by Amber Garza
The world spins around me as I push my way outside and stagger down the walkway. The wind mocks me, the clouds taunt me. When I see the neighbor step out of her house, I quickly avert my gaze. I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now.
After slipping into my car, I feel my phone buzz from inside my purse. I yank it out and see a text from Mrs. Parker telling me she’s at the mall waiting for me. My stomach twists. There’s no way I’m meeting her now.
I glance at my house picturing my angry, bitter mom inside.
But there’s no way in hell I’m staying here.
As I turn on the engine, I know exactly where I need to go, and who I need to talk to.
***
I reach my destination in no time. It’s not far from my house. After getting out of my car, I hurry forward, head held high, my steps certain. I don’t look around. As I enter the building, I make my way around the corner and up the stairs, ignoring everyone who gets in my path. The closer I get to his office, I pray he’s inside and not making the rounds or tending to a patient. If that’s the case, I may never find him.
When I reach his office door, I take a deep breath, smoothing down my skirt. Dad doesn’t do well with emotion. I have to stay steady, strong. It’s the only way to get the answers I deserve. Lifting my hand I knock, once, twice, loudly. Dad doesn’t tolerate timidity. He responds to confidence, assurance.
“Come in,” his voice rings out, causing my pulse to spike.
Pushing a shaky breath from my throat, I press open the door.
His head bobs up the minute I enter, and his eyes immediately widen. “Ashley? Is everything okay?” He glances around. “Your mom?”
He thinks I’m here because of a medical emergency. How sad is that? “Mom’s fine,” I say, realizing that is very far from the truth. Stepping further into the room, I gently close the door behind me. “You and I need to talk.” Another thing Dad doesn’t like is beating around the bush, therefore, I plan to cut to the chase. At this point I’m not interested in small talk either.
“O-okay,” he stutters, which is out of character for him. Then he sweeps his hand out indicating one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk from him.
As I sink into it, I glance up at the certificates on the wall, the bookshelves filled with medical journals. I think about how this is the place Dad spends most of his time. This is what he chooses over us. Well, this and Mrs. Parker, apparently. As my gaze scans the room, I wonder how often she’s been in here. Has it been more times than I’ve been here? Probably.
“What did you need to talk about?” Dad leans forward, stroking his chin. He’s doing his best to appear nonchalant, but I can feel his nervousness radiating through this room like the heat of the sun on a warm day.
“Mom told me about the affair,” I blurt out.
“Oh.” He straightens, dropping his hand on the desk. “I see.”
My heart plummets. “So it’s true?”
“I’m afraid so,” he says, eyeing me as if I’m a wild animal. Like I’m a hungry lion that might attack at any moment. “You have to understand, marriage is complicated, and your mom and I have had a lot of issues over the years.”
Annoyed, I hold up my hand to stop him. “I didn’t come for a therapy session, Dad. And I don’t want your stupid explanations. What you’ve done hasn’t only hurt mom, it’s hurt me too. You’ve abandoned both of us. Do you even care about that?” A sob tears through my throat, but I choke it back. “Do you even care about us?”
“Of course I do.”
“And you show it by having an affair with one of your nurses?” I rub a hand down my face, panic gripping me. There’s no way I can continue to date Hayes after this. And he’s the first boy I’ve ever loved. My parents’ ability to destroy my life never ceases to amaze me. “Dad, this is so messed up. And now you’ve ruined everything. I mean, why did it have to be my boyfriend’s mom of all people?”
“Your boyfriend’s mom? No, that’s not right. Tawny doesn’t have any children.”
I freeze. “Tawny? That’s her name? So it’s not Mrs. Parker?”
“Nurse Parker?” Dad shakes his head. “No. I’m not having an affair with Nurse Parker. Why did you think that?”
“Mom told me.”
“Oh.” Dad nods as if he’s having an epiphany. “One day your mom came tearing in here and I was having a meeting with Nurse Parker. It was around that same time that she told me she’d found out I was having an affair. She asked me if it was with one of the nurses. I assumed she knew which one, so I said yes. I didn’t realize she thought it was Nurse Parker and not Tawny.”
