by PE Kavanagh
“Yeah. I think so too.” Lola took a deep, trembling breath.
“I’ll see you soon, okay? Have a great weekend.”
“You too, Aidan.”
Lola frowned at her nearly empty plate and considered licking it clean. Her sister-in-law had made another great meal. “Gina, you rocked it again. I am so full, but I don’t want to stop putting all that deliciousness in my mouth. You are amazing.”
“Well, I take that as the ultimate compliment from the woman whose mother is a brilliant chef! But I don’t want to talk about the food. I want to talk about the new boyfriend.”
Lola turned her head slowly to glare at Maddie, who was juggling two kids on her lap, and feeding the third, in a high chair.
“Come on. It’s the biggest news around,” Maddie said.
“I agree,” Gina said. “I want ALL the details.”
Lola looked over at her step-brother, as he tried to pretend he wasn’t listening. “Pablo, help me.”
“I am completely outnumbered here. So are you. I’d give it up as soon as possible to spare us all the escalating hysteria.”
Gina smacked the table. “That’s so unfair! You get to go out every day and have these huge life and death adventures while I'm in the middle of nowhere with the poop machines! This is not hysteria. This is survival. Lola’s love life is like a life line.”
Pablo laughed. “You’re right my darling. As always. And did I mention what an amazing wife and mother you are? Not to mention the sexiest woman I have ever known?”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Pablo.”
“Nowhere?”
“Okay. Somewhere.”
“Excellent.” He turned to Lola. “Now spill it. Who is this guy?”
“First of all, he’s gorgeous,” Maddie started speaking before Lola could. “All mocha and sexy with a square jaw, super hot body, and these crazy eyes. Can you imagine?" Maddie paused. "You know what, I bet that’s exactly how my kids are going to look.”
At the mention of kids everyone stiffened, but Maddie was not one to let that pass unnoticed. “Come on people. I'm off those crazy meds. I'm not going to freak out. Anyway, back to Aidan.”
“You’re doing such a good job talking about my relationship, Mads. Why don’t you continue?”
“Glad you asked,” she replied with matching sarcasm. “So they’ve been dating about…” she paused to calculate… “a month or so.”
“Three weeks. That’s it. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“This hasn't been a normal three weeks. They went out a bunch of times and he made her dinner at his house. He’s down in Florida taking care of his parents this week and they spend hours on the phone every day. Every. Day.”
“You are really making me regret telling you everything.”
“No, I'm not. I'm helping you out.” Maddie turned back to Gina. “So, this guy, who looks like some exotic supermodel, has this crazy past. He was one of those mega Wall Street traders, made a gazillion bucks, then had this whole attack of conscience, and left the whole thing. Just walked away.”
Gina savored every piece of the story, taking it in with her whole body. “No way…”
“Way. Went off to Asia, started studying philosophy, getting Zen and finding God, then came back to New York to start over.”
“So what does he do now?” asked Pablo.
“Not much,” offered Lola. “He’s got a few clients that he helps with financial stuff, I guess. He really doesn’t talk about it.”
Maddie added, “I don’t think he actually needs to work. Seems like he’s got plenty of money.”
They all turned to Lola for confirmation. “I can’t say for sure. I mean, it doesn’t look like he’s on the verge of homelessness. But, maybe he’ll need to work, eventually. We don’t really talk about money.”
“So what do you talk about?” Gina wanted juicy details.
Maddie had one more thing to add. “Oh, and he’s got some weird sex thing.”
Lola gasped. “Maddie! We are at the table, with children.”
Pablo dropped his head in his hands. It wasn’t clear if he was laughing or groaning.
“What kind of weird sex thing?” Gina looked worried.
“We are not talking about this.”
Maddie ignored Lola. “He won’t have it. Do it. He’s all, like, let’s not.”
“This is not happening.” Lola was incredulous.
“Seriously.” Pablo agreed.
“Wait. Are you saying this super hot guy is not…”
“Yup. Exactly what I'm saying.”
The all turned to examine Lola, as if she were an odd curiosity.
“Maybe he respects her,” said Pablo, trying to keep things reasonable.
His wife was not buying it. “Respect is one thing, honey. But what’s the point of a gorgeous guy if he’s not giving it up?”
Lola had the sense that her best friend and her sister-in-law were actually the same person.
“So, it’s only about sex?” Pablo sounded legitimately curious.
“No," answered his wife. "It’s not ONLY about sex. But sex is a part of it. I just think it’s unusual for this day and age. Usually, the woman is fighting the guy off. Not the other way around.”
“Exactly!" said Maddie with her hands as much as her words.
“So, what do you think is going on?” asked Gina.
“I don’t know," Lola answered, exasperated. “I think I’ve ruled out all the big things, like a wife or erectile dysfunction.”
Pablo grunted.
“Okay, that’s good,” Gina said, hopefully.
“Maybe he thinks it’s important. Maybe he really likes Lola and wants to grow something before adding sex into the mix.”
