A Meeting in the Subway

by John Hurst

  A Meeting in the Subway

  It had been raining incessantly as Heidi made her way home from the hospital one summer’s evening. She did not have her umbrella with her as the weather had been fine when she left that morning.

  Ducking into the subway to avoid the rain for a few minutes she heard the soft strumming of a guitar accompanied by a rich male voice singing a sad song. The melody was haunting. The constant murmur of voices and clicking of high healed shoes could not diminish the effect it had on her. He sat, half way down the subway, engrossed in his music. She dropped some change into the grubby cap, which already had a few coins in it, as she passed. He stopped singing for a moment to look up at her “Thank you and God bless.”

  She had not noticed him until that instant. He looked young and lost. Matted, dark hair down to his shoulders, a camel coloured jacket, stained and torn. It was his eyes that were striking, pale grey darkened by a hidden sadness and lacking all hope. She smiled and carried on her way home but by the time she checked her post in the lobby, she still could not dispel the music nor those haunted eyes from her mind. She entered her flat, switched on the television and opened the fridge.

  “With so many people sleeping rough each night in the eastern region it is vital there is support available for these vulnerable people. We are grateful for the good work in publicising and funding….”

  The news item brought her into the living room, a highly made up woman, with a picture of a man in a sleeping bag as a backdrop continued to speak. It made her think of the young man again, had he somewhere to sleep?

  ***

  The next evening walking home, Heidi found herself drawn into the subway again. He was there. She dropped a few coins into his cap but this time she said, “Hi!” He smiled back. A sad wistful smile as he thanked her. She could not pin point exactly why she could not get this young man out of her mind. Was it the hopelessness in his eyes? Was it that he looked young and vulnerable? Heidi did not see him for a couple of days because she was working a different shift but on the Friday, although there was no need for her to go home via the subway, she did. He had often been in her thoughts and as she checked her pockets for coins she wondered if she would do better getting him something to eat. He looked rather thin. As she entered the subway she heard his music again and knew he was there. When she came abreast of him she stopped. He looked up at her.

  “Hi!” she greeted him, smiling. He did not say anything, just looked at her with those sad eyes. Momentarily she did not know what to say but gathering herself together, blurted out, “I hope you won’t consider this rude but there’s a small café around the corner and I wondered if I might get you a burger or some fish and chips or something.”

  There was a flash in those haunted eyes. She had upset him. She wished she could take back the words she had just uttered.

  “I – I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” she stammered as she started to hurry off down the subway.

  “No please ….. wait,” he called after her.

  She stopped and turned. He was already up, collecting his things together.

  “I shan’t keep you a moment.” He gathered up the change in his cap and shoving it in his pocket, caught up with her. They emerged into bright sunshine.

  “Here we are,” said Heidi as they came in sight of the café she had in mind.

  “Would you mind if we went to the one further down the road. They have tables outside and it’s a bit more secluded.”

  He noticed her look and added quickly, “They’re a bit fussy in this one sometimes.”

  “O.K.,” she nodded.

  They reached the other café and found a table tucked away. He sat quietly as Heidi went up to the counter to order. She returned with a steaming meat pie, some fries and a coffee.

  “Are you not having anything?” he asked softly.

  “No. I already have something prepared at home.”

  “I see,” he replied. She felt a pang of guilt and keen not to make him feel rejected she glanced at her watch, “I’ve got a few minutes,” she said drawing out a chair opposite him. He was not particularly forthcoming but with a bit of persuasive probing he opened up a little.

  “So why did you decide to take me up on my offer?”

  The wistful smile appeared. “You want the truth?”

  “Of course.”

  “You caught me off guard. At first I thought here’s someone else who is judging me.”

  “Oh! I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to but yes it could have seemed like that.” She smiled at him apologetically, “Can we start again. I’m Heidi by the way.”

  There was the hint of a smile on his lips but his eyes remained the same. “Hi! I’m Andrew but those who still want to know me call me Andy.”

