His fingers paused under my eye, a small frown line formed between his brows. As I’d been visiting his past in his mind, he’d just walked through one of my memories, one where I’d hidden for hours in a cramped pantry cupboard, my knees to my chin and my eyes closed tight. Markus’s tutor had caught me spying. I never had my own tutors and had to eavesdrop on my brothers’ if I wanted any kind of education. Father had been incensed at my gall. I’d hidden in the cupboard for hours, waiting. Then he’d found me.
Theo closed his eyes. I knew he felt my terror, my pain. I wanted to take it away from him, so I pulled out one of his own memories. I wanted to know where this instinctual need in him to connect with others came from. So I drew a memory from where I’d felt the urge the strongest.
He stared down at a woman as he pounded himself into her. Lips parted, head thrown back, she’d cried out in pleasure as he continued to thrust his need inside her. As I watched, her face changed. Older, younger. Dark hair, blonde hair, red hair. Two at a time. In a closet, in a bed, in a car. Always the need to connect driving him, searching.
I pulled back, shocked. I stared at him and wasn’t sure what I saw. The glow dimmed around his face. The frown darkening his face grew clearer. He reached out to touch my lips, and I pulled back. Suddenly, I gasped for air.
“No!” he growled, panting in his own breath. “Not yet! Don’t end it yet!”
I closed my eyes as an unfamiliar hurt overwhelmed me. “All those women. My God, there must have been a hundred of them.” I felt the glow slipping away. It was still inside me, but around us the air grew colder now. He tried to keep the power humming and connecting us on his own, but without me he wasn’t strong enough. Would I be strong enough to control this power on my own? Or would I always be less without him? I covered my face.
He pried at my hands, but I held them in place. “Listen to me, Mag. Look at me.”
I shook my head. It didn’t matter. I knew it didn’t matter. I’d known that he’d been with other women. And if I’d seen all that any other time, I probably wouldn’t freak out this way. But, damn it, we’d just made love. A lot. I knew what it felt like for him when he was inside me—what he wanted and the powerful pleasure when he climaxed. And now I knew that he’d felt that while looking down on all those other faces.
“You know why I was with those other women, Mag. I had a hole inside me that needed to be filled, and I didn’t know how to fill it. Not until you.” His voice got hard. “Don’t belittle what we just experienced by comparing it to everyone before you.”
I took a deep breath. It felt odd and a little disappointing to need the air now. “I know why. But if there’s one thing you’ve taught me more than any other, it’s that I can’t be held responsible for my reflexive thoughts and reactions.” Slowly I lowered my hands. He narrowed his eyes.
“Touché,” he said. “Now come here.”
He pulled me in to his chest, and I let him. When I closed my eyes, all those faces came back again. No. He was right. I wouldn’t let his past ruin this moment between us. Whatever he’d been looking for with them, he hadn’t found it. Not until me. That’s what I needed to focus on.
He sighed, and his muscles relaxed. “Feels weird to breathe again,” he murmured. We sighed together. “I think we have about an hour or so before everyone shows up. Try and get some sleep, Mag.” He kissed the top of my head.
I lay awake and listened to his breathing settle. The terrors of my past hadn’t stopped him from finding what he needed inside me. The fact that he’d spent the past two decades being a manwhore wouldn’t stop me from finding what I needed in him. I wouldn’t let it.
CHAPTER 29
The alarm clock woke us an hour later. Theo slapped the thing off, rolled over onto his back, then settled back into that deep snore that had lulled me to sleep. The hint of morning sun peeked through the small frosted window. It was the first time since my return I hadn’t woken with a chill. Warm, quiet, peaceful.
Anxiety seeped into the room quietly. I’d gotten a pretty good glimpse of how he typically handled the morning after. With the swell of our combined power still humming, I couldn’t help but wonder if he would set a new land-speed record when he woke and decided to bolt. A little frown line puckered between his brows. Thick stubble on his jaw, hair tousled—God, he was beautiful.