They all gazed lovingly at Pablo. My brother, the romantic. Just like his father. “I think you’re right, brother.”
“I’d have to agree too. Even though something more dramatic would be much more satisfying,” admitted Maddie.
“So, he really likes you, Lola?”
Maddie cut her off again. “This guy is head over heels. Straight up. He gets this look on his face when he looks at her. It’s crazy. He is absolutely in love with her.”
“And you’re sure he’s not some psycho stalker?”
“Gina!” exclaimed Pablo.
“I’m sure,” Lola said quietly. She thought about her strange suspicions but said nothing. And the dreams. She was glad Maddie didn’t mention them either. “This relationship has just started. I don’t even know if you could call it a relationship. Let’s all give it a few more weeks before deciding anything."
“So you like him,” asked Gina.
This time Maddie stayed quiet.
“I do, G. I like him.”
“What do you like about him?”
Lola smiled, without trying to, before speaking. “He’s super smart. He’s the kind of person who thinks about his life. And about his words. He’s thoughtful and careful and caring. Like we went to one of Maddie’s shows and he brought her flowers. He’s always really respectful to me, even when he’s being frank or blunt.
“There’s no game for him. He’s direct and straightforward. He’s got great taste in food and art. He’s an amazing dancer. I feel like he’s really listening when I'm talking. He pays attention, you know. I feel like I'm with a grown man when I'm with him. Like I don’t have to worry about anything. He’ll take care of it. And me.”
Lola only realized the impact of her words when she looked around to see the other adults with mouths wide open.
“I’m happy for you, sis. You deserve that.” Pablo’s words warmed Lola’s face.
Gina raised a glass. “Here’s to Lola’s lovely heart getting loved back.” They all toasted.
* * *
By the time everyone began to settle for bed, Lola was ready. Perhaps a change of scenery would calm the storm of her intense dreams.
* * *
I am trying to sink down, to move from the turb
ulence of the waves on top of the water, down to where it is calm and quiet. But he is fighting me. It takes all my strength to force him down.
I know he is scared. He doesn't understand that this will not kill him. In fact, this will save his life.
When he finally stops struggling, I'm able to guide him with only a firm hold on his arm, and together we descend. I know he will love it. I know he will love me.
He begins to take it all in, the beauty and magic of my world. As the water grows darker, his body changes, each of his binds being torn away, one by one. His eyes blaze like a fire of gold, illuminating us both.
He finally comes to me, without any of the hesitation that has held him back all this time. The resistance replaced by the depth of his desire for me.
As we touch, our bodies become electrified and begin to merge. A brief moment of fear tests his resolve, and he tightens against me. His body grows colder.
I won't let him slip away, so I wrap myself around him and we begin again. The separation between our bodies dissolves and he enters me. The deeper he goes, the more pleasure we both receive, and the farther we descend, until we dissolve in it, and it dissolves in us. We become nothing but one body of electricity and light.
* * *
Lola awoke pleasantly disoriented. That was trippy, but better than random men holding me hostage and trying to kill me. She was left only slightly uneasy by the image of she and Aidan dissolving into each other and into the ocean.
* * *
By Sunday afternoon, Maddie and Lola were sadly preparing to head back home. The ride into the city was filled with deep sighs and remembrances of fun moments. The kids’ antics, Pablo and Gina being playful and loving, the quiet beauty of the woods outside their home. Lola realized, watching them, how many examples of nearly perfect relationships she had in her life. Nearly everyone in her life had created awe-inspiring partnerships. Why couldn’t she?,
A lifetime of mistrust and assuming the worst had backfired into betrayal. Survival by controlling her environment wasn’t working. She needed to let that part of her past go in order to move into something real. Aidan was real.
He’d already begun to occupy a new space in her mind, if not on her body. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. To not be so scared of uncertainty that she guaranteed her own solitary future.
She wanted to see if the intimacy they had built during their recent conversations would translate into something that lived outside of her fantasies. She wanted to tell him and show him how much she cared for him, missed him, desired him.
She wanted him to come home.
9
About Last Night. And This Morning
THE PARKING GARAGE beneath Lola’s apartment building was always a mess on Sunday nights, everyone returning back from their weekend excursions. She grew more and more impatient waiting for the attendant, then the elevator. She just wanted to get into her pajamas, and then into bed for an early night with the novel she had been carrying around, unfinished, for a month.
She exited the elevator, turned the corner, and froze. He was sitting on the floor with his back against her door. It felt like minutes passed before he turned his head to notice she was there.
“Aidan…” She walked toward him as if the air had solidified.
He popped up on to his feet. “Hi.” He was smiling so broadly, she thought his face might break.
“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Florida.”
“I just flew back.”
“Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine. Great, even. I came straight from the airport.”
“How long have you been sitting here?”
“Not long. I figured you’d be coming home soon, since it’s a work night.”
