Voices around me spoke quickly. Someone pulled Luce from the room. The moment she was gone, my vision returned to normal. I blinked the room back into focus. I wasn’t on the ottoman anymore but on the sofa, sitting on Theo’s lap. His arms were tight around me. In my ear I could hear him whisper, “Just breathe, Mag. She’s gone. Just breathe with me.”
Everyone in the room was on their feet, staring down at me. Their shock, their fear, it filled the room.
“Magnolia?” Heather knelt in front of me, her eyes full of concern. She placed a hand on my knee, and instant calm washed over me. My muscles nearly fell slack.
“You’re getting stronger,” I said softly. She blushed and pulled her hand away.
“Are you OK?” she asked. “Did Lucinda do something or think something that we should know about?”
Theo loosened his grip on my waist. It certainly would have been less embarrassing if Luce had been plotting against the team, maybe seeking some payback for Colin’s frustrations. That would have been a much easier explanation than my jealous rage.
“No, she didn’t do anything. I just…saw something in her thoughts that I didn’t like. It was, you know, personal.”
Heather’s eyes went to Theo. I ran my hands over my face. God, could we just once have a meeting without my fucked-up emotions ruining everything?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt the meeting, Thirteen. I’m sorry.”
“At least we didn’t all come in our pants this time,” Shane murmured. I shot him a glare.
“Can you tell us what happened?” Thirteen asked gently.
I glanced over my shoulder to Theo. He released me enough to let me scoot off his lap. I didn’t want to talk to Thirteen with him wrapped around me.
“It had nothing to do with the mission or anything else. It was just stupid. Her thoughts took me by surprise, and I overreacted a little. I’m sorry.”
“Overreacted a little?” Tony asked from the doorway. He’d taken Luce outside but had peeked back in to see what was happening. “Damn, girl, remind me to keep a pocketful of downers whenever we’re in the same room. Properly prescribed downers, of course.” He grinned at Thirteen.
Thirteen sat on the sofa beside me. He took my hand, and his massive palms dwarfed my small fingers. I worry so much for you. His thoughts floated through my head. I smiled up at him, but it was a shaky thing.
His next words carried around the room. “You have your assignments. Tony, if you will bring in the documents your team procured from Dr. Everett, you may all be dismissed to your work. I will contact you for the next follow-up meeting.”
He glanced at Theo, who rose to join Jon and Shane in the kitchen. I didn’t miss how his eyes turned cold when he looked Theo’s way. I touched Thirteen’s arm. “Don’t. It’s not his fault.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “We will have to disagree on that.”
Tony brought a thin file folder to Thirteen. “Thank you. I know how much you enjoyed your research assignment, Magnolia,” Thirteen said with a raised brow. “But we have to dig a bit deeper now. This is the information Colin’s team gathered from Dr. Everett. I’d like you to scan through the information for any connections with Chang’s data.”
I took the file and laid it on the ottoman. It was a cop-out assignment, and we both knew it. Father and Uncle Max building a weapon’s facility in Eastern Europe wouldn’t have anything to do with a South African art smuggler. But at least I wouldn’t have to stare at screen after screen of random data.
“I’ll go through it. And Thirteen, I really am sorry.”
He smiled now—my smile. “You are growing, Magnolia. Don’t ever apologize for that.” Then he leaned over and kissed my forehead. Unwilling tears burned at the back of my eyes. His unconditional love for me never seemed to waver.
He got to his feet. “I will be in touch.” Then he strolled from the room to meet the others waiting outside.
CHAPTER 31
I listened as the cars drove from the gravel drive to the county road. It was snowing again, and a couple of the smaller cars spun a little on the ice. God, poor Luce. I’d have to call or text her—texting would probably be easier—and apologize. That’s what Heather was thinking I should do when she left.
I rubbed my hands over my face, then jerked my head up. Theo leaned against the wall to the kitchen. Our connection felt so natural now; I hadn’t even noticed it hadn’t faded as he left.