“How long ago was this?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “It was months ago.”
I don’t know what’s sadder. That he’s having an affair or that he doesn’t even know how long ago my mom found out about it. I never want a marriage like theirs. I can’t believe I spent so much of my life wanting to be like Mom. I’d rather be poor and loved, than rich and unloved. In this moment all I feel for Mom is pity.
“So, you have a boyfriend, huh?”
It’s odd to have him ask me such a benign question in the middle of such a charged conversation. “Um…yeah, I do. Hayes Parker.”
“Oh, yeah. His grandpa was in here not long ago. Nice young man.”
How can he be so casual right now?
“He is a very nice young man. He’s the kind of guy who would never do what you’re doing right now.”
“Ah, to be a teenager and to see the world in black and white,” Dad muses. “Life becomes much more complicated as you get older. You’ll see.”
“I really hope I don’t. I hope I turn out nothing like you or mom.” Angry, I stand up, but my legs are wobbly and almost give out on me. I reach out and grip the desk to steady myself.
“Ashley.” Dad stands too. “I am sorry I hurt you.”
“You really don’t seem sorry, Dad.”
“What can I do?” He asks. “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. To show you that I’m genuinely sorry.”
I’m about to tell him he can go to hell, when a thought strikes me. I know exactly what he can do.
HAYES
I’ve been texting and calling Ashley for hours with no response. Mom waited at the mall for almost an hour before leaving, and we’ve been worried sick ever since. Neither of us have said a word to my grandpa because we don’t want him to get worked up. Luckily he’s been in his room lying down. He hasn’t been feeling great today.
It isn’t like Ashley to avoid me like this, and I keep picturing her lying in a ditch somewhere.
Grabbing my cell phone and keys off the coffee table, I stand up. “I can’t keep sitting around here waiting for her to call. I’m gonna go out and look for her.” The only place I tried so far was her house, but her mom slammed the door in my face. I have no idea why that woman hates me so much. But from what she did say, I know Ashley’s not home, and her mom hasn’t heard from her either. She said Ashley left the house that morning to go to the mall.
“Where will you go?” Worried lines etch Mom’s face.
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “But I’m going stir crazy.”
“Maybe try the hospital.”
My stomach bottoms out. “You really think she’s been hurt?”
Mom shrugs. “Well you said that she wasn’t acting strange at all this morning. And even her mom said she was on the way to the mall. What else could’ve happened?”
As I hurry toward the front door, my heart hammers in my chest. Silently I pray that she hasn’t been in an accident. I pray that she’s okay. When I step outside, cold air skates over my skin. As I race toward my car, lights block my path. Squinting, I look at the car pulling into my driveway. My heart lifts. Ashley.
She’s barely out of the car before I sweep her into my arms. “Oh, thank god you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” she says, but her voice is off.
I pull back. Her cheeks are wet, her eyes moist. “What
happened?”
“It’s just been a really bad day,” she says between sobs.
I slide my palms down the sides of her face and kiss her nose. “I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, but I’m so relieved you’re here and in one piece. Mom and I were so worried.”
She stiffens. “Hayes, I feel so bad that I flaked on your mom. She probably hates me right now.”
“Hates you? No. Not at all. She was sure something bad had happened to you. Ash. She’s not mad at you, she cares about you. When she finds out you’re all right she’ll be overjoyed.”
“Really?”
“Really,” I assure her. “Now tell me what happened.”
She lowers her head, more tears falling from her eyes. Her hair falls into her face, strands sticking to her cheek. I pry them off, brushing them back. “You’re gonna think I’m stupid.”
“I’ll never think you’re stupid, Ash.”
She takes a deep breath, and without lifting her head she begins to speak. “This morning when I was getting ready to meet your mom, my mom came in my room. She started getting angry with me for the online tutorial.”
