by Becca Taylor
“Jeremy, you have something on your mind? Is something going on with you and Deanna?”
“Nope, everything’s just fucking peachy.” He throws my own words back at me.
We work in silence for the rest of the evening. I head home bone tired. I strip and jump in the shower. I grab some leftover chicken to eat from the fridge. Tomorrow is my first full day off since that night. Tonight, I plan to drink until I pass out.
I take out the bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet, the good kind that I keep hidden in the back. I grab one of the tumbler glasses, but I intend to use it as one big shot glass. After I down one, I start flipping through my past text messages with Lexi. I start at the beginning, the one of us playing truth or dare.
I take one more shot as I reach the texts from the night I saw her at the club. Fuck, I miss her playfulness, and the way we could hang out at the beach or sit and watch a ball game together. I swallow another shot. I miss her laughter and the way she lights up a room when she smiles.
I stop at the picture she sent me that night. I take another shot, maybe two. I miss the way her body feels against mine and how the slightest touch of her hand would send my body into overdrive. I hate that her kisses haunt me at night. And that sometimes, I turn over in the middle of the night to reach for her, but she’s not there. The side of the bed she likes to sleep on is empty. I just fucking plain miss her.
I take another big swig from the glass in front me. The alcohol is starting to make its way through my system. I’m about halfway drunk, but that’s not good enough. I can still feel the pain in my chest. I am on the last message that Lexi and I sent to each other.
Me: Are you on your way yet?
Lexi: Almost there, I hope you’re naked already. I came across some dirty pictures of you on my phone. I’m sweaty and horny.
Me: Shit, Dolcezza. I’m naked and hard as a rock.
She was at the front door with her panties hanging from her finger almost right after I had sent the message.
Reading the messages and the memories has my dick hard. I keep drinking and staring at all the pictures of her: Lexi at the beach in her tiny bikini, Lexi at all the parties, her red hair blowing in the breeze at the pier. I scroll to her name. My finger hovers over the phone picture. I just need to hear her voice again. It’s sad. Pathetic. But that’s what I’m reduced to again.
I’m halfway through the bottle of whiskey. Everything is a fuzzy blur when I give in and press the button. She answers almost immediately.
“Hunter.” She sounds out of breath.
I don’t say anything. It is an alcohol-induced moment of weakness on my part. I hang up. Hearing my name come from her lips was enough. Then everything goes black.
WEEKS HAVE PASSED since the night Hunter called me, and I’m beginning to think that it was by accident. It was the first time I smiled a real smile in a long time. I tried to tell him how sorry I was, that I was stupid and thought about calling him every day. I kept talking a mile a minute, long after the call dropped.
I’ve been a miserable mess. I’ve sent him numerous text messages asking him to please call me back. I want to talk to him, but he never called.
Tonight, party Lexi needs to be front and center. I moved into my new apartment last week, and Jade moved into hers just before me. We have decorated every inch of my living room. The girls will be arriving any minute for their bachelorette party. The vote was against anything big, no stripper, but we will be watching a movie about male strippers.
Since neither Jade nor I are getting any sex, we took the penis theme and ran with it. We hit the local naughty store and came back loaded. I found a bunch of party games online, which I have spread out in different areas of the room. We bought everyone a special wine glass to fill with goodies for the winners: a penis straw, penis lipstick, penis candle, and penis lollipops.
“I can’t believe we are going to be the last two single girls of the group. I’m not surprised, but three at the same time. Sorry.” Jade apologizes at the end.
“Why are you sorry? It’s true.”
“I just mean that it will be a long time before I will settle down again.”
Jade hardly ever talks about her past relationship. It wasn’t a bad one; they just weren’t headed in the same direction.
“Do you ever want to get married?” I ask her.
“I wanted to at one point in time. I still do some day, but right now, I am happy where I am in life. What about you?”