He cocked a brow at me. “You thought I’d leave with the others?”
“Well, yeah.”
He shook his head and came over to the sofa. “That’s not how the whole boyfriend thing works.”
“I thought we agreed you were too old to be a boyfriend.”
He didn’t smile like I thought he would. Instead, he sat beside me and clasped his hands between his knees. “You know she didn’t mean anything. None of them did.”
“I know. Somewhere inside me, I know that. It’s just…I can’t be sure I won’t lash out at her again the next time she thinks of you like that.”
“Sure you can. You know what to expect now.”
“What about that whole not being responsible for our instincts and reactions? I can’t help that it pisses me off that you were with her.”
He ran a hand over my hair. “You can’t help when you instinctually feel something, but you can recognize the feeling inside you before it boils over. You can temper your power in reaction. It’s what I do every time that asshole Shane starts undressing you in his mind. You don’t see me ripping out his throat every other minute, do you?”
“I don’t know. That moment in the elevator was a little touch and go for a few minutes.”
His eyes turned dark. “He’s lucky he walked away that night.”
I considered him for a moment. “This possessive streak inside me, it isn’t part of the evil stuff in me. It’s part of the normal, human stuff.”
“There is nothing evil inside you.”
I waved that off. “Semantics of being one of the damned.”
It was a revelation. I was so sure that every negative reaction I had was specific to my supernatural side that it had never occurred to me my reactions might be normal. OK, maybe the blood-colored haze and beastly transformations weren’t everyone’s regular, but the feelings were just like everyone else’s. Look at me, all normal!
He must have sensed the change in me because he smiled and shook his head. “You will never be normal, Mag, and you shouldn’t want to be.”
We’d have to disagree on that one for now. I leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “I think I like this not-a-boyfriend thing.”
His eyes grew dark again. “Yeah, there are all kinds of benefits to a not-a-boyfriend.”
The energy between us simmered. Things low in my tummy started to heat. “You mean other than making me feel better when I freak out?”
He leaned into me, brushed our noses. “There are all kinds of ways to make you feel better.” Then he lay me down on the sofa and spent the rest of the day showing me just how much better I could feel.
My laptop beeped from the table in the kitchen. I slid on my jeans and grabbed a piece of the pizza we’d had delivered a couple of hours ago. It was cold, but I sure as hell wasn’t complaining.
“You’ve been getting a lot of e-mails,” Theo commented as he followed me into the kitchen. His jeans were unbuttoned and he pulled on his tight T-shirt as he walked. I looked him up and down and couldn’t help but lick my lips. “Hopefully people are finding info on those meetings Chang found.” He glanced at me and paused. “Seriously? Babe, I’m not a machine.”
“Sorry.” My face flushed, and I poured a quick drink. When I looked back up, his expression had grown sober. “What?”
“Jon and I need to leave for Kiev to try and nail down Boyko and Fahran, but we should be back by Sunday. You have any plans that night? With Thirteen or anyone?”
“Why would I have plans with Thirteen?”
His sad grin actually reminded me of Thirteen. “Sunday’s Christmas Eve, Mag. I wasn’t sure if you were doing anything with Thirteen or not.”
Christmas? I’d never even thought of it. “He hasn’t mentioned anything.”
“Good. I was thinking when I get in, that night we could go downtown. See the monument lights, grab some hot chocolate. Then you could come back to my place. I don’t have a tree or anything, but we could probably pick one up. A small one or something.”
I gaped at him, my mind frozen. A Christmas tree? Downtown to see the lights?
He leaned forward and brushed the hair from my face. “I never had a Christmas until Jon’s family invited me to theirs. This being Jon and Heather’s first in their new house, I figured it was time they started their own holiday traditions. And maybe I could start some of my own. Our own.”
His fingers brushed over my cheek again. “Don’t cry, Mag.” But I couldn’t help it. He wanted Christmas with me. A tree, traditions. Together. It was so much more than a supernatural connection. It was all the things I’d never thought to hope for.