“Stop thinking so much. You’ll give me a headache.” He stretched his arms over his head.
“Can you hear my thoughts?”
“Not really. More like I can sense your uncertainty.” He stretched until his body shook, then fell slack beside me. He brushed a finger over my bottom lip. “Worried about what happens now?”
“Maybe. Are you?”
“Nope.” He swung me up and on top of him, flush tight against his body. He felt so good. A perfect fit. “We’re supposed to be together. Last night proved that beyond a doubt.”
I stared at his jaw, feeling oddly young. “So are we—I don’t know—a couple now?”
He waited for me to look up. “You’ve never had a boyfriend before, have you?” he said softly.
I toyed with the hair on his chest, pissed off that I felt myself blush. “Not exactly a lot of dating opportunities on the estate unless you count my brothers. And believe me, I’d rather not.”
His eyes flashed with danger before settling back to a cool calm. “Would you like to call me your boyfriend?”
“I don’t know. I mean, it sounds kind of silly, considering you’re so old and everything.” In a flash I was on my back, pinned to the mattress with my hands over my head.
“Old?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, you’re like what? Thirty-five? Forty?”
He nipped at my collarbone. “I’m thirty-four, and you know it.”
I went still beneath him, waited until he stopped tickling my throat with his tongue. When he finally looked up at me again, I said seriously, “Thirty-four. The absolute perfect age for so much more than a boyfriend.”
He kissed me then. And in the next moment, he was inside me again. This time there was only a soft glow when we came together, holding each other close. But the power was still there, still stronger than ever. There was no questioning the control we had over it now. Together we’d always be in control.
Thirteen arrived with Marie, Charles, and three boxes of doughnuts. Shane and a barely awake Chang skulked in a few moments later. And right behind them, Tony and Luce arrived with bagels and coffee.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked, snagging one of the coffees from Tony. He stood near the doorway, eyeing the others in the room.
“We were told to be here. So we’re here.” He glanced down at me. “How you doing?”
My heart warmed a little at his genuine concern. I shrugged. “I’ve been worse.” He gave me a soft smile. Maybe some future coffee time with Tony wasn’t out of the question, after all.
I heard the shower turn off in the back of the house and turned automatically, expecting to see Theo emerge from the bathroom. Marie stepped in front of me, blocking my view. Bitch.
“I left some of the readouts from last night’s mission in the car,” she said shortly. “Come with me to get them. Please.” If it wasn’t for the gritted-out please I would have laughed in her face. From the corner of my eye, I saw Thirteen watching us. Great.
“OK,” I said and gestured for her to lead the way. I followed her out the front door. The cold made me cringe. It must have dropped twenty degrees last night. We stepped quickly to Charles’s car. Over the roof of the car she said, “Get in,” then crawled in the driver’s seat and shut the door.
What the hell? I scanned her mind. Nothing stood out but an underlining aggravation that I assumed was her normal state of being. I climbed in the front seat and shivered while she started the car and blasted the heater. “Look, we don’t have time for girl bonding, so just grab the readouts and let’s get back inside.”
She stared out the front window, her hands clenched tightly on the s
teering wheel. Suddenly she looked older. There were lines around her eyes that I hadn’t noticed the past couple of times I’d seen her. But then again, she’d been absent at so many recent meetings I wasn’t sure when the last time I saw her was. She closed her eyes. As if a long-bound book were opening, her mind slowly unfolded before me. Her thoughts became organized and clear, and I could see exactly what she needed from me, what she would never be able to say out loud. Against my will, my heart ached.
“I don’t know if I could do that, Marie,” I said softly. “When I healed Charles, his body had been broken. I don’t know what endometriosis is exactly, but if it’s part of the way your body was made, I may not be able to change it.”
Her eyes stayed closed, but her lower lip began to tremble. “It’s not the way my body was made. The cells are attacking me, and the laser treatments aren’t working. I just…” She ran her hands over her face. “God, do you have any idea how humiliating this is? Talking to you. Asking you. Do you think I’d be here if it wasn’t my absolute last resort?”