She fumbled for her keys, and then realized they were already in her hand. Her face grew warm. Did he know that they had been talking about him all weekend? Could he feel the difference in her body, toward him?
She opened the door and stepped in, dropping her bags and taking off her coat.
The slightest pause preceded him walking into the room, but once inside, he strode directly to where she stood and put his hands on either side of her face. He kissed her so gently that she kept thinking he would pull away. But he stayed. And she stayed.
With his mouth inching across her cheek, to her jaw, and then her neck, he spoke. “I’m sorry to surprise you like this. I just needed to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said breathlessly. It didn’t matter why. It was enough that he was there.
He pulled away to look at her, a slight twitch around the corners of his mouth.
"Have you eaten, Lola?”
He already knows me so well. “Yes. And you?”
“Not in a long while.”
She shook her head. “We should get you fed.” If all went well, he would need energy for the upcoming activities.
“Yes, I think you’re right. Do you want to go out?”
“Actually I’d love to just stay here. I'm craving my beloved sweats.”
“That sounds perfect. Do you have food?”
“Don’t be silly. But the Lebanese place right across the street makes the best mezze plate ever. It’s got a little bit of all the good stuff – falafel, hummus, grape leaves, salad.”
“Why don’t I run down and get it? Then you can get comfortable. Do you want me to get a bottle of wine?”
“If you insist.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“My pleasure,” he said with a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
“Tell Reza that it’s for me. He’ll know what to do.”
“Okay. I’ll just knock when I come back, right?”
“Yea, I’ll hear you. And you remember how loud my door is.”
Yes I do.” They nodded at the not altogether pleasant memory.
She walked into her bedroom and grimaced at the unmade bed and the pile of dirty clothes that had never made it down to the laundry room. Shit! In a blaze, she sorted out the disarray of her covers, threw the clothes pile into the closet, stripped off her clothes and threw on clean sweatpants and a sweater. She couldn’t understand how he could find this look of hers sexy, but he did. God bless that man.
He was gone longer than expected. She didn’t want to send him a text, checking in. She wanted to be patient. She wasn’t feeling patient. She wanted him back in her house. She wanted him on her body.
He knocked softly.
“Hey. That was some subtle knocking.”
“I had to use my butt. My hands were full.” He told the truth.
“You are hilarious, Mr. Connelly.”
“I try my best, Ms. Jennings."
“How did it go with Reza?”
“Well, he’s a big fan of yours. Not such a big fan of mine. I had to tell him I was your cousin. He kept asking me why you didn’t place your own order. You might have to reassure him next time you go in.”
* * *
Aidan requested dinner on the floor in the living room, so she spread everything out on the coffee table. They sat, her legs crossed, his extended under the table. Lola was ravenous, which was odd considering how much she had eaten at Pablo’s house.
Over the course of the meal, his hand moved from her knee to the middle of her thigh, and stopped there. The sensation penetrated through her thin pants, distracting her from the delicious dinner.
Lola reclined onto a floor cushion after she finished eating, hoping Aidan would take the invitation and lie down next to her. He remained sitting.
“Tell me about your visit with your brother.”
“It was great. It’s always great. He’s a lot like my stepdad Marco. They are men of few words, but they make each one matter. He’s always been so sweet and protective of me. I was having a hard time when they came into our lives. He took me under his wing, you could say. It’s part of the reason I
decided on New York when I was done with school.”
“What did you guys do?”
“Eat, mostly. Maddie spent the whole time rolling around with the three kids, occasionally talking to Gina, who is her role model in life. They even look alike, as if there was some strange Italian-Cuban bloodline. And they have that same super spicy personality. If they come at you, it’s best to run and hide.”
“I’m familiar,” he said with a knowing grin. “Sounds like a great weekend.”
“Being in their house is almost like being in a movie.” She hesitated before continuing. “We talked about you.”
“You did?” he asked with raised eyebrows and a devilish grin.
“Yes. Maddie spilled the beans that I had gone out with somebody a few times. That’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it, that three dates constitutes a family discussion?”
“It’s been five dates, by the way. Not that I’m counting. Please continue.”
“There’s a lot of interest in what’s going on. Gina and Maddie had the conversation mainly between themselves, with occasional requests for confirmation and details.”
“What did your brother have to say?” He stroked just above her eyebrow.
“Mostly, he tried to disappear. But he stood up for me when things went too far.”
“Went too far?”
“You know, there’s not a lot to tell, so most of it is speculation. And these long-married people seem to be most interested in sex. Other people having sex.”
“I don’t blame them.”
“But, obviously, there was nothing to say.”
Aidan fixed straight into her eyes before speaking. “How did you feel about having nothing to say?”
Before she could answer, he brought his face down to hers, paused, then touched his lips to hers. He hovered again, bringing his focus back to her eyes.
Her voice quieted to a whisper. “It was the truth. I told the truth.”
“I think you’ve been wondering why we haven’t…”