“So is that a yes?”
I nodded so hard I thought I’d pull something in my neck. And when he smiled and opened his arms, I went to him and cried some more while he held me. I probably looked like an idiot, but the way he ran his hands down my back and kissed my hair, I didn’t feel stupid at all.
By the time the sun set behind the frosty trees, it was time for him to go meet Jon for the red-eye to London. I walked him to the door.
“I can go get a tree tomorrow. Keep it here, and then when you get back we can move it to your place.”
“Or we can just do Christmas here if you want.”
“No, I’ve never been to your house. I want to do it there.”
He tapped a finger on my chin. “Then that’s what we’ll do.” I practically bounced as we walked to his car. “And I’ll get presents,” I said. “For everybody. On Christmas we can go around and give presents to people like Thirteen and Jon and Heather and Cordele.”
He chuckled. “I think that sounds just about perfect.” He took my face in his hands, turned serious again. “I’ll be back in a few days. Be careful. Don’t go on any other team’s missions.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Take care of what’s mine, Mag.”
I gripped his wrists. Everything inside me fluttered. The power between us swelled so that the falling snow around us melted before it touched our skin. “And you take care of what’s mine.”
He kissed me, and our shimmer grew to a steady glow. I watched him climb into his car. As he drove down the icy path, disappearing behind the tree line, I held tight to the warmth of him inside me.
The giant trees had been brought in from the forests of Washington and stretched to the ceiling of the main ballroom. One at each end of the long room, they were expertly decorated with white-and-silver lights and glistening ornaments. Garlands had been strung along the balconies; wreaths hung in each of the enormous windows, showcasing the perfect view of the snow-covered landscape.
I lifted a hand to touch the chilled window but pulled back quickly when I saw how bloody my fingers still were. Even at five years old, I knew the rules well. No blood in the house, especially when there were guests there.
Through the glass, I saw the wide double doors that led into the room open as people made their way inside. Their smiles were so wide, their eyes so bright. Looking into their minds, I saw how much they envied my family and the beauty we lived with. They saw the decorated trees and just knew that in the morning, presents would fill the space beneath them, overflowing with so much more than any of them could ever provide their own children. But there was something more in their thoughts as well. There was an excitement and joy that I didn’t understand. A hope. Their laughter was louder than it had been at any of Father’s other parties. The sound of it warmed me in an unfamiliar way.
Uncle Max entered the room, and instantly I flinched away. No one was allowed to see me. Ever. If Uncle Max or Father found me staring in from outside, I’d have to go back to the barn. The deep cuts on my legs and stomach ached enough from making the long trek from the northern acres back to the main house, and my shoeless feet were so frozen now they’d turned purple. Another trip to the barn, and I wouldn’t make it back for at least another day.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. The deep voice slithered through my thoughts. I spun around and instantly cowered. Uncle Mallroy stood several feet away on the stone path that led from the gardens to the ballroom’s patio. He stared in my direction with his dull gray eyes. There is a trail of blood. Right across the stones. Anyone who comes out to the patio will see.
I looked at the snow-covered ground I’d just trodden on. Sure enough, blood had dripped from my slowly healing wounds in a long, obvious trail. I’d been healing faster lately, but the long walk must have reopened some of the gashes on my legs. It looked as if some animal had been gutted and dragged through the yard.
I looked to Uncle Mallroy, fearful. His face was as indifferent as ever. He had the same thick hair and prominent brow as Father and Uncle Max, but his eyes were always focused on something no one else could see. He was dressed to work in the horses’ stable. He never attended these parties. He hated all the strange people. As I looked at him, his eyes changed shape and color, going from gray and round to blue and oval, then brown and narrow. It always made me nervous when he did things like that.