I cocked a brow at her.
She rolled her eyes at me. “You know how I feel about you. And I know how you feel about me. It’s just…” Her lips pressed together again, and her thoughts explained what her pride wouldn’t let her say. Three miscarriages. Two years of treatments. It was the only thing she’d ever wanted. More than being a part of the Network, more than the clothes and lifestyle she loved. She wanted a family of her own.
Her desperation left a lump stuck in my throat. I cleared it twice then said, “I can try. From what you’ve shown me, I don’t think I can get rid of it forever. It will probably come back. But I might be able to clear it up enough for you to get pregnant and, you know, stay that way.”
She released a long sigh. “That’s all I wanted. Just for you to try.” She looked me in the eye and forced herself not to curl her lip. “Thank you.”
I had to smile. It would be nice if this moment was a new beginning for us, if her emotional turmoil over wanting a baby was the root of her bitchiness, and now that I was going to help her, she’d start treating me with some respect. But I saw the pettiness in her thoughts, the fact that it totally ate her alive to ask me for this. I was still prettier than her. And I was still a Kelch, with more money and power than she would ever have.
“Yeah,” I said, grinding my teeth at that last thought. “Well, maybe your offspring won’t harbor your bitch gene and will grow up to be a normal person.” Now she glared full-out. I reached over the console to the backseat and grabbed whatever paper I could find. “Come on. People will probably think I’ve killed you out here if we don’t get back in there soon.”
“Oh right, like you could even,” she snarled as we crawled out of the car. Once we were back on the path to the front porch, she flashed her sidearm at me.
I shot her a chiding look. “Don’t be an idiot, Marie.”
On the steps she pulled me to a stop. With an exaggerated eye roll, she said, “Fine. You’re big and bad and powerful and can kill us all with your mind.”
My eyebrows shot up. “How nice of you to notice.”
She sighed. “So look. I’ll be ovulating in ten days. Do you think…”
“Yeah. Why don’t you come over this weekend, and I’ll see what I can do.”
Her face relaxed again, the lines around her eyes smoothing on their own. She nodded, and even though she didn’t say it, the gratitude and hope that poured out of her was palpable. Not that I was eager for Charles and Marie to pass on their winning character traits, but still. I did want to help her.
Marie walked into the house, and for a moment I just stood on the front porch. I’d never considered using my power to heal something like this. Was it even possible? And God, a baby. To be a part of creating some new life. A chill ran up my spine, and I knew it wasn’t from the cold.
I shook my head. I’d had enough moments of deep contemplation lately. Now wasn’t the time for another. I pushed open the front door that Marie had so thoughtfully closed in my face and paused. I was glowing. Not a lot, but there was a nice golden shimmer over my skin that stood out against the early-morning darkness.
Jon’s SUV pulled up the drive behind me. I waited on the porch as he and Heather stomped through the snow to the house. Heather smiled up at me. “Hey! Are we the last ones here?”
“Yeah, everyone else is inside. And some of Colin’s team is here too.”
Jon frowned. “Why?”
I just shrugged. When they got to the porch, I held open the door for them. When I looked down at my hand again, the glow was gone.
“You OK?” Heather asked as she stepped by me into the house. I smiled back at her.
“I’m good. Just need another drink.”
I followed her into the house and closed the door on the cold outside.
CHAPTER 30
“Baby, we are rolling in the intel.”
Chang didn’t bother sitting. He’d downed three coffees and was in high-energy report mode. “I got it all—names, dates, places. Of course, it was easy since I’d already done all the groundwork. Man, Magnus’s system was the bomb! If I hadn’t gotten as far as I did before we went in—oooh, it would have been a close one. But I recognized the file right off. I got in, I got out, got it clean, and got it good.”
I watched him bounce around the room from my seat on one of the giant ottomans. Theo was on the sofa behind me again, this time with Jon and Heather. His leg brushed against me every time he shifted, sending little waves of warmth through my body.
