by Amber Garza
“I-I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
He blinks, a resigned look cloaking his face. Lowering his gaze, he nods. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have tried that. You’ve made it clear where we stand many times. I guess I just thought…” he waves away his own words. “Forget it.”
His statement pierces my heart. Memories of all the times I rudely rejected him fill my mind. And now he thinks I’m doing the same thing again, but I’m not. Not at all. “I want to kiss you,” I say swiftly.
He stares at me, his eyes widening in shock.
“It’s just that I don’t have anyone else,” I say in an attempt to explain my erratic behavior, but I’m not sure it’s working.
His forehead knits together, and I can tell I’m only confusing him further. “I’m at a loss. Not even jokes are comin’ to me at this point.”
This elicits a tiny smile from me. “You’re the only person at school who’s been decent to me this year. No guys are interested anymore.” I sigh. “I guess I’m afraid if I kiss you that you’ll think it’s because you’re my only option.”
“I’m not your only option,” he answers. “Trust me, most of the guys on the team couldn’t care less about what’s happened between you and Talia. Or you and Josh. Or even you and Cal for that matter. Believe me, I can list off a lot of guys who would kiss you in an instant.”
“Really?” His words lift my spirits.
“Yeah,” he says quietly, his smile faltering. “So don’t worry, you don’t have to settle for me. You have plenty of options.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he lets out a bitter laugh. “Seriously, I can’t even believe I fell for your act. Clearly, you’re just as self-centered as always. This thing with Talia is only a big deal to you and Talia. No one else cares. But you think the whole damn school is against you because of it. It’s all in your mind. In your big egotistical mind.”
That’s it.
“Shut up.” I lunge at him, my arms wrapping around his neck. My lips crash into his, silencing his words. The force of my sudden actions cause Hayes’ bat bag to fall from his shoulder, and it lands on the grass by our feet with a thud. The bat inside clinks. But he doesn’t miss a beat. Without hesitation, his arms loop around my waist, gripping me tightly. It feels good to be held, to feel safe and secure in his arms. Our chests press together, our heartbeats mingling. For the first time in weeks, I feel content, happy even.
HAYES
I wasn’t expecting her to kiss me.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. It’s the most charged, electric kiss I’ve ever experienced. Not to mention that it’s Ashley. A girl I’ve dreamt of kissing for years. I assumed if we ever did kiss it would be some drunken mess she’d regret the next day. And I thought I’d be the one making the first move.
But this isn’t like that at all. She’s sober, and she knows what she’s doing.
More than that, though, she wanted me. She chose to kiss me.
The truth is, I don’t know if Ashley has other options. I haven’t talked to any of the guys about her. And her reputation is pretty tarnished at this point. However, I know the guys on the team. I know them really well. Ashley’s hot and, therefore, I’m sure most guys would still hook up with her, regardless of her reputation. It makes me sick, actually. I doubt any of the guys on the team see Ashley as anything more than a hot chick. A piece of ass. They don’t see the person I see. A person with a heart. A person with feelings, who deserves to be treated with respect.
That’s why I told her what I did. I needed to make sure that she’d still want to kiss me even if other guys were waiting in the wings. It was a gamble, but it paid off.
When our lips separate, I exhale. Our eyes meet. I wink. “So is this your usual tactic for getting someone to stop talking?”
She giggles, softly punching me in the upper arm. “You wish.”
“I’ve definitely endured worse ways.”
“I didn’t kiss you to shut you up,” she says. “I did it to prove a point.”
“Oh yeah? What was that?”
She pauses as if trying to decide whether or not to say what she’s thinking. I practically hold my breath, praying she will. Praying she won’t close up on me again. “If every single guy on the baseball team was out here tonight and they all wanted to kiss me, it still would’ve been you. No question.”
It’s more real than I thought she’d get, and it steals my breath. I stand completely still, trying to gather my bearings. A million things fly through my mind, jokes I could make, responses I could give. But none of them seem to be enough. None of them seem fitting. So I say nothing at all. Instead, I reach out, wrap my arms around her and draw her close.