“Why would she get mad about that?”
“I don’t know.” She shakes her head in confusion, and anger rises in me. That woman has caused so much damage to Ashley. When will it end? “But it doesn’t matter. That’s not what this is about.” She inhales, and I can tell she’s trying to shove her uncontrollable emotions back down. But it’s a losing battle, and her lips begin to quiver again.
I stroke her face. “It’s okay, Ash. You’re here with me. Everything’s going to be okay.”
She nods, sniffing. “When I told my mom who I was going shopping with, she said that your mom was having an affair with my dad.”
“What? No,” I say firmly, stepping back from Ashley. “There’s no way.”
She reaches for me desperately. “You’re right. She’s not. My mom had it wrong. It’s not your mom, it’s another nurse.”
Her words are like a knife to my heart. The revelation that her dad is having an affair with one of his nurses must be killing her. “Ash, I’m sorry.”
Tears pour down her face, and her shoulders shake. “I went to his office and confronted him, and he confessed everything. He didn’t even seem sorry. All this time I thought he chose his job over us, but he chose another woman over us too.”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. There’s nothing I can say to make it better, so I don’t say a word. I simply stroke her hair as she sobs into my chest. After a few minutes, she lifts her head. “Please don’t tell your mom I thought the worst of her. I really want her to like me.”
“I won’t tell her if you don’t want me to. But, trust me, she wouldn’t think any less of you if she knew. And she already likes you.”
“Even after today?”
“Let’s go in and talk to her so you can see for yourself.” I grab her hand. She frantically wipes at her face. “My mom’s not afraid of some tears.”
“Hayes.” Ashley stops walking, holding my hand in place.
I turn around. “Yeah?”
“I’ve been like him, you know? I’ve been selfish and mean, and I’ve cheated.”
“We’ve been through this. You’re different now.”
“I know. I think it all just hit me pretty hard tonight. The ways I’ve hurt people.”
I step toward her and gently kiss the crown of her head. “Then that’s one way you’re not like him.”
A tiny smile flickers over her lips. It’s fast. So fast I almost miss it. But I don’t, and it gives me a small sense of hope.
When we step inside, Mom leaps up. Her mouth gapes open when she spots Ashley, and she immediately rushes toward us.
“Honey, what happened to you?” She asks, her gaze traveling her body as if assessing for damage. I can already see her nurse’s mind kicking into high gear.
“I’m fine,” Ashley says. “Well, at least, physically I am.”
Mom’s gaze rests on Ashley’s face, taking in the tear stains. “Wanna talk about it? I can make us some tea.”
At my mom’s sincere concern, Ashley breaks. She tumbles forward into my mom’s arms, the waterworks starting again. “It was the worst day. My dad is having an affair, and my mom didn’t like my video,” Ashley blurts out so fast it comes out sounding like one long word.
“There, there.” Mom rubs circles over Ashley’s back. “It’s gonna be all right.”
“And I feel so bad that I wasn’t there for you. I know you needed my help.”
Mom lifts Ashley’s chin, looking directly into her eyes. “Ashley, I didn’t ask you to go shopping with me because I needed help. I asked you because I wanted to spend the day with you. I thought it would be fun to go shopping, maybe grab some lunch with my favorite girl.”
“Your favorite girl?” Ashley whispers in awe. When her gaze finds mine, the emotion in her irises almost causes me to cry. But it doesn’t. Of course it doesn’t, because I’m a guy and guys don’t do that.
“Yep. But don’t worry about today. We have plenty of other days to go shopping and do lunch.”
“I’d like that,” Ashley says, wiping her nose.
“Me too.” Mom brushes hair from Ashley’s face. “Now, why don’t you and I go get that tea?”
“I’ll go check on Gramps. He’s probably been eavesdropping enough to know what’s going on anyway,” I say, heading out of the room. But the girls barely notice me. Their heads are bent together in deep conversation. But it doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, it may be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
***
It’s the first game of the fall season. My nerves are frayed. Our scrimmages haven’t been the best. We’re struggling to work together as a team. It’s clear now how much we relied on Cal and Chris. Not just for their skills, but for their leadership. They were the glue that held this team together.