Lately, I’ve been thinking about that. Could I see myself as a wife? I think so. A mom? That’s too much. “Maybe in a few years if I find that one person who makes my toes curl.”
“Do you think you found that person?”
I shrug my shoulders before I give an answer and wind up in that sad place I don’t want to be. Everyone arrives, and I remind myself to smile. Party face activated. The choice of decorations is a hit. Everyone is looking around, laughing hysterically. To kick off the night, we do a blowjob shot in our penis shot glasses. I want to kick myself when I think about the last time I did this shot—the first night with Hunter.
The drinks we serve also fit the mood of the night. I have everything labeled on the table. On the menu tonight, party in your mouth is named after the popping candy along the rim of the glass that explodes in your mouth … delicious and very dangerous. I soaked some gummy penis candy in vodka instead of my usual Jell-O shots. The banana daiquiri was renamed banana dick-iri because I thought that was clever. For dessert, an adult alcoholic sundae called sweet nuts.
Everyone starts eating before any more drinking takes place because that is the adult thing to do. Since Jade and I aren’t the best of cooks, we’ve ordered a tray of sandwiches and side salads from BMB. The girls were more than happy with that. Jade offered to pick it up since there was no way I could. As I eat, I keep wondering if Hunter was the one who prepared our food. I even stooped so low as to ask Jade if she saw him there when she got back. She didn’t. Party Lexi, not sad Lexi, I tell myself once again.
The drinks start flowing again an hour into the night. I have the comfortable floaty buzz going on. After the first round of penis ring toss, my buzz gets a little stronger. It only gets worse when we move to the penis piñata, which is filled with little shots. I taste tested more than my fair share. The last game I had set up requires one of the lipsticks, the bright red one. A poster of a huge naked guy is taped to my wall. The game is called kiss the cock, so I when I say huge, you get the picture. After three spins, whoever’s lipstick kisses land the closest wins. It sounds easy enough, but you’ve seen kids struggle when it’s pinning a tail on an animal. Add in all the shots we consumed from the piñata game, and it’s downright hilarious.
Everyone has been snapping pictures on their phones. One day, some of those pictures will no doubt surface as a blackmail photo between us. It’s the first time I’ve laughed in what seems like forever, and it feels good. I didn’t realize how much I needed tonight. Here, with my girls, I almost forget the last few weeks and everything that transpired.
Almost.
“I just sent Caleb the pictures. He said the guys didn’t need to see that image pop up on his phone,” Kat says with a giggle.
“What are your men doing tonight?” Jade asks.
“They decided that since we are having a bachelorette party, they would have their bachelor party. Hunter is hosting a poker night at his house,” Aly says.
My ears perk up when I hear Aly say his name. Jade looks at me.
I change the subject. “Who’s ready for movie time?”
It’s a low-key night for us, a sign that we aren’t as young as we used to be. Normally, we would be up all night, but by midnight, the apartment is empty. The men come to collect their women. Jade left a little later, but now, I’m the only one left. Alone.
I clean everything up, which isn’t much. My girls all pitched in before they left, even though I kept telling them not to. I only have the games left to put away. I have no
use for them after tonight. The trash bag is loaded with all the penis items.
I am just about to walk out the door when I see him. At first, I think it’s my imagination. He hasn’t knocked. The way he’s standing absolutely still with his head down, I wonder if he’s wondering the same thing I am. Why is he here?
I don’t want to get my hopes up. If I do, and he is only here to tell me it’s really over, I won’t survive. But why would he be here at almost one in the morning to tell me that? He already did. Maybe he is going to tell me to stop calling or texting. Then he looks up.
I SHOULD HAVE been enjoying the night with my boys. And I was. Then Caleb and Bentley started showing us pictures from the girls’ party. Yes, it was their women in the forefront of the images, but in the background, I could see her, laughing and beautiful.
When I saw the one of her kissing the naked man on the wall, I almost crushed my glass with my bare hands. I was jealous of a goddamn poster, even though I laughed just like everyone else did.