  They talked for a while. He was nineteen. Yes he was homeless but if he was early enough he still knew one or two night shelters that had not banned him. Life was not too bad, things could be worse.

  After a short while Heidi stood. “I’ll have to go Andy, I’ve got to meet someone in an hour.”

  “Oh! I’m sorry, keeping you like this,” he said rising too. “Thanks for the meal and have a good time this evening.”

  “I will,” she said waving goodbye. His smile seemed genuinely warm and was that a softness in his haunted eyes?

  ***

  Andy made his way down to the subway earlier than usual on the Monday morning. There was a lightness in his step. Perhaps Heidi would come by. He remembered the scent of her perfume. The way her pony tail flipped from side to side with each step. The twinkling merriment in her eyes as she spoke. The joy that seemed to exude from her and make one feel happy despite oneself. As the time approached when she normally made an appearance, Andy found himself eagerly searching each face as it walked by. She never came. He felt even lower than he normally did as he trudged towards the night shelter, hoping to get a bed. He lay awake thinking about her. He was being silly. He had no right to dream that Heidi would even give him a second thought, a worthless bum like him, useless, drifting along in his pointless existence. He was suddenly lifted by the thought that there was the rest of the week left. Maybe she would be there tomorrow. That made him feel good and he gradually fell asleep.

  It was not until Wednesday that Heidi’s shifts permitted her to walk by the subway again. No music greeted her. Her heart sank with disappointment. She could not see him anywhere. ‘How silly was she being,’ she reproached herself. ‘He was a free agent and could busk wherever he liked.’ None the less she felt unexplainably sad as she walked home. ‘What if something had happened to him? Perhaps he was ill? Perhaps he had been attacked? Maybe he was in hospital?’ She would check but how, she only knew him as Andy. She made some discreet enquiries at work the next day without much success and decided to go by the subway to see if he was back. No luck, he had vanished. ‘Oh well!’ she thought, ‘I do wish that I could have got to know him better.’ Heidi was off the next day because she was due to work the Saturday and Sunday.

  Sunday was a lovely day, warm and sunny. Heidi cursed her luck that she was working. They were busy in the hospital and time went quickly. There were not many people around as she walked home and it gave her the chance to do a bit of window shopping. She stopped at a Zebra crossing and glanced to her right to see if any traffic was approaching, when she saw a familiar camel coloured jacket with a guitar strung across its back. “Andy!” she called. No reply. So she ran the short distance between them and when certain it was he, called again, “Andy!”

  This time he did turn. Those sad grey eyes, sparking for a moment as he recognised her.

  There was an awkward silence, neither knew what to say.

  “I thought I might bump into you
in the subway but you weren’t there,” Heidi eventually ventured.

  “I was there on Monday and Tuesday,” he replied.

  “Oh!” there was disappointment in her voice. “I’ve got a bit of time on my hands and was thinking of grabbing myself a coffee and a bite to eat. Care to join me?”

  “That’s kind of you Heidi. Perhaps another time, I’m not sure I’d be great company right now.”

  The cheery smile left her face. Perhaps she did care about him a little? His heart melted.

  “Tell you what,” he said. “We’re right near the park. Should we nip in there and perhaps I can get you a coffee?”

  She hesitated. Would she be safe? What the heck, there were loads of people in the park on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

  “Alright,” she said, “but only if I do the buying.”

  He knew that she would not go with him if he did not agree besides talking to her might cheer him a little.

  Andy sat himself down on a park bench close to the café, while Heidi went to get them some drinks. She returned a few minutes later with hot dogs and coffee for them both.

  “Thanks,” he said as she sat down beside him.

  “So, how have you been?” she enquired. He seemed a little on edge.

  “Not bad. Up and down, you know.”

  He bit into his hot dog.

  “I hope you like onions and ketchup?”

  “Love ‘em. This is perfect.”

  “When I did not see you in the subway I wondered if you had been ill or something.”