As I warm up by swinging the bat, I scan the bleachers. Grandpa is stuck at home, still recovering. We both were hoping he’d be well enough to attend the first game. When I left the house this morning, I did my best to cheer him up about it. But the truth is, I’m as sad about it as he is.
My gaze travels through all the bleachers. I see a lot of familiar faces, but not Ashley or my mom. The game is about to start, so hopefully they’ll be here soon. I’m sure they’ll show up together. Those two have been attached at the hip lately. Ever since that night when Ashley showed up at our house crying, Mom’s been taking her out a lot, and Ashley’s been helping my mom with her makeup and clothes.
Also, Mom’s offered her assistance with the online tutorials. Not that Ashley needs assistance. Her channel has taken off. She has thousands of subscribers. Ashley is shocked, but I’m not. I knew she’d be a success.
I love how her relationship with my mom is evolving though. The closer she gets with my mom, the more I see her opening up. The more vulnerable she’s becoming. And I’ve realized that what Ashley’s needed even more so than a loving boyfriend or friends or a grandpa figure, is a mom. I wish that her mom could fill that void, but since she isn’t, I’m grateful to my mom for stepping up.
Coach Hopkins calls us over, so I abandon the search for my girls and jog over to the rest of the team. After Coach finishes his instructions, the game starts. Heading into the dugout, I glance one more time into the stands, but Ashley and Mom still haven’t arrived. A funny feeling drops into my gut, but I ignore it. I’m not going to let fear grip me now. I’m sure they’re just running behind.
The first inning starts, and I sit in the dugout while the first few batters are up. When it’s my turn, I grip the bat and jog out to home plate. I swing a few times for practice. Then I get in position, focusing on the ball. When it comes at me, I swing hard, connecting with it. The ball shoots out over the outfielder’s head making its way toward the outer fence. Dropping the bat, I take off running as fast as I can. The stands erupt in cheers all around me, but I can hardly hear it over
the pounding of my heart and my cleats on the dirt. I round first, then second, then third, and set my sights on home. As I continue to run, I can feel the energy in the stadium and it fuels me. When my feet hit home plate, the cheering is so loud it envelopes me, cocooning me in its enthusiasm.
Smiling, I glance over to the bleachers, and my heart leaps in my chest. Ashley and Mom sit right in the front row, and next to them is Ashley’s dad, my grandpa’s nurse and my grandpa. He’s in his wheelchair, but he’s here. And he’s clapping demonstratively right along with everyone else. I swallow back the lump in my throat. No way am I crying here in front of the team. But if there was ever a time when I wanted to, it would be now.
I step to the fence and motion Ashley out of her seat. She stands and comes toward me.
“You did this, didn’t you?”
She nods. “It was so hard to keep the secret, but I wanted to surprise you.”
“I’m definitely surprised.” My gaze flickers to her dad. “How did you make it work?”
“Let’s just say my dad owed me a little favor.” She winks, and I know exactly how she finagled this.
“Parker, get the hell back in the dugout,” Coach hollers. “This is not going to be a repeat of Alcott and his girl.”
I chuckle, pulling away from the fence. “Too bad, because a kiss was sounding pretty good right about now.”
Ashley smiles. “How about this?” Bringing her palm to her lips, she kisses it and then sweeps her hand out.
I pretend to catch it, and she giggles. It’s cheesy, but I don’t care. I’d do about anything to see her smile.
ASHLEY
I stand off to the side, giving Hayes privacy so he can talk to his grandpa. The look on his face when he caught sight of Henry during the game made all of this worth it. I’ve been so angry with my dad. The last thing I wanted was to spend the morning with him. However, I’d do it a million more times to see Hayes happy like this. Henry too.
“It was a really nice thing you did for him.” Dad approaches.