When she nestles into me with a contented sigh, I know I’ve done the right thing. Reaching out, her fingers close around the fabric of my shirt, and she grips it tightly. It causes a shiver to run up my spine. Her hair tumbles down my arm as I lightly stroke her back.
Last summer, our neighbor’s son, Adam, was outside riding his bike one afternoon while I happened to be mowing the lawn. I had stopped to take a break and grab a sip of water when I heard a clatter, a tiny shriek. When I looked over, the boy was crumpled on the ground, his bike tipped over by his side. Dropping my water bottle, I ran forward. My gaze frantically scoured his front yard for his parents. When I spotted his mom, she was running from the porch, holding her youngest child in her arms.
“Hey, buddy.” I knelt beside Adam. “You okay?”
He shook his head, his lips quivering. “My arm hurts.”
The minute I looked at it, I knew it was broken. I told his mom that he needed to get to the hospital.
She nodded. “Let me go get his dad.”
Adam started to cry, so I scooped him into my arms and held him close as we waited for his dad. Because that’s what you do when someone’s broken or hurt. You hold them. You comfort them.
And that’s what I’m doing now.
Ashley’s just like Adam. She’s broken. She’s hurt. Maybe not physically, but deep down inside, where it matters most.
***
I’m not sure where Ashley and I left things last night. After our kiss, I walked her to her car and said good night. I think a part of me was scared to ask her what happens next. Ashley doesn’t do commitment. At least she hadn’t until Josh. And I know she’s kissed her share of guys. To her a kiss is a way to pass the time. It may not have meant anything to her.
But it meant something to me, and my gut tells me she feels the same way.
Her kiss wasn’t the kiss of someone playing around or having fun. And if that were the case, I don’t think she would’ve allowed me to hold her afterward. Most likely she would’ve run away as fast as she could.
However, I don’t want to wait until I see her at school today to figure out where we stand. I need to know now.
That’s why I drove to her house this morning before school. First, I grabbed her a latte. Just in case the kiss wasn’t enough to seal the deal. Also, I don’t think Ashley’s a morning person, so I plan to use all the help I can get.
Coffee cup in hand, I make my way up to Ashley’s house. The air is cool against my skin, causing goosebumps to rise on the back of my neck. Reaching up with my free hand, I adjust my baseball cap, hoping to make it straight. I’m not sure who will answer the door. If it’s Ashley’s mom or dad, I’d like to look as non-threatening as possible. When I get to the front door, I take a deep breath before knocking.
I only have to knock a few times before the door is forcefully swung open. Ashley looks amazing. Well, she always looks amazing. But even more so this morning with her hair down and falling around her shoulders. Her eyes are bright, her lips shining. She wears a sundress that shows off her long, slender legs, and high heeled sandals that make her feet look sexy.
Her lips form an O at the sight of me, and I fight the urge to step forward and cover her mouth with mine.
“Hayes?” She cocks her head to the side. “What a
re you doing here?”
I hold out the coffee. “Thought you could use a pick-me-up.”
She smiles. “Perfect timing too. We ran out of coffee yesterday, but Mom hasn’t made it to the store yet.” Her head swivels, her gaze flickering down the hallway. “And she’s still in bed.” There is a darkness in her tone that reveals so much more than what she’s saying. But I don’t press it. Her fingers close around the cup. “Thank you.” Lifting it to her lips, she takes a sip. “You drove all the way over here to bring me this?” Her eyebrows raise as she lowers the cup.
“That, and I thought I’d drive you to school.”
She presses her lips together. Again, all I can think about is kissing them. “But I kinda need my…car,” she responds so softly I can barely hear her.
“Why do you need your…” It dawns on me before I can finish the sentence. I step forward, snatching up her free hand. “Ash, you don’t have to spend lunch period in your car.”
“But…” her eyes shift back and forth. “Where will I..?”
