go. I paused by the bed and touched his face softly, still amazed that this beautiful man was mine. He sighed at my touch and mumbled my name. I leaned down and kissed his cheek then left the room, missing him already.

  David met me next to my car as I climbed out of it in the restaurant's parking lot. He looked really good in a slim-fitting navy polo shirt and khaki pants. The nurses on the psych floor he worked on didn't wear scrubs in an effort to deinstitutionalize the environment for the patients. I was a little jealous.

  "Good morning, Syd," he said with a big grin, his blue eyes bright and disgustingly wide awake. "I'm not used to seeing you awake this early."

  "Ugh," I grumbled as I closed and locked my car. "I'm not used to it either."

  "I'm still happy to see you." He pulled me into a quick hug before we started walking toward the entrance side by side. Once inside we chose a nearby booth and took a seat, both of us ordering coffee from the waitress, before looking at our menus.

  "Rough night?" he asked with raised brows after she walked away.

  "You have no idea," I said with an exhausted sigh as I looked at my menu.

  "Was it because of your nightmares you haven't told me about?" he asked nonchalantly. I glanced up to see him glaring at me above his menu.

  "Uh," I was completely caught off guard. "How did...?"

  "I'm friends with your boyfriend, and he's worried about you," he answered me sharply, his anger starting to affect his tone. My first reaction was anger at Jensen for tattling on me, followed immediately by guilt for not confiding in my best friend. "Were you going to wait until you had a complete relapse before you said anything to me?"

  "I'm not having a relapse," I grumbled at him in annoyance as I slapped my menu down. "I'm just stressed out about the parole hearing."

  "Is that all?" he asked, his eyes narrowing at me.

  "Yes," I answered him with a glare. He sighed and lowered his menu down to the table. I saw the muscles in his jaw clench.

  "Damn it, Syd," he growled at me. "Don't fucking lie to me."

  "I'm not..."

  "Don't," he interrupted me; his hand raised in a stopping motion. "Just don't. Jensen told me that you're still blaming yourself for his suicide attempt. Are you going to tell me that's not true?"

  "No," I said quietly as I stared down at the table. Sudden shame filled me up inside, and I could feel the weight of his eyes on me. My eyes stung with the tears I didn't want to fall. I heard him let out an exasperated sigh.

  "Sydney," he spoke gently now. "Look at me, please." I looked up at him slowly. His eyes were filled with concern, his lips pursed. "I'm sorry I got angry with you, but you can't keep bottling all this up inside you. You know that."

  "I know," I admitted. "I just didn't want anything to distract Jensen from getting better, and he needs you more than I do right now."

  "Like I'm not capable of helping both of you at the same time, or that Jensen can't get better if you share your problems with him?" He looked incredulously at me.

  I looked down at my hands, realizing the irrationality of how I was thinking, and feeling ashamed of myself. The waitress came back then, and we both ordered our food.

  "He's really worried about you, Syd," David said after she walked away. "And so am I."

  "I'm sorry." I met his eyes again. This time a few tears managed to make their way down my cheeks. "I didn't want to worry either of you or keep Jensen from focusing on himself right now, but I ended up doing that anyway."

  "Oh, sweetheart." He reached a hand across the table toward me. I put my hand in his, and he squeezed my fingers gently. "Promise me that you're done hiding all this from me, and especially from Jensen. He loves you, and he needs to know that you trust him enough to share things like this with him. Look what happened when he didn't share his problems with you. If you don't confide in him when you're struggling, then what's his incentive to do the same with you? That trust goes both ways."

  "I...I'm afraid." I pulled my hand away and fought to keep my composure. "What if I fuck up, and he tries to hurt himself again?"

  "Sydney. You are not responsible for his decisions," David said vehemently. "It wasn't your fault. He told you that himself." He watched me carefully waiting for a response. I stared down at my hands again when I didn't have one.

  "Was it anybody else's fault when you tried to kill yourself?" he asked softly. "He thought about it before he even met you. How is that your fault? You need to let this go, Syd. It's eating you up inside."

  "I'm trying, David, but I just keep picturing him lying there lifeless in that driveway. I keep thinking about how he destroyed all that stuff in his house." A small sob escaped my control. "All because I believed some stranger instead of him, and walked out." I grabbed my napkin and tried to blot away the tears without messing up my makeup.

  "What if you had never met him?" David asked as he leaned toward me, his eyes intense. "What if no one had shown him that he could care again, and that someone could love him? What if he had tried to kill himself, and no one had been there to save him? What if all of this was meant to be? That I'd be there with you that night when he needed us most. That you were meant to be with him, so he could live."

  "I didn't think you believed in that fate stuff anymore." I stared at him, in shock at his words.

  "I know," he said with a bitter laugh. "I guess that makes me a hypocrite, but you have to admit that everything that brought you two together seems like fate, doesn't it? Like everything happ
ened the way it was supposed to happen."

  His conviction jolted me to the bone. I could feel a weight being lifted from me as I realized the truth of his words, and started to believe them myself.

  "He told me that I saved him," I whispered. "That he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."

  "Do you believe that now?"

  I closed my eyes and let my sudden clarity fill me with peace. I opened them again and met David's eyes with a steady gaze.

  "Yes."

  **********

  I texted Lauren during lunch to see if she would be home tonight after work, since I was stopping at the apartment to pick up some more of my stuff to take to the condo. I'd avoided her for days now, my anger making me afraid of what I'd say to her until now. I needed to talk to her, and work things out before I let our rift fester into something we couldn't fix. I was relieved when she said she would be there.

  I arrived at the apartment before she did, and I was in my room packing a box with my shoes and some clothing when I heard the front door open. Lauren called out my name.

  "I'm in my room!" I shouted as I finished filling the box with the rest of my T-shirts. A few moments later, she walked into my room with a tentative smile on her face that made me feel regret about the last time we had seen each other four days ago. I felt a twinge of guilt about not even talking to her for that long.

  "Hi, Syd," she said quietly as her eyes moved down toward the box then back up to my face, her smile becoming a little sad. "I miss seeing you everyday," she said as she tucked a strand of her blond hair behind one ear.

  "I'm going to miss living with you," I told her sincerely as I moved the box from the bed to the floor. I sat down on the edge of the mattress. Her smile widened a fraction as she walked across the room, and sat next to me. I leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder.

  "Me too." She reached over and took my hand in hers. I squeezed her hand in mine and sighed. For so many years, she'd been my sister, my mother, and my best friend, but things were changing now, and I'd have to grieve the loss of how things used to be.