I paced the floor after everyone left. I walked so much; I think I wore out the tiles. My hands kept hovering over the call button, but it was after midnight. I grabbed my keys and shoved them in the same pocket with my phone. I needed air. Since the day I let Lexi walk out the door, I haven’t been able to breathe. Every vital part of me went out the door with her. It’s a thousand times worse than my breakup with Amber, maybe even worse than that.
My plan was to walk or run on the beach; I needed to just get out of the fucking house and keep going until I exhausted myself. Somehow, my feet directed me to the stretch of beach behind her new apartment. I knew when she’d moved in. Bentley talked about it.
The lights were on upstairs, and I decided it was now or never. I climbed the two flights to the top. Only thirty stairs separated me from what I wanted. When I make it to the top, she’s there, but I have no idea what I am going to say. And I’m watching her like a Peeping Tom.
She is wearing the shorts that she had on the first time I saw her and a t-shirt. I almost smile when she puts the poster in the trash. I try to come up with something to say to her—something to explain why I’m the world’s biggest asshole and that I should have come to her weeks ago.
I look up to find her watching me. I must look like a fool standing here for so long. It all stops when I see she’s wearing my shirt. Mine. My heart jolts to life. I can fix this.
She takes her time walking to the front door. When she opens it, all I want to do is grab her in my arms and kiss the hell out of her.
Instead, I let out a weak, “Hey.”
“Hey, back.”
She steps aside to let me inside. The scent of her hits me as I walk by. I inhale deeply. God, I missed it. Looking around, I see all the furniture is pretty much the same as when Bentley and Aly lived here, but there are ‘Lexi touches.’ She’s added color and life to the place. Just her being here adds life to the room.
“What are you doing here, Hunter?” She sounds nervous when she asks me.
I turn again to face her. I rake my hands through my hair.
“I’m not sure how I ended up here—”
“That’s not what I asked,” she interrupts.
“You didn’t let me finish.” Fuck, this is harder than I thought.
“I’m sorry. Go on.” She’s playing with the bracelet on her wrist. The one I gave her on Valentine’s Day. My heart thuds against my chest. It’s too late when she hides her hand behind her back. It takes three large strides to reach her and pull her arm from her back.
Tracing my thumb over the wrist wearing my bracelet, I finish. “I’m not sure how I ended up here. I just knew I needed to come. I needed to find out.”
“Find out what?”
I look at her. Her eyes focus on mine. I swallow and ask, “Am I too late?”
She reaches her hand to my cheek. “Never.”
“Thank fuck.” I want to kiss her, just to make sure I’m not in a drunken sleep. Even though she has her hand on my cheek, it feels unreal.
“I really missed you,” she tells me. Her voice is breathy and quiet, so unlike her. One tear falls from her eye. I use the pad of my thumb to wipe it away.
“God, Lex. Please don’t cry. I missed you so fucking much. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
She stops me.
“It was my fault too. We can talk about it later. I’m really tired.”
“Okay. I’ll go. We can talk about it tomorrow.” I go to pull away from her, but she wraps her arms around my back.
“Don’t go. I know we need to talk, and we can over breakfast, but I’m afraid if I let you go, you won’t come back. Will you stay tonight with me? I just want you to hold me in your arms because I’ve really missed these arms.” She looks up at me, and my chest feels less tight.
“I’m not going anywhere. Just for the record, I would have come back.”
She leads me to her new bedroom. All that’s changed is the bedspread. I wait in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Lexi pulls back the covers. She sits then slides her legs under the blanket. When she pats the side that I would normally sleep on, I walk over. I sit on the bed and take off my shoes and socks. It looks like I made the right choice in going out in my sweats. I can handle sleeping in these. If I had jeans to take off, I would be in trouble.