“You’ll eat lunch with me.”
She shakes her head vehemently. “No way.”
I release her hand. “Ash?”
Guilt appears on her face. “Oh, it’s not because I’m ashamed of you or anything.” She reaches for me, sliding her hand up my arm. “It’s just that I don’t think I can sit there with them, you know?”
My lips curl upward. A breeze kicks up, the scent of flowers making me want to sneeze. My eyes water and I fight against the urge.
Ashley giggles, clearly noticing my discomfort. “I know. We have way too many flowers out here. Come on inside.”
I follow her in, and am immediately impressed with her house. From the outside, I had mistakenly thought it was like all of the other houses in Prairie Creek, but I was wrong. It’s much larger inside with vaulted ceilings and crown molding. The floors are hardwood and slick. It’s clear that Dr. McIntosh got the best of everything when it came to his home.
“Wow,” I breathe out, taking it all in. “Your house is nice.”
Ashley frowns, her shoulders falling and raising noncommittally. “It’s a house.”
I gently grab her arm and guide her to me, careful not to make her spill her coffee. Then I press my lips to hers. “I understand you don’t want to sit at the baseball table, and that’s okay. We can sit wherever you want.”
She nods, kissing me one more time.
“Does this mean you’ll ride with me?” I ask.
“Yeah.” She smiles. “Let me go grab my backpack.”
I watch her walk down the hallway. When she disappears, I glance around the family room. At our house, the walls are filled with family pictures. One year my mom was obsessed with collages, and she made dozens of them. It’s kind of creepy how many pictures of my brother and I are all over the walls. But in here there aren’t any family portraits. Just artwork and shelves. Everything is so clean and neat, it’s almost as if no one lives here at all.
Footsteps sound behind me, and I whirl around. A woman enters the room wearing designer sweats, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. “Oh.” She clutches her chest. “I didn’t know we had company.”
Ashley comes up behind her, eyes widening. “Mom, I’m sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was. Now I’m up.” There is a hard edge to her voice that unnerves me. My mom never talks to me like that. “Who is this?” She points at me like I’m an object, not a person.
“This is Hayes. He’s a…a…friend of mine.” Ashley side-steps her mom and moves toward me. Her backpack is slung over her shoulder, and she clutches her coffee tightly in her hand. Clearly her mom’s presence agitates her.
“What’s he doing here so early in the morning?” Her mom asks.
“He’s giving me a ride to school.” Ashley speaks in an irritated tone.
“Is something wrong with your car?” Her mom glances out the front window.
“No, Mom, my car is fine.” Ashley yanks on my sleeve. “Let’s go.”
Her mom notes the gesture with a tiny raise of her brow. “Oh, I see. Well, you two better get going.”
And in that moment, I can tell her mom doesn’t like me. I try not to let it sting, but it does. And it’s obvious that it bothers Ashley. She attempts to act like it doesn’t, but her whole demeanor toward me has shifted since I first got here. When we head outside, she makes sure there is adequate distance between us. And she doesn’t touch me at all on the drive to school.
Not that I was expecting her to maul me or something, but she had been a little affectionate earlier. When we pull into the school parking lot, I wonder if this is how it’s going to be between us. Is Ashley going to let everyone else’s opinion about us dictate how she feels? If that’s the case, we might as well end this right now.
ASHLEY
Mom doesn’t approve.
Not that I’m surprised. Hayes doesn’t exactly fit the bill. He’s not like the guys I usually date. It’s why I didn’t want her to meet him. Not yet anyway. Not until I was sure about us. Now it’s too late. I was beginning to like Hayes, but now all I can think about is the fact that Mom doesn’t. I shouldn’t care what she thinks, but I do.
I always have.
As Hayes drives, I silently sip my latte and stare out the window, at the trees and clouds as they blur past. I know this town like the back of my hand. I know every in and out, every nook and cranny. And frankly, I’m bored. Tired of this whole place. I don’t have any big plans after graduation. I’ve gotten okay grades, but not the best. Dad wants me to go to college, but I’m not sure I’ll be accepted to any of them.