Don’t tell. The thought came unwillingly and surprised me. I’d never asked for anything from anyone, especially one of my relatives. Why I did now, I had no clue. Maybe it was seeing all the hope and joy in the minds of Father’s guests, maybe it was because I was still in so much pain and couldn’t think clearly. Whatever the reason, my child’s mind had let the request slip, and now I held my breath, waiting for his response.
Uncle Mallroy cocked his head and looked at me. His eyes focused on me—one green and round, one black and narrow—and he seemed almost surprised. As if this was the first time he’d actually seen me. With a frown he opened his mouth and said, “Magnolia.” I gasped at the soft rumble. It was the first time I’d ever heard his spoken voice. “Magnolia,” he said again. “We already know.”
No sooner had he spoken the words than three of Father’s guards appeared from a side doorway farther down the house. Automatically, I ran. My legs ached, but it didn’t matter. Instinct always took over when they came for me. Even injured, I moved in a blur. I’d made it all the way to the south side of the house when three more guards were suddenly there, blocking my path. My powers lashed out on their own, cutting the guards, making them curse in pain. The distraction had given the first group time enough to catch up. Thick arms wrapped around me, pinning my arms to my sides. I kicked out and felt the sharp pain of my already-injured legs making contact. Another guard grabbed my legs and immediately bound them with the leather straps they always carried on them. I wanted to scream but knew better than to try. If Father’s guests heard my cries, he’d kill me—then wait until I came back and hurt me again.
The first guard shoved another leather strap so far into my mouth I choked. Then he tossed me over his shoulder. “Cover the blood,” he ordered, then began walking. The other guards moved automatically, the drugs in their systems ridding them of any thought of not complying.
Bouncing on the guard’s back, I knew I wouldn’t be going back to the barn tonight—there was no time, and the guards had other duties while the guests were there. Instead, he’d take me to the farthest garage, where I’d be locked away until Father was ready to deal with me. I almost preferred the barn.
As we entered the garage, the guard didn’t bother turning on the lights, but the darkness didn’t keep me from seeing the two small forms standing in the shadow of the doorway that led from the garage to the house. Both wearing warm flannel pajamas, Malcolm and Markus watched. They weren’t old enough to attend Father’s parties, so they usually spied on the guests from their hiding places nearby. App
arently, tonight, I was more entertaining.
The guard carried me past the lines of parked cars and stopped at a wall of stacked shelves. He dropped me on the hard cement floor and pulled down one of the medium-size steel trunks Father kept in there to store old documents and business papers. As the guard worked the lock on the trunk, I heard Malcolm’s excited whisper. “See, Markus. It looks like we’ll be getting a decent Christmas present, after all. Just think how fun it will be to watch Father with her in the morning after we open all of our other gifts. And I have the perfect hiding spot to get the best view. We’ll even get one of the cooks to give us hot chocolate before we sneak out.”
They high-fived, then turned and closed the door behind them. The next moment, the guard lifted me into the metal box. He had to bend my legs to get me to fit, and the searing pain of my reopened injuries made my head spin.
Good, I thought as agony leached away my consciousness. I’ll pass out for a little while and get some actual rest. See, Malcolm, I’m getting a Christmas present too.
The memory had come unwillingly, but I was glad that it had. It made the Christmas to come that much more important. I had seen the trees and decorations, heard the music, and smelled the treats. But this year, for the first time, I would experience the feeling—the one I had only ever caught from Father’s guests. I felt joy and hope, an excited anticipation that made me not want to sleep even though Christmas morning was still a few days away.
My cell phone vibrated, and I snagged it from my nightstand.
SLEEP SWEET, MAG.
My smile grew so wide it hurt my cheeks as the feeling inside me swelled even more.
CHAPTER 32
Endometriosis: a condition in which bits of the tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grow in other parts of the body.
I shut down Wikipedia. OK, I thought, I pretty much got it. I ought to be able to get rid of the scar tissue enough for Marie to get pregnant and stay that way until the baby was born. But it sounded like no matter what I did, this stuff would come back again. And that just sucked.
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