I climb under the blankets debating whether to pull her close. I know if I do, my cock will go rock hard. It’s already half hard just being next to her. She takes away my need to decide when she lays on her side and moves back against my body. Her arm reaches behind, taking hold of mine to pull it over her. We have slept like this a countless number of times, but tonight, it feels even better.
“Good night, Big Boy.”
I find myself smiling again when she uses my nickname.
“Night, Dolce.”
I don’t fall asleep right away. Lexi, however, does. I listen to her breathing even out. Like before, her leg repositions to lock around mine. I don’t care what I have to do or how long I have to wait to have her like this every day. I’m never letting her go.
THE SMELL OF coffee fills my nose. I’m not in my bed, so it means that last night wasn’t just me getting drunk and dreaming the whole thing. The bedroom door opens. Lexi carries in two large cups of coffee, balancing a plate of something on top of her cup.
“Morning,” I say as I prop myself against the headboard.
Lexi hands me one of the cups then sits next to me.
“I hope you like scones. I made Aly leave the ones she had in the freezer. And it looks like I hit the jackpot because they are salted caramel.”
She breaks off a piece and waves it in front of me. I take it from her and pop it in my mouth. Lexi takes one little bite before playing with the plate. I pick it up and put it on the nightstand next to me. Taking her hand in mine, I entwine our fingers. I want to get the talking part over. She needs to know where I stand.
“Lex, I was an ass to you that night—”
“No, it was my fault,” she interrupts, but I don’t let her continue.
I’m going to lay it all out for her. “I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I should have let you leave instead of locking you in. And what I said … I regretted the words as soon as I said them. That was me trying not to get my heart stomped on again.”
“I know. I was scared.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” I squeeze her hand.
Lexi climbs over me, putting her legs on either side of mine. My hands rest on her legs, and I want to pull her close. I never want her afraid of me.
“I wasn’t scared of you. Hunter, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I have no clue what I’m doing. I never wanted it before then you came along. You know about my accelerated childhood, but what I didn’t tell you about was the panic it brought me. I was scared of losing me. I’ve seen it firsthand, and I was afraid that if we got serious, I would change—that you would change me. Now, I see that you are changing me but in the best way possible.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. You make me want things I’ve never wanted before.”
“Like what?”
She holds up her bracelet. “You gave me all these experiences I’d never had. Even the little ones meant more to me than you’ll ever know. And you did them all with me in mind because you knew I would enjoy them. I realize now that you don’t want to hold me back. You want me to be exactly who I am. Just like I want you to be who you are. And, Hunter, you make me want more firsts.”
My heart feels like it’s about to explode. I cup her face in my hands. “How do you do it, Lex?”
“Do what?”
“How can you steal my breath away and give me a reason to breathe at the same time?”
Her hand touches my chest. “Because you do the same to me.”
I cup behind her head and pull her in closer. My thumb circles the line of her jaw. I don’t kiss her. She needs to be the one to make that move. I just want to feel her against me.
“Hunter?”
“Yeah, Lex.”
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Her eyes focus on my lips. Her hands are squeezing my chest.
“You never have to ask. I will never say no to your kisses.”
“Good to know.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for the sweetest kiss. At least, it is to start. I give her complete control. Her lips barely touch mine. I wouldn’t even call it a kiss as she drags out the moment.
It’s almost too much. Her warm breath against me; the way her hands massage my scalp; the feel of her legs against mine and how every once in a while, she lightly grazes her lips to mine, teasing me.
She tilts her head slightly, and I know it’s coming. I feel it through my entire body the minute she gives herself to me. She parts her lips, inviting me in. Her tongue touches mine, and I take back control.
I grip her hair and roll my tongue with hers, wanting to taste every inch. I want her to feel me everywhere and remember this kiss for the rest of her life. I want her knees to go weak and her lips to go numb. My grip on her hair allows me to move her any way I want, allowing me to kiss her deeper. My mouth vibrates from her moans. Hell, probably from mine too.