  “Oh no, nothing like that.”

  Not wanting to probe too much she fell silent, allowing him to finish eating. When he had, they sat quietly for a while. It was not uncomfortable though.

  After a little while Heidi said, “Andy, tell me to mind my own business if you like but I cannot help feeling that something isn’t right. You keep fidgeting and it seems like you want to get something off your chest. I’m a good listener, you know, it comes with the nurse training.”

  He turned to look at her. Those eyes, what secrets were they hiding in that deep sadness they displayed.

  “No, I have no right to burden you with my problems.”

  “Nonsense. You know what they say --- a problem shared is a problem halved.”

  He exhaled. “It’ll take too long and would be such an imposition on my part.”

  “Andy! I’ve finished work and I have time to sit and chat.”

  Reluctantly he began to explain, “My mum and I have an arrangement. My folks live in one of the houses on Ingles Road. There is a high wall with a tall, wrought iron gate. Near the gate is a loose brick that only my mother and I know about. She leaves me messages and from time to time a few quid when she has money to spare.”

  “Hang on. Your parents live in town?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ingles Road? Nice area. It must be quite a large house?”

  “It’s large enough. Four bedrooms.”

  “How come you’re living rough then?”

  “That’s where it becomes a long story.”

  “Go on then, I’m listening.”

  “Last week I went by the house to take a peek under the brick. There was an envelope with a short letter and a twenty pound note inside.

  It was a touching note hoping I was O.K. and expressing my mum’s deep wish that somehow my father and I could patch up our differences, especially as he had just been diagnosed with cancer.”

  Heidi reached out and touched his forearm. “Oh Andy! You must be so worried. Cancer is not quite the dreaded word that it used to be though and there are wonderful things they can do nowadays.”

  “Yes I know but the point is I have been trying to patch things up with my father for the last six months or so.”

  “And?”

  “He won’t answer my calls. Never replies to my letters. He just doesn’t want to know.”

  They sat silent for a while then Andy began again.

  “When I got my mum’s note I tried ringing. My mother answered and I asked to speak with dad.”

  After a minute she returned. “I’m sorry son but he won’t talk to you. I shall keep you informed because I know you are worried about him.”

  Andy looked young and lost. “Tell me Heidi, what should I do?”

  “You poor thing,” she said. “You cannot force him to see you, yet you don’t want to give up either.”

  They both sat in serious contemplation. Suddenly Heidi had a thought.

  “What about birthdays and special occasions?”

  “What do you mean? Do I send him a card?

  “Yes.”

  “I have always sent one on his birthdays but cards are expensive and I don’t often have much money.”

  “They don’t have to be the big, flashy ones, it’s the message that really counts. In any case I can help.”

  “You’ve done plenty, listening to me.” His brow knitted and he fell into a thoughtful silence. After a while, almost speaking to himself, he said, “If I write a letter, he knows my writing and won’t open it. Damn, if only I could type it somehow?”

  He looked up at her and there were tears in those grey eyes.

  “I’ve got an idea,” she said, “I could act as your go between.”

  “Would you?” he was incredulous “Why would anyone want to do that for me?”

  “Because some people care.” Heidi gave him a reassuring smile.

  “Thank you. I so want to see him again and tell him I’m sorry.”

  ***

  They devised a plan working on the basis that persistence might wear Andy’s father down. Roughly once a fortnight Andy would pass Heidi a note and she would e-mail it to his dad. They usually met up once a week, in the park or in a café, depending on the weather. Their friendship grew and Heidi got to know Andy a lot better.

