by Louise Bay
I turned out onto Main Street, just as I had four nights ago. It felt more like four weeks, months, years. It was as if we’d fast forwarded through all the getting-to-know-you stuff. I felt so comfortable with her as if we were sharing brain space. She’d asked nothing from me, yet I wanted, needed to make her happy in a way I’d never experienced. It was difficult to imagine what my trip back to Christie would have been like without her.
“You okay?” I asked. She avoided looking at me, quieter than usual.
“Yeah.” She glanced at me. “It’s just weird. It feels like we’ve been here longer than we really have.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to say something else, hopefully reveal something personal, but stopped and turned back to the road in front.
“Hey, what were you going to say?” I asked.
“Nothing.” She took a deep breath as if trying to clear away what she was about to say. I could tell there were more words bubbling under the surface. I just wished she’d share them with me. “Later,” she said and she smiled and smoothed her hand across my thigh.
“Take a look in the glove compartment,” I said.
She flipped open the lock and stared at the blindfold I’d put in there earlier. “Should I be worried? Are you getting kinky on me?”
I chuckled. “No, I just have a surprise for you. But we can play with it later if that’s what you’re into.”
“I’m not sure what I’m into.”
It wasn’t clear if she knew how much that comment revealed about her. My heart ached for this girl. She had so much to offer yet she’d never bothered to figure out what she wanted in a relationship, or what physically worked for her.
“Maybe we can find out together?” she asked.
I brushed my thumb over her cheekbone and she tilted her head toward my hand.
“So you want me to put this on? Now?” she asked as she reached for the scrap of fabric.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Make sure you can’t see.” It was dark out and she was new to Christie, so I was pretty sure she wouldn’t figure out where we were headed, but when we arrived I wanted to straighten a few things out before she saw what I had planned.
“Now?” She frowned.
“Do you trust me?”
She slipped on the mask without any further hesitation. She did trust me and that felt like a victory. I’d make sure she never regretted it. For the first time ever, I needed to protect the woman I was with. Needed to make her feel good.
“How do you manage to make a blindfold look good?” I asked. With her eyes covered, I was drawn to her full, pouty mouth. Jesus, I had to distract myself. I wanted tonight to be more than just sex. She deserved that. And I wanted it.
“You say the sweetest things. I bet girls literally swoon around you.”
I shifted in my seat, lifting the sun visor. I didn’t want to talk about other girls, or my life outside this moment, outside of our bubble. I turned off the road and headed down a small track toward the lake, just as I had four nights ago.
I switched off the engine and killed the headlights. “Don’t peek. I’ll be back to get you in a few minutes, okay?”
She nodded but worried her bottom lip with her teeth.
I stroked my knuckles down her cheek and pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’ll be able to see you the whole time. I’m not leaving you.”
“Okay,” she said in a small voice.
I climbed out of the truck, grabbing a small ice chest and a bottle of champagne. Everything was exactly where I’d left it. A circle of stones surrounded unlit firewood. Blankets and cushions in a comfortable pile facing the lake. Dozens of unlit candles. A string of Christmas lights I planned to hook up to the engine. Perfect.
I put the champagne next to the blankets, lit the fire and I turned my attention to the candles that led down to the lake, lighting each one until there were dots of light, like fireflies, wherever I looked. Finally, I hooked the Christmas lights from the attic up to the engine.
I stood back to take in the scene. I’d never been one for grand romantic gestures. I couldn’t even remember buying flowers for a woman who wasn’t my mom. But I was sure she’d like this, hopeful that she’d light up my world with her smile when she saw it.
“I’m back,” I said, opening the truck door.
“Good. You were gone too long.”
My heart swooped at her words. “I’m going to lift you out.” I snaked one hand under her knees, pulled her to my chest, then used my foot to slam the door shut. Carrying Mackenzie, I walked to the blankets, then set her down on her feet facing me.
Her fingers went to the blindfold, and I placed my hands over hers and uncovered her eyes.
I watched, wanting to see her first reaction when she took in where we were. She opened her eyes and smiled at me as if I was the only thing in her whole world, and right at that moment she was the only thing in mine. My heart sped and my breathing faltered. Had any girl ever elicited the feeling in me that I’d try and stop time for just a few more moments with her, that I’d commit murder to keep her safe, that I’d do anything to make her happy? As if being with me was more important than where I’d brought her, she ignored her surroundings, lifted up on her tiptoes and pulled me closer for a kiss.
I leaned back to look at her. “I missed your eyes.” I only had a few more hours with her; I had to make the most of them.
She ran her hands around my back and rested her head on my chest. “Holy fuck,” she said, jerking back as she took in the scene before her.
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“This is beautiful.” She walked toward the pillows, reaching for me to join her.
I threaded my fingers through hers as her eyes flitted about, taking everything in. “You did all this?”
“Happy Graduation.” Had I gone too far? Was this all a little over the top? I lost all sense of what I was supposed to do around Mackenzie and just did what felt natural.
She trailed her fingers over the fairy lights. “You did all this, for me?”