When I told Dad what I wanted to do, he scoffed at it. Told me it was stupid, so I never brought it up again. Perhaps I should go with Mom’s plan and marry my way into a good future. Glancing over at Hayes, I wonder what his plans are. When he catches me staring, he turns his head. But I avert my gaze quickly, returning it to the window.
When we arrive at school, Hayes finds a parking space near the back of the lot and slides his car into it. After he cuts the engine, I unbuckle myself and reach for the knob. Hayes drops his hand to my thigh, stopping me.
“Ashley.”
I stiffen.
His hand slips from my lap. “I’m sorry about just showing up this morning.” I crane my neck to look at him. “I meant what I said last night about wanting to get to know you. So if you just want to be friends, then that’s fine with me.”
“You just want to be friends?”
A teasing smirk spreads across his face. “Do friends kiss?”
My lips curl upward too. “Friends with benefits do.”
His grin fades. “That’s not what I want.” I’m stunned by his statement. What guy doesn’t want that? A physical relationship without strings. I thought that was every guy’s fantasy. “I’m not like the other guys you’ve…dated.” I cringe at how difficult it was for him to come up with that word. But I totally get it. Guys don’t usually ‘date’ me. “I’m not like Cal who can just make out with any girl, regardless of how he feels about her. When I kiss a girl it’s because I like her. But I’m also not like Josh. I’ll never treat a girl like she’s my property or like she owes me something.” His gaze crashes into mine. “I like you, Ashley. And I’d like to see more of you. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or force myself on you in any way. I know you’re vulnerable right now, and I’m not interested in taking advantage of that.”
After that speech, it doesn’t matter to me what my mom thinks. My mom liked Josh and he never would’ve said something this kind to me. He never would’ve treated me with honor and respect like Hayes just did.
“So, it’s your call. What do you say, Ashley?” Hayes lifts his brows.
I hesitate for a moment, contemplating my next move. And then I realize this is exactly what I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t want to calculate my moves. I don’t want to weigh all my options. This isn’t a game. It’s a relationship with a real li
ve person. Leaning forward, I place my mouth over his and press down firmly. It’s heaven when his lips move beneath mine, when his fingers lightly touch my skin. The way he makes me feel is puzzling. Before now, I never dreamt of kissing Hayes. I never wanted to. But now that I have, I can’t imagine anything better. When our lips fuse, magic happens. Maybe it’s because I’d never imagined it. I’d never built it up in my mind. In the past, I’d fantasize about kissing a guy for months before actually doing it, and then when we’d finally kiss it would be anticlimactic. It never lived up to my expectation. But kissing Hayes exceeds my expectations.
When our lips part, I lean back and stare into his eyes.
“I could go for that answer.” Hayes winks, and I giggle. “You have a beautiful laugh. Has anyone ever told you that?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“Well, now you know.” He swipes a hand over my chin.
After we get out of his car, I spot Talia and her friends a few cars away. Josh and Nolan are down in the next aisle. My heart hammers in my chest. I know what they’ll think if they see Hayes and me together. They’ll think this is a game. They’ll think I’m using him to get back at them.
Panic chokes me.
A warm hand folds around mine, and my head bobs up. Hayes smiles at me. I clutch his hand tightly, grateful for the support.
“It’s okay, Ash.” He squeezes my palm. “I’ve got ya.”
I want to rest in his words, to enjoy the comfort of them. But I know it’s only temporary. So I hold him in place. “Hayes, people are gonna talk. They’re gonna say things about me. About us. About why I’m with you.”
“Why are you with me?”
“I don’t know, honestly. I never thought…” Man, this is not what I should be saying. Why am I so damn honest with this guy? “I guess I feel a connection with you. It’s strange. I wasn’t expecting it.” When I peer up at him, I stare deeply into his eyes. Into his dark, genuine eyes. “I like you, Hayes.”