  When he was little he was the apple of his father’s eye, even more so than his sister who was three years his junior. Dad would never admit it though. They had a great relationship and his father had taught him all sorts of things. The music had come from his mother but the cricket and the rugby, the help with his homework and the use of light and shade in his art, was all his dad. They loved each other dearly, that was until he became a rebellious teenager. His father was a Major in the Army; he valued fairness, honesty and discipline and wanted his son to develop the traits which he felt would help him be a successful and responsible adult. He got good GCSE results but things began to go wrong at sixth form. Andy resented the strict discipline that his old man was imposing. He started hanging out with this girl called Tina. She was definitely on the wild side and through her he got in with the wrong crowd. Now, he cannot see what he saw in her but then she was everything he wanted in a woman. His studies suffered, he started drinking and taking drugs and to pay for them started pinching from his parents. Very soon he was completely off the rails and was making no effort to attend sixth form. After numerous blazing rows with his parents his father gave him an ultimatum. Stealing from his family was unacceptable. Andy needed some structure and purpose. Andy was told if you want to stay under my roof you must come off the drugs. You need to study hard or find a job.

  “If you feel like that you can stick your bloody house. I’m off, my friends will put me up.” Andy stormed.

  “If you choose to leave Andy, you need to be aware of the consequences, you will not be welcome in this house,” shouted his father after him. His mother tried to stop him from going but he slammed the front door violently and was gone.

  He was sixteen years old and now had all the freedom in the world. His new friend Tom was quite happy for him to come and doss out at his. Tom’s mum was a single parent and an alcoholic and for most of the time was totally oblivious of what was happening in the house. The boys did as they pleased. Life was great --- for a while anyhow. All night parties, boozing, getting high. Tina sometimes would spend the night at Tom’s.

  One night Andy got back later than usual. When he let himself in
to the house he could hear laughing and giggling. He followed the sound and it gradually dawned on him that it sounded rather like Tina. He burst into the room to find her having sex with Tom. The couple did not stop in fact Tina invited him to come and join in. Andy was shocked and felt sick.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he shouted at Tom.

  Tom just laughed, “She’s loving it. Says it’s a lot better than you can give her.”

  It was then that Andy hit him. “Get out of my house. Piss off you fuckin’ parasite.” Tom screamed at him. Andy grabbed the few possessions he had and rushed from the house. He could not remember how long he walked the streets. He had no plan and little money and his friends had not helped him to become street wise. That was the first night Andy slept rough.

  At this point he did try to make contact with his family. His father would not let him back in the house and forbade his wife from seeing the lad. The arrangement of the loose brick near the gate was hatched at this stage.

  Andy started to grow up quickly but was still only sixteen. He had no qualifications, no fixed abode and no job history. He learned about those places where he might sometimes get a bed for the night but they had strict rules. Andy still had a deep resentment and anger towards authority and with callous disregard either broke or stretched these with alarming regularity. He soon found he was not welcome in most places. If he busked he could earn a few quid to keep him in booze, drugs with a bit over to eat most days. He drifted along, each day indistinguishable from the next, down the hazy path to destitution.

  ***

  This continued for roughly a year. Andy learned to take care of himself and how to avoid the unsavoury characters, and potentially dangerous situations, caused by the addiction and prostitution which surrounded a life on the streets. To finance his drug problem and keep himself frugally fed he took to shoplifting which inevitably led to a criminal record. Andy was in a very dark place and could not see anyway out. Drugs were the only way that he could escape and get some temporary respite.

  It was coming up to Christmas. It was particularly cold and damp. Andy was miserable, wandering the streets and suddenly missing his family enormously. His rambles drew him toward his parents’ house. It was lit up and looked warm and inviting. He peered in through the window. The decorations were up and the Christmas tree was a blaze of colour, sparkling with lights, tinsel and baubles. Edging his way to the front door he could smell the aromas from his mother’s kitchen. Gosh was he hungry? If only he could munch on some of her baking or slurp up some of her scrumptious beef casserole. He went to press the doorbell then hesitated. He was in turmoil. At last he thrust his finger forward and heard the mellow chimes from the hall. It was a few seconds before the door opened casting light onto the porch. His mother stood there. There was shocked disbelief on her pretty face as she looked at the gaunt, dishevelled figure before her.