“I thought you’d like it.” I’d known Mackenzie four days. We weren’t even in a relationship, and it looked like I was about to propose. Maybe I was an idiot, but I’d wanted to do something nice for her. Something she’d like. She’d been so upset this afternoon; it’d wrecked me watching her fall apart and not being able to go to her, scoop her up and make everything better. With me, Mackenzie was honest and unguarded, loving and sexy. She deserved everything she wished for, and I’d do anything to see that beautiful smile some more.
“Marshmallows?” she asked, spying the bag I’d left by the champagne. She turned and covered her smile with her fingers as if she’d been caught out enjoying herself. I could do nothing but grin like a teenager.
She grabbed my shirt and pulled me in for a kiss. “I can’t believe it. It’s so thoughtful.”
“Let’s have a glass of champagne.”
We sat and I filled the two glasses she held for me. “To your graduation,” I said, holding up my glass. We should have been celebrating a beginning, but she and I were saying good-bye. Our bubble was about to burst.
“You’re okay after this afternoon?” I didn’t want to embarrass her, but I didn’t want ignore her needs like all of her asshole exes, either.
She nodded. “Much better actually. Not lifting that leg made me focus on the challenge still ahead—it pushed me. Stopped me from clinging to the hope that it was going to be an easy ride. I’m still terrified I’ll get it all wrong, that I’ll fail. But Brianna helped me see that I have to live with that fear, and then hopefully overcome it.”
Fear of failure was something I could relate to. Brianna had told me it was the reason I’d not yet accepted the job offer in Boston. Her accusation had followed me around like a bad smell these past few days and I couldn’t shake it.
“You make me think anything is possible,” Mackenzie said.
> I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. “I do?”
She took another sip of champagne. “Yeah, this, us”—she circled her free hand between us—“is how I need to be with guys when I go home.”
Guys? My body stiffened. The thought of her with someone else made me wince.
She didn’t know it, but there was a chance we’d both be in Boston. If I took the offer from the food company and set up my own business, this didn’t have to be the end of us. There didn’t have to be other guys.
We could see each other again.
I could see if I was the man who could make her happy.
As I watched her stare at the fire, sipping her champagne, I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t disappoint her in the everyday reality of life. Work had always come first. And Mackenzie was going to be trying out a brand-new approach to men, doing the hard work of implementing everything she’d learned at Love Rehab. We hardly made the ideal couple.
“This is perfect,” she said, shuffling so she was sitting between my legs, her back to my front. Her hand skimmed down my thigh, sending bolts of anticipation right to my cock. “You make a great fire, Uncowboy McKenna.” She slid her palms over my hands, threading her fingers through mine.
“One of my many skills,” I whispered into her neck, trying to dampen down the constant need for more from her.
She patted my hand. “Talk to me, Blake. I’ve graduated Love Rehab. What about you? Did you get what you wanted from Christie?”
Had I? It had been good to just enjoy Christie and Mackenzie and not think about anything but the right here and now. “I’m still thinking on things. It’s a big decision, a big risk to leave Oklahoma City. I like where I am.” Why would I purposefully upend everything good in my life for something so uncertain?
I would be giving up something good for the mere possibility of everything I’d ever wanted.
“But something’s still pulling you toward the start-up, or the decision would have been made already,” Mackenzie said, circling her palms over the back of my hands.
“It’s difficult to give up a fantasy.”
“Is it a fantasy, though?” she asked, her tone a question rather than a challenge.
I was sure she didn’t mean to make me think so carefully about my response. Was it a fantasy—my ultimate goal? “I guess it was my fantasy.”
“But not anymore?”
I took a swig of my drink. It was. I just didn’t want to chase, work for it, put everything I had into it, only for it to come to nothing.
“It’s scary, I guess,” she said, sinking against my chest.
I breathed in the scent of lilac. “What is?”
“Being offered what you want most in the world.”
She was right. If I took the investment and it didn’t work out, it would be down to me. I had no way of knowing whether or not the testing would go well, and if it didn’t, what would I have left? My dream would be gone. I’d be jobless, in a place I hated with a stamp across my head that read Certified Failure.
God, I was a chicken shit. But my fear wasn’t unfounded.
“It is scary,” I confessed. Brianna had been right. Fear was the only thing stopping me from taking the job in Boston. I was being offered an opportunity of a lifetime, my fantasy come to life. Why hadn’t I said yes yet?
“I think sometimes fear can be good. I’m hoping when I get through that feeling, what I have at the other side will be more valuable because I’ve overcome my fears and insecurities to get it. Does that make sense?”
I nodded, burying my face in her neck.
I didn’t have a family to support. There was no real reason I couldn’t be in Boston rather than Oklahoma. I wasn’t a student anymore—was I really going to let myself turn down this opportunity just because I hadn’t had a great college experience?
Mackenzie sighed and said, “Being offered your fantasy on a silver platter makes you think about whether or not it’s really what you want, or just something you’ve been holding on to for a long time.”
She was right. What if my dream didn’t live up to all my expectations? What would I be left with? Nothing to aim for. Nothing to hunger after.