“Chang!” Jon shouted, sitting forward. “We get it. You did awesome. Way to go. Now, the data.”
“Right.” Chang scurried across the great room to where Thirteen sat in his usual big chair by the fireplace.
“From what Cordele and I got through last night, we have the brothers’ first meeting with Russian Federal Assembly member Spielrien and Deputy Prime Minister Fedorov back in October.”
“I thought only Senator Kelch met with Spielrien,” Charles said.
Chang shrugged. “The meeting’s listed on Magnus’s calendar.”
“Where’s Cordele?” Marie interjected. “And why are there nonmission agents here?” She sneered toward Luce and Tony over on the far love seat. Ah yes, the Marie we all knew and loved.
“Cordele had a call from an informant and will join us when she can,” Thirteen explained. “And your fellow Network agents are here because I asked them to come. Chang, continue, please.”
Marie sat back in a huff. I smiled into my glass. I loved it when Thirteen put her in her place.
Chang cleared his throat. “Right. So anyway, the next meeting was with Belarusian foreign secretary Alton Preshenko. This was a week after the Russian meetings. There were three consecutive meetings with Preshenko over the next ten days. Then they headed to Ukraine, where they met with Deputy Andriy Boyko. Now, I don’t know much about this Preshenko guy, but Boyko is old-school—like he was around way back when all of this was Russia.”
“Oh yes,” Thirteen said wryly. “Obviously Mr. Boyko is an ancient.”
“I know, right?” Chang was so clueless. “So the bros had four meetings with Boyko, then moved on to Bohlren. Here’s where it gets weird. In Bohlren they met with two fellas: Councilman Okhotnikov and somebody named A. Fahran.” He looked at me. “If I got your research data right, Okhot—whatever—is one of the four council members who run the little island city and deal with whatever country is in charge of them at the time.”
“Five councilmen,” I said smoothly. Thank God for supernatural recall. “The city is run by the two port overseers who handle the limited export business the city manages. Then there’s the mainland liaison, the head of tourism, and the city deputy.”
“Yeah, from what I got from Magnus’s notes, Okhot-ness is most likely the mainland liaison or the deputy guy. But there’s nothing on Fahran.”
Everyone in the room had been scribbling furiously, taking down every word Chang had said. I
frowned into my whiskey. I’d have to do research again; I just knew it.
Shane started in on some questions about meeting agendas, and Theo leaned forward in his seat behind me. Resting his forearms on his knees, his fingers brushed back and forth in my hair. Warmth tingled inside me.
Mental fury hit me out of nowhere. What the hell? Someone was suddenly totally pissed off. I looked to Shane out of habit. He’d barely acknowledged me since our elevator disaster last night, and right now he was busy focusing on Chang and Thirteen. Marie wasn’t shooting mental darts at me either. She was taking notes and thinking through a timeline for how Thirteen might move forward. Then who in the world…
I met Luce’s gaze. Her glare was lethal and aimed right for me. She breathed hard through her nostrils, her teeth grinding together. I got in her head instantly and froze. I should have known.
She had been one of the hundreds.
Pink hues tinted the room as a new kind of anger spiked inside me. I saw her jealousy, her lust. I bared my teeth. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that Theo’s past meant nothing. He was with me completely now. But I didn’t care. How dare she want what was mine? Theo’s hand tightened on my shoulder. I hissed as the dimly lit room grew brighter. Pressure at my back stopped me from rising out of my seat. I felt the warmth of our joined power, pushing against that bloody place of mine just straining to lash out. The pink receded quickly, but the room remained bright—as if our joined power was feeling just as possessive as I was. My hiss turned to a growl. Luce scrambled to her feet. Coming for what’s mine, Luce? I’d like to see you try.
Strong arms held me. The pressure at my back grew. Deep murmurs at my ear turned my gasps to steady breathing. My focus never left Luce’s face. “Mine,” I growled.
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