“And you said you’d have to move back to the city where you went to school if you took this job. Where did you study?”
I stroked my thumbs across her hip. I had to confess that the offer was in Boston. I didn’t keep things from her—that’s not who we were together. But would she be pleased? Hopeful that perhaps we might see each other again? Date? Or would she want a fresh start when she got back home?
“I started at Harvard, then transferred to UT.”
She twisted to look at me. “You don’t get many uncowboys at Harvard, I bet.” Her brow creased as if she was working the New York Times crossword.
I nodded. That sentence summed up my life. I didn’t fit in in Oklahoma or Boston. I wasn’t a cowboy and I wasn’t a WASP.
She settled back against my chest, and looked out at the lake. “And the start-up would be based in Texas?”
Was she wondering if whatever was between us could be more? I was certainly fixated on the idea. I needed to get her out of my head. She shouldn’t influence my decision.
“No.” I paused. “Boston.”
“Oh, wow.” Her hand stopped stroking down my thigh for a second and then resumed. “Well, you know my vote goes to Boston.”
Did it? Did she want me in her city? Close to her?
“It’s an amazing place.” Her voice was quiet. “I mean I’m sure Texas is great, too. But Boston is home, so I’m always going to say that it’s better.”
So it wasn’t personal, then, wasn’t that she wanted me there. Wanted to see me again. She just loved her city.
“It’s beautiful, you get all four seasons and the food is amazing.” Her hands danced in the air in enthusiasm in front of us. “New York isn’t far, and you can go to the Cape for the day,” she said, her voice tinged with excitement. So she wasn’t thinking about a future for us at all.
“It’s not a little snobby? Harvard was a little elitist.”
“Jesus.” She laughed. When she laughed it was difficult for me to imagine never seeing it again. It was such an open, effortless action that ricocheted through my body as if her laugh was happening to me, rather than me just watching it across a room. I felt it. I felt her. “You were at Harvard. Of course it was snobby.”
I suppose Harvard had been Boston to me. I’d never bothered to separate the city from the campus.
“I love the things you get in a city that make life easy combined with the history and the water. It’s so great.”
I’d never really given it a chance, never got past feeling like a small-town hick playing tourist. I’d rejected it, given up and moved home before it had the time to prove me right.
“So when do you have to make a decision?” Mackenzie asked.
“You’ve been a good distraction.” I swept her hair from her neck, breathing in the smell of lilac, trying to commit it to memory. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. Maybe if she’d been more excited about me being there …
She slapped me on the leg. “You should be working things out.”
“I know.” She twisted in my arms, her beautiful green eyes watching me as if they could unlock any situation, reveal anyone’s secrets. “Like I said”—I trailed my fingers over her lips—“you’re quite the distraction.”
“In a good way, I hope.” She reached for my jaw and warmth spread through me. She was asking for what she wanted and I couldn’t have been prouder. She leaned closer, lining up our mouths.
Perhaps I needed to show her how we could be together if I came to Boston.
I pushed her to her back, my hips pinning her to the ground. “In a very good way.” I bent forward and licked along the seam of her lips. “In the best of ways.”
I sucked at her neck, her pulse quickening under her skin as I tasted her.
She was already breathless, and I loved it. Loved
how one minute she was this caring, sensitive woman who I could tell anything, and in the next she wanted me in a completely physical way.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever known anyone like her.
Was I ready to let her go? I knew the answer to that. I just didn’t know what to do about it.
She grabbed my ass and the question dissolved in my lust for her.
“You have too many clothes on,” I said. Kneeling, I pulled off her T-shirt, revealing her smooth, milky stomach and exposing her nipples straining at the lace of her bra.
“You have the most amazing tits.”
She angled forward as she unhooked the clasp of her bra. I groaned. Her breasts were high and tight and perfectly round.
She leaned back on her elbows. “You like these, huh?”
I bent forward and took one of her nipples between my teeth, alternating between biting and sucking. Her nails on my scalp urged me on as her breathy sounds wound around my cock, hardening it.
“No one can hear you.” I wanted her loud. Wanted to know exactly what I did to her. After three nights of sneaking around, I was desperate for every moan.
“Blake,” she cried as I bit down on her flesh.
I froze as she undid my jeans, then relaxed into the pleasure of her hand sliding around my dick. Christ, I’d had more sex in the last four days than in the previous twelve months—I just couldn’t get enough of her. I took every part of herself she offered, greedily, wanting more, needing more.
I couldn’t stop myself from thrusting into her perfect fist. Holding firm, she knew exactly what I wanted. Every now and then her nails trailed over my balls, sending a shiver down my spine, nudging my orgasm awake.
I grabbed her wrist, moving so I could kick off my jeans and strip out of my shirt. I needed to be naked, for both of us to be bare. I undid her pants and slid them down her thighs along with her panties, unwrapping the ultimate gift.
In the glow of the fire, and beneath the Christmas lights, Mackenzie looked like some kind of fantasy goddess. Flawless, soft skin, fiery hair that shone more than usual. “You’re so beautiful